A/N: So, I guess I should officially say I'm only updating this once a week now. Being back home after 5 years means I have a lot of catching up to do with friends and family. Plus it's summer and sunny for once in the UK so I'm not spending my evenings on my laptop. So, from now on, updates are Sundays only – I hope that's ok. I'll try to make them a minimum of 4,000 words to make up for the shortfall. The first part of this is a lot of emotion and thought but get through it and you'll be rewarded!

Regina walked behind Henry and Roland, tuned out of the conversation the two boys were having on their way back from school that afternoon. She'd been tuned out of everything around her since Emma had left her bedroom at lunchtime, the revelations swirling around in her head, endless and all consuming as she struggled to come to terms with what she had learned.

Guilt had been the first emotion she felt, understandably. But there was also myriad more, including anguish for what Emma had gone through, irrespective of who or what caused it. She hated the thought of Emma being upset or in pain and regretted not only that she was the reason but also that she could do nothing to take that pain away. The idea of Emma being upset made Regina instantly want to protect, to make everything better. The fact that she was the cause just made it even harder to come to terms with.

And then there was disbelief. She was in awe; stunned at the fact that even after everything, Emma seemed to be willing to give them a chance. She had, somehow, forgiven Regina. And now she was asking Regina to forgive herself.

That seemed like an insurmountable challenge. Regina already hated herself for what she had done to Emma. Now, with the true depth of the pain revealed, how was she ever supposed to come to terms with that? And then there was the fact that the conversation had brought up all the other memories of high school. Alongside recollections which made her squirm with embarrassment and shame at the way she had treated Emma, there were also memories of self-hate.

Unlike Emma, Regina's hatred came from within, rather than pressures from outside. Her refusal to accept herself, to accept her sexuality had been something she hadn't truly faced. The one night she had allowed herself to feel, to admit that she was attracted to women had ended in her destroying Emma's self-esteem and turning the spark she felt between them into a joke. All further sexual interactions with women had been at college, fuelled by copious amounts of alcohol. Each morning, after what were only ever one-night-stands, she'd tug on her discarded clothes and creep from the room, her gut twisting in discomfort at what she had allowed herself to do.

The irony was, she didn't know where such distain for her sexuality came from. Her parents had been liberal enough and they doted on their daughter. Had she come out to them, she was confident they would support her. Perhaps it was high school and the way in which the few 'out' students were whispered about, although few experienced ongoing bullying. Except Emma. And that was led solely by Regina and her friends.

"Henry, Roland, hold my hand please while we cross the road," Regina said, on autopilot as they reached the crossing, not far now from the shelter.

As soon as they reached the far side of the road, each boy dropped the woman's hand they had held and hurried on ahead, recommencing their conversation and allowing Regina to delve back into her thoughts as they mad their way home.

Yes, Regina had known she was attracted to women, but it was only under certain circumstances that she would allow herself to indulge in her sexuality. And then college was over and she was back in Maine, accepting a proposal of a man she barely knew. She could never regret the marriage because that would mean regretting Henry. But she had always wondered why her father had agreed to it. Leo was his business partner, for goodness sake. Surely her parents were not comfortable with the age gap between them. But they said nothing and the wedding went ahead and she slipped into married life, conforming to all those societal norms which were mirrored in every mundane home in their suburban street.

Her attraction to women wasn't forgotten but she was married. Regardless of how she felt, she was married to Leo. Even as their marriage disintegrated, she never considered straying. That wasn't something she would ever do to a partner, no matter how bad the relationship became. And perhaps her sexuality, or the label she occasionally had toyed with in college after copious shots of tequila, became less important, fading into a part of her past which was no longer relevant.

Until it was. Until she saw Emma. Until she stood in the spot she stood in now, pressing the entry code on the intercom and herding Roland and Henry back into Swan's Shelter. Everything changed for Regina the night she stepped over the threshold, although she didn't know it at the time. It changed in a different way to the colossal upheavel leaving her husband had been. That had been necessary; for her safety and Henry's. The change Emma inspired in her was different. Better, perhaps. But scary. With Emma before her that first morning, and those familiar green eyes she had tried to forget over the past fourteen years, she was forced to remember herself, remember who she had been, who she hadn't been.

"Mom, Roland's having for pizza tonight. Can I go?"

Pulled back to the present, Regina snapped her gaze from Emma's closed office door to her son who was stood in front of her beside the door which led to the back of the shelter. "Um, maybe. Have you been invited?"

"Yes, Mom told me I could ask Hen to join us," Roland piped up. "Can he?"

