A/N: plane chapter for you … fuelled by coffee and wine side by side. Let's see how this comes out!
"And then we learned more math and then we went out for recess and Roland and I shared a cookie and then we had to learn spelling. I don't like spelling. But then we did art. Look, Mom. I made this for you," Henry finished, thrusting a crumpled piece of paper into his mother's hand as they walked down the street.
"Wow, this is beautiful, Henry," Regina exclaimed, trying to decipher what exactly it was her son had been attempting to draw. If she squinted perhaps it was a picture of a dog. Or an elephant. Or maybe a rabbit. "So school was good?" she asked, giving up on her quest.
"Awesome," Henry enthused. "I get to go tomorrow too, right?"
"Tomorrow is Saturday so there's no school. But you can go back on Monday," Regina said, relief washing over her at the realisation that the young boy was already settled and was looking to the future.
Henry mumbled something about not wanting the next day to be Saturday because he wanted to play with his friends before launching into a story of what he and Roland had got up to during lunch. By the time they had returned to the shelter, Regina had heard all about her son's day, right down to the twig Roland had dared him to eat which, according to Henry, "tasted like mud." Before Regina could ask her son how he knew what mud tasted like, they were walking through the doors of their current home and Henry was distracted by the sight of his new favourite adult.
"Hey Emma, I drewed you a picture at school," Henry called out at the sight of the blonde behind the desk.
"Drew," Regina corrected automatically as she followed her son who had raced towards Emma, an even more scrunched up piece of paper being pulled from his bag and presented to the woman.
"That was very kind of you Henry, thank you," Emma said as she took the picture. "You're a great artist. I love this big flower here."
Henry pouted. "That's not a flower, it's the sun."
"It's purple," Emma frowned.
"So?"
Before Emma could answer the question, which was clearly rhetorical in Henry's mind, the boy had moved on and now stood bouncing up and down on the spot, waiting for his mother to open the door leading to the back of the shelter. Regina reached over her son's head and tapped in the code. Henry raced off down the corridor, Regina calling after him that he was only allowed to be on the iPad for one hour that night before turning back to Emma.
"You weren't here earlier, were you? I thought Friday was your day off."
"I wasn't and it is," Emma replied. "Ruby needed me to cover her, so I came in for a few hours."
In fact, Emma didn't have a choice. No one else was available to cover the second half of the woman's shift. Emma had spent ten minutes pacing up and down her apartment, trying to work out whether or not she could delay her planned chores and tasks until the following week. Eventually, she had determined that it was acceptable for her to put off doing her laundry and a grocery shop for three more days and had arrived at the shelter thirty minutes later. Her most important chore for the day, a visit to Archie, had already been accomplished.
"Is Ruby ok?"
"Yes, her grandmother fell sick. She's visiting her in hospital."
"I'm sorry to hear that, but it's nice to see you," Regina said.
Although Emma had been working most days that week, Regina had barely seen her since Monday night. After Emma's day off on Tuesday, the blonde had come back to tackle the regular mound of paperwork and had been kept busy with the arrival of another woman, with three teenagers in tow as well as a looming grant application deadline which could provide the shelter with a sizeable funding boost for the next five years. Regina had barely glimpsed the woman as she hurried in and out of the common room, grabbing something quick to eat before returning to her office.
"You too," Emma replied. "How has your week been? Is Henry settling into school?"
"The week's been good thanks," Regina nodded. "I met with Belle a couple more times. We're talking a lot. About Leo, you'll be glad to here."
"Is it helping?"
"Yes, but it's hard," Regina admitted. "At least I don't have to worry about Henry. He's settling in amazingly at that school. He and Roland are inseparable. We've been walking back together each evening but today Roland and Marian had to go to the dentist. Henry even asked me if he could go to the dentist too, just so they could spend more time together."
"That's sweet," Emma chuckled. "Although, and don't take this the wrong way, his artistic talent is limited." She held up the picture Henry had gifted her and Regina realised the image was even less distinguishable than her own.
"Yeah," Regina laughed. "I fear that's not going to be a future career for him. But he's proud of it."
"I'll put this up in my office," Emma replied. "Perhaps its abstract nature will inspire me to think outside the box more. I've never been any good at that."
