Note at the end.

I floated into consciousness slowly, becoming more cognizant of my body and its state before I did of my surroundings.

First I was aware of a niggling of discomfort that grew as my awareness of the world did, crescendoing into a cacophony of agony. My words were, as usual, less elegant then my thoughts.

"Gah!" Every single breath was labored and I swore the blood moving through my veins aggravated every bruise on me. And I could feel lots of bruises. What hurt more was the memories sliding into place, making me remember my last moments of consciousness. I labored to open my eyes; was this the pain of a new body, a rebirth yet again? Jesus I hope not-let me finally rest in peace.

I peeked through my lashes—nope; there was sensei, peeking at me like a interesting science project, his orange book in hand, but forgotten for the moment. Okay then, same universe, same life, same everything. Which made me flinch a little, memories still clicking into place.

"What happened?" I tried to ask urgently. Instead what came out was a mess of sounds that could charitably be called an attempt at communication.

Sensei seemed to have gotten the message anyway. This is why he was my favorite. He bumped me on the head with the spine of his book and knocked it back into the pillow. I relaxed my head back into the pillow, not having realized I had raised it.

"Maa Kage-chan, you're too excited for someone who just woke up. Relax a little. Where's our lazy Nara?"

Because my eyes where the only part of me that didn't hurt I tried to roll them at him, but I only got like halfway there before I blinked for slightly too long. When I finished my blink, the sunlight that had been in the room was no longer the bright yellow of midday but the softer orange of afternoon. Or morning. Sensei was still there, although shifted to the side, but now there was a doctor in the room as well, fiddling with an IV.

"I hope those are the good drugs." I attempted to speak again. Even though I was still in pain, I had a feeling they were the strong kind of painkillers. Cause oh boy was I having an out of body moment. I tried to wriggle my eyebrows at sensei, but just ended up grimacing.

Sensei look up from his book and quirked an eyebrow at me, humoring me. The doctor frowned down at me.

"You need to stop waking up and rest. Your body has a lot of healing left to go and the faster you go back to sleep, the faster you'll be on the mend." I droned his stern voice out and focused on my teacher.

"Everyone okay sensei?" I was scared to ask, but feigned nonchalance as best as I could in this state. In the back of my head, I had a voice screaming at me: I had failed my teammates. Thankfully, fate had been kind and allowed for help to arrive. Last I remembered anyway. Still, I just needed to know if the anbu had been successful.

Kakashi eyesmiled at me. I found it infinitely reassuring. He closed his book and stood up, getting ready to go. "Ah Kage-chan, you're the worst off of everyone, but I'm off to visit Sasuke next, then Naruto. Everyone's okay…" He reached the door, my gaze following him, each word relaxing me more and more, "…so now you just need to rest and get better. Okay?"

I smiled. Not my normal grin, and not a sarcastic smirk either—more of a pleasant quirk of the lips, quick and ephemeral. Then I went back to ignoring the doctor, shutting my eyes and trying to fall back asleep.

When I woke up next, it was back to daytime. I was still in pain, but the sensation was more vague. My mind felt cloudy and my mouth was dry and my dad was sitting right there next to me. I grinned at him, insanely happy and proud. I had completely forgotten to tell Kakashi sensei.

"Dad, I passed the second part of the exam!" He frowned at my cheerful demeanor, but mom leaned over and whispered "painkillers" so he let it go.

(It probably was the painkillers. I knew the pain existed but holy shit did I feel good. It was like an out of body experience of the best kind. Even better then the last time I'd woken because there was less pain coming from my body and more nothingness. I never wanted to come down from this high, not the least of which was because I was pretty sure I had been cut in two by the grass nin and oh boy was that going to be painful to eventually deal with.)

"Kage-chan, you failed the preliminaries by not attending—" I gasped in horror, but he ignored me and continued on, his face stern. "—but that isn't important right now. What is important is that you tell us what happened to you." Mom grabbed his hand tightly looking at me with such worry in her face. Dad kept his face tight and controlled, but I could hear the tension in his words. I mentally shook my head, realizing how upset mom and dad were.

