A/N: Just a quick thing before the chapter begins. I'm so grateful to all of the support this story has received. The response has been overwhelming. I'm acutely aware of the fact that this is a sensitive issue and I spend hours researching my characters prior to writing these chapters for you (in addition to a full time job and a generally busy life). I understand that autism is a spectrum and therefore my portrayal of Emma may not be aligned with your personal experiences with autistic people. It is not my intention to offend anyone with what I write and if you do not find my characters accurate, perhaps this isn't the story for you – there are thousands of wonderful SwanQueen stories out there! This is a work of fiction, backed up by my personal interpretation of a character we all know and love from television and extensive research – no more, no less. Anyway, I hope you all these two scenes with our women and their respective professionals.
Beige fluff oozed out of the arm of the chair she was sat in. Her fingers toyed with the escaping stuffing, twisting the strands together into synthetic dreads and poking it back beneath the fabric where it belonged. She glanced at the door, then the clock. Her foot jiggled. Her heart thumped harder.
"Fuck it," she muttered under her breath, pushing herself to her feet.
"Hey, sorry to keep you waiting."
Regina froze, staring at the brunette who had just walked through the door. "Oh, um, no problem," Regina lied as she sat back down into the old chair she had just vacated.
"I'm Belle," the woman smiled, crossing the room and taking a seat in a chair at a right angle to Regina's. "How are you doing today?"
"Not bad, I guess."
"So, Emma filled me in. She said you arrived last night and -"
"What did she tell you?"
The accusatory tone made Belle cock her head slightly. "She just said that you and your son arrived from Maine last night and needed an introductory session," Belle said slowly. "She said she knew you from school and that you might need some help explaining to your son what's happening."
"Oh." Regina sank back into her chair, cheeks pink. The assumption that Emma had run to her colleague and bitched about how cruel Regina had been in high school was clearly misplaced. The woman was an adult and appeared, at least now, to not be letting her justified grievances with Regina get in the way of her professional role.
"Was there something else you thought she might have told me?" Belle asked.
Regina shook her head. "No, that's all."
"Ok," Belle replied, knowing full well she wasn't being told the truth but choosing to allow Regina some more time to adjust. She never pushed the women. "So, as I know Emma's told you, I'm a psychologist. Your sessions here are confidential so anything you say in this room won't go any further. However, if you believe that you or Henry are in danger, I do recommend you tell the shelter staff. I'm only here during regular office hours but there is always a counsellor from Emma's team onsite."
"I don't think I'm in danger," Regina said quietly.
"Ok, that's good. But if you do have any concerns, the staff here are all excellent. And if you ever need to talk to anyone when I'm not around, Emma's your primary contact."
Regina frowned. "What does that mean?"
"It means she's the first person you should go to if there's a problem. She'll be the one tracking your case from the time you arrive until whenever you're ready to leave."
"Emma's my primary contact?"
Belle leaned over and pulled a file from the top of a stack on her desk, double checking the paperwork. "Um yep, that's what it says here. Well, Ruby's name was here first as the person who was on duty when you arrived, but her name has been crossed out and Emma's is here now. Why? Would you prefer to have a different counsellor?"
Would she? Regina wasn't sure how she felt about having Emma as the person who was assigned to her case. Was she a 'case' now? Is that how Emma saw her? And why had the blonde replaced Ruby with herself?
"No, Emma's fine."
"Ok," Belle smiled. "So, I don't want to push you to talk about anything you're not ready for but it does help me, and Emma if you choose to share with her, if we know a little about the events which led up to you arriving at Swan's Shelter."
"You mean why did I leave my husband?" The words came out harsher than Regina intended. She knew the woman was just trying to be tactful but suddenly Regina had felt the overwhelming need to confront what was going on.
"Is that who you left in Maine? A husband?"
"Yes," Regina nodded. "I walked out yesterday morning. Bought a used car, picked Henry up from school and drove here."
"Why New York?"
"Leo won't think to look here."
"And Leo is your husband and Henry's father?" Belle was trained to listen, just as much as she was trained to offer advice and support.
"Yes," Regina said, teeth clenched.
"Have you heard from him since you left Maine?"
Regina shook her head. "I left my phone there. Disconnected everything from Henry's iPad. He can't contact us. He won't be able to find us."
"Ok, that's good. Can you tell me anything about why you chose to leave?"