"Henry will be honoured," Regina replied. "I'd better go and get dinner ready. Are you around all evening?"
"Just until eight. Then Ursula takes over."
"Oh, well, enjoy your evening off." The disappointment in Regina's tone was missed by the blonde but she heard it herself. Even if it was unlikely that they could spend any time together if Emma was on shift, Regina still felt disappointed to know the counsellor wouldn't be there.
"Thanks," Emma replied, oblivious to Regina's thoughts. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Because Emma had her own thoughts to content with. That statement rolled around in Emma's mind as she sat at her desk for the next four hours. Yes, she would see Regina tomorrow. As always, she was working both the Saturday and Sunday day shifts at the shelter. But that wasn't the issue which was plaguing the blonde when she was supposed to be completing the intake papers for the newest arrivals at the shelter.
Monday evening had replayed regularly in Emma's subconscious; memories of the meal, the conversation, the revelations. She had even talked to Ruby about it, her friend eager to hear how it had gone when Emma returned home on Tuesday morning. After some gentle prodding, she had told Ruby everything. Emma wasn't good with secrets and she didn't want to lie to Ruby. The redhead had listened politely, as her training dictated, but Emma could see concern in her friend's blue orbs.
"Trust me, I know what I'm doing," she had said before yawning and retiring to her room for a quick nap.
Except that was a lie. She didn't know what she was doing. Not really. Everything which had happened, which had been said, all of the emotions which had come to the surface were too plentiful and complex for Emma to really wrap her head around. She had been glad of her busy week; the workload kept her mind busy and herself away from Regina.
Yet that brief conversation earlier in the day brought Emma back to those thoughts, feelings, complications. It was completely illogical, she knew. What she felt for Regina made no sense. After everything the brunette had done to her, even if it was over a decade earlier, should have put paid to any flicker of attraction, even just superficial. And yet, somehow, that warmth in Emma's belly remained.
She knew Ruby didn't understand. If she was honest with herself, she didn't understand either. But the fact remained that a brief moment, shared between two teenagers fourteen years earlier still evoked strong, confronting and scary feelings. She had talked about exactly this with Archie that morning. The psychologist was encouraging Emma to deal with her anger towards Regina, so that she was in a better position to close the door on that part of her life. The problem was, Emma's mind kept drifting from those feelings of anger to other, seemingly oppositional feelings. It was intensely confusing.
Emma didn't like feeling confused. She didn't like feeling out of control. She didn't like feeling at the mercy of something else, even her own emotions. Which was why Emma mentally scolded whatever part of her being had been responsible for the decision to enter the common area that evening soon after eight. What are you doing? She thought to herself. Nothing good can come of this.
And yet, that anger at herself faded as she spotted the woman she was looking for. Regina was sat in a corner, talking quietly with Kathryn. As she watched, the brunette threw back her head, laughing at something the other woman had said. Kathryn chuckled too, sipping a mug of tea before continuing their conversation.
Not wanting to interrupt, Emma headed towards the kitchen to make herself a drink. It was after four, so she wasn't going to have any caffeine. Instead she poured herself a glass of apple juice. Taking a sip, she turned back to survey the room. Her eyes moved immediately to Regina, breath hitching when she locked her gaze upon those familiar brown orbs. As she watched, Regina excused herself from Kathryn and stood up, making her way across the room towards the kitchen island where Emma was leaning. Behind her, Kathryn's eyes tracked the woman's path with interest.
"Hey," Regina smiled as she reached the blonde. "Finished for the day?"
"Yes," Emma answered.
There was a pause, neither woman knowing what to say. Regina hadn't expected to see Emma and Emma hadn't thought through what she wanted to say. Or what she needed to say. The only thing which was clear was that she needed to see Regina. All other thoughts were incomprehensibly jumbled together.
"Would you like to join us?" Regina asked after the silence had stretched for an uncomfortably long time.
"No," Emma replied.
"Oh, ok," Regina said. "Um, well -"
"Can we talk somewhere private?" Emma interrupted.
Regina, relieved she wouldn't have to finish the sentence she had started without knowing the ending, nodded. Draining her glass of juice, Emma turned to the sink to wash up the receptacle, dried it and returned it to the cupboard, all while Regina was stood at the counter watching. Then she walked from the room. Stunned for a moment, Regina left her half-drunk cup of tea and hurried after the woman who appeared to have assumed Regina would follow without instruction.