"Dunno." I tried my best to not come across as insincere. I could tell this was important and so I added to my answer before dad even prompted me. "We were just walking to the room, the big room, with the tiles, and this grass ninja just wanted to fight us. Didn't even say anything really. Not at first, just kind of charged in. Messed us up pretty bad. Later" I recalled. "later she said she'd been looking for us in the forest but that we'd…'disappointed her expectation.'" I struggled to remember the words, before giving up. I shrugged and continued.

"She…uh…well I tried to hit her, she was going for Sasuke, she had just kicked over Naruto…" I stopped realizing my story was all over the place, I was dizzy and out of breath and I was confusing myself. I paused and tried to reformulate my thoughts.

"She hit us pretty hard and Naruto was frustrated. I was trying to support from behind, and Sasuke too, but the grass nin kept going after Sasuke. So Naruto tried to attack him, even had a huge surge of chakra, more then usual, visible chakra even, and grass nin took one look at him caught his punch mid swing. Naruto was moving really quickly too! Maybe faster then I've ever seen him. But she grabbed him and held him by his wrist, and broke it—" my voice trembled here because in the moment there had been no time to react but now my mind kept replaying it over and over again. I shrugged and tried to move one. "—and it broke pretty bad and then she punched him the stomach." I shrugged again—it was an uncomfortable motion and it hurt, but the pain was helping me concentrate over the haze of the drugs so I did it again to focus.

"Shoved Naruto into a wall, he must've hit it pretty hard cause it was all busted. Like the wall was holding him up… anyway," Mom and Dad had their eyes riveted on me. I glanced down at their hands. Mom had dad in a death grip, but dads hands were loose and open; he was kind of like a statue, unable to move. I shrugged again uncomfortable.

"Anyway, he got weird, his neck was stretching and he had this sword and it was in his throat, it was weird but I was trying to move, cause he was going to attack Sasuke, and I was just standing there, useless and this was an opening and then he was there—so fast—I couldn't—I tried."

I gave up on trying to speak, my voice catching in my throat. I distantly noticed I was crying, but the world felt far way and I had tunnel vision and breathing was hard and oh god my chest hurt. And then I was breathing and it was effortless. Sure it hurt, but I didn't have to do anything. It was slow, measured and controlled. I relaxed into it, then felt dad release me from the shadow hold. I struggled to continue the easy breathing he had done for me, but with effort, I maintained it.

I shot a thankful grin to him and mom before turning my gaze back to the blankets which were easier to talk to. "Thanks…." Awkwardly I turned back to dads expectant gaze then turned back. "Then I was out of commission. Couldn't really do anything except watch. The grass nin got even weirder, went and bit Sasuke's shoulder. Then he knocked out Sasuke. Uh then a team from sand came by and helped us out. One of them got scared and ran away, but the other two stayed there. And then I remember the ANBU coming in. And that's about it."

I dearly hoped that if I had to report on this later, I would be allowed to write it down first.(and who was I kidding, of course i was going to need this shit written out in fucking triplicate to every superior I reported to) As far as debriefings go, this was an awful attempt and would normally score a bop on the head from dad for disarray. As it was he just gave me a soft smile, squeezed moms hand and stood.

"I need to report this to the hokage. Kage, speak to nobody about this until you've been cleared by me, the hokage or your sensei.

I nodded tiredly and felt my mom slip her hand into mine as I let myself drift off to sleep.

The same pattern of waking for a few minutes and then falling back asleep persisted. I have no idea how long I was asleep, nor any kind of perception of time.I can only be grateful that I like naps and was unconscious enough to not hate the hospital otherwise I think I would've gone insane.

As it was, the sixth or seventh time I woke up, I decided enough was enough. Shika was sitting in a chair on my left, the same one sensei had taken to being in when I was awake, but he was slumped over, his head pillowed by the blankets at the end of my bed while he slumbered away. I slowly pulled my leg out of the blanket and slipped out of bed. It was difficult. Sitting upright was even harder, but after a few dizzying moments, I swung myself up off the bed on the opposite side of Shika. Thankfully my room was empty like it normally was—I usually had one or two guests and maybe a doctor or nurse as well—with just a sleeping Shika for company. Using the IV stand as a makeshift crutch and cane, I hobbled my way over to the adjacent bathroom. It took much longer then was acceptable and I was out of breath by the time I got there but I was distantly pleased with my self. I checked myself out in the distorted mirror that was hanging in the room. I leaned on the sink while I gazed at myself, catching my breath from the strenuous twenty step journey I had completed.

