Harry went to join the thestral carriages after that, making sure to let his friends (especially Dean) know that there had been a flypast performed by the dragons, and after that (and a long and slightly peculiar discussion about the school hats that nobody really bothered with) went in to find seats in the Great Hall.

The teachers were already in place at the High Table, and Ron was the first to look – then nudged Dean.

"Hey, mate, is that the Divination teacher?" he asked. "Next to Snape."

"Nah, she looks different," Dean replied. "Unless something really bizarre happened over the holiday."

Harry looked himself as he took his seat, and found to his surprise that he recognized the Defence teacher – it was Dolores Umbridge, the woman from his first-year who'd tried to argue that he didn't deserve a wand.

He didn't remember hearing about her since. Maybe she'd done one of those things where someone came to a realization about how silly they were being?

It didn't seem likely that she'd be coming to Hogwarts otherwise, though Harry decided it would be best to keep an open mind.

Mentally recategorizing her as Professor Umbridge, Harry turned to watch as the rest of the upper years filed into the room.

"You know Professor Lupin, right?" one of the third-years asked – Harry thought her name was Romilda. "Do you know why he's not here this year?"

"Problems with his family," Harry replied, trying to think of how to summarize it. "He got badly hurt which is why he wasn't here last year, but he's having to home school his whole new family and it's taking a while. He might be back next year, but we don't really know."

"Shame," Romilda sighed. "I know we can't get Professor Moody back, but I was hoping we'd get Professor Lupin."

"I'm just glad you don't want my brother Percy back," Ron admitted.

Someone asked about what Care of Magical Creatures was like, after that, and Harry did his best to try to explain it. Flopsy helped – she was the odd one out at the moment as her two sisters were having an earnest conversation with Natalie McDonald, and while the Barlos girls hadn't actually done Care of Magical Creatures they were a Magical Creature so there was that.

Then the doors opened, and the First Year students came in.

"Wow!" Dennis breathed. "That's a griffin!"

Hermione made the sort of noise that Harry thought sounded like she was trying her best to strangle a giggle, because a giggle wouldn't befit a new prefect.

It was quite an extraordinary noise.

"I do hope we'll get him in Gryffindor," Nearly Headless Nick said, somewhat to Harry's surprise as he hadn't noticed the ghosts arriving. Lord Ridley hadn't tried to slay him even once, so he'd sort of assumed they weren't here yet.

Plus there hadn't been an awkward meeting with the Grey Lady, so there was that as well.

"Makes sense, doesn't it?" Neville asked. "If we get a Puffskein or a snake at Hogwarts I know what houses I'd expect them to go into."

"Actually, don't all snakes speak Parseltongue?" Hermione said, sounding slightly tentative in case the giggle escaped. "So wouldn't they all count as magical?"

Harry didn't mention the very large and extremely magical snake down in the basement.

"What about a raven?" Ron asked. "Are there any talking ravens?"

"There… might be," Hermione frowned, distracted. "I don't actually think I've read any magical books about them, but if they're obscure enough – they'd certainly be Beings, they're not in Fantastic Beasts..."

Then silence spread through the hall as Professor McGonagall set out the Sorting Hat, and it began to sing.

No matter Harry's opinion about how bad Hogwarts singing had been when he'd first arrived – it had improved a lot since the formation of the choir – he had to admit that the Sorting Hat had always known his stuff.

Even if this time he had, indeed, resorted to alliteration.

The first name to be called was Euan Abercrombie – or Abercrombie, Euan, as Professor McGonagall put it – and he went to Gryffindor, which got a rousing round of applause from all of Harry's table. That started the familiar routine of the Sorting, and Harry did his best to remember as many names as possible – though he had to admit he was waiting for when the more-complicatedly-shaped students would be called, partly because he only knew their first names and not their surnames.

Isaac kept ruffling his wings a little as he waited, feathers twitching out and then back again, and his tail flicked in a way that seemed to show how anxious he was. A few spaces along from him Matthew – the warg, June's possibly-cousin – was lifting his paws and putting them down again, as if he very much wanted to pace back and forth but was restraining himself.

Then there was Melody, who was a little harder to pick out. Harry thought she was the pale looking one at the end of the line, though a lot of the girls looked pale and she might just be a Malfoy instead.

Did Draco have a younger sister? Harry didn't think so, but then again he hadn't known Daphne had a younger sister until she turned up. Some things just didn't get mentioned in conversations for some reason.

