A/N: This update is LONG overdue. A few weeks ago, I lost my USB drive that has all of my chapters, plot lines, future chapters and chapter ideas, original stories, other fanfic ideas - EVERYTHING - on it. I was so extremely upset. But, after thoroughly cleaning my house this weekend, I found it! I 100% cried and immediately backed everything up so that if it ever gets lost again, I won't have to be depressed about the loss of all my work.

Thank you to burnthebook who messaged me today to make sure everything was okay with me xoxo. I'm so happy to have the best readers. Anyways, please enjoy! Please ignore any typos as I busted this out so fast to get it out to you guys.

Paul.

I love her.

I love her more than I've ever loved anything, or anyone before. I love her pretty green eyes and the swell of her soft lips. I love the way she still glances at me out of the corner of her eye sometimes, like she's afraid I'll catch her staring. I love when she wakes up in the morning and slides her arm across my stomach before burying her face in my neck. I love the little whimper she makes when our lips finally meet at the end of a long day. I love her scent. I love her big heart and how she seems to make room for everyone in there, and I love that there's a section reserved specifically for me.

I love her so fucking much.

I always knew I would from the second I laid eyes on her. They prepared me for that. What they didn't prepare me for, was the magnitude of the fear in the pit of my stomach when I realize something is clearly isn't right. Something is upsetting her, has been upsetting her, and this girl I love with all of my fucking heart would take it to the grave if I let her.

I watch her from my spot on the bed as she gets dolled up for tonight. I almost called it off, but I know how excited she is. I can deal with it eating away at me if it means, for a few hours, whatever is on her mind will allow her some peace.

My phone buzzes on the mattress next to me and I lift it lazily, dragging my thumb across the screen to unlock it.

/

From: Jared

Message: Still gonna pick us up? Or u too busy lettin ur girl mark you up ;)

/

Idiot.

My hand moves to my neck where the small indents of Indie's teeth are nestled. It's been well over a month since Sam and Em's wedding, and the marks are still there. It's kinda hot, and I'm kinda proud of it. I mean, you probably wouldn't notice it unless you knew to look for it, but the guys always notice that shit. Especially Jared with his freaky eyesight. That and it's kind of hard not to think about mind-blowing sex while phased and bored out of your mind.

/

To: Jared

Message: Jealous? U should ask Kim to give it a try. AFTER dinner. See u guys in 30

/

We're all going on a group date – Josie's idea. Which she pitched directly to Indie and Kim and not Jared or me, because she knew we'd tell her no but also knew neither of us can say no to our girls.

I drop my phone again and put my hands behind my head.

Indie looks over at me and smiles, and for a second I can see the light in her eyes that has recently been dull.

I know her well enough now to know when something is wrong.

I know her well enough to know she hasn't been staying up all night because she's sucked into baking, or because she wants to binge-watch a TV show. I know her well enough to know when she's lying about being okay because she thinks it's for my benefit.

It kills me that she won't talk to me about it.

It kills me that she won't lean on me.

It kills me that it feels like she doesn't need me.

I swallow and sit up, throwing my legs over the edge of the bed. She smiles at me again when I join her in the bathroom and leans over the counter to put on mascara. My fingers dance up her bare sides, gliding over the ridges of her ribs.

She's lost weight because she's barely eating.

Leaning over, I place a kiss between her shoulder blades and wrap my arms around her waist. If I didn't have bones, they'd probably circle her twice.

"Hi," she says softly, pausing and resting her dainty hands on my arms.

I know she knows how I'm feeling. I think that's part of the distance between us today. I want to know what's wrong and she doesn't want to tell me. We're at an impasse. Both too stubborn to budge.

She turns in my arms and opens her mouth to say something, but I cut her off with a kiss. I want her to have fun tonight. I don't want to spoil it. And like I said, I'll let whatever's bothering her eat me alive if it means a few hours of fun for her.

"Almost ready?" I mumble against her lips, holding her close.

Nodding, she pulls back and looks into my eyes before kissing me again once more. When we pull away, I cup her face and lean my forehead against hers, letting her breath wash over my lips.

"I love you," she whispers.

It pulls at my heart. "I love you more," I whisper back.