"It's a Tuesday," Regina frowned. "You've both got school tomorrow."

Roland shrugged as if to say, 'not my decision', and then turned to the door they were waiting for Regina to open.

"Let me speak to your mom and we'll decide," Regina said eventually, aware that Marian would finish her shift at four and be back at the shelter shortly after that. She now often picked Roland up from school to cover the woman's work life. Briefly she wondered when she too would get a job and realised she still had to complete her CV before she could start applying for work. Maybe tomorrow, she mused as she entered the security code and the buzzer sounded the door's release. Roland and Henry pushed through and raced off down the corridor, followed by Regina.

As the door to the rear of the property shut behind her, Regina didn't see Emma appearing from her office to speak with Ella.

'How do you reply to a text about your friend's gran dying?'

Emma scanned the Google results for her phrase, tapping a pen against her bottom lip as she did so. Picking an article which looked fairly reputable, she began to read, glancing every now and then at Ruby's most recent text to make sure each section was relevant.

It was times like these when Emma wished she better understood emotions. She understood how she herself felt; that was why she had been so effectively able to verbalise her past with Regina that lunch time. Emma had spent months, years, of her life working on herself and understanding how she felt, why she felt how she felt and what to do with the feelings she had. But other people's feelings? They were a little more complicated.

She had considered calling Ruby to speak with her but the prospect of saying the wrong thing to her distraught best friend made her decide against that. So she chose to text a reply. The problem was, she didn't know how to. And so Google had come into play, the endless source of information, both reputable and not so reputable, helping her to craft a message with the right tone.

Ten minutes and several rewrites later, she pressed send. Looking up at the clock, she saw that it was almost the end of Ella's shift. And, she noted, time for dinner. Standing up and stretching, she made her way through to the main reception area.

"You can head off if you want, Ella," she offered. "It's quiet and I'm staying all night."

"Are you sure? You've been working all day. I bet one of the other girls would cover if you asked."

Emma nodded. "I know but I'm fine. I told Ruby I'd do it. Enjoy the rest of your evening. Say hello to Alex for me."

Assuring her boss that she would pass the message onto her daughter, Ella gathered her belongings and left, waving goodbye as she did so. As soon as she had disappeared, Emma locked her office and headed into the back of the shelter in search of some food, trying to remember what she had in the stock cupboards which the women used. She hadn't expected to be at work over dinner and had therefore not planned a meal. Before she reached the kitchen, however, she met Marian.

"Hey, how's the job going?" Emma asked, not having seen the woman much since she had started working at the hotel."

"Great," Marian smiled. "I'm just about to order some pizzas with my first pay check actually. Do you want in?"

"I wouldn't want to intrude," Emma said at once.

"Nonsense, Regina and Henry are joining too. We were going to go out but since it's a school night, we decided take out was easier for the boys."

"Oh, um, ok," Emma replied.

"Great, what do you want?"

"Margherita please," Emma said, deciding to play it safe.

"On it," Marian said. "Regina's watching the boys in there." She jabbed her thumb over her shoulder in the direction of the common room. "I'm just going around the corner to that little Italian to order it. I'm sure Regina wouldn't mind you waiting with her. I'll be back as soon as possible."

As Marian hurried away, Emma suddenly wondered if Regina would mind. She had suggested dinner with the brunette that night but it was an option; a choice which was Regina's to make. And now Emma had gotten herself an invite to a meal with Regina and her friend and their sons, all but forcing Regina to speak with Emma when, in fact, the woman may not want to even see her.

"Shit," Emma muttered to herself. But there was no backing out now. One, two, three, four, five, pause. One, two, three, four, five, pause. She took a deep breath and continued her walk into the common room.

Henry waved at her as soon as she entered, almost as if he had been watching for her to arrive. Regina looked up from a book she was reading. There was a pause and then a brief smile. Emma forced a grin in return, waved at Henry and then headed to the kitchen. If Regina wanted to speak with her, she should have the opportunity to approach Emma rather than the blonde plonking herself down beside her and forcing the conversation.

She found some long life apple juice in the cupboard and two lonely ice cubes in the freezer. Juice and ice in a glass, she set about refilling the tray.

"Hey."

The plastic tray clattered to the bottom of the sink, the water splashing out of its little capsules.

"Hey," Emma muttered, glancing over her shoulder to see Regina. "Sorry, hang on."

Regina nodded and leaned against the counter as she watched Emma refill the tray and then carry it carefully over to the freezer, walking slowly so as not to spill any water on the floor. Once in place, she straightened up. There was a pause. Unseen by Regina, Emma closed her eyes and mouthed: One, two, three, four, five, pause.