"Forrester, Matthew!" was the first unusually-shaped student to be called, and Harry noticed that Professor Umbridge looked momentarily upset.

Maybe she didn't know about the typewriters? Conal hadn't needed one, and everyone else who'd needed one had already got one, but Harry made a mental note to ask about making sure that Matthew and Isaac (at least) got the specially-set-up typewriters that would make doing work in class much easier for them.

It took about thirty seconds for the Hat to decide that Matthew was to go to Hufflepuff, joining June (though not quite joining her, because he actually sat almost halfway down the table next to another first year) and then it turned out that there were only two people between him and Isaac.

Isaac had just the one name, no last name at all, and there was a sort of little intake of breath from the whole Gryffindor table as he sat down next to the stool with the Sorting Hat on his head.

It looked like it was quite a difficult sort, and Harry tilted his head a little to see if he could hear the Hat's mutterings.

"...difficult," he caught, barely within earshot. "...goodness… SLYTHERIN!"

Gryffindor table started clapping, stopped in bafflement, and then there was the distinctive sound of Blaise Zabini sniggering.

"...well," Nearly Headless Nick said, as Slytherin slightly belatedly started applauding and Isaac made his way over to his new House. "I wonder what prompted that?"

"Great," Ron groaned. "The griffin's in Slytherin. Now we're going to need a snake to keep up… what do you think? Basilisk? I think basilisk sounds good."

"I… was going to say basilisks are dangerous, but I don't even think that's an argument any more," Hermione admitted. "Would they need mirrored sunglasses or something?"

The line steadily shrank as student after student was Sorted. Harry kept waiting for Melody's name to come up, but it wasn't until there were only three people left that "Von, Melody!" was asked to go up to be Sorted.

She walked over to the stool, seemingly not quite sure how fast to move, then sat down and pulled the hat on. There was a wait of about thirty seconds, and then the Hat determined that Melody was to go to GRYFFINDOR!

Harry led the applause, this time, partly because he was paying a bit more attention than usual, and Melody took a place that happened to be next to Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail.

"Von what?" Fred asked.

"Funny," Melody replied. "I've never heard that before. It's V-a-u-g-h-n Vaughn, not Von."

Harry was going to feel especially sorry for her, but then he remembered all the other people with names that related to who they were and what they did – like, well, Professor Sprout who taught Herbology.

So he just felt normally sorry for her.

Once the final student was sorted – Hufflepuff, in her case, where she sat next to Matthew – Dumbledore cleared his throat and stood.

"I would like to inform you all about a marvellous new product I saw last week," he said brightly. "Alas, the sponsorship deal has fallen through, so I can say no more about it. Please enjoy the feast!"

"He's branching out," Dean noted, as the golden platters magically filled with food.

"How well does being Headmaster, Supreme Mugwump and all that stuff pay?" Ron said. "Maybe he needs to take on a side job to make sure he has enough money to buy clothes."

"The Headmaster position does have a salary," Hermione informed them. "Unfortunately, the last reference to what it is is from eleven seventy-three, and at that point it was about one galleon a year."

"Blimey," Ron blinked. "If he's never got a pay rise that would explain it."

"Does anyone see any black pudding?" Melody asked.

Harry lifted his head as high as it would go to look both ways along the table, then shook his head. "Doesn't look like it."

"Right," she said. "Oh well."

Rummaging in her robes, she brought out a bright red lollipop wrapped in cellophane and put it next to her plate. Then she looked up.

"What?" she asked. "It's food supplements."

"That's a blood pop, right?" Neville asked, then winced. "Uh… sorry, if that was a secret."

"Like it was going to stay secret for long," Melody said, rolling her eyes. "Yes. Vampire. Scary."

Harry tried not to pay too much attention to her, because staring would be rude, but she was sort of the focus of attention at the moment and it would look silly to be obviously looking away as well.

"Ugh, I think there's garlic in that sauce," she added. "Anyone sitting further away want to take it?"

A few whispered conversations ended with Lee Jordan taking the plate, and Melody visibly relaxed a bit.

"That stuff's awful," she said.

"So, um… you're a young vampire?" Ginny asked. "How does that work?"

"Dad was a vampire," Melody replied. "Look, can I just eat?"

Put like that, there wasn't much arguing with it.

Over the next hour or so, most of what got talked about was the usual sort of thing for the first day back at Hogwarts. This time for Harry and his classmates it was about what sort of things they did in OWLs, such as what people did for their Runes projects or whether Professor Snape actually graded them fairly.