I let her finish getting ready – watching her step into some black skinny jeans and a thick sweater. Even though it's not cold for me, I zip a jacket on over my button up as a backup for her later, and we take off to pick up the others.

The restaurant we're going to is in Port Angeles, since there's nothing remotely fancy enough for Josie's taste around here. I can tell Indie is nervous about heading off the reservation, so I quietly remind her that she'll have three of us there to protect her if needed – which it won't be.

We pick up Josie and Embry first, then Jared and Kim. Once she has the other girls to chat with, she seems to relax a little.

I manage to shave off almost thirty minutes by speeding and we arrive at the restaurant right at six. We're seated quickly and within a few minutes have a server at our table to take drink orders.

He's a scrawny little thing, pretentious-looking with glasses and wavy hair – probably working here to help pay for his English Literature degree at the local university. It also appears that he's got eyes for my girl, and I don't like that.

"Let's get a bottle of champagne," Josie suggests, flipping through the cocktail menu.

I rub my thumb over Indie's knee beneath the table. "What do you want, babe?" I ask, side-eyeing the waiter.

She shrugs. "Just water."

"Oh c'mon, live a little!" Josie laughs, nudging Indie's knee with her foot. "Want a cider?"

"Would you like a few minutes?" The waiter asks.

"No, water is fine."

"A few minutes would be great," Josie says at the same time, making a face at Indie as the waiter disappears. "What's wrong?"

"I can't order alcohol, I'm only twenty."

Jared bursts into laughter. "Damn, robbing the cradle, Paul!"

Kim and Josie both smack him at the same time. I roll my eyes. Anyone with a brain could've done the math months ago when Josie first told us the little background info she had about Indie. But that does bring it to my attention that that means her birthday should be coming up, and I have no idea when it actually is.

Thankfully, I don't have to announce that I'm an asshole out loud, because Embry ends up asking her when she's gonna turn twenty-one.

"Oh, um, Ha—" her words catch in her throat and she coughs. "Um, October 31st."

In two days. Her birthday is in two days, and she wasn't going to say anything about it?

Jared howls. "Looks like we're having a Halloween party, ladies!"

"I don't celebrate," Indie says quickly.

Jared leans over the table and looks at her very seriously. "You do now," he replies before laughing again. "Paul never misses an opportunity to dress up as the big bad wolf."

It's been my Halloween costume for the last six years running now. I like the irony of it.

Indie gives me an amused look.

"Okay well I'll order vodka on the rocks, Indie you get a strawberry lemonade, and I'll just sneak some in there when no one is looking," Josie says.

"I can have fun without alcohol," Indie replies defensively.

Josie snorts. "Not lately you can't."

"Watch it," I growl at her in a low voice.

My tone with her makes Embry sit up in his seat, and Embry sitting up makes Jared automatically on edge, so he sits up too, and the tension between the three of us makes Indie shift uncomfortably in her chair, so she sits up.

Josie sighs at all of us and reaches across the table for Indie's hands. "Hey, let's just have fun tonight, okay? I'm sorry. And I'm sorry, Paul."

I nod. "Sorry, Embry," I mumble.

"Sorry, Jared," Embry mumbles.

"You guys are so interesting," Indie giggles, and it puts me at ease even if only for a moment.

The waiter returns and Josie orders her vodka on the rocks along with a bottle of champagne. The three of us guys order beers and Indie asks for a strawberry lemonade and a water.

The conversation from there on out is comfortable. For the first time in days, Indie seems to be at ease. It could be the vodka slipped into her strawberry lemonade, but at this point I'm just glad she's smiling and not on guard. By the time the food arrives, the girls are all drunk. Josie and Kim have been downing champagne like it's water and Indie has always been a lightweight, so the single half-glass of vodka in her lemonade has turned her to putty.

As for dinner, all she ordered was a Cesar salad, but at least she's eating it.

That's a start.

We wrap up dinner around eight.

Josie snuck Indie another vodka while she and Kim split another bottle of champagne. Those girls can drink – sometimes I think they'd even be able outdrink some of the guys if it weren't for our metabolisms. But once the alcohol hits them, it hits them hard. When we finally get back to La Push, both Josie and Kim are 2.5 seconds away from passing out.

We drop everyone off and Indie seems to maintain her playful mood as we walk into the house.