In the doorway, she paused and glanced at Kathryn. "Can you keep an eye out for Henry?" she called over the common room.
"On it," Kathryn replied, watching with curiosity as her new friend disappeared, wondering what was going on between the brunette and the owner of the shelter.
Regina caught up with Emma halfway down the corridor towards the woman's office. Emma said nothing as she marched so Regina stayed silent too. Inside however her stomach was doing flips. What was going on? What did Emma want to say? Was it good or bad? The woman's face was unreadable.
Emma led the way straight to her office without asking Regina if she was ok with that. In that moment, Emma wasn't thinking as a counsellor. Selfishly, this wasn't about Regina. Well, it was, but in the context of Emma's own emotions. With the door shut on a curious looking Ursula, Emma rounded her desk and placed her hand on the back of her chair. At this point she paused, remembering what Regina had said about the formality of the room a few days earlier. Wheeling the chair around the side of the desk, Emma sat down in the exact same position she had occupied four nights earlier. After a moment, Regina sank into her allocated seat too.
"I've been thinking about you," Emma started. Straight to the point was always better, in her opinion.
"Oh," Regina said. "In a good way?"
"I think so," Emma nodded. "I'm confused, to be honest. I don't understand. Archie, my psychologist, thinks I need to deal with my anger towards you."
"Your anger?"
"From when we were kids," Emma clarified.
"Oh, right," Regina said quietly, eyes cast down to where her index fingers were scratching at the raw skin of her thumbs. Of course that was what Emma was talking about. Of course Emma was angry.
"But I keep getting distracted," Emma continued. "I know I have to deal with what happened back in Maine and I know it's not healthy to ignore the past. But it's really hard to concentrate on all those negative feelings when I have … other feelings."
Regina looked up from her lap, where her gaze had fallen in shame. "Other feelings?"
"It shouldn't make sense, I know that. I think you know it too. That's why you've been awkward around me. You're more relaxed when you're with Kathryn, I can see that. I make you awkward and nervous, don't I?"
"You do," Regina admitted, unsure where the woman's blunt assumptions had come from.
"Everyone else thinks we're mad, don't they?"
"Do they?"
"I don't like people thinking I'm mad, or weird or crazy. Or psycho."
Regina squirmed in her seat at the reference to the nickname she and her friends had once bequeathed upon Emma. The blonde seemed not to notice however and pressed on.
"Archie and Ruby think I need to spend time talking about what happened between us, put that anger to bed and then I'll be ready to, I dunno, move on, I guess. Do you think that's right?"
"I don't know," Regina admitted. "I can't tell you what's right for you."
Emma nodded slowly. "But what is right for you?"
"I'll never be able to forgive myself for what I did to you, Emma," Regina sighed. "And I don't expect you to forgive me either. All I can do is hope that at some point in the future we'll be able to leave the past in the past. What happens after that, well, I don't want to speculate."
"What do you want to happen after that?" Emma pressed.
Regina allowed her eyes to scan Emma's face, the features so familiar and yet it was like Regina was seeing them again for the first time. Her gaze dropped a little lower, settling on Emma's pale lips. It wasn't the first time, it was a second chance. "You know what I want," she said eventually. "It's what I've wanted for the past fourteen years."
The silence which filled the office was heavy with anticipation. Regina continued to look directly at Emma, somehow emboldened by the honest statement she had just made. Emma was processing, her mind running a mile a minute as she took in the new information and calibrated it with her own feelings. Except her feelings were so entangled, a fluid mess which swirled around deep within her. Anger, desire, betrayal, hope, hurt, lust. She didn't know what to feel, what to think, what she wanted. Except …
Emma stood up abruptly, Regina's eyes widening at the move. They grew wider still as the blonde stepped forwards, entering the brunette's personal space with a few strides. Regina tensed. Emma saw it immediately, her training kicking in even with the emotional soup thrumming through her veins. Crouching down, the counsellor placed her hands on either arm of the office chair where Regina sat.
"I'm not going to hurt you," she said softly, reminding both women of what Regina had been through, of what had brought them back together. "But I think this is about fourteen years overdue."