My face was…not like it had been. It was… swollen and puffy for one thing. I had broken my jaw when I slammed into the wall. I had also received a long cut from the bottom of my right jaw up nearly to the corner of my right eye. It curved just enough that it tucked behind my cheekbones just to pop out again between my eye and eyebrow. I traced it with a finger, noticing how flat it was. Medical ninjutsu to the rescue. Although I might always have the mark on my skin, the medics had saved me from puckered skin that most certainly had originally accompanied the scar. I didn't remember being hit in the face, but I had slid on the ground a couple times, so maybe sometime then I had been injured.

I catalogued my other injuries. My legs were fine—bruised and sore, but uninjured. The most painful part of my body was my chest and abdomen, where I had suffered the worst of my injuries, but my arms weren't entirely unaffected. I had a still healing fracture in my right arm, again from my collision with the wall.

I glanced behind me, reassured that the bathroom door was still ajar, but mostly closed just like I had left it, then lifted the flimsy hospital gown and eyed the ragged scar that bisected my stomach. Here, the medics hadn't managed to avoid skin puckering. There was also a light discoloration between the scarred tissue and the rest of the skin. It was a vicious wound going from my right hip stomach area up into my ribcage, where it had stopped. I traced the pattern of this scar as well, remembering my anatomy from a past life, reconciling it with my self taught lessons in this new life.

This had probably nicked my kidneys. Surely my spleen. Maybe my appendix. Perhaps my ovaries if I wasn't lucky. Maybe my stomach, but my stomach was probably high enough that it was safe in the ribcage's protection. Perhaps it had hit my core, where my chakra centered for justus, but I doubted it, as off center as it was.

I dropped the cloth and brought my eyes back up to meet their mirror counterparts.

"You almost died." I whispered to myself. I switched to English. It felt strange and cumbersome on my tongue. "You almost died again. You were useless. An extra…" That had hurt to realize but wasn't untrue. I had found out from sensei that Naruto and Sasuke were no where near as injured as I was. I had been expendable to the grass nin in a way that Sasuke wasn't. I had been less resilient in a way that Naruto would never be.

"I almost died." I repeated in English, my eyes never wavering from my reflection."That can't happen again."

I nodded to myself in the mirror and stepped back in to my room. Shika was still asleep and the room looked unchanged. Again relying on the IV stand, I moved back over to the bed and grabbed one of the chairs. I rested for a moment before I began my marathon; I awkwardly shoved the chair over to the window. With all the noise, I was surprised that Shika slept through it, but I knew he wasn't faking it otherwise he would've helped me.

Once the chair was by the window, I dropped tiredly into the chair, wincing at the pain to my abdomen. I leaned over the IV stand, dragging it forward by the tube in my arm and fiddled with the flow rate mechanism, forcing it to drop out slightly more of the painkiller for a second before pushing it back into place. It took a few seconds before the medication reached the vein, but once it did, I sighed in relief and relaxed back into the chair watching the hustle and bustle of Konoha go about its day.

I had almost died. But for now I was alive. And honestly, there was nothing more to say for now.

Sasuke and Naruto visited me often in the week before I was released from the hospital. Sasuke kept giving me looks, although I had no idea what they meant, and Naruto kept interrupting conversations to ask me if I was okay.

Between the three of us, I was undoubtedly the worst off, confirmed by an unruffled sensei. Naruto was unfairly in near perfect condition, not even having the shame to look slightly worn out. He was all bright grins and cheery attitude. It was sickening and I couldn't stop smiling back at him and just laughing at his over the top stories even when they hurt my ribs.

Sasuke meanwhile was recovering from internal injures including a ruptured spleen; he'd been hit pretty hard when he was knocked out, but medical ninjutsu was an incredibly powerful force and he was basically already on the better side of recovering. He hadn't been faced with nearly the same amount of blunt force trauma that I had.

