A/N: happy Sunday!
Regina walked backwards, trying to get a better look at herself in the narrow mirror. Hands came up to smooth the imaginary creases from her hips, head cocked to one side. The black dress was a little baggier than it had been when she last wore it in Maine to one of Leo's work functions. She hadn't wanted to wear a dress which he had bought for her on a date with Emma but she had no other options. Her packing had not been completed with romantic evenings in mind. Plus, she did love the piece and that night Leo had been too busy talking with business contacts to pay any attention to Regina. As such, the dress wasn't tainted with unpleasant memories as many of her outfits were.
Her fingers trailed up to the low cut neckline. She wore no jewellery. That hadn't been the top of her packing list. Without something hanging around her neck, the outfit looked incomplete. But it would do. It was all she had.
"Mom, where are you going?" Henry asked, appearing in the doorway and hobbling his way over to his bed. He had started walking around the day before, knees stiff from the healing skin and the bruised flesh.
"Just out for dinner," Regina replied. "Where's Marian and Roland?"
"Roland wanted to play on my iPad. Can I take it?"
"Sure," Regina nodded. "But remember you need to be in bed by eight. I've told Marian the same thing so don't go trying to trick her into thinking you're allowed up any later than that."
Henry's eyes went wide with faux innocence as if the thought had never crossed his mind. On more than one occasion, Regina and Leo had returned home well past midnight to find Henry still wide awake, sat beside his babysitter on the couch. Those babysitters were never asked to return and Henry was marched up to bed by his father.
"I won't. Thanks Mom." He crossed over to his bed where the iPad rested beside his pillow and picked it up, gathering up the charger for good measure. In the doorway, he paused and looked back. "You look really pretty, Mom. Like a princess. But in black. So a ninja princess."
Regina smiled at her son and finally finished primping herself in the mirror. "Thank you sweetheart. I'll see you tomorrow morning, ok?"
"Ok, goodnight Mom."
Henry allowed himself to be kissed on the crown of the head before making his way awkwardly down the corridor, trying to avoid bending his knees as much as possible. Regina watched until her son turned into the communal room and then picked up her handbag and closed the door to her bedroom.
"Are you sure you're ready to be back here?"
Ruby looked up and scowled at her boss who was leaning on the reception desk after having finished the shift handover. "I'm fine. Go, enjoy your date."
"I will but if you need anything, call me. I still think this is too soon to be back after your loss."
"Sitting around at home wasn't helping. I want to keep busy. You said you agreed to let me come back so just leave and allow me to do my job," Ruby snapped.
Emma said no more but instead just regarded her friend as she waited for Regina. The redhead's face was gaunt, skin paler than usual and dark bags under both eyes symbolising the lack of sleep she had got since her grandmother's death. Was she ready? Emma thought probably not. Her staff had a generous employment package and it included bereavement leave. Ruby had used three days of it. When Ella's mother had died the previous year, she had been off for two weeks.
"Well, if you decide you want to come home or you need any help, you know how to get in touch with me."
The repeated statement was ignored completely as Ruby focused her attention on the computer. She hadn't been particularly communicative over the past few days and Emma wasn't sure how to help her or what she needed. Already the situation was one which Emma felt uncomfortable with, not knowing exactly how to support her friend. But with the lack of conversations, she felt even more in the dark.
"I can always stay, you know. If you -"
"Fuck, Emma, just go. Get off my back. Anyone would think you were trying to get out of this date with Regina."
"What? Of course I want to go on a date with Regina. Why would you say that?"
"Because you're doing everything possible to try and make me go home. It's as if you want an excuse to stay here. But I'm fine. I want to be here. Go fuck your girlfriend in our apartment and leave me alone, ok?"
"Um …"
Emma jumped off the edge of the desk at the sound of Regina's voice. The brunette was stood, fingers twiddling nervously with the strap of her handbag which was slung over her shoulder. Even as a blush crept up Emma's cheeks at Ruby's words, her eyes trailed greedily down Regina's body.
"Wow, you look amazing," she said. "Sorry about … that. Are you ready to go?"
"Yes," Regina nodded, glancing curiously at Ruby whose back was to her as she sat typing once more on her computer.
"Great," Emma said, grabbing her belongings from the desk and circling around to stand before Regina. "Hi." A quick kiss, short and firm, started their date. Much as Emma wanted to take Regina's hand, she refrained for now and instead led the way towards the door. "Um, Ruby, call me if … you know."
There was no sign that the redhead had even heard her. Emma sighed quietly and opened the door, standing back to allow Regina to pass through first onto the street.