Emma didn't move though, not until she received a miniscule nod that confirmed the woman before her understood her intentions and consented. Regina held her breath as the blonde leaned towards her. Against her ribcage, her heart hammered. But not with fear. That emotion which had flickered as the blonde towered above her had been eclipsed at once by white hot flames, the sensation curling up from the pit of her stomach. Only when Emma's face was mere millimetres from her own did Regina's eyes flutter closed.
Once more, the first kiss was the faintest of brushes, a barely there graze of flesh on flesh. But the second kiss came more quickly, after only a brief pause with Emma pulling back just a fraction to steady her heartbeat. Then she kissed Regina a little more firmly, more confidently. Fingers covered her own where they gripped the arm of the chair, Regina also needing something to ground her as her mind went into overdrive.
It was still slow, however. Lips moving gently against one another, barely parted. It was innocent, tender. And yet it was also intense; both women struggling to comprehend that this was really, finally happening. Despite all of this, Emma's mind felt clearer than it had done all week, as if her soul was soothed by the action.
"Emma," Regina mumbled, not breaking the kiss but needing to say the woman's name as if she needed the confirmation that she really was kissing Emma Swan.
"I'm here," the blonde replied before pressing her lips a little harder against Regina's, understanding exactly what the woman needed. "It's me."
Only when Emma tasted salt mingling where their lips met did the kiss end. She pulled back, fingers still trapped beneath Regina's, to see tears streaming down the brunette's face.
"Don't cry," Emma said, too overwhelmed and confused to offer anything more.
"I'm sorry," Regina said, reaching up to swipe almost angrily at the tears. "I just can't quite believe that happened. After fourteen years, do you know how many times I've thought about our kiss?"
"Probably more than me," Emma admitted. "I went to therapy for a long time to stop thinking about that night."
"So why -"
"I like you, Regina," Emma interrupted. "I know it doesn't make sense and no one really understands it. But I like you and I like the way you made me feel that night. No one has ever made me feel like that. Like this," she added, reaching her free hand out to cup Regina's face.
The brunette leaned into the touch, warm and reassuring and caring. It had been a long time since someone had touched her like that.
"What does this mean?" Regina whispered, eyes scanning Emma's face, searching for a clue.
"Honestly, I don't know. And I don't like not knowing. But this is what I do know. I like you a lot, Regina. We've got some issues in our past which we both need to address but I'm doing that with my psychologist and I hope you'll do the same with Belle. And then, well, I'd like to see where this goes."
"Me too," Regina replied quickly. "But … Emma, are you sure?"
Emma rocked forwards onto her knees, her toes and ankles protesting about the squat she'd be holding until that point. Regina widened her thighs slightly to allow Emma to slot between them. The move was strangely natural, almost familiar, but neither woman referenced the intimate position they now found themselves in.
"It makes no sense, right? I should hate you, I know that. I did hate you for a long time and I'm not going to lie about that. But even before prom night, I'd seen glimmers of another side of you, Regina. At the time, I didn't really take them seriously. I was an autistic teenager and I saw things pretty one dimensionally. It never occurred to me until that night that perhaps there was something beyond the class bully." Regina's cheeks flushed crimson at the name. "But through my training and my life experience, I'm learning that people are much more complicated than that. The two of us proved as much on prom night but obviously that ended in disaster. It planted the seed though. Back then I think I knew there was something between us but I just didn't have the words or the emotional intelligence to understand it. Now I do, or at least, I want to try."
"Even after everything that I did?" Regina asked.
"I'm not going to lie to you and say that doesn't matter. It does. It hurt. The memories still hurt. But I'm willing to work to get past all that if it means we have a shot at this." As she spoke, Emma moved her hands to rest lightly halfway down Regina's thighs, peering up into the brunette's face to search for any sign of fear.
"I don't deserve you," Regina said, fresh tears spilling from her eyes.
Emma reached up and wiped them away without a word. Most of the women she met at the shelter suffered with self-confidence and self-belief issues. With Regina, these stemmed not only from a decade with an abusive husband but also the complicated history the two women shared.
"You're a good person, Regina," the blonde said quietly. "I believe that and you need to believe it too."
"You really want this? You want us?" The disbelief was evident.