Meanwhile I found out from my parents that I had required my spleen be regrown and I'd needed to be pumped full of chakra to preemptively stop my kidney from failing. My appendix had been removed and my large and small intestines had needed to be repaired from the slash. One of my fallopian tubes had been hit as well, but mom had assured me that I was still capable of having children. I just stared at her blank faced wondering what else could have gone wrong. (remember my whole rant about Murphy's law? No way was I falling for that again)

I had asked Sasuke what happened with his neck, but Dad had interrupted me to talk about the medicines I was on while Sasuke gave me another look. (He looked like he was in pain, but I think it was supposed to be a 'significant look'.)

Shika played shogi with me and mom brought me books to read. Naruto told me stories and brought information about what was happening with the exams. Sasuke brought cards and lost to me at every game he attempted.

Sakura came to visit as well, explaining to me what I already knew about my chart, and explaining what I hadn't known about the particulars of my treatment.

Sensei sat quietly with me reading his book. He was waiting for me to start the conversation, but I just wasn't ready. I relaxed in the silence.

I was glad to see everyone-or almost everyone. But I was getting pretty annoyed at being left out of the loop. A loop I was sure Sasuke was in on. Not Naruto, because he was awful at keeping secrets from me. Dad knew—he was jonin commander, of course he knew more then he was saying. Shika wasn't oblivious, but he was willing to let things lie when it wasn't his business.

I wanted to know what was going on. And no one was telling me anything.

Unacceptable.

This had been on my mind for the whole week now, considering he had been visiting me so often. It was only natural after all considering he was a teammate. He should've expected this from me even earlier in the week to be honest. Unfortunately the best time for my ultra embarrassing but long overdue overture was going to have to take place in front of an audience.

It was the evening of the day before I was due to be released from the hospital and Sasuke had been here all day. He had really learned how to use his words between Naruto and his visits to me. The room was full of tension, because dad had been overly stressed every time Sasuke was in the room with me and never wanted to leave him alone.

Which was part of the problem. Dad was here visiting with me, again which was nice because I knew he had to busy with all the foreigners in the village, but also a problem. I couldn't risk Sasuke leaving before dad, but dad had basically taken to guiding Sasuke out even though he never did with Naruto or sensei or anyone else. And so even if this might single handily be the most embarrassing situation of either my first or second life, I needed to do this here and now. In front of my dad.

"Sasuke….I wrote you a ….love note….confession thing. I've never done this before, so I'm pretty embarrassed. So…please don't read it here, it's only going to embarrass me more."

Sasuke looked at me with mixed horror and disgust, but he grabbed the note anyway, gingerly holding it like a weapon of mass destruction. He opened his mouth to say something, probably ask if I had an unknown concussion, but I bulldozed on.

"No, you cant respond yet!" I burned even redder then I already was. Dad was looking between us, alternating worried looks to me and killer ones at Sasuke. He looked baffled, which would have me cracking up under any other circumstance but I was quite literally dying from embarrassment. "My dad's right here, it's so awkward." Dad's frown grew and he looked like he was going to say something. Sasuke looked like a deer caught in headlights, but I really couldn't appreciate the humor in any of this right now. I was absolutely mortified. Which, of fucking course meant that a nurse walked in then and seemed to notice what was going on right away.

She shared a smile with me and started giggling as she went about her duties.I burned even redder.

"TAKE A HINT AND GO AWAY DAD. You too, Sasuke. God this is so embarrassing…" I slammed my head back into the pillow and wished with all my heart to disappear. Rebirth into a new life. I was never going to live this down.

"I'll go home then. You're being discharged tomorrow morning, all things going well, so I'll be back in the morning to bring you home." Dad ruffled my hair gently and kissed me on the forehead, before he turned to leave. "Early morning." He clarified with a glare in Sasuke's direction.

His voice took on a harsher but ultra polite tone. "You can walk me out Uchiha-san."

I heard Sasuke audibly gulp. He mumbled a brief goodbye, still confused about the whole ordeal and hustled out of the room with my dad in tow.

I ignored the spike of chakra I had felt in the ceiling and what seemed like a very pissed off ANBU that was hiding the ceiling.

The nurse gave me another conspiratorial grin. "That Uchiha-san is so nice and polite. He's be by your bedside almost everyday since he was released too you know!"