"This way," Emma gestured, falling into step beside the smaller woman. "That dress, by the way. It's gorgeous. You're gorgeous."
"Thank you," Regina replied. "You look beautiful too."
Emma plucked at the white shirt she was wearing, neatly tucked into black pants. "This is just my work outfit. I'll change when we get to mine."
"Well, you always look beautiful," Regina said, not caring if the statement was soppy.
Emma didn't seem to mind either as she just smiled shyly at the woman beside her before reaching for Regina's hand and interlacing their fingers together.
"Is Ruby ok?" Regina asked after a few moments of silence.
"I don't know," Emma replied. "She won't talk to me about it. She says she's fine but I don't think she is. It's too soon, right? She needs more time."
"Maybe. I don't know Ruby well. She came across a little angry but I suppose that's expected after losing the last member of your family. I know I was angry after my parents died. It didn't seem fair. Why them, you know?"
"Yes but Ruby's grandmother was really old. Old people die. Your parents died in a traffic collision. That is unfair. Wrong place, wrong time."
Regina pursed her lips. She knew Emma meant well but the words stung. The blonde had no way of knowing how many times Regina had gone over in her head the 'what if' questions. What if they had left the house five minutes earlier? What if they had taken a different route? What if her father had bought a different vehicle with a higher safety rating? What if the ambulance had arrived five minutes faster?
"Regina?"
The brunette blinked and looked up at Emma, realising that the two of them had stopped walking. "Sorry," Regina said, forcing a smile.
"Are you ok?"
Regina nodded. "Just thinking. I'm fine. So, where's that apartment of yours we're going to fuck in?"
The blonde's eyes widened comically at the salacious comment. "Um, I didn't say anything to Ruby about that. She just … assumed."
"Well, I think she assumed correctly," Regina grinned, leaning in to kiss Emma lightly, a tender promise of what was to come. "So, where is your apartment?"
Emma pointed down the street and the two of them recommenced their steps, appearing outside the building and entering the small lobby. Asking Regina to wait a moment, Emma crossed to the mailboxes and opened her own. Two letters sat inside it. She pulled them out and locked the box. Then she opened it and locked it again. Regina watched the repeated action but said nothing.
Inside the elevator, their fingers interlaced once more. Emma smiled sideways at the shorter woman and was about to kiss her when the door opened on her floor and they found themselves face to face with her neighbour.
"Good evening Mr Costa," Emma smiled at the man as they stepped out into the corridor and towards her apartment.
"Good evening, dear," the elderly man replied as he stepped into the elevator and the doors slid closed.
Emma unlocked the apartment and stood back to allow Regina to enter. As she followed the brunette inside, she noticed that Ruby had not tidied up at all before leaving for work. She wrinkled her nose as the collection of dirty cups and bowls on the coffee table. "Sorry about the mess," Emma offered as she slid the deadbolt across the door. Then back. Then across. Then back.
"It's ok," Regina replied. "Um, the locking thing. Is that part of your autism?"
"Yeah," Emma nodded, throwing her keys into the bowl on the side and dumping her handbag on the table along with the post before holding out her palm to take Regina's bag. "Habits, routines, compulsions, I suppose. It's a bit like OCD in some ways."
"What happens if you don't perform those habits?"
Emma looked up from where she had been stacking dirty crockery. "I don't know. I always do them."
Gesturing for Regina to follow her, Emma led the way through to the kitchen where she deposited all of Ruby's items on the counter. "I'll wash those up in a moment. Would you like a tour?"
"Sure," Regina smiled.
"Ok, well, this is the kitchen. Ruby's a better cook than me but we both do a fair amount. Help yourself to anything, you know, any time you're here. We share groceries."
"Thanks," Regina replied.
"Oh, would you like a drink? Before the rest of the tour," Emma added, forgetting her manners. The first thing you do when someone arrives at your house is take their coat and bags. Then you offer a drink and a tour. That was what Mary Margaret had taught her.
"Do you have any wine? I know the shelter is dry for a reason but I've been craving a nice red for over a week now."
Emma nodded and crossed to the modest wine rack where half a dozen bottles were resting. She pulled out the four which were red and lined them up so Regina could choose which she preferred. The brunette leaned down to read the labels, allowing Emma the opportunity to marvel at how the black material stretched over the woman's pert behind. A sudden urge to press Regina up against the counter bubbled up inside her. Perhaps there was something to Ruby's kitchen sex after all.
