I PROMISE YOU THE CHAPTER NUMBER IS A COINCIDENCE.

Chapter Sixty Nine - The 'Talk'

"Alright, if you're ten or older, come to this half of the room." I stuck out my hand, pointing to the side, and the kids divvied up.

It was a few days after the baby was…(I don't even know if I can keep using this word)…born, and it was time to do something I didn't want to do.

But I had realized that there were more than a few problems that happened last time around, and while this didn't help avoid all of them, it would help most of them.

"What's going on?" Cana asked, curious. "I wanna join!"

I snorted. "Okay, sure. How about no? You can learn a year."

I turned back to everyone who lined up beside the wall in the training room.

Erigor, Laxus, Bickslow, Freed, Evergreen, Wally, Nab, Erza, Jellal, Simon, Ultear and Lyon.

I looked at the first two. "Get out. And take the younger kids with you."

"What?" Laxus asked. "Why?"

I stared at him. "Do you want to hear me give you the Talk?"

His face turned darker than Erza's hair, and the kids stared at him. Erigor was cracking up on the ground.

"What's that?" Erza asked.

Laxus turned to look at them. "RUN! RUN IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!"

I punched him. "Don't listen to him, he's exaggerating. And trust me, it's better if I do it compared to say...Master, Gildarts or Silver. Or, even Macao, Wakaba or Rex."

Laxus's red face drained of color, and he turned completely white. "Don't even joke about things like that!"

Erigor, still laughing, threw one of Laxus's arms around his shoulders and started dragging him out. "Come on, kids, you get to wait another year, at least."

Everyone else followed them out of the room, leaving only Bickslow, Freed, Evergreen, Wally, Nab, Erza, Jellal, Simon, Ultear, and Lyon.

I bit my lip. "Wait right here, guys."

I left the room and walked to the adults, who were drinking at the bar.

"Ur, I'm giving all of the kids ten or older the talk, do you want to do Ultear and Lyon?"

Gildarts, Macao, Wakaba, Silver and Makarov all spat out their beer, and Enno was giggling at them.

Rex had paled, and Maggie was laughing before she returned to breast feeding her baby - which was apparently a girl.

Something they learned because Porlyusica ended up arriving right after I left.

Thank you, Mashima. Dick. You could have made her timing a bit better.

Ur thought for a moment. "How do you know the Talk?"

I sighed. "I was nineteen when I died in my past life."

Gildarts spit out his drink again, having finally recovered enough to take another sip. "Wait, you died?"

I sighed, and turned to Ur. "Well?"

Ur shrugged. "Sure. I'll probably do it again, later, just in case." She looked behind her, "If it's kids ten or older, then Nab is in that room. Enno, do you want to give it to Nab?"

She stopped laughing and went pale. "No way!" she squeaked.

I nodded. "See? Tell me, did any of you guys even think about having to tell this to the kids? Especially the kids that aren't your own?"

The look on their faces told it all.

"Well, that explains a lot of the previous timeline," I muttered. "Just thought I'd ask you guys if you wanted to."

"Are you going to do Cana and Gray next year?" Gildarts blurted.

I nodded.

Both he and Silver exchanged looks and deflated, relieved.

I rolled my eyes and walked back into the room, closing the door behind me.

"Sit down," I told the kids, who all exchanged glances and did as they were told.

"What do you know about how babies are born?" I asked the kids.

They exchanged looks before Wally suggested, "Elle does magic and the baby pops out?"

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Okay, no. That's not how it works."

"But that's what happened the other day!" he said.

I groaned. This was going to be worse than I thought.

ONE HOUR LATER

"Hey, are you guys okay?" Cana asked as they left the room.

Gray looked at his siblings. "Will you tell me what it was about? I wanna know!"

Both of them paled.

Jellal and Erza were bright red and avoiding each other's gaze, Nab looked like he was thinking so hard he was going to hurt himself, Ultear and Lyon were grayer than Gray, and Evergreen and Bickslow didn't look much better.

"Are you okay, Bickslow?" Sho asked, standing closet to the mage. "You're really pale. Even your Seith Symbol is getting lighter..."

Erigor was laughing at their reactions. "Oh My God. This is amazing. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!"

"Freed-san, you seem just fine," Juvia said to him.

"Hmm?" he asked, looking down at her. "Oh, yes, Juvia-san. What I learned does not surprise me, but it has...made...shipping...different."

With each word, he started turning redder.

"I don't get it. What are we missing?" Gray complained.

"You don't want to know, Gray. Trust me," Lyon said, right as he stripped.

His face turned extremely red as he scrambled for his clothes, and Erza, Evergreen and Ultear all screamed and threw their hands over their eyes.

"What is it?" Gray asked, his shirt already missing. "You guys see us strip all of the time."

"PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON!" The three girls screamed.

Juvia nodded. "Ultear-san, Erza-san and Evergreen-san finally understand Juvia!"

All of the girls looked at her in horror.

"Relax, guys, Juvia won't get the talk for another two years," I said, waving it off. I had settled on a seat by the bar, leaning back and watching the chaos.

"Alright kids, who wants some snacks!" Enno said happily, exiting the kitchen with a tray in her hands.

On it was slices of cucumbers.

Most of the kids in the room screamed, and Erza even passed out.

"Erza!" Jellal cried.

I looked at Enno. "Jeez, and they call me evil."