Neville wanted to know if they had to actually grow things for Herbology, and was mildly disappointed when Fred told him that they just had to do replanting and stuff like that. (Then Dean pointed out that this was Fred, so he could have been making it up for a laugh.)

Harry did have a new experience, which was that people were asking him for advice on Prefect-y things. Euan (one of the new First-Years) wanted to know when they got their class schedules and when class started, and Harry was able to let him know that normally it was at the first breakfast of the term. Since today was a Friday, though, and tomorrow was a Saturday, that meant that they had at most perhaps one class on Saturday before the weekend – so Euan would be able to get nice and settled in.

Then Matthew came over from Hufflepuff to ask about the typewriters he'd been told about, and Harry assured him that he'd make sure Professor Dumbledore knew that both he and (probably) Isaac would need one. He thought Professor Flitwick might have been involved with some of the Charms work, offhand, but he'd need to check to make sure and at that point he may as well simply approach Dumbledore about it.

Melody did have a couple of questions for him herself, about whether it was possible to make sure that there was less garlic in the food, and Harry thought about that for a bit before saying he'd see if the House-Elves could do anything. He thought maybe they'd be able to ensure that one end of the table didn't have anything with garlic in, which sounded like it was going to work.

The second question was how many of the classes were outside. It seemed that – while the idea Muggles had that vampires would catch fire in sunlight wasn't correct – they did sunburn extremely easily, and Harry was able to tell her that the most risky classes were going to be Herbology, Flying and summer Astronomy in First-Year, while in Third-Year it would probably be a bad idea to take Care of Magical Creatures.

That seemed to answer all of her questions for now.

Despite all the conversations that were going on, Harry did find time to eat. He was mildly intrigued by what originally looked like pasta but turned out to be made of courgette and carrot (something which Ron viewed with great suspicion, despite the orange colour of the carrots) and found a lot to like in salmon en papillote, though Hermione did have to tell him that the paper wasn't normally supposed to be eaten.

It went well with it, though.

The desserts included a four foot high lion made out of biscuits, which was quite unexpected, though on looking around Harry saw that the other three houses had also got giant versions of their own mascots in the form of biscuits.

He liked the ones that the mane was made of, though when Ken Towler came and tried to take some of the leg he overbalanced it and the whole thing collapsed. (Only some quick wand-work by Hermione prevented a complete disaster, and several of the First-Years applauded, though Hermione did have to Banish it to plates all down the table instead of being able to reconstruct the lion in one piece.)

Finally, though, the last of the food faded away, and Dumbledore rose to speak.

"Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome," Dumbledore said. "I do apologize for only saying welcome five times, but if I did it once for every single student then I fear we would never get to bed. It is nice to see you all once more, and I hope you are as full of food as you are empty of knowledge after the long summer holiday."

He smiled pleasantly. "If this is your first year, then instead I will say that it is nice to see you for the first time! I hope you enjoy your time here at Hogwarts, even with all the homework that will be happening. Now, I have a few announcements to make for both new and returning students."

"Is he always like this?" Melody asked quietly.

"Brilliant, isn't it?" Cottontail replied, and then Dumbledore was continuing – reading off a scroll that he'd apparently had up his sleeve.

"Firstly, the name for the forest near the castle is the Forbidden Forest. As a consequence of the name, it is forbidden to enter it – which should be nice and easy to remember – though there is an exception for students who happen to live there anyway, of which this year I believe there are three. For those students, however, the name will remain for ease of reference."

He rolled the scroll slightly to read a different section. "Mr. Filch, the caretaker, has asked me to read out a full list of the things that are forbidden in the school. If you will bear with me a moment..."

Everyone watched in silence, except for some scattered giggles, as Dumbledore kept going down the scroll – down, and down, and down, until he reached the bottom and turned over to the other side.

"I do believe that if I were to read all of these out it would take even longer than the welcomes," he judged. "Nevertheless, I would invite anyone who is unsure what items are forbidden to go and check the list posted on Mr. Filch's door, and I will specifically mention Mr. Fred and George Weasley, Mr. and Miss Smith, and Mr. Jordan as people who will be assumed to know this list off by heart."

"I think we actually do, unless he's changed it," Harry heard George mutter.

"Probably has," Fred replied.

The scroll had vanished again, and Dumbledore smiled. "I also wish to inform everyone that we now have no fewer than five dragons at Hogwarts, and none of them are especially dangerous unless you do something so foolish as tickle them while they are sleeping. The ones wearing scarves are the more conventional sort