A/N: Thank you for all the kind words after my AN last chapter. I really appreciate and love this community and am grateful that I get to be a part of it.
The weekend slid away, Monday rolling around too soon for Henry, for whom the novelty of a new school had now worn off. Regina tried to ignore his moans and refused to pander to his insistence that he was sick as she pulled his school t-shirt over his head.
"You'll have a great time once you're there," Regina insisted, tying the laces on his school shoes, Henry's feet wiggling unhelpfully as she did so. "And don't you and Roland want to tell all your friends about the fun day we spent at the zoo?"
Henry perked up at that, remembering that he and his new best friend had some amazing adventures to share in the playground that day. Regina listened patiently to her son as he began to recount to her how he had seen a real live elephant that weekend, seemingly ignorant to the fact that it had been his mother who stood beside him as they watched the magnificent creature.
But at least he was excited about going to school again, Regina reminded herself as she and Henry walked up the road, Roland and Marian behind them. At the gates, she bade farewell to her son and began to walk back with Marian.
"So, your next shift is this afternoon, right?"
"Yes," Marian nodded. The trial at the hotel had gone well and she had been offered the job. It was a big, important step but it was also a significant adjustment for a woman who hadn't worked for many years. "Are you sure you're ok to watch Roland tonight? I don't want him to be an imposition."
"Of course," Regina assured.
"I'll repay the favour. If you ever need Henry watched while you go for a job interview or something, just let me know."
Regina thanked her for the offer, mind already whirring as she began to wonder whether she and Emma could at last spend some time together alone, outside the shelter. Much as she liked the snatched moments they got in Emma's office, Regina was soon tiring of the awkward secretive nature. Sure, there was something thrilling about being pressed gently up against the blonde's desk, hands running up and down her thighs as lips melded against her own, but she needed more. She needed more of Emma, in fact. And she was eager to experience the blonde away from the shelter too.
There had been a marked difference in the other woman when they were at the zoo. Regina had noticed how the blonde's grip tightened in her own when they reached large groups of people, loosening again as they regained some space. Emma too was reluctant to talk to strangers, prompting Regina to be the one who bought their tickets and ordered their ice creams. The counsellor's confidence and composure in the shelter, where she so clearly felt in her element, faded as she stepped out into the harsh, bustling real world.
It was interesting, intriguing and something Regina wanted to understand. Beyond that, there was something deep inside her that wanted to help Emma. She didn't even know if that was the right thing to think. Did Emma need help? But Regina felt the urge to, in any way possible, make the blonde feel more relaxed and comfortable wherever they were.
By the time they got back to the shelter, Regina had a fully formed plan of where she wanted to take Emma on their upcoming date. She had only been half listening to Marian as they returned to the shelter and waved the woman off with a vague "see you later," as she approached the reception desk.
"Hey Ursula," Regina smiled at the dark-skinned woman who was sat behind the desk.
"Regina, hi," Ursula replied. "How is everything going? I've not seen you for a few days. How is Henry finding his new school?"
"He's enjoying it, for the most part," Regina said. "This morning he was a little reluctant but it's Monday, so I understand."
Ursula laughed. "Yeah, I feel you. Mondays suck."
Regina nodded but as she did so, she wondered when she would be in a position to complain about Mondays. When would she be able to start applying to jobs? Her CV was lingering, half-finished on the shelter's laptop. "Is Emma here?" she asked, glancing past Ursula to the closed office door.
"No, Mondays are her day off," Ursula replied. "But can I help? Or do you want me to pass on a message?"
"It's fine, I'll catch her tomorrow," Regina said, hoping the disappointment she felt wasn't obvious. She had forgotten that Emma didn't work Mondays. In fact, it was the day Emma went to see Archie. To talk about her, them, their past.
"Are you sure you're ok?"
Regina blinked, refocusing on the concerned face before her. She had zoned out, eyes glazed over as she stared at Emma's office. "Yes, I'm fine. Sorry, just thinking about, um, my CV. Emma was going to help me get it finished this week. Am I able to use the laptop to do what I can then she can help me finalise it next time she's free?"
"Of course," Ursala replied. "Do you know which one you saved the document to?"
Nodding, Regina recounted the make of the laptop and Ursula quickly retrieved it from the little stash of computers which were locked away in Emma's office. "Remember, there's no internet connection on this. Security issue. But if you need me to look anything up, just ask. I'm not as good at Emma at writing these things but I can help with some basics if you want to run anything by me."
"Thanks," Regina replied, tucking the machine under her arm and heading towards the common room. Five minutes later, a fresh mug of coffee beside her, she opened up the laptop and began her task.
Knees tucked up under her chin, arms wrapped around her shins, Emma regarded her therapist, considering his latest question carefully. The man waited patiently for her answer, fingers poised in a steeple grip as he leaned back in his own chair. He knew the question was heavy, the answer perhaps more important when it came to defining the blonde's relationship than she realised. Was it too much? Had he pushed too far? But even as he wondered whether the question should have been saved for next week's session, the woman in front of him began to nod.
"Yes, I think I have," Emma said eventually. "At least, I've forgiven the Regina I know today. The woman who's staying in my shelter, the woman I'm dating, I've forgiven that version of Regina. But I'm not so sure about seventeen-year-old Regina. I understand her, I guess. Talking to Regina over the past few weeks, understanding, in a way, what she was going through with her sexuality, I get it. But I can't really forgive her for what she did to me. No matter what's going on in your private life, no one has the right to treat another human the way she treated me."