"I saw some girls checking you out," she says, giggling as she unzips her boots, almost falling over but catching herself on the wall.

I chuckle and start undoing some of the buttons on my shirt. "Well, I saw our waiter checking you out."

"Actually, he was checking you out."

My head whips around and she bursts into laughter, tumbling onto the couch and clutching her stomach. "He got all twitterpated every time you looked at him," she cries. "I wish I could read minds. I would've loved to be a fly on the wall of his brain."

"Oh yeah? You think that's funny?" I ask, pulling my shirt off and dropping it on the floor. It's fucking hot in here, but it's been so cold outside lately that I had to turn the heat on for Indie.

Nodding slowly and still giggling, she starts scooting away from me as I stalk over to her. I kneel onto the couch and lean over her body. "Were you jealous?" I ask playfully.

She shakes her head. "Nope, because I get to go home with you every night."

"To our home," I whisper, lowering my head to ghost my lips over hers.

"To our home," she repeats, lifting her chin.

I catch her lips and her body arches up against mine, her fingers sliding down my sides and leaving goosebumps in their wake. She tastes like the vodka and strawberry lemonade, which is better than the beer I probably taste like, but she doesn't seem to mind. Her tongue eagerly pushes between my lips and I lower my body the rest of the way onto her, depositing myself between her legs.

Breaking the kiss, I start kissing my way down her neck and body, watching her head fall back and her eyes flutter shut. I slip my hands under her sweater and start dragging it up, and she finishes pulling it the rest of the way off and tosses it to the side.

I kiss around her belly button and slowly move lower and lower to the waistline of her jeans. She's already soaked – I can smell it. I mouth over her warmth and quickly pop the button of her jeans so I can pull them down her long legs along with her underwear.

She settles into the couch, adjusting a pillow behind her head, and spreads her legs further for me. I can't help but smirk. She's getting comfortable.

It's an awkward angle for me, because I have to lay my stomach over the arm of the couch, but it's worth it hearing her gasp of pleasure when I press my nose into her clit and kiss her delicate skin.

I could do this for days.

I never get tired of her taste or the way her fingers curl into my hair. I never get tired of the way her legs shake when the pleasure becomes too much. I never get tired of the way she moans my name, or the way she lifts her hips into my mouth. I never get tired of the way she smells, or the way she tastes. I never get tired that every part of myself seems to fit her like a puzzle piece. And I never get tired of the look on her face when she comes – so sated and eyes blown with lust.

Her chest rises and falls rapidly as she tries to catch her breath, fingers still locked tightly in my hair. I reach up and free them, lacing my fingers with them before crawling between her legs again.

"Your turn," she nudges my nose with hers.

I shake my head. "Tonight was just for you." Even though I'm so hard it's actually painful.

"Why?" she asks, whispering.

I lean my forehead against hers and then tilt my head to kiss her. "Because you needed it."

I can tell it puts her on guard a little bit, because she thinks I'm going to ask her what's been going on, but I keep quiet. Instead, I kiss her again and then kiss her cheeks and forehead.

"Do you wanna head to bed, babe?" It's already almost eleven, and I have patrol in a few hours.

She moves her arms around my neck and shakes her head. "I can't."

"Why not?" I move my weight around until I find the right angle where I can lay with her without squishing her.

"I can't sleep well without you."

I don't mention that it seems like she can't sleep good when she's with me lately, either. Nuzzling against her, I release one of her hands so I can run my fingers through her hair. "You gotta sleep, babe."

She takes a shaky breath. "I just can't sleep without you."

"Want me to ask Sam if I can have a few days off?" I hear her breath hitch, followed by a sniffle. "Baby," I say softly, "can you tell me what's wrong?"

"I'm just drunk," she mumbles. It's a poor excuse and it kills me that she even feels the need to use one.

I take a deep breath. "You're kinda scaring me, In…"

She pulls away from me and wipes under her eyes, laughing softly. "I'm sorry, I really am just drunk. I'm okay. Let's go to bed."

I nod reluctantly and roll off of her.

Fifteen minutes later, curled next to each other under the blankets, it's me that ends up not being able to fall asleep.

I slept for twenty minutes.