"Hi, sorry. How was your afternoon?" she asked as she turned around.

"Full of thoughts," Regina said with a coy smile. "Yours?"

"I had a lot of work," Emma admitted. "Ruby's granny isn't going to make it."

"Oh, I'm sorry Emma," Regina said, immediately forgetting the emotional ordeal she had been going through. "How's Ruby?"

"Not great," Emma said. "This is her only family member."

"God, that's so hard," Regina sighed. "If there's anything I can do, please tell me."

"Thanks," Emma replied, realising that she'd texted very similar words to Ruby minutes earlier. "Um, so, Marian kinda asked me to join you guys for pizza. Is that ok? I mean, you've had a day full of thoughts. Do you want me to join or -"

"Yes," Regina interrupted. "Yes, I want you to join. In fact, I was going to come and find you as soon as Marian came back with the pizzas. I'm not really hungry and, well, we need to talk."

Emma swallowed thickly. "Is that the 'we need to talk' which ends things?" She might not be great with other people's emotions but she'd watched a lot of television.

"No," Regina said at once.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Emma nodded and smiled. "Good. Because I don't want things to end."

"Me neither," Regina said, glancing around and making sure no one was close enough to overhear them. But with the television on in the background and the common room fairly empty since it was still quite early for dinner, they were in no danger. "But we do need to talk."

"After pizza?" Emma suggested. "My office?"

"I'll meet you there after Henry's gone to sleep."

The next two hours dragged. Marian seemed to take forever to return with the pizza, during which time Emma worked in her office and Regina watched some colourful cartoon with the boys. Then the pizzas seemed to take forever to eat, particularly for Regina who wasn't very hungry. Henry deliberated over which story he wanted read to him for well over five minutes. And then insisted Regina read it to him again when she reached the end and he was still wide awake. Eventually, however, his lids dropped closed and she eased herself off the bed. With Marian having promised to keep an eye out for Henry, Regina checked her make-up in the small mirror on the back of the door, dimmed the light and slipped from the room.

Emma called out for her to enter as soon as her knuckles rapped on the wood. Both women were impatient, Regina noted. She turned the handle and stepped inside, closing the door behind her with a soft click.

"Hey," she said, suddenly shy as she saw Emma getting to her feet behind the desk.

"Hey," Emma replied. The blonde made a move as if to step towards the brunette but then faltered. Regina hesitated too. The day had been a lot; her mind was still whirling with thoughts and questions but that didn't stop her body from craving the blonde. After a few seconds, she crossed the room, rounding the desk for the first time and wrapping her arms around Emma. The blonde let out a sigh of relief as she felt Regina embrace her tightly, her own arms coiling their way around Regina's back.

"I'm sorry," Regina whispered. "For everything."

Four words. Tiny and yet huge at the same time. Emma didn't say anything. She just held Regina tighter and buried her face in the silky dark hair. It was Regina who broke their hug eventually, pulling back and sliding her hands to rest on Emma's waist. Wide brown eyes peered up into sparkling green ones.

"I don't know how you did it," Regina sighed. "Forgave me, I mean. After everything, I don't understand how one human can have such compassion for another person who's treated them so poorly."

"I don't understand it either," Emma admitted. "But I know it to be true. The question is, do you forgive yourself."

"I have a lot of things to forgive," Regina said, stepping a little further back from Emma, needing to keep her head straight. "The things I did to you, to myself. I was unkind to many people in my life, you included. But I was also unkind to myself. I hated myself at times, not just for what I did to you but for who I was. Who I am."

"Your sexuality?" Emma asked quietly.

"Yes," Regina nodded. "And I don't know why. I don't know where this lack of acceptance came from. All I know is that when I was a teenager, the idea of being gay terrified me."

"And now? Does it terrify you now?"

Regina shook her head. "Only three things terrify me now. The idea of something happening to Henry. Leo showing up in our lives again." The brunette stopped, eyes suddenly darting away from Emma and focusing on a faint stain on the grey carpet in the corner of the room.

After a few more seconds, a cool fingertip brushed the underside of her chin, coaxing her gaze back up. "What else?" Emma asked when their eyes locked once more. "What else terrifies you?"

"Losing you," Regina said, lip trembling. "And I know that's crazy and it's too big and too fast but, God, Emma, the idea of you not being in my life scares the shit out of me. I don't know why and I can't explain it but I can't imagine my life without you now."

