Sorry about the wait!

Recap: This story takes place after 4x23. Erin is getting ready to leave for New York and is met with Jay outside of her apartment. He asks her to marry him, and she tells him that she is not ready. She leaves for the airport where she coincidentally misses her flight and is forced to stay in Chicago. Jay slept the night in her apartment and when he gets to work the next day, he sees her (so he's like, obvs happy). There's like, so much sexual tension and stuff but Erin goes home and sleeps and Jay texts her "I'm sorry. I love you." Erin naps and then goes to the district because she wants to talk to Jay about the text and he tells her he's meeting Will for drinks. She tags along but she doesn't wanna talk about their personal life in front of Will because who would even wanna do that, it's super awks? So she gets wasted af and then Jay takes her home and she asks for him to stay the night. (So sorry about all of this waiting, regardless, enjoy).

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Erin woke up early, her head throbbing and stomach churning. She looked over at Jay's sleeping form, one arm draped softly over his abdomen and the other on his side. There was a glass on her bedside table - likely left there by him the night before - and as she reached for it, she was hit with an instant wave of nausea and dizziness.

Jumping out of bed, Erin raced to the bathroom as quickly as she could. She barely made it to the toilet before her previous night's binge came pouring out in waves. She felt his cool hands move her hair out of the way as she continued to empty her stomach. She dry heaved for a couple of minutes before reaching up to flush the toilet, nodding her head towards Jay; a silent thank you. He watched her gingerly make her way towards the sink, grabbing her toothbrush and toothpaste where she kept it on her side.

She looked tired; exhausted. Like she hadn't slept for weeks. Her hair was all over the place and she had dark circles under her eyes on her pale skin. All he wanted to do was scoop her up in his arms and make everything better, but she looked so fragile. Like she would break if he stepped any closer to her. Although his body itched to feel her cool skin against him, he decided against it. Maybe she doesn't want this anymore.

"Did you want anything for breakfast? I can make some eggs or some toast?" Jay offered, his tone of voice soft.

"Coffee will be fine. Thanks." She swished some water in her mouth, getting rid of the minty suds of her toothpaste as she watched him in the mirror. There was concern etched onto his face and the way he looked into her eyes through the mirror made her legs shake.

"You should eat, take some meds. It'll help you feel better." His offer sounded weak, almost like he didn't care. But he knew that the wrong words could send her packing her bags again. Packing her bags to get away from him and the mess he caused.

"Yeah, I guess so. Make whatever you want, you know where everything is," Erin replied monotonously. She walked past him back into the bedroom, ignoring the burning look in his eyes.

15 minutes later both of them were sitting on the bar stools in the kitchen, silently eating some scrambled eggs and toast. Erin didn't eat much, but she made an effort to try to get something in her stomach. She had to admit, eating helped ease the pounding in her head; the feeling of her brain steadily pulsating against her skull.

It was nice having Jay here. It felt normal if you overlooked the fact that they were no longer dating, she was out of a job, that he was dealing with his PTSD and that they've barely even talked to each other, let alone looked at each other ever since he left her standing alone in their apartment. But it was nice.

Jay got up off the stool quietly and walked over to the sink, placing his dishes in and running some water to let them soak. He grabbed the bottle of Advil from the cabinet before filling up a glass of water, handing them both to Erin.

"Thanks." She mumbled.

"You gonna eat any more?" He looked down at her plate, noticing that she made it halfway through a piece of toast and made a small dent in her eggs.

"No, I don't think my body can take anymore." He nodded and took her plate, scraping off the food into the garbage before rinsing both their dishes and placing them into the dishwasher.

Jay awkwardly sulked around, not knowing whether or not he should leave back to Will's place or if he should sit back down next to her. He tried to find things to straighten up, but he respected Erin's space and stayed in the kitchen.

"Are we gonna talk about what happened last night?" Erin asked, her voice almost childlike. He was surprised by her question. He assumed she was too dazed to remember anything she did or said.

"What do you wanna talk about?" His heart pounded in his chest. Please don't back away from me now.

"You know, coming home together, sleeping in the same bed and stuff." I want it every night. It felt good. Please stay.

"Y-yeah… You asked me to stay and I couldn't leave you alone in that state." I didn't want to leave you alone. You shouldn't even be alone.

"Yeah…" They settled in another awkward silence, eyes watching each other. Jay's phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket, momentarily focusing his gaze at the screen to read the text.

"That's Will, he's asking if I need a ride before he goes to work. I'll just grab my stuff and leave." His thumbs moved skillfully on his screen as he walked the familiar way to the bedroom.

"Wait…" Just ask him Erin you dated him for so long. "I can drop you off later. Wouldn't wanna trouble Will by coming here and then going back to drop you off." I shouldn't even be dropping you off anywhere anyways.