So lost in thought was she that Emma didn't noticed that Regina had straightened up and that she had been caught staring. Her face flushed and she looked away. Regina chuckled. "Like what you see?"
Green eyes returned to meet twinkling chocolate. "I like everything about you," Emma confessed quietly.
The gentle words, so honest and sincere, made Regina's breath hitch. And then she stepped forwards, wrapping her arms around Emma's neck and pulling her in for a passionate kiss. Their mouths parted, lips captured one another as Emma's hands splayed across Regina's lower back.
"So, how about that tour?" Regina asked when the kiss eventually ended.
Dark pupils gazed back at her. "Tour, right. Um, did you choose a wine?"
"The Cabernet Sauvignon please," Regina nodded.
Emma set about pouring them both a glass of Regina's choice of wine. Once both women had a drink, Emma led the way back into the living room. "It's usually tidier than this," she confessed, taking in the nest of blankets which Ruby had finally vacated. "Ruby's room is down at the end of this corridor. The bathroom is here," she opened the door and allowed Regina to glance inside. "And my room is here."
"Can I see your room?" Regina asked when Emma made no move to open the last door she had indicated.
The blonde nodded and turned the handle, stepping out of the way and allowing Regina to enter first. The room was spotless. Emma's room was always tidy; everything in its rightful place. But she had spent the previous evening cleaning every surface and making sure the room was presentable. Not that she was assumptive about where this date may end up. Practical, perhaps. In both their minds, sexual intimacy was long overdue.
She watched as Regina slowly moved around her room, finger trailing along the spines of her books before she turned back to the blonde. "It's lovely. Very 'you'."
"What does that mean? How can a room be like a person?"
"Your style, your personality," Regina explained. "The colours. Red, white and black. It's striking and bold. Like you. It's organised, neat. It's, yeah, it's just you, Emma."
"Is that a good thing?"
"A very good thing," Regina smiled. "I like everything about you too, by the way."
The weight of her own words, echoed back at her, felt more significant than they should. The meaning behind them, the true meaning, now hovering on the tips of both their tongues. But instead of voicing those words, Emma crossed the room, depositing her wine glass on her dresser as she passed and scooped Regina into her arms. She kissed her hard, a desperate need to feel the woman overcoming her. Regina responded at once, her own wine glass placed blindly on Emma's bedside table before fingers reached up through Emma's hair, fumbling with the elastic to allow the yellow curls to escape from the pony tail in which they had been contained all day.
Emma's lips pried open Regina's mouth as she felt her hair cascade down her back, tongue exploring the warmth of the other woman. The taste, she realised was becoming familiar, comforting. Fingernails scraped her scalp as Regina pushed her body further into Emma's, flush together as the kiss intensified. And then Regina was moving away, their mouths still connected. Emma's brow furrowed as she felt Regina turn and then their bodies tip downwards. She threw her arms out to catch herself just before she landed with her full weight upon Regina on top of her bed.
Pushing herself up and breaking the kiss, she looked down at the woman now laying beneath her, dark hair fanning out across her white duvet.
"Wait," she panted. "Not yet."
"Oh, ok," Regina said, turning her head to avoid Emma's intense gaze. "Sorry."
"No, don't be sorry. Let's just eat first, ok? This is a date and on a date you're supposed to do something nice together before you end up in bed, right?"
"Are you saying what we might have been about to do wouldn't be nice?" Regina asked.
Tender fingers landed on Regina's cheek and coaxed her head back, so the two women were looking at each other once more. "No, it would have been very nice. More than nice. It will be more than nice. But let's do things in order, ok? I planned to cook you dinner before anything else happened."
"Ok," Regina nodded in agreement, realising that she needed to respect Emma's need for a structure and her desire to stick to a plan. "Let's have dinner first. Can I help you cook?"
"If you like. But I want to change first. You look beautiful and I look," Emma pushed herself off the bed and gestured to her work clothes, "like a counsellor."
Regina laughed and took the hand which Emma held out to help her up. "Ok, you get changed. Can I start any prep in the kitchen?"
"You could chop an onion," Emma offered as she handed Regina her discarded wine. "I'll be a few minutes."
"Don't keep me waiting," Regina smirked, placing a chaste kiss to Emma's lips before sashaying her way out of the room. Emma watched her go, eyes glued to those curvaceous hips until they disappeared from view.
