When I saw Aubrey's expression I got the feeling I had said something I shouldn't have said. But when they told me what happened that night, more memories came back. They were blurry and I couldn't place them.

However the memory of me and Aubrey kissing was very clear. It came to me like it happened just now.

I needed time alone to think about it and I excused myself.

I lay on my bed when I thought about what had happened in my freshman year.

"Beca can I have a word with you? Aubrey looked at me like she was ready to kill me. I don't know what it was but she seemed to really hate me. And for me it was just easy to push her buttons. We were alone in the auditorium, when she started to nag about Jesse again. We were having another argument about him. She questioned my loyalty to the Bella's. I was sick of it and just wanted her to shut up. I don't know what came over me but I pushed her against the wall and kissed her. She kissed me back. Both confused of what happened I broke our kiss and left."

Apparantly we had never talked about it. Not with each other nor with someone else. Chloe and Stacie had looked at us like we had done something wrong. But we hadn't. It just happened. I didn't feel anything for her like I felt for Chloe.

And then realization hits me hard. I loved Chloe. I always had. Even when I was together with Jesse.

And then some memories came back. That night in Copenhagen. How I found out I was pregnant. How scared I had been. How I ran away when we got back from the World's.

The day I gave birth to my triplets. I had been alone in that hospital and scared. The way they had looked liked mini clones of the women they were named after. The day brought home Aubrey first and then Stacie. And three weeks after they came home, I could bring Chloe home.

How hard and difficult it had been to take care of three new born infants on my own. How tired I had been and scared. But proud I had managed it. And proud of how they developped.

The years were I raised them alone. How my girls grew from tiny babies into beautiful teenagers. Their first day in kindergarten. And when they started elementary school. All the way through their high school. All their milestones. The shenanigans they had at school

Till the day my daughter Chloe told me they ran in to an older version of herself. Making me tell them about my past. And about the women they were named after.

The day that Chloe Beale contacted me again after all those years. How nervous I had been when I first met her after sixteen years.

At that moment a lot of memories had come back. But there were still some holes. Things which I asked myself if they were dreams or that they really had happened.

Did the shower thing really happened?

Did Lilly really gave her three kids weird names?

Had I been arrested multiple times?

I looked at my desk were my mixing equipment was. They had brought it for me in hope I would remember something. I walked over and sat at my desk. I opened the program and suddenly I knew exactly what I was supposed to do.

And with that a lot of memories off al the mixes I made in the past. How succesfull they had been during the ICCA's.

But there were still those questions that ran through my mind. I needed answers. So I walked back to the kitchen to ask them about the shower thing.

"Chloe did you really ambushed me in my shower? Or didn't that happen? Was that a dream?"

The three of them looked at me and started to laugh.

"Oh yeah, that definitely happened" Stacie said while she laughed uncontrollably.

"That's how you joined the Bella's" Aubrey said.

"Have I ever been arrested during college?"

"Actually you have been arrested multiple times. Once for the destruction of property. And once for pitch slapping the hell out of a member of the Tonehangers" Stacie said.

"And did Lilly really named her children Legacy Satan, Hades Justice and Jesus Armageddon?"

"Yeah she did. Lilly is quite unique" Chloe said.

"So does this mean your memories are back?" Chloe asked me curiously.

"I am not sure. Some things I seem to remember. But it's blurry and sometimes I don't know if they are true or just a dream" I explained to them.

"But I do remember how much I love you. That I always had loved you. Even when I was with Jesse" I said and I smiled at her.

She looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes of her and her face lit up when she heard my words.

And then I realized how glad I was that Bumper had found me this morning and called Chloe to get me. And how stupid I had been to leave my children behind. And Chloe. And the rest of my aca family.

Wait what?! Did I really thought that? Where the fuck did that come from?

But I knew I owed them an apology. And a simple sorry wouldn't do.

In the next couple of weeks all my memories returned and I was back. My daughters and the Bella's were extremely happy to have me back. But no one was more happy than me. It had been really scared to live while not knowing who you are. Or live without memories. Memories are what made a person the way they are. That was the one of the most important lessons i learned the past months.

The most important lesson I learned was that I had loyal friends who were there for me no matter what. And that they were more than just friends. They where my aca family.

This weekend my aca family would throw a party to celebrate that my memories returned. And I had thought of the perfect way to thank them for being there for me and my girls.