Chapter 11: Don't Let the RED Bug Bite
As IF's posse walked over to Compa's apartment, a certain Underling was sneaking her way back to her own. She made sure to take every dark alleyway she could to avoid being seen. At one point, she stopped and looked over her shoulder and found nothing but her own shadow.
"I just hope that broad didn't end up snitchin' on me. Oh, who am I kidding. Of course she did", Underling grumbled.
After taking the time to look around once more, she shoved her hands into her pockets and walked out of the alleyway she was in, into the street. It was a relatively lonely street with nobody outside at this time of the night. The buildings were run down, and some storefronts were boarded up. Several buildings she walked past all had signs out front that once read "For Sale" and now had stickers over them that read "Sold". Several dogs somewhere barked at each other in the background and arguing could be heard from some of the apartments.
Underling walked past a few more buildings with "Sold" signs in front of them before stopping. This building, too, had a sign in front of it, however it was illegible due to someone spray-painting over it. She clutched a key in her right pocket and pulled it out before walking up to the front door of the building. The key turned naturally, allowing her to enter without a hitch.
The mailboxes were beaten and worn, and some of the apartment numbers were scratched off. The stairs creaked as Underling went up, not even bothering to even glance at the rails. She rose to the second floor and stopped at the second door, stopping for only a second that lasted a few seconds. Not wasting another second, she nudged the door open and stepped inside the apartment.
When she entered, she found a letter right in front of the door that read "URGENT" in bold. The apartment was messy and the furniture was mismatching. The kitchen was empty, save for a small pot in the sink. A black bag lied on the floor, filled with fast food wrappers and empty ramen cups. The small, beaten up sofa in the living room was her closet. None of the clothes on it seemed to in wearable condition, either due to being torn up or simply unironed. The TV had a busted antenna over it, tilted at several different angles.
Underling took her hoodie off and slipped out of her boots, leaving both of them on and next to the sofa respectively. In the corner, was a futon that was almost as flat as Nisa. The green haired not-an-elf stumbled onto it and looked up at the ceiling above her. "Well, at least I'm not freaking dead."
"...then I shot myself, but I was still alive! Next thing I knew, some claw came out of the floor and grabbed me", IF explained.
IF was in her PJ's, sitting on the carpet with Nisa and Compa in her cozy, clean apartment.
"Wh-whoa! That's pretty risky, Iffy. It would've been messy if that didn't work", Compa responded.
"M-more like she'd be on the fatty side. I must apologize, IF! I didn't believe your 'turning into pigs' story when you told me about it, but now that I'm hearing the full story, it sounds pretty real", Nisa nodded.
IF looked at Nisa. "Why would I make something like that up?"
"I thought it was one of your chunnibyou dreams or something like that!", Nisa shrugged.
"Oh piss off, Nisa", IF grumbled.
Compa giggled. "That really is just like you."
IF shifted uncomfortably. "I-isn't that pudding supposed to be ready by now?" IF blurted out.
Compa's eyes lit up. "Oh, you're right! I'll go check." Compa got up from the carpet and went off into the kitchen.
IF returned her attention to Nisa. "So what were you doing while your 'pupil' was kidnapped, anyway?"
"Well, remember when I said I had to run an errand?", Nisa began, "I sought out B-Sha and CyberCon so they could help me track down Lid. We ran into some… trouble."
"C-Sha, right?", IF replied.
"Yeah. After we retreated, that's when I went to get you. I didn't want to involve you in my own personal affairs, you see. That wasn't intended to be part of your training", Nisa explained.
"I figured as much", IF shrugged. She leaned back and looked past Nisa, at the window. She took a moment to gaze at the gusts of wind crashing against it before snapping back to reality.
"Pudding's ready!", Compa announced. She strolled back into the living room with three plates in hand, and handed one of them to IF and another to Nisa. She waited until everyone picked up their spoons before picking up her own, and they all chomped down onto it at once.
"Mmm! This tastes great, Compa!", Nisa praised, "If being a nurse doesn't work out for you, you could just open a bakery!"
"Aww, how sweet of you to say that!", Compa smiled.
IF noticed something at the corner of her eye and looked up at the window once more. Her eyes widened when she realized that it was now open. She blinked a few times and did a double take.