Once alone, she stripped down to her underwear and set about tugging on some skinny jeans. As she buttoned them, her hands ran over her own hips. They could hardly be called curvaceous. She had always been bony, toned and fit but skinny. Her body wasn't classically feminine like Regina's. While Emma understood that women's bodies came in all different shapes and sizes, she herself knew the pleasure of touching a woman who was supple and soft. Would Regina find her pleasurable? Her fingers danced over the hip bones which jutted out slightly. Were they sexy? Or just awkward?
Emma had experienced body hang-ups before at the start of her other sexual relationships but they soon faded. She was confident the same would happen with Regina. But first, they had to be together for the first time. Coils of nerves and excitement at the thought swirled around her stomach as Emma pulled on a dark blue shirt and did up the buttons. She glanced in the mirror and quickly fluffed out her hair before grabbing her wine glass and returning to the kitchen to help Regina prepare their evening meal.
"Mom, can we use your phone?" Roland asked, tugging on Marian's sleeve as the woman leaned against the kitchen counter, waiting for the pasta to cook for the boys.
"No, use Henry's iPad," Marian replied without looking up.
"But it's boring. I've got no new games," Henry argued.
"Then download some."
Roland and Henry looked at one another. They had tried to do that but the App Store had announced that they weren't connected to Wi-Fi. With no more help from Marian, the boys headed out of the common room and down the corridor.
"Emma can help us," Henry declared, walking slowly but with determination. "She's my friend."
"She's my friend too," Roland added, desperate not to be left out.
"Then she will help us because she's both of our friends," Henry said as he reached up to the door handle. It was annoyingly high but if he stretched up on his tiptoes, his fingers just about reached. But he couldn't twist it.
"We need to work together. Teamwork. Mom says it's important to work as a team. Lemme give you a piggy back," Henry suggested, turning around and offering for his friend to climb on. Roland jumped up, positioned himself on the boy's back and reached up.
"Move back a bit," he instructed the Henry so that he was in the right position. The couple of extra inches he had gained were enough and the door clicked open.
Triumphant, Henry staggered through before letting Roland slip from his back. They rounded the corner and saw Ruby sitting behind the desk.
"Hi Ruby. Is Emma here?" Henry asked.
"No, she's out."
Henry and Roland looked at one another. Ruby looked strange. Her eyes were really red and she was staring at her cell phone. Maybe she was playing a super cool game, Henry mused.
"Can we have the Wi-Fi password?" he asked. "We want to play a new game."
Without looking at them, Ruby held out her hand. Henry stepped forwards and handed over his iPad. Ruby quickly located the settings and typed in the string of numbers and letters. "There," she said, handing it back.
"Thanks. Um, can you open the door for us? We can't reach."
Although he and Roland could open the door handle on the inside if they worked as a team, entering the code which their moms always used was more complicated because it was much higher. And neither boy knew the code.
"Sure," Ruby said, standing up with her gaze still on her phone and walking to allow the boys entry back into the shelter.
"We should get whatever game she's playing," Henry said as the door shut behind them. "It must be really good because Ruby didn't even look at us. I bet it's a game with lots of elephants in it."
"Or monkeys," Roland offered.
"Let's look for a zoo game," Henry declared as the two of them marched back into the common room just as Marian was draining their pasta.
"This looks delicious," Regina said politely as Emma presented her with the plate at the small dining chair in the living room, a white tablecloth, three flickering candles and polished silverware adding to the ambiance.
"Well, you helped make it," Emma pointed out as she sat down in front of her own dish and topped up Regina's wine. "Thank you by the way. This night was supposed to be me cooking for you."
"Team effort," Regina smiled.
Emma nodded and raised her glass. "To being a team."
A soft chink from their glasses and both women drank to the toast before digging into their meal. The conversation flowed, as it always did between them. They were, despite everything, comfortable in one another's company. Topics of conversation were varied but always carefully avoided their shared history in Maine or Regina's subsequent life up there. But they talked about college and their early childhood, the shelter, hobbies and all other subjects which were typically addressed by people during the early phase of a relationship.
Emma knew she needed to speak with Regina about her husband before anything physical happened between them but over dinner wasn't the time. She didn't want to mar the event with dark memories. So she steered clear anything related to Leo, except for Henry. She loved listening to Regina talk about her son, the woman's devotion to the boy evident and breath-taking. Emma hadn't given much thought to whether she wanted to be a mother herself. She'd spent enough time protecting women and children at the shelter and wasn't sure if she would be able to do her job if she also had her own child to care for. But seeing the way Regina's eyes lit up at the mention of Henry, Emma started to wonder whether that sort of love was something she did want in her life.