"He was abusive." Three simple words. They were words Belle had heard many times, Regina was sure, but the confession still seemed to linger in the air for several seconds as the occupants digested their significance.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Can you tell me anything about the forms of abuse you experienced?"
"Emotional, physical. The usual," Regina shrugged. "Controlling husband stuff, right? I'm not the first woman to have got herself stuck with a worthless bastard."
Stuck was an interesting choice of words, Belle mused. "How long did the abuse go on for?"
When something becomes expected, commonplace, it can be hard to trace it back to the first time, Regina realised as she tried to remember when Leo first started to be controlling. "Years," Regina said after a pause. "Most of our marriage, I suppose. He slapped me the night of our third wedding anniversary. That was the first time he was physically abusive."
"And what made you leave now?"
Tears glittered in Regina's eyes as the memory flashed before her eyes. "He … oh God, I can't even say it."
"That's ok, you don't have to tell me anything you're not comfortable with," Belle assured, seeing the distress the question had caused the woman. "You left, that's the important thing. You got away and you're somewhere safe."
"He hit Henry," Regina blurted out, tears now pouring down her cheeks. "Last weekend. His Tee Ball team lost. They're kids! He's just a kid. It's a stupid sports team full of six years olds who want to have fun with their friends. No one takes it seriously. Henry missed a catch and Leo just started yelling at him from the bleachers. It was embarrassing. Everyone was looking at us. Then when we got to the car, Leo … I swear, I never thought he would hurt Henry. If I had ever thought Henry was in danger, I would have left years ago. Henry doesn't deserve a father like that."
"And you deserve a husband like that?" Belle countered.
Regina's face, still wet with tears, became suddenly emotionless. "Perhaps I do."
Sitting forwards in her chair, Belle clasped her hands in front of her. "Regina, I need you to listen to me really carefully right now. No one deserves to be abused. No one deserves to be a victim of domestic violence or emotional abuse. Everyone deserves to feel safe and loved in their own home. You might have left Leo to keep Henry safe but you're also keeping yourself safe. You and Henry both deserve to be here and to be safe and to be away from a man who didn't respect you."
"Respect is earned," Regina remarked bitterly.
"Perhaps, but Leo still should have had more respect for his wife and son."
"I didn't."
"Have respect for yourself?"
"No, for others," Regina said, standing up and wiping her face. Belle watched, unsure if the woman was about to leave or not. But then Regina started walking up and down the room. Belle paused, sensing that Regina would continue without prompting. "Emma didn't tell you how we met back in Maine, did she?" Belle shook her head at the question. "We went to high school together. She joined when we were sixteen and me and my friends bullied her for two years."
Shock flickered over Belle's features before she schooled them. Her boss certainly hadn't mentioned that detail.
"I made Emma's life hell for two years. And other students. Me and my friends were popular and powerful and we enjoyed making other people feel small. I waltzed through high school thinking I was impervious to the world, that I could treat people like shit and nothing would happen to me. Well, I guess karma's a bitch, huh?"
"Regina, what happened between you and Leo wasn't karma."
"It feels like it," Regina muttered. "It took me years to realise that the way he made me feel must have been how I made Emma and those other kids feel. I turned innocent people into victims and then my husband did the same to me. That's karma. And then, to top it off, after driving for nine hours, I turn up at the shelter run by one of the women I used to taunt and tease and ridicule?" Regina let out a bark of laughter. "I'm not religious but I'm starting to think there's someone up there having a damn good joke at my expense."
Belle watched the woman pace back and forth, her fingers running through her increasingly frazzled hair at each turn. She waited, knowing the brunette needed some time. After less than a minute, Regina sank back down into her chair.
"I deserve what happened to me but Emma doesn't," she said, so quietly that Belle almost didn't hear her. "Emma didn't deserve what I did to her fourteen years ago and she doesn't deserve for me to reappear in her life now. I can't even imagine how I'd feel if Leo walked into this room today or even in fourteen years time." Regina was on her feet again. "I shouldn't be here." She strode towards the door, with Belle jumping to her feet to follow.
"Regina, wait, don't leave."
"I can't stay here. I tried to leave this morning and Emma told me not to."
"Then listen to her," Belle pleaded.
Regina paused, feet from the office door. "I can't. It's not fair. She was so upset this morning when we first met. Then she disappeared for an hour and came back and was … fine. She told me and Henry to stay. I mean, I know she's autistic and sometimes she deals with social situations differently than others but that was such a dramatic change. She can't be ok with this. She can't be ok with me being here."