"I've not been able to stop thinking about you all week," Emma confessed. "I'm usually excellent at compartmentalising but you seem to be everywhere my mind wanders. Whatever this is, whatever this might become, I'd like to give things a go, if you would also like to."
"I would," Regina nodded. "But, slowly, ok?"
"Agreed," Emma said. "For both of us. Like I told you on Monday, I haven't forgotten why we met again. I know why you're here in the shelter and that has to be your priority. And I've got some things I need to work on too with Archie. But this week has been really hard. I already feel better for telling you how I feel."
"I never thought in my wildest dreams this would happen, you know. Even after Monday, I never truly allowed myself to think you'd ever get to a place where you'd want to be with me," Regina admitted.
"I do," Emma said, leaning forwards and kissing Regina gently. "I do want to be with you. It doesn't make sense given everything we've been through but who cares. This feels right to me. Does … does it feel right for you?"
"Yes," Regina said at once, another kiss exchanged but this time initiated by the brunette. "Yes, it does feel right but at the same time a part of me feels like I don't deserve this, that I don't deserve to feel this happy because of you."
"You feel happy? Because of me?"
Regina cocked her head to one side. "Blissful," she whispered. "And I know I shouldn't feel like this so soon after leaving Leo but I do and I can't stop myself. I suspect things might get a little messy for both of us, so we will need to take things slow and communicate."
"I'm not great at communicating."
"You're amazing at communicating," Regina frowned. "I mean, this conversation wasn't exactly easy and I think you expressed everything very clearly."
"Yeah but I do often struggle to talk about how I feel in relationships. Emotions are complicated and I can't always find the right word to describe how I'm feeling. Work's different. I can talk with the women here no problem but when it comes to my personal life, I struggle."
"Well, I think you're doing just fine so far," Regina assured her. "I do have one request though."
"Name it," Emma nodded.
"We keep this quiet from Henry. He can't know anything about this. I don't want him confused or upset. He's going through enough at the moment without adding this to his new life."
"Of course," Emma said. "Actually, I don't think anyone in the shelter should be made aware, to be honest. It's not exactly professional of me. In fact, it's extremely unprofessional."
At the realisation, creases appeared on Emma's forehead as she realised just how far beyond their professional relationship she and Regina had stepped. She was the brunette's primary, she was her counsellor, she was here to protect Regina, not kiss her.
"Hey, don't go there," Regina said. "It's different. We have history."
That was an understatement, Emma thought to herself. But it was also true. They did have history. Regina wasn't just any woman who had appeared in her shelter. Emma had never had romantic feelings for any of the women before. This was different because of their history. One, two, three, four, five, pause. One, two, three, four, five, pause. It was ok, Emma was still a good counsellor. She was still good at her job.
"We do," Emma agreed eventually, putting her worried to bed for now.
They fell silent, Emma still kneeling between Regina's legs.
"So," Regina said fingers now coming to lace behind Emma's neck, hidden by blonde curls, "we're doing this?"
"We're doing this," Emma nodded, leaning forwards once more and fusing her mouth to Regina's for their most passionate kiss yet.
Lips parted at last, tongues touching once more for the first time in fourteen years. The hot flesh seemed to spark as they grazed one another, muscle memory triggering a coiling low in both women's abdomens as they explored one another's mouths. Fingernails grazed the nape of Emma's neck, angling her head a little further as Regina tentatively took control. Emma let her, a tiny voice in the back of her mind noting that she still didn't know the true nature of Regina's abusive marriage and didn't want to demonstrate any of the traits her husband had. So she allowed Regina to lead, letting out a little sigh of contentment as perfect teeth sank gently into her bottom lip.
The tip of a tongue soothed the dents away at once, returning to exploring more of Emma's mouth. The woman tasted like mint. Regina wondered whether she had sucked a tic tac before coming to find her, knowing the meeting would end in a passionate embrace. Her mind began to wander, still struggling to comprehend how Emma could possibly be interested in pursuing any sort of relationship with her. But then the woman's fingers slid around her waist, pulling their torsos together, bringing her back to the present and Regina found herself fully in the moment, everything else fading from existence apart from Emma's mouth against her own.
A/N: I couldn't wait any longer. I had to get our ladies to confess how they felt. Don't worry, there are still plenty of obstacles until they can get their happily ever after. Also, I'm back to Wednesday and Sunday posts as of this week.