Spitefully, I spoke slightly louder then necessary, certainly loud enough for anyone spying from the ceiling to hear. "I noticed. What a good friend."

The nurse giggled as she finished up adjusting my IV, then fluffed my pillow and turned to leave, making just one last comment. "And those Uchiha good looks; what's not to like?"

I rolled over, my cheeks burning from embarrassment.

"That was brilliant. But please god never do it again. I am never going to live this down." Sasuke groaned as he climbed in through my window. I flashed him a grin, more comfortable now that the room had emptied out. The room was shadowed in moonlight and the hospital was a steady hum of beeps and equipment that were slowly driving me insane, former career choice or not.

"Never planning on it. You can let me down easy tomorrow and I'll blame the pain killers." Sasuke looked disbelieving. I explained "Once I'm home, I'm even less likely to find out what's been going on. And I'm definitely missing something right now."

Sasuke nodded in agreement as he made his way over to my bedside, dropping gracelessly into one of my chairs. He unfurled my 'love note' and read it over again, then chucked it at my head. I flinched but didn't dodge it.

"I thought over your questions." He gestured to the hastily written scroll, "But I'm not sure what to think. What I can tell you, is what you don't know yet." He leaned in, his chin resting on his hands, his elbows on his knees, his face intense. "I only know somethings because they thought I was worse off then I am. That grass ninja was a sanin." I let out an audible gasp and stared at him.

"Not Tsunade. I've seen pictures of her. But…" I mean the grass nin was a kunoichi. But maybe in disguise… which one…

"Orochimaru." It made sense in a sick way, but it was still like a punch to the gut. He was the only sanin who had truly betrayed the leaf, although all three were traitors in their own way. He had also been accused of experimenting on children. I had no idea whether that was fact or rumor, but if he was after Sasuke—only Sasuke—in that fight. Maybe he had been looking to continue his experiments.

"And the bite on your neck?" My gaze found his shoulder.

Sasuke grimaced and shoved his shirt down to show a misshapen tattoo on his shoulder. "He was trying to lay down some kind of seal, but I had the mesh armor on so…" He trailed off and I nodded eyes wide.

"I didn't think that they would be that helpful."

Sasuke gave an undignified snort. "Yea well, I didn't think I was going to be bitten by some kind of freak sanin." I held back my own snort.

"It wasn't completely effective, but it helped. Sensei had to do some kind of sealing ritual, but he said the fact that it wasn't complete helped out the effectiveness. That's why I spent so much time in the hospital really—I had to recover from the ritual. It was pretty chakra intensive after all that fighting. And that's why I even know it was a sanin. Because everyone was so panicked at first they kept talking in front of me about him."

We fell into a thoughtful silence.

Sasuke hesitated, then leaned in close again. "I think…that they were saying something about his wanting to kidnap me. It makes sense with what he was saying before— in the fight…" He trailed off.

I raised my chin haughtily. "Well then, genius or not, he's pretty stupid huh? You're a ninja of the leaf, no way would he be able to convince you to go to his side. Cause that mini recruitment speech in the tower kind of…sucked." I finished lamely.

Sasuke was quiet for a moment before he nodded. I frowned.

"I mean it. You're a ninja of the leaf. You're a member of team seven. This was a wake up call for sure. But I'm going to treat it as a life lesson. I am going to get stronger from this. And because you're a member of team seven, so will you."

I ended it on an order. He rolled his eyes at me. We sat in a companionable silence for a moment. The moon was high in the sky and the window let in the silver light.

After a brief moment Sasuke spoke up again. "Anyway, he offered power. I've seen how useless that can be without help." He gave me a significant look and I had the shame to blush.

"I'm going to work on it." I snapped. "I know I wasn't good enough. He was just so fast…" I let myself trail off as well, before I shook my head and finished my thought. "Besides it made me realize. I need…something else." I finished lamely again. I knew what I really needed was to talk to sensei

.

Sasuke caught the hint in my tone and didn't ask me anything further. It was still only the early stages of an idea anyway. Instead he tried a different topic:

"What did you think of Naruto and his…weird chakra?" Sasuke hedged. ('Weird' was a great of saying demonic, paralyzing, and petrifying energy that felt like literally nothing I'd ever felt before. But as good a word as any…. then again any word was a good try from the token angsty teen.)