You know when you wake up and you just know something bad is going to happen? Like a shadow following you around all day, only you know it's there and you don't have to look behind yourself to see it.

I'd call it intuition, but I've always just acted on instinct instead of emotion. Feel threatened, become a bigger threat. Feel exposed, protect yourself. Usually whatever it is is right there in front of me, but not today.

Today, it's chasing me around, lingering in the back of my mind.

Did I forget to lock the doors when I left?

No.

Did I thoroughly patrol the site by the cliffs?

Yes.

By the time my patrol is over, whatever it is is still lingering. It's still lingering when I come home and find Indiana awake and showering. It's still lingering after I join her, hoisting her legs up around my waist and making love to her against the wall. It's still lingering when I drop her off at my old man's.

It chases me all day.

What the fuck is it? What the fuck did I forget, or what the fuck is on the horizon?

I take the day to drive back into Port Angeles to find a birthday gift for Indie.

Is her not telling me about her birthday what's bothering me?

No. Well, yes, but that's not what's lingering.

It takes a few hours of searching every shop I come across before finding the perfect gift. I get it professionally wrapped, because I suck at that shit, and head back to La Push.

And it's still there. Nagging at me. Taunting me. How am I supposed to prepare for something if I don't know what the fuck it is?

I find myself at Emily's shortly before I'm supposed to pick Indie up and take her to the coffee shop. Lately, the babies are what ground me. They calm me down. You can't look into a baby's eyes and possibly think about anything but that baby.

"Hi Paul, how are you?" Emily asks, fingers delicately working to hand make ravioli.

I sigh. "I need to hold a baby."

She gives me a confused look and I take down the hall to the living room where Sam is posted watching sports on TV, Liam and Laci on their tummies on the floor. "Hey, Paul," he mutters, eyes never leaving the TV.

I kneel down and lower myself onto my stomach, resting my cheek against the floor. Liam gives me a gummy smile and starts wiggling his legs.

It helps. Just like I knew it would.

"I need a few days, Sam," I murmur. Liam's smile widens.

"What for?" he asks.

Sometimes, it pisses me off having to explain myself. If I need a few days, I need a few fucking days. "I just do."

"Okay," he replies unsurely. "Starting this weekend you can have a few days off."

"Starting tonight."

He finally looks away from the TV, eyes dark. "Starting this weekend," he repeats firmly.

"Something's going on with Indie," I say, reaching out to tap Liam's nose. It crinkles and he smiles again. "She's scaring me."

"What's going on?"

I swallow and chew on my lip. "She won't sleep when I'm gone."

Sam chuckles softly. "I remember those days. She'll be fine."

"I don't know," I reply. "I have this feeling…"

"Hey."

I look up at him, away from Liam, and the feeling comes back.

"We've got her. It's okay. Just do me a solid and finish out the week, please?"

Sighing, I nod and look back to the babies, this time to Laci, who is seconds away from sleep. Sleep comes easy when you're not afraid.

Why are you afraid, Indie?

I slip out of bed right at two. That feeling sways in the back of my mind just as prevalently as it has all day. Indie stirs, but her breaths remain slow and even. Hopefully she will sleep peacefully until I get off in five hours.

Five hours might as well be five days when that feeling is chasing you around.

I leave the house naked and phase in the front yard, taking off towards the beach.

What's got your balls in a knot?

Sometimes, I wish I had patrol alone. Jared can be annoying as fuck.

Yeah, I can hear you.

It makes me chuckle, but the feeling comes gnawing back again. Tried to get tonight off but Sam wouldn't let me.

Aw, you don't wanna patrol with me? Jared always uses the same, whiney voice when he taunts me. Little shit.

Definitely not.

It's cold tonight. Not for me, but it makes me wonder if Indie will be warm enough to stay asleep. I hope for both of our sakes that she is.

Sounds like she's still asleep.

He must be running by my place.

False alarm. TV just turned on.

I sigh and slow to a trot. I don't know why we're patrolling so much lately anyways when there's nothing going on. The only vampire I've smelled in months was on Jacob's clothes when we fought. The Cullen's have a very distinct stench. To be fair, though, they still smell better than the ones that drink human blood.

Never thought I'd live to hear Paul Lahote semi-compliment a Cullen.