"And, moving forwards with this relationship, do you think there is enough of a separation between these two Reginas?"
"I think the fact that I am dating her answers that question. I'll admit there was something between us back in high school but whatever I felt that night we kissed could never have amounted to anything because of our history. Now, with distance, with the changes we've both experienced in the decade since, we're two different people. Most of the time I don't associate the Regina I knew back then with the Regina I know now."
"Most of the time," Archie repeated. "But you do sometimes?"
"On occasion. Like when she laughed at me last week. It's little things like that, I guess they're triggering. They remind me of who she used to be, what she used to do. But when she realised I was upset, she was a completely different person to seventeen-year-old Regina. She was so apologetic and I could tell she regretting the fact that she had caused me pain. That was something I never saw back in Maine. She's a different person now. I'm a different person. And I think, I hope, that means we have a chance. What … what do you think?"
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Emma realised she didn't want to know the answer. It was her relationship. Hers and Regina's. Archie didn't get a say. He didn't get to judge them, to announce whether he thought they would succeed or fail. But she'd asked now; she had to listen to the answer.
"I think you are one of the most remarkable, compassionate and open-hearted people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, Emma."
Green eyes widened in surprise. What did that have to do with Regina? Archie smiled as he saw his patient's reaction and continued to clarify what he meant.
"Your capacity for forgiveness, your willingness to look for the good in everyone, your ability to recognise that, as humans, we all make mistakes and do things we regret and can evolve to become better people. It's rare, Emma. And I think it's probably one of the reasons you're so good at your job. There's no judgement, no assumption. You take people as they are, in the moment, and treat them with kindness and respect. I'm not saying Regina doesn't deserve a second chance with you but I do think she's lucky that you are someone who thinks in the way you do. Few people would be as forgiving."
"So you think … I mean, are you saying … What are you saying?" While she understood everything her therapist had said, Emma was struggling to understand how the glowing report of her personality was related to her relationship with Regina.
Archie smiled gently. "I'm saying I'm very happy for you and Regina. Whatever's between you, it must be something very special for you both to be working to overcome your shared past. And if you're both committed to working through an obstacle as seemingly insurmountable as this one, then I'm confident the two of you have a long future ahead."
That evening, over a meal carefully prepared by Ruby, Emma recounted parts of the conversation she had had with her therapist, keen to get Ruby's perspective as someone who knew her so well and had also seen her with Regina.
"Yeah, that make sense," Ruby nodded, spearing some more food onto her fork. "I don't know if I could forgive Brad Turner but you're a better person than me."
"Who's Brad Turner?"
"Some little prick who bullied me in primary school. He used to think it was funny to tie my shoelaces to the chair legs and then pull up my skirt when I fell over. But if he walked into my life tomorrow, I wouldn't be asking him out on a date. In fact, I may punch him in the face, belated payback for being a misogynistic dick."
"It's different," Emma reasoned. "I mean, it is different, right?" Suddenly, Emma wasn't so sure.
"Yes," Ruby assured. "Yes, it's different. I've seen what you and Regina had. And while I didn't see what she was like in high school, from what you've told me, her behaviour sounds like it was more in response to her own confusion about being gay. Or however she labels herself. She saw someone who was confident and comfortable with their sexuality and that made her angry at herself for not being able to accept her feelings. It's not a defence; a little bit of me will hate her for what she did to you. But I can't deny that she makes you happy. It's obvious to anyone who sees you together."
Emma couldn't stop the smile from spreading over her face. "She does make me happy. And most of the time, I don't even think about our past. But sometimes I do and it's like I've been kicjed in the stomach. How can emotions be felt physically? Isn't that weird? The way a thought in my head can translate to my tummy."
One of the things Ruby liked most about her friend was the straightforward way she saw the world. And so often Emma made wonderfully valid points Ruby hadn't even considered until the blonde pointed it out.
"You're feeling some pretty big emotions," she shrugged. "It's normal, don't worry. And as long as most of the time you are happy and those times when you're not grinning like a loon aren't making you want to break up with Regina. I mean, that's not how you feel, right? When you think about Maine, you don't suddenly want to run away from her and have her out of your life again, do you?"
"No, I don't feel like that at all. I feel like I want to explain to her how she made me feel back then, how her actions hurt me, how they affected me."
"Have you two ever talked about your past in such frank terms?"
Emma shook her head, knowing instinctively what Ruby was going to suggest next. But the redhead seemed to realise words weren't needed. Emma knew what had to happen. She knew she had to address these lingering feelings with Regina head on before their relationship could progress any further. Sure, the two of them had touched on the subject, awkward mentions of how their past had influenced the women they had both become. But there was yet to be a direct, upfront conversation between them with this new dynamic. Emma was yet to tell her whole truth.
"Well, maybe next Monday evening you can return to your usual bailing habit of leaving me to eat alone and meet Regina at the shelter to talk."
"No," Emma said shortly, mind made up. "I can't wait that long. Tomorrow. I'll talk to her about it tomorrow."
A/N: I may or may not get a chapter up on Sunday. It's my grandad's 100thbirthday party and the weekend is pretty jam packed with activities but if I can squeeze in a few writing hours, I will!