I shrugged. "I have some theories." Sasuke frowned at my nonanswer.

"And they are?" He asked finally after he realized I was going to stay silent.

I grinned at him and it was almost my old grin, only not quite as big because I could feel my face pulling at the scar that traced it. "If I'm right, then I'm pretty sure its treason to say out loud. And the ANBU-san that's in the ceiling is going to have to stop us from talking about it."

Sasuke's head whipped up, but the masked figure melded out of the shadows in the corner of the room, not from above. Sasuke sucked in a breath when he noticed and glanced back at me. I waved my hand at Sasuke's expression.

"You're fine probably. If you weren't allowed to tell me, I'm sure someone would have stopped you. I just don't think dad would've let me find out if he could help it. I mean knowing that I almost died is different then knowing that it was a Sanin and I'm only alive because he wasn't really trying."

"Still, you know how I like to think: better to find out and have all the information to plan properly then to stay in the dark." I explained for Sasukes sake. I ignored the ANBU and Sasuke turned his gaze back to me trying to follow my lead.

The ANBU remained in sight, his presence quiet and authoritative.

We chatted more because I was desperate for information that I hadn't been able to ask for in person. Sasuke was clearly iffy on the anbu presence but I didn't think he'd stop the conversation. Still I eventually sat back as I realized why I had an anbu assigned to my room at all. For Sasuke.

Dad's overprotectiveness suddenly made more sense. Sasuke was being targeted by a sanin, of course he didn't want to leave me alone with him. I'd nearly been killed for being his teammate. Figures dad, genius strategist would completely discount hormones, which explained the blindsided look I'd been shown earlier.

"Honestly… using a love note was a bad idea. I think I'm probably gonna get the talk or something out of all this." Sasuke sputtered and noticed a twitch from the anbu out of the corner of my eye.

Although he didn't say a word, Sasuke and I couldn't forget the masked man was in the room. After a few more minutes of stilted conversation, Sasuke stood up and started to take his leave, even throwing a stiff bow in the direction of the ANBU. Clearly Sasuke didn't recognize him, but I knew the chakra, and even if I didn't know the chakra—which I did, better then anyone else in the village— I still could never confuse the build, the hair, the mask, the everything of my best friend. The ANBU still didn't leave. I could feel their gaze on me and I met his gaze for a moment, waiting (hoping) for him to say something—anything. But just when I thought he would say something, he stopped himself. I couldn't hold back the burning question that had been on my mind my entire interim in the hospital.

"Hey Sasuke!" He turned back to me, one foot already swung out the window. I pulled my gaze from the anbu and unsuccessfully tried to hold back my anger from my voice. "I meant to ask but I forgot-" I lied, "What the fuck is up with your cousin?"

Sasuke looked confused. "I don't know what you mean?" He said it carefully. I knew that the two didn't get along, but Sasuke tended to be cognizant of my friendship. I didn't care for that now.

"I mean where has he been? He hasn't wished me well in once. Hasn't come to visit me or anything. I asked the nurses incase it was when I was asleep." Sasuke just blinked at me. I rolled my eyes realizing I had drained my teammate of words for the night. "Whatever. You'll probably see him before I do. Tell him to go fuck himself from me." Sasuke nodded his head and slipped out of the open window.

I had had enough. I ignored the pain it caused and rolled myself over onto my side, ignoring the familiar mask and the more familiar chakra as I tried to go back to sleep. I shivered from the open window. I fell asleep to a heavy gaze that for the first time I could ever remember genuinely annoyed me. I woke up to a closed window and a thicker blanket. I threw the blanket on the ground.

"Fuck you."

Shorter then normal! Sorry about that, but I have more stuff written, I just need to double check it to make sure this all makes sense and doesn't conflict with the overall plot. I'm super excited cause Kage's about to be where I wanted to get her too FINALLY. also...Is this filler? Is this plot progression? Is this necessary for the story? find out next time on the adventures of a shitty sub romance plot in a shitty self insert fanfic that is FINALLY JUMPING OFF THE CANNON RAILS. ALL ABOARD THIS CRAZY TRAIN.