"And you don't have to, I'm right here," Emma said, sliding her whole hand up to cup Regina's jaw as she stepped closer. "I'm right here, Regina."

"But will you always be?"

"I … I can't promise that." Emma admitted. "Just like you can't always promise you'll be there for me. Life is unpredictable and neither of us know the future. But I can promise you that I will always be honest with you, that I will never intentionally hurt you and that I hope our individual paths continue to keep us together. Is that ok? Is that … enough?"

"Yes," Regina nodded. "Yes, it's enough. This is all enough. It's too much, it's more than I deserve, it's -"

"No, don't say that," Emma said firmly. "You deserve to be happy. Everyone has made mistakes in their past. You've made yours. I've made some too. But that's the past and as long as we recognise our past mistakes as wrong and attempt to make up for them, we deserve the chance of a happy future."

Regina reached up and threaded her fingers through Emma's hair which had been released from its usual pony tail. "You're amazing, you know that?"

"People are amazing," Emma corrected. "I constantly marvel at the women who come through my doors. Their strength, their resilience, their love and commitment to their children. And the day you arrived, well, that was something I wasn't expecting and this," she glanced down at the non-existent space between their bodies, "this is amazing too."

There were no more words needed. Regina rocked onto her toes and pressed her lips against Emma's. The blonde slid her hand to the nape of the shorter woman's neck and pulled her closer, feeling Regina's fingernails scrape tenderly against her scalp. Her own played with the soft downy hair which lay against olive skin.

Lips parted, tongues touched, a delicate dance beginning as the kiss deepened. Emma rested her other hand in the small of Regina's back, encouraging the woman's body against her curves. They fit, she had noted during their kisses, the contours of their figures seemingly designed to press tightly against one another. A soft moan left Regina's lips, swallowed by the kiss which was heating up. Emma could feel her body reacting as it always did to Regina but this time was different. There was a need, a hunger which had started, low in her belly, the heat rising steadily.

She turned Regina slightly, pressing the woman up against the side of her desk. This was nothing new, and yet the way she pushed her hips, pinning Regina there, was a little more insistent than before. Regina groaned again, one hand now coming to grasp at Emma's ass, a silent encouragement. Without communicating with anything other than their lips and hands, Emma helped Regina to sit up on the desk, legs now parted to allow Emma to stand in their crux.

A little more space was now between their bodies and yet somehow it felt more intimate. Emma's hands slid up and down Regina's sides, feeling the dip of her waist, the flare of her hips, the dip of her waist again and the slight ridge of the edge of her bra. I wonder what colour it is, Emma's brain supplied as Regina's fingertips slid, for just a moment, under the waistband of her pants. Her core twitched, the involuntary movement sparked by the thought, the teasing, of Regina's hand moving further south.

Thighs tightened against her own, Regina's hips shifting slightly. Was the brunette as turned on as Emma was? Did her body react in the same way Emma's did? Was her heart pounding, her breath catching, her body thrumming with desire? Regina's thighs shifted again, the heel of one leg curling around to rub against the inside of Emma's leg, just below her knee. It wasn't the most erotically charged spot on her body but coming from Regina, Emma's brain short circuited as she felt the warm flesh through … when had Regina taken her shoes off?

"Wait," Emma said, pulling back breathless.

Regina leaned away too, hands splayed on the desk behind her to support her weight as she uncurled her leg from around Emma's calf. The stance pressed her breasts outwards, towards Emma. The blonde swallowed with some difficulty and forced herself to drag her gaze up to hooded brown eyes.

"Not here," she said. "Not yet."

The brunette nodded her agreement. The two of them deserved more than for their first time to be on top of Emma's desk, hurried and fumbled, under stark strip lights with the risk of any one of the shelter's guests interrupting at any given moment.

"Not yet," Regina repeated. "But soon?"

Emma smirked. "Yes. Please, I mean, if you're ready. I don't want to pressure you or anything. We can wait. As long as you want. Just, yeah, whenever you're ready."

Regina chuckled at the sudden insecurity. "I think we've both waited long enough. But, that said, let's wait until there's a bed nearby. Until then, is there any harm in us kissing?"

Before the word was even out of her mouth, Emma was back between her legs, both hands cupping the sharp jawline as their lips fused together once more. A laugh bubbled from the brunette, swallowed by pale lips as she pushed herself up once more and joined Emma's enthusiasm for their resumed kiss.

A/N: This chapter is in honour of my girlfriend who just landed an awesome job (which also happens to be a lot closer to where I live!). You're gonna smash it, G!