"Nisa, was that window behind you always open?", IF asked.
Nisa looked behind herself, at the window. "No clue! I wasn't paying attention to it. Better close it so it doesn't get chilly", she replied. Just after that, Nisa hopped to her feet and the lights went out, leaving the room completely dark.
"Eeek!", Compa shrieked.
"Relax, it's just a power outage", IF said.
"The other apartments seems to still have power", Nisa said, "Did you remember to pay your electric bill?"
"I'm pretty sure I did. Wouldn't want to sleep in the dark!", Compa answered.
"You mean with no power", IF spoke up.
"Never fear! I, Nisa, shall keep you safe from the dwellers of the night!", the heroine called out.
IF sighed, choosing not to continue that conversation. "Maybe a fuse blew out or something. I'll go flip the switch." The brunette took out her phone and used it as a flashlight to find her way to the fusebox.
"I'll look for some candles, just in case" Compa added.
"In the dark?", Nisa asked.
"Just leave it to me. I've got eagle eyes!", Compa reassured. Nisa could've sworn she saw a pair of eyes flicker in the dark, but didn't think anything of it. Compa and IF shuffled around, one more easily than the other. Suddenly, IF felt something slap her right in the forehead before she could flip the fuse switch. Two more "Ow's" could be heard within the apartment before IF could get the power back on.
She felt something on her forehead and took it off. She observed the curious item- a scroll with a crown painted on it- for a few moments before looking around for the culprit. After finding nothing, she returned to the living room to find her two companions looking over similar scrolls.
"Iffy, something creepy is going on in here…", Compa said.
"I'll say. Looks like all three of us got some stroll stuck to our heads", IF replied, "I'm curious. What does yours say? Mine just a crown on it."
Nisa tilted her head. "A crown?"
IF nodded. "Yeah, like royalty."
"Oh, oh! Mine has a dragon! Rawr!", Compa said.
"Mine is some sort of monarch. Like a king, or an emperor", Nisa said, "Let's go with emperor."
"Hm. So, what does the color red, an emperor, and a dragon all have in common?", IF asked.
"Easy! They all refer to the East!", Nisa exclaimed heroically.
"Eh, what's the East gotta do with us, anyway?", IF asked. Before Nisa could respond, IF interrupted. "Don't answer that."
Compa's eyes widened. "Wait! Does this mean there's a…", she lowered her voice, "...ninja in here?"
"No, that can't be. There would be another name in this chapter's title", Nisa answered.
Suddenly, a voice could be heard coming from within the room. "My, my. How clever of you to look over there. As expected from a potential wifey!" The trio began looking around for the source of the disembodied voice.
"Eeep! It's the ninja!", Compa shrieked.
"Calm down. If it were a ninja, we'd probably already be dead", IF reassured.
"Oh, okay", Compa said, "We'd be in pretty big trouble if we did run into a ninja!"
"I hope we didn't just jinx ourselves…", Nisa sighed.
"Hey! Don't ignore me!", the voice said.
"How about we just go to sleep. It feels like it's been days since I've had a good rest", IF suggested.
"Let's!", Compa responded.
"Us maidens do need our beauty sleep…", Nisa added.
With that, they moved to get into their cozy sleeping bags. They snuggled in tight, and wished each other good night, shutting their eyes until the ceiling was out of sight. Nisa, with all her energy, couldn't find it in her to fall asleep, and laid in her sack wide awake. It didn't take long for her to notice the person hanging onto the ceiling in the corner.
Nisa blinked a few times. "...Huh?"
The next thing she knew, the person charged from the ceiling and landed on top of her. Nisa was now being pinned down, and was unable to escape. "Don't play no games with me", the person said, "you owe me a wifey!" Suddenly, a light shined upon them.
"What's with all this racket already? Some of us are trying to sleep", IF scolded, flashing her phone's light at them. She paused for a moment as she saw the sight of someone pinning down Nisa. It took her a moment to process what she was looking at and piece it together with the clues- the scrolls- and react accordingly.
"I just hope you're not doing what I think you're doing", IF scolded.
Nisa's eyes widened with surprise. "Wha- of course not! This isn't what it looks like!", Nisa stammered.
"It can be!", the redhead said with a big smile. She turned around and looked towards the light.