"If Emma didn't think she could handle it, she would have said something. And she certainly wouldn't have assigned herself to be your primary contact if she didn't think she was the right person to take on that role. Yes, Emma has autism but as a result of this, her primary focus in life is providing shelter to women like you. She has dedicated her life to making Swan's Shelter and she is committed to helping as many women and children as possible, keeping them safe and helping them start a new life. Today, that's you and Henry. What happened between you and Emma is something I think you should talk about together but I don't think it's a reason to leave. And I certainly don't think the actions of a teenager, however cruel and foolish, can be considered justification in any way for what your husband did, Regina. Leo was wrong to hurt you and Henry. You were right to leave. You both deserve better and Swan's Shelter is the best place for you to start your new chapter."
Emma's eyes lingered on her cell screen. She had to leave. If she didn't leave now, she was going to be late. But if she left now, she wouldn't see Regina. Emma hated dilemmas.
"Who's on shift tonight?" Ella asked as she poked her head around Emma's office door.
"Ursula, why?"
"Good, I've got that book she wanted to borrow. Um, aren't you supposed to be gone by now?"
"Yes," Emma nodded, standing up and gathering her things. "You're ok on your own for the last three hours?"
Ella nodded. Emma didn't usually duck out early. In fact, she often stayed beyond the end of her shift to complete paperwork and pulled additional hours when needed to cover staffing shortfalls. While Emma didn't like changes to her routine, she hated outstanding paperwork and the thought of her women not having the support they needed even more. So her staff knew the rare occasions she changed her plans and left early was important.
Reluctantly, Emma headed out of the shelter and towards her apartment to get into her car. The drive to her therapist's office was short. Dr Archie Hopper was conveniently only a few of miles away and had been Emma's therapist since she was a child. Perhaps the man, with his round tortoiseshell spectacles, knew her better than anyone else in the world.
Parking outside the small clinic where Archie practiced, Emma strolled into the building, pausing to scratch Pongo, the man's unimaginatively-named Dalmatian behind the ears before approaching the desk.
"Hi Emma," Archie's receptionist, Marco smiled at her.
"Hey Marco," Emma smiled, sticking her hand in the big bowl of candy on the desk and rummaging around until she found one of the strawberry lollies she liked.
"Archie's already available. His previous appointment cancelled."
"Oh." Emma looked at the clock above Marco's desk. "But I've got another six minutes before my appointment is due to start."
"That's fine. You can wait if you wish," Marco said at once. He had been Archie's receptionist for over twenty years and given that the therapist specialised in autism, was used to patients reacting to change in such a way.
Emma nodded, unwrapped the candy and stuck it in her mouth before walking over to the waiting area and sitting down. She pulled out her cell to check. No messages. She wasn't sure what she expected; Regina didn't have her cell number. But Emma still checked. She wanted to know how the meeting with Belle had gone. She wanted to know what they talked about. Belle would never betray her patients and tell her any details but she was curious. What was Regina running from? Or who? But Emma knew not to push for information. If and when Regina was ready, she would share.
Roused from her thoughts by Marco pointing to the clock which indicated that Emma's scheduled appointment time had arrived, she stood and shook her head, trying to focus on what she needed to do. Focus on herself. She had to forget about her current role to protect Regina and instead think about their history. Dealing with the past would help Emma support Regina in the future.
"Good afternoon, Emma," Archie smiled from behind his desk. "How are you?"
"Regina arrived at the shelter last night," Emma said, sitting down in her favourite chair and crossing her legs beneath her.
"Regina from Maine? The girl who was the leader of that girl gang in high school?"
"Yeah," Emma nodded. "And she needs my help."
"Ok," Archie said slowly. "How are you feeling about that?"
Emma tapped her fingers on her knees. "Confused," she started. "And angry and confused again and I feel sorry for Regina and I know I shouldn't because these women don't need my pity but I do feel it for her and I feel scared that I can't do my job and I feel guilty because maybe I can't help her and I feel like it's all too much. It's too much, Archie. After everything that happened, I don't know if I'm strong enough to face this." Emma thumped her fist into the arm of the chair, frustration getting the better of her. The action jolted her. One, two, three, four, five, pause. One, two, three, four, five, pause. "Sorry."
"It's ok," Archie placated. "That's a lot of emotion."