Jay felt something warm from his belly radiate into the rest of his body. His heart jumped in excitement and he knew he had a stupid grin on his face; the one she loved so much.

"Sure."

/

They settled themselves on opposite sides of the couch, neither paying attention to some pointless TV show. They were both so jumpy around each other; flinching whenever one of them moved or shifted positions. It was as if they moved around too quickly, the other would disappear into thin air.

"Are we gonna talk?" Jay asked timidly. Erin huffed out a sigh before muting the TV and turning towards Jay's direction, somewhat dreading the inevitable. She knew that this talk would have to happen, but she didn't know what direction it would go in. Maybe he would move back in, sleep next to her at night and tease her about her cooking abilities. Or maybe she would chase him further away and the opportunity for reconciliation would falter.

"Yeah… Yeah, um. I'm sorry." Jay furrowed his brows at her apology.

"What do you mean? You have no reason to be sorry, I was the one who left."

"I don't know, I just, I knew I shouldn't have asked for space back in the breakroom that night and I completely walked out on you when you told me about support group and I know I've been completely walled off to you this past little bit-"

"Erin. Erin, stop." His voice was soft and dripped like honey, like she always remembered it. "I should be the one apologizing. I should've told you about Abby and my marriage but I thought that everything was done with it when I signed the divorce papers. I never asked her if she ever mailed them; it was my fault that I couldn't get away from the booze every night. I should've been more attentive. I'm sorry I hurt you like that. You don't deserve that, you've been through so much already."

"Walking out on us didn't exactly help." She sniffled.

The look on his face made her immediately regret her words. It was a look on his face she had only seen a few times; one of shame. She last saw it in the breakroom when she confronted him about Abby, how he never had any intentions of telling her that he was ever married. It made her heart sink and her stomach churn.

"Worst mistake of my life." He brought his eyes up to hers and she could see the fresh set of tears glazing them over. A lone tear slid down his face and she had to control herself to not reach out and touch his face. She knew her resolve was weakening, and that action alone would crumble it all away.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It's just-" She paused to think of what she wanted to say. "It's just, for the last few weeks we've been walking around on eggshells around each other and then all of a sudden you're getting down on one knee and telling me you love me. It's so confusing."

"I know. I guess that I'm just trying to say that I'm ready. I'm ready to move back in and I didn't know how to ask you. I'm ready to be us again." Erin's heart wanted to leap out of her chest.

"You could've just asked. A simple 'hey Erin, I wanna come home' would've sufficed." He could hear the anger and frustration in her voice and he had never felt so stupid. He thought he was making the right choice, wanting to spend the rest of his life with her. But apparently not.

Jay blinked the tears in his eyes before clearing his throat to speak.

"Hey Erin, I wanna come home." He knew it was a risk with how pissed she was at the moment. But she just said that that small statement would've sufficed. So he took his shot. "Please," he choked out.

He hesitated to look into her eyes, but when he did, he swore he never saw her so happy. Tears glistened them and fell freely, but they were bright; they were hopeful. She had a smile on her face that reached her eyes.

He hadn't been able to get that kind of smile from her in weeks.

"Erin, I know I'm far from perfect but these last few sessions at Support Group have been really enlightening. Our Leader was telling us about closing old wounds and embracing things that make us happy and I knew that all I ever wanted or needed was you for that happiness. I wanted to ask you for a few days to move back in but you seemed really stressed so I didn't wanna pile everything onto you. I'm so sorry for everything and I'll understand if you still want your space and everything-" His statement was cut short as she moved her entire weight on her knees and placed the softest of kisses of his lips. So soft that he almost didn't feel it. His lips kissed her back on their own volition as he placed his hands on her hips, bringing her closer to him.

"Erin, wait. You never answered me." He said breathlessly pulling away.

"Of course. A million times yes." She bent back down to capture his lips again before he stopped her.

"I don't think we should be doing this right now." Hurt crossed over on her face. "There's so much we gotta talk about and work out. I promised my Support Group Leader that I'd see Dr. Charles as a way to get my life back on track. I'm ready to come home and I'm ready to be us again. I just don't want to hurt you and I want to make sure you're aware of the mess you'd be getting yourself into."

"Jay, I said it that night and I'll say it again. Whatever it is, I can handle it. Whatever you need, I'm here. Just don't close me off, please."

Erin would remember the small smile that became etched on his face for the rest of her life. It was so childlike and innocent, a complete antithesis of what he currently was and what he was dealing with. She wanted to kiss him, but she respected his wish. Instead, she grabbed the TV remote, un-muted the TV and settled into his side, basking in his warmth. As she distractedly listened to the news anchor on the TV, she felt as if she was floating; as if she was literally floating on cloud nine. She would never have thought that her day would be like this; content. She could only hold onto hope that everything would be okay.

/

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