Compa sat up and groaned. "My dream looks the same as the real world… I miss the ones with the angels and cotton candy." She turned to look towards IF, then looked at where she was shining her phone. "Oh, hello! Are you another one of Iffy's friends?"
"Whoa momma!", the redhead cheered, "I count three potential wifeys. Now it's a party!"
IF got up and turned on the light, allowing everyone in the room to lay their eyes on the redhead. IF crossed her arms. "Alright, start talking. Who are you?"
The redhead pushed off of Nisa, eliciting a cough from the flatter girl. "I'm RED! And you three", she pointed to IF, "Are my potential wifeys!"
"Come again?", IF scoffed.
"Wifeys!" You know, waifus! This IS a harem smut fanfiction, right? RED x everyone, baby!", RED smirked.
"Even if this were that kind of story, it would be hard to keep track of four people at once", IF explained.
"Sorry, readers! You're not getting that story this time around", Compa said.
"Or ever", IF added, in a stern tone.
Nisa sat up, still sitting in her sleeping bag. "A-anyway, about that wifey…" she looked up towards IF with an awkward smile on her face, "I kind of set you up to be her wifey."
RED's eyes lit up at the confirmation of who her wifey would be. Her attention snapped to IF.
"You did what?! Nisa, what the- oof!", IF barked, only to be interrupted by RED tackle hugging her.
"Yes! I've finally found a worthy wifey! You're such a cool one, too! This is a real catch!", RED gleamed.
IF tried to wiggle her way out of the shorter girl's clutches, uncomfortably squished against her more well endowed chest. "H-hey, let me go! I never agreed to this!"
"Too late now! You're all mine, wifey! Now, tell me your name and give me some sugar!", RED said as she looked up towards IF. She puckered her lips and started tip-toeing up to reach IF's. IF moved her head away to prevent RED from reaching her own lips.
As IF continued to dodge RED's lips, Nisa got out of her sleeping bag to stand next to Compa. Compa looked at the sight, confused.
"Wait, she wants to marry Iffy? I didn't think Iffy would want to settle down with anyone…", Compa said.
"I don't think think that's what's going on here", Nisa replied.
IF and RED continued their little struggle. "Come on, let go, RED!", IF begged.
"You saying that just makes me want to let go even less!", RED chuckled, to IF's dismay.
IF looked towards Compa and Nisa with her chin up, preventing RED from reaching her lips. "D-don't just stand there! Help me!"
Nisa bowed her head. "Sorry, IF. I did say I would introduce her to someone, so I am honor-bound by this commitment!"
"Um…", Compa said, "RED? Could you let go of Iffy, please?"
RED ceased her assault for a moment and looked towards Compa. "Only if you agree to be my wifey, too!"
A look of confusion spread across Compa's face. "You… want me to become your friend?", she said, "Sorry, but I'm saving marriage for a boy I like."
"Ew, yuck! Suit yourself", RED replied with a look of disgust on her face.
IF moved her hands up and held RED's face. "Listen, I'll be your 'wifey' or whatever if you just leave me alone, alright?"
RED's face lit up. "Alright, that's easy!", she said as she let up of IF. She took a few steps back and pointed towards IF. "Iffy, right?"
IF took a deep breath. "It's IF, actually."
"All caps, just like mine! It's like we were made for each other!", RED exclaimed.
"Wouldn't that be cute…", Nisa shrugged.
IF turned to Nisa. "Don't encourage her."
Suddenly, Compa's eyes lit up. "We should stay up later and play with RED!"
Nisa nodded. "I'm not tired, so…"
"I'll go make some hot cocoa!", Compa cheered, before moving over to the kitchen.
IF sighed at the thought of having her sleep time robbed from her as she moved to set up Compa's console. She turned around to look at Nisa and RED. "Anything in particular you want to play?"
RED nodded. "We could play 'Spin the Bottle'", she smiled as she wiggled her eyebrows.
"How about something less awkward, like 'Truth or Dare'...", Nisa suggested.
"Sure, I guess that wouldn't hurt", IF smiled.
When Compa came back, they got a bottle ready for Truth or Dare. Compa spun first, and it landed on Nisa.
"This outta be good…", IF muttered with a smirk.
