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Chapter 29

"Come on, Sam. Eat your lunch," mum gently coaxed me.

I stopped toying with my salad and I set the fork down on my plate with a heavy sigh. "I'm not hungry, mum."

"Again?" Mum was about to say more, but a stern glare from dad caused her to refrain. There was silence for a moment, but then Charlie spoke.

"May I have your lunch, Sam, if you're not going to have it?"

"Sure." And I pushed my plate across the table to him. Charlie immediately started devouring my lunch. Mum frowned, but she didn't say anything.

It was later in the day, and we were back at grandad's, or rather, my house in Cardiff. I knew I would never get used to the idea of it being my house now, so I'd almost made up my mind to either rent it out or sell it. Either way, I didn't think I could bear the thought of seeing other people living in the same house grandad had died in. I'd already decided to ask my parents about what to do with the house later. Now, obviously, was not the right time.

The doorbell rang. "That'll be the man from the funeral company," dad said as he stood up to go and answer it. I stood up too.

"Where are you going, Sam?" mum asked.

"Out. I don't want to be here while you're discussing what to do at grandad's funeral."

"But, Sam…!"

Charlie placed a hand on mum's arm. "Let him go, mum. He doesn't need to stay if he doesn't want to."

I nodded my thanks to Charlie before I hurried over to the back door. I paused long enough to put on my steel-cap firefighting boots, and then I went outside. I knew exactly where I wanted to be right then, so I took off jogging towards the university.

I knew Cardiff well enough by now to find my way around on foot. I also knew of several short-cuts, which enabled me to reach my destination much faster. I breathed a small sigh of relief as I approached the Cardiff Central Fire Station. I wasn't sure which watch were on duty, but I hoped it was White Watch.

Peeking into the appliance bay, I smiled when I saw Harry walking towards the watch room.

"Harry!" I called. He froze, before smiling as he recognised me.

"Sam? What on earth are you doing here?"

I entered the appliance bay. "I…Is Station Officer Michaels in at all?"

"Sure, he's up in his office. Is something wrong? You look as if you're about to cry."

I felt like it too. "You'd better come as well. I have something to tell you both."

Harry followed me upstairs to Station Officer Michaels' office.

"Come in!" Station Officer Michaels called when I knocked. His raised his eyebrows in surprise when he saw me enter. "Sam? What are you doing here? This isn't a training day, you know."

"Sir, Sam has something he wants to tell both of us privately," Harry said as he closed the office door. Station Officer Michaels gestured with his hand, indicating for me to continue.

"Um… I think you should know that my grandad died in his sleep last night," I told them. "We're not sure what killed him. The paramedics thought it was either a heart attack or a stroke."

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Sam," Station Officer Michaels sympathised. "I hope you're not on your own?"

"No, my parents and older brother are here now. They're taking care of everything."

"Good," Harry said. "We couldn't let you be on your own dealing with this."

"Ironically, yesterday I found out that I've been accepted into the Cardiff Fire Academy," I added humbly. "Grandad died knowing that I'm one step closer to fulfilling my dream."

"Oh, Sam!" Station Officer Michaels said sadly. "I know it's bittersweet, but congratulations!"

"Thank you, sir. I guess I'd better get going."

"No," Harry replied firmly. "You're upset, and I can see that you need a drink. Come into the kitchen, and we'll get you a nice cup of tea, all right?"

I nodded in agreement. "Thanks, Harry."

A couple of hours later, I was down in the appliance bay, restocking the fire extinguishers in the appliances, when my parents' car pulled up out the front. I sighed when I saw Charlie get out of the driver's seat. He started to come into the appliance bay, but I stopped him.

"Staff only beyond that point, Charlie."

Charlie froze in the doorway. "I thought I'd find you here. Are you ready to leave?"

I pulled down the pump-ladder's locker door, slamming it shut. "I suppose so. What happened?"

"Mum and dad have decided to return home, and they want you to come too. I also want you to come home."

I shook my head. "I have too much to do here, Charlie."

"But you've finished your studies."

"Yes, and I'm about to start at the fire academy."

"That's not until the end of the summer. Don't you want to attend grandad's funeral?"

I sighed despondently. "I suppose I'd better… I'll just go and tell Station Officer Michaels that I'm leaving."

…

Five days later, I was sitting on the beach near Pontypandy quay, watching the waves gently crashing onto the shore. It was early in the morning, so the sun was just peeking over Pontypandy Mountain behind me.

A shadow fell over me. Looking up, I saw Charlie standing beside me. He was wearing a black mourning suit. He sympathetically placed a hand on my shoulder.

"You need to come and get ready for the funeral," he told me gently.

I shook my head. "I can't… I can't say goodbye."