Plates clean, Emma removed them to the kitchen, returning with some early season strawberries which had been marinating in some sugar during their main course. Spooning them out into clean bowls, the two of them tucked into their sweet dessert.
"You've got some juice there." Regina pointed to the blonde's chin.
Embarrassed at her messy eating, Emma quickly wiped her face with the napkin. "Sorry."
Regina ignored the unnecessary apology and instead pushed aside her empty bowl. "That was all delicious. Thank you so much."
"You're welcome."
"I'd like to cook for you some time."
"You have cooked for me, at the shelter."
"Yeah but this is different. I mean, this is a proper date. The shelter is still somewhere we have to hide our relationship. I want to wine and dine you, treat you like my girlfriend. I can't do that in the shelter."
"Does that bother you?"
Regina shrugged. "I understand why we're hiding our relationship."
"That wasn't my question."
Letting out a sigh, Regina nodded her agreement at that. "Yes, it bothers me a little. I really like you Emma and I want to be able to be in a normal relationship with you. I understand your hesitation and I do think we need to be careful about how this comes out. But it is going to come out. I just don't know if I want to wait until I move out for that to happen."
"Why not?"
The fear which Regina had harboured bubbled up and she didn't hold back. "What if this, us, only works when I'm there? What if, once Henry and I get our own place, we don't see each other every day and whatever it is that we have fizzles out?"
"Fizzles out?"
"Fades, goes away. What if we're only together because I'm there in the shelter and it's easy for you because you're there all the time and I'm convenient? Once I go, I won't be convenient any more and you'll have to make time for me, and Henry. The fact that we're secret makes me feel that, I don't know, perhaps you're holding back?"
"Regina, no, that's not what this is."
"Then what is it? Why can't people know about us?"
"Because you're a client," Emma shot back. "Shit, Regina, can't you see how unethical this is? I'm your fucking counsellor."
"No, you're not. Belle is. You're a … you're someone who's helping me. Someone I've known for over a decade. Why can't we at least start talking about how we tell people?"
Emma hung her head. She had known this conversation was coming and she didn't have an answer. "I don't know what people will say. I don't know how they'll react."
"Does it matter?"
"Yes, it's my job. My livelihood. My profession. How this comes across is important. I can't be seen to have taken advantage of you."
"You haven't," Regina insisted.
"I know that. But other people won't understand. I just … I need a little more time, ok?"
Regina leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. "Yeah, ok. But just for the record, this sneaking around stuff is hard for me."
"I know, it's hard for me too. And, for the record, when you and Henry do move out, I will find the time for you. I will always find the time for you, Regina. I know this is new but you're a really important part of my life and you are certainly not just convenient. Hell, I don't think much about our past could be considered a convenient start to a relationship. We're together because we care about each other, right? That's not going to change when you and Henry leave the shelter. In fact, I can't wait for you two to move out so that we can be in a real relationship."
"We could be in a real relationship now," Regina pointed out.
"We are in a real relationship," Emma said, correcting her earlier statement as she reached out and laid her hand palm up on the table, waiting for Regina to take it. "This is real, Regina. And I'm not putting my career before us but I am having to balance the two. Do you understand that?"
Regina hesitated before placing her hand in Emma's. "Yes, I do, you're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get angry at you. It's just hard sometimes. I want to be with you all the time but I can't be."
"Not yet, but one day." Emma lifted their joined hands and pressed a kiss to Regina's knuckles. Butterflies erupted in Regina's stomach. "One day, soon."
"Promise?" Regina asked.
"I do promise," Emma nodded. "Let's talk about it properly tomorrow at the shelter. We'll put a plan in place. Maybe meet with Belle and see what she thinks."
"Ok," Regina agreed. "Thank you."
"Of course," Emma smiled. "I want you to be happy, Regina. You deserve that."
"You make me happy. And I know what would make me really happy tonight," Regina hinted, sliding herself out of her chair and coming to stand above Emma. Craning her neck down, she kissed the blonde's lips which still tasted faintly of strawberries. "So, according to your date schedule, what's next on the agenda?"
Emma laughed and stood up, Regina stepping away to make room for her. But the blonde pulled her closer, fusing their lips together once more and beginning to guide the two of them towards her bedroom door. She fumbled the handle open, crossed the threshold and kicked the door closed with her heel, just as Regina's fingers began to unbutton her shirt, tongue dancing with her own.
Five hundred miles away, the door to Regina's former home in Maine slammed shut too. Seconds later, gravel sprayed from beneath a car's tyres as the driver accelerated out of the driveway.
A/N: next chapter will be M rated…