"Okay Nisa, truth or dare?", Compa asked.
"Well, truth of course! How could I ever pick anything else?", Nisa replied gallantly.
"Well it'd be pretty boring if you only picked truth!", RED said.
Compa held her chin for a moment. "Hm… have you ever used those goggles on your head?"
Nisa nodded. "Why yes! Just recently I wore them in a pretty lively dungeon. Speaking of that, how did you manage to get through without going blind, IF?"
IF rubbed her eyes. "I had to cover my eyes up. I could barely see a thing back there with all those lights blinking everywhere."
"It made it really easy for me to follow you unnoticed back there!", RED said.
"W-wait, what?", IF said with a surprised look on her face.
After a moment of silence, Nisa spoke up. "W-well, let's see who's next." She spun the bottle, and it landed on Compa. When asked the titular question, Compa picked Dare.
"Hm… I dare you to recreate a superhero transformation!" Nisa said.
"Like from a kid show?", IF said, "I doubt Compa would be able to-"
"Transform! Compa-Iru-Haato! DEEEEEESU!", Compa interrupted, rising to her feet and performing a cute pose before she was enveloped by a beam of light. When the light subsided, she was holding her syringe with one hand and saluting cutely with the other.
IF closed her eyes, embarrassed. "I stand corrected."
"Oh, oh! Your turn, Compa!", RED said.
Compa nodded and spun the bottle. This time, it ended up pointing towards Compa herself. Everyone looked at Compa, who looked around in confusion. "Does this mean I ask myself?"
"Nah, just spin again", IF answered.
"Now hold on there, IF. Let's see where this goes", Nisa said, "Go ahead and ask yourself."
"Okay. Truth or dare! I pick dare. I dare myself to be BFF's with you girls!" Compa said to herself.
IF and Nisa smiled at the thought, but RED didn't look amused.
"No!", the redhead exclaimed, "I ain't getting friendzoned like that!"
"Don't waste your breath", IF muttered to herself.
RED shrugged. "Oh well. I still have my first and best wifey!"
"And who would that be, if you don't mind me asking?", Nisa replied.
"Why, wifey #1 of course! Iffy!", RED smiled as she tried to reach for IF's arm, but fell over when IF moved it away.
"IF? Wait, so after all this fuss, you only really have one wife?" Nisa said in a confused tone.
"...Ack! You're right! I need way more wifeys than this!", RED said in a panicked tone.
"I'm sure you'll find someone", Compa said, "Well, my turn again!" Compa gave the bottle yet another whirl, and this time it ended up landing on IF.
"Dare", IF said promptly.
"Someone's in a rush!", Nisa commented with a smirk.
"No fair! I wanna learn about my new wifey!", RED pouted.
Compa closed her eyes and smiled at IF quietly for a moment. "I dare you to pick truth."
IF's eyes turned into O's of shock while Nisa and RED's mouths turned into C's.
"I-is that even legal?!", IF stuttered.
"Legal loopholes are still legal!", Nisa said with a thumbs up.
"Write that one down, ladies and gents!", RED cheered.
IF sighed. "Fine, fine. I pick truth."
Compa nodded. "Is is true that you don't want to be RED's wife?" To this, RED's face showed confusion as if Compa were speaking with the wrong language text on.
"Talk about direct", IF shrugged. She turned to look at RED. "It's not that I don't like you, or anything."
"Oooh, tsundere! Those are really popular right now!", RED winked.
"That's not what I meant. I mean, I barely even know you!", IF scoffed.
RED blinked a few times. "Well, that's nothing a little dating can't solve! Besides, we're at a sleepover! AMA!"
"Skipping the formalities, huh? Sure, why not?", IF shrugged.
"Tell us about yourself, RED", Nisa said to the redhead.
RED re-adjusted herself. "Well… I'm on a quest to hunt for wifeys!", she said proudly.
IF crossed her arms. "There has to be more to it than that."
"Yeah", Compa interjected, "like, why not look for a husband?"
"Blech! Icky!", RED shook her head.
"Surely that could've been handled more maturely…", Nisa muttered.
"Wifeys for lifey, and that's that!", RED said in an irritated tone, "Can't you see their beauty? Their cute smiles and smooth skin? You don't get that with boys!"