You didn't, I snap. And you won't, cuz I'm about to turn around and kill you myself.

He howls and I laugh to myself as I head up the dense cliff terrain. It's a surprisingly clear night for October. When I reach the top, the sky is void of clouds and the moon is high – almost full.

Is that what's bothering me?

We don't go all crazy with full moons, but I think even normal people are thrown off a little by its pull.

Hey, I think she's throwing up.

I'm back down to sea-level and sprinting to my house in minutes. It takes me exactly seven minutes to get home and phase back, throwing the front door open so hard the doorknob puts a hole in the wall.

And then the feeling is everywhere.

The blood drains from my face and for the first time since I started phasing at sixteen, I feel cold.

She's on the floor, vomit staining the carpet and her pulse so faint I can barely hear it. Every cell in my body is yelling at me to fucking do something, but for an entire ten seconds – ten of the longest seconds in my life – I'm frozen.

I'm frozen looking at her pale skin. I'm frozen straining to listen for her pulse to make sure she's still alive. I'm frozen with fear. And that's the feeling. This is that stupid fucking feeling that's been torturing me.

I spring into action.

My heart is slamming so hard it's making my ears ring. I pull her into my arms and gently pat her face, saying her name over and over again to try and get her to wake up, but she stays limp in my arms.

The rest of it is a blur.

I know Jared walks in and calls an ambulance.

I know that even though I'm butt-ass naked, they still let me ride with her – after giving me spare scrub bottoms.

I know that when we pull up to Forks Community Hospital, I don't even care that it reeks of the Cullen's, and that Dr. Cullen is the one that ends up initially tending to her.

I know I'm torn – torn between wanting to rip him to shreds and begging him to help her.

They won't let me in the room with her. Dr. Cullen promised he would get me once she was stable. I hold onto that once she is stable. She will be stable, right? The freak vampire doctor has been practicing medicine for hundreds of years, right? If anyone is going to save her, it will be him, right?

My brain is scattered. I don't know what I'm saying out loud or what I'm just thinking.

All I know is I've failed her.

I knew something was wrong with her. I knew something bad was going to happen, and I should've known by the way it haunted me that it would happen to her.

The waiting room is filled with pack members.

Josie is pacing and crying, Embry trailing her. Kim is in tears in Jared's arms. Malachi and the twins are grouped in the corner of the waiting room with Seth. Leah and Jesse are here.

Emily and Sam walk in a second later.

Rage burns through my veins.

The next thing I know, I'm throwing a fist at Sam's face.

It connects with a loud crack and he stumbles backwards. "Stand down!" he yells, drawing the attention of every nurse in the room.

But I can't.

I can't stand down.

I can't stand down because right now, I hate Sam Uley with every fucking bone in my body.

Somehow, we end up outside. I don't know if I chased him out here or if he drew me out here, but I'm swinging at him again, over and over, my spine searing and body starting to shake.

"This is your fault!" I yell, swinging at him again even though he's been dodging them all. "I told you I was fucking scared, and now she's in the fucking hospital!" I throw another fist that clips his jaw.

"Fight me back, you fuck!" I yell.

He shakes his head and suddenly stops dodging me, allowing me to throw a punch into his stomach. It's then that I realize I'm crying.

But so is he.

He lets me hit him over and over until the shaking stops and I fall to the ground exhausted. Back against the cement, I cover my face with my hands and squeeze my eyes shut, tears leaking out of the corners.

"I can't live without her," I croak.

I sense Sam sitting down, and then he lays on the cold ground next to me.

"You won't have to," he assures me, voice shaky, and it does something to you when your alpha shows weakness. "She's going to be okay. Carlisle will take care of her. He took care of Jake and he'll take care of her."

It's only fitting that it starts to rain.

I don't know how long we stay out in the rain. Minutes feel like hours. Hours feel like seconds. Seconds feel like days. Until the door to the hospital opens and the smell hits me before I can see him.

Sam pulls me to my feet, and Dr. Cullen nods at me. "She's okay. You can see her."

Jared thought he'd never live to hear me compliment a Cullen. Wait until he hears that I actually hugged one.

A/N: I hope it was worth the wait! Leave me a review if you have time. I'll try and update asap to make up for lost time xx!