Charlie crouched down, taking care not to get sand on his suit. "You have to, Sam. Remember what that man from the funeral company said? Saying goodbye and taking part in the funeral service will help bring you closure. You'll regret it if you don't. Come along, now. You don't want to annoy mum today of all days."

With a heavy, reluctant sigh, I stood up, and I wiped the sand off my clothes. Then, I picked up a glass jar that I'd filled with sand from the beach. Together, Charlie and I walked back to the quay and through the streets of Pontypandy to our parents' house.

Just over an hour later, I stood with my family outside St Giles' church waiting for the hearse carrying grandad's body to arrive. Inside, all of grandad's closest friends in Pontypandy were seated, waiting for the funeral to commence. That included Station Officer Boyce and Fireman Steele. It was sobering seeing everyone dressed in black.

I swallowed the lump that rose in my throat when the hearse pulled up in front of the church. With great respect, eight undertakers removed grandad's oak coffin from the hearse. The organist began playing a mournful hymn as grandad's coffin was carried down the nave of the church. Mum and dad fell into step behind the coffin, followed by myself, Charlie, Gwen, and Bronwyn and Gareth with Sarah and James. I was glad that Sarah and James were too young to completely understand what had happened, but they did seem to know that it was something bad.

I joined my family in the pew that had been reserved for us at the front of the church. I picked up the order of service pamphlet. Dad had followed through with my suggestion to have it printed in Welsh and English.

For most of the service, I just sat in silence with my head bowed. I listened to everything that was said, but I didn't really absorb much. I only paid attention during the eulogy, because dad presented it. What he said almost reduced me to tears, but I managed to hold them back. I didn't mind crying in private, but I tried hard not to cry in public.

"It's our turn now, Sam," Charlie whispered to me as dad returned to his seat.

Swallowing back my threatening tears, I stood up, and I followed Charlie over to the lectern. Two Bibles had been laid out on it – one in English and one in Welsh. They were opened to the same passage. I pulled the Welsh Bible closer to myself. My threatening tears made the words burry, so I blinked several times to try and clear them.

Why did I ever agree to do this? I hate public speaking.

Someone coughed, making me glance up at the congregation. I drew in a deep breath, and then I started to read.

"Pregethwr tri, un i dri. Y mae tymor i bob peth, ac amser i bob gorchwyl dan yn nef: amser i eni, ac amser i farw…" My voice faltered at the word 'farw' (to die). I bowed my head just as a tear finally fell from my right eye. Charlie stepped closer to me, and he placed his hands on my shoulders.

"Keep going," he whispered. "You can do this. Do it for grandad. He's listening from Heaven."

Nodding, I wiped the tear away with my finger.

"Amser i blannu, ac amser i ddiwreiddio'r hyn a blannwyd; amser i ladd, ac amser i iacháu, amser i dynnu i lawr, ac amser i adeladu; amser i wylo, ac amser i chwerthin, amser i alaru, ac amser i ddawnsio; amser i daflu cerrig, ac amser i'w casglu, amser i gofleidio, ac amser i ymatal; amser i geisio, ac amser i golli; amser i gadw, ac amser i daflu ymaith; amser i rwygo, ac amser i drwsio, amser i dewl, ac amser i siarad; amser i garu, ac amser i gasáu, amser i ryfel, ac amser i heddwch."

I respectfully closed the Welsh Bible, and I pulled the English one closer to me. Charlie pointed to the start of the passage. After I'd glanced at Charlie for reassurance, we started to read in unison.

"Ecclesiastes three, one to eight. To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."

Charlie closed the English Bible, and we returned to our seats. Everyone stood up as the organist began playing the next hymn, The Old Rugged Cross.

Later, I stood with my family in the cemetery outside St Giles', watching as grandad's coffin was slowly lowered into the ground in our family's plot. He was being buried alongside my grandmother, who'd died before I'd been born. I clutched the jar of beach sand close to my chest. The beach had been grandad's favourite place, and I wanted him to have some of it with him in the grave.

The Rector picked up a handful of soil. "For as much as it pleased Almighty God of his great mercy, to take unto himself the soul of our dear brother here departed, we therefore commit his body to the ground. Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust…" The Rector paused to slowly drop the soil into the grave. I bit my bottom lip when the soft thumping of the soil landing on the coffin reached my ears. The Rector continued. "…In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life, through our Lord, Jesus Christ; who shall change our vile body, that it may be like unto his glorious body, according to the mighty working whereby he is able to subdue all things to himself. Amen."

"Amen," most of those present echoed.

I knelt on the carpet beside the grave, and I opened the jar of sand. Slowly and respectfully, I tipped the sand onto the coffin, spreading it as evenly as I could. "Hwylio ar, tad-cu (sail on, grandad)," I whispered tearfully. Emotionally drained, I broke down as the tears I'd held back all day finally spilled over. Mum and dad helped me stand up, and they gently led me away as the undertakers started filling in the grave.