"You'd be surprised", Nisa smirked, "Nowadays, it's a surprise until you reach intimacy!"
"Speaking from experience? Or is this just one of those facts you just know for some reason?", IF said as she glanced towards Nisa.
"N-no comment! This is merely a fact of the times!", Nisa stammered.
"Nisa dates too? Wow, I wonder what kind of guy she's into…", Compa wondered out loud.
"Or maybe she also wants wifeys. I've got dibs on everyone!", RED added.
"W-well, I've got a commitment… to Justice!", Nisa stuttered.
IF smirked. "Yeah, you do come across as the asexual type."
"It's not like that at all…! I mean... wait, no!", the heroine stuttered, trying to get her way out of this confrontation.
"Hm… does that mean she doesn't want to be my wifey?", RED wondered.
Compa leaned in. "I'd think she'd like a really handsome guy who fights for truth and justice and all that… like a superhero! Or a lawyer!", Compa pointed dramatically, " Though my grandpa says lawyers are blood-sucking parasites, so maybe not a lawyer."
"I-I don't feel comfortable talking about this sort of thing!", Nisa blurted out.
"There's no need to be shy! We won't tell anyone", Compa smiled assuredly.
"Heck no! I don't wanna hear about some yucky guys!", RED complained.
IF sighed. "This is going nowhere."
Compa turned her console on. "Well, we could just play some games!"
RED's eyes gleamed with joy. "Oh, oh! I wanna play! It'll increase my proficiency stat!"
Nisa let out a quiet sigh of relief as everyone started to become distracted with the video-games. They continued to play and chat, well into the night…
Elsewhere in a not-so-clean apartment, Underling was looking through a newspaper with a pencil in hand. She skimmed through it until she reached the "Classifieds" section. She crossed out a few circled listings before crumpling up the paper and throwing it into a corner. The girl stood up and grumbled to herself as she headed for the door, picking up the letter with the word "URGENT" written on it in red, bold letters.
She yawned as she walked back over to her futon and dropped onto it. With little grace, she tore open the bulging envelope to see its contents. The first thing she noticed was a sizable amount of credits, explaining the bulge. Her eyes lit up at the sight of it and she grinned.
"Aw, yeah! Free cash!", she smiled. She noticed that there was something else inside the envelope. A letter. "Huh? Oh, I see. Figures. Well… not like I've got any other options."
She took out the letter and turned it over to see if there was anything on the back before starting to read it over. "Let's see here… oh, it's from that rich girl. Compensation, eh? Well, don't mind if I do!"
She continued reading further. "Wait, what the hell's this? She wants me to join her party?", she muttered. Underling lifted her head up and looked around her apartment. "...I guess I ain't got much left here anyway." She set the letter down and started counting the credits from the envelope. "Guess I'm finally ditching this dump."
Back at Compa's apartment, the girls were now passed out after spending hours playing video-games. Everyone was snug in their sleeping bags sleeping soundly. All save for Nisa, who had fallen asleep while playing.
IF was enjoying her rest when she turned to face the other side. She felt something was off, and opened her eyes slightly. Someone was lying next to her, but all she could see was a blur. IF rubbed her eyes and her sight became clear.
"...Back off, RED", IF muttered.
RED chuckled. "It's not wrong to sleep with my wifey, right?"
IF grumbled. "Can't you just give this 'wifey' thing a rest?"
The redhead fell silent, and after a few moments she turned away. IF closed her eyes once more, determined to fall asleep. Before she could escape into dreamland, her consciousness was pulled back by RED's voice.
"You're not the first person I've asked, you know…", RED muttered, "I've tried getting other wifeys before. But they also didn't wanna be mine! I'll… I'll get tons of wifeys!" She turned around to face IF once more and embraced her. "And when I have a bunch of wifeys of my own, I'll be able to look back and thank you… thank you for being my very first wifey!"
IF recoiled and sighed as she was now, once again, in RED's grasp. "...You're welcome."
IF gave in and let RED snuggle her until she finally went to sleep. When IF turned to check if RED was sleeping, she saw Nisa grinning, giving her a thumbs up. Nisa was promptly met with a pillow to the face.
CHAPTER 11… Don't Let the RED Bug Bite... END.