"Yeah, loads. I can't deal with it all. This morning, I yelled at her. I yelled at a woman who had come to us for help, Archie! I've never done that before."
Archie knew much about Emma's work, although he had never visited the shelter. She often talked with him about how working with the women affected her autism and the impact her vocation seemed to have on her wider social interactions.
"You can't blame yourself, Emma. It must have been a shock seeing her again."
Emma nodded. "It's been fourteen years. I told you about the last night I spent in Maine. And then two years of being the scapegoat for Regina and her friends before that. It's not like I think about it much but I do sometimes remember. When I talk to the women and they describe how they felt, there are times when I felt those same things. It's different, I know. Regina and I went to school together. We weren't married or anything. But she made me her victim the same way their husbands made the women in the shelter a victim. I guess Regina's a victim now."
Archie considered that final statement. "How does that make you feel?"
"What?" Emma frowned.
"The thought of Regina as a victim, how does that make you feel?"
The frown deepened. The elaboration had not clarified anything for Emma. Unless … She jumped to her feet. "Are you saying I'm glad that Regina's a victim now?"
Archie opened his mouth to interrupt the seething woman before him but couldn't get a word out before Emma stormed over to the window where she looked down on the dusky suburban street beyond.
"No one deserves to be a victim," Emma snarled at her reflection. "What Regina did to me as a teenager has nothing to do with what she's been through. Hell, I don't even know what she's been through. She hasn't told me. But whatever it was, she doesn't deserve it."
"I'm sorry to have implied anything," Archie soothed.
"You don't believe that, do you?" Emma asked, rounding on her therapist. "You don't believe that people who have behaved badly towards someone deserve to be victimised by someone else."
"No, of course not," Archie said at once.
"Then why suggest I might think that?" Emma queried, marching back towards the desk. "Do you think that because I'm autistic I don't have fucking feelings?"
"Emma, please don't shout at me."
Taking a deep breath, Emma tried to steady herself. It didn't work "Don't accuse me of being a fucking monster!" she exclaimed.
"Emma, come on," Archie placated. "That's not what I was suggesting. I know you very well. You care deeply for people. You are very loving and compassionate and you have dedicated your life to helping those who need somewhere safe and supportive. You have some of the most intense feelings I've ever seen. I'm sorry to have implied anything which caused you offence."
Emma's green eyes scanned the therapist's face. Archie waiting, knowing the blonde needed some time. After almost thirty seconds, she seemed to accept that he was being truthful and sank back down into her chair.
"I told her to stay," Emma said quietly. "She was going to leave and I told her to stay. I told her we'd help, we'd keep her safe. I even made myself her primary point of contact."
"Why?"
"Because it's the right thing to do," Emma sighed. "And because I'm not the same person I was fourteen years ago and I'm willing to bet she isn't either. She's a mum now. She has a kid and I need to keep them both safe. I want to move on from what was in our past. I want to forget what she did to me and just do my job."
"You can't forget your past, Emma."
"Forget, forgive, whatever. I want to be over all the stuff teenage me went through. That part of my life is done. I've moved on and I'm ready to close the door."
"Do you think you can do that?"
"Not without you. Can you help me?"
Archie nodded slowly. "I can try. But it's a journey, Emma. Don't expect change overnight. And cut yourself some slack. If you're going to be around someone with such strong ties to some negative memories, you need to be careful about how you deal with that. What techniques have you been using to help calm yourself down?"
"I threw stuff around my apartment this morning," Emma deadpanned. "That didn't help."
"No, throwing things, while satisfying in the moment, rarely helps to reduce our anger. What else have you found effective?"
"The counting," Emma said. "I use it a lot. But, you know, when I'm at the shelter, apart from this morning, I'm usually ok."
"I know, you're very high functioning. But I do think you may find that the strain of Regina's presence means you may find yourself experiencing some heightened emotions outside of work. This is something you should be aware of, that's all."
Emma nodded. She knew that. She knew Regina's presence was going to change things for her. Swan's Shelter had always been the place where she could shed her insecurities and flourish as a professional. Her autism faded the moment she stepped over the threshold and she transformed into the counsellor the women needed. But Regina's presence changed things. With Regina inside, the lines were blurred. The woman's ties to her past confused her. There was one thing Emma knew crystal clear, however. Whatever had happened between herself and Regina, she could not allow it to affect the services and care she offered the woman and her son.
A/N: I live in a world surrounded by psychologists, so I hope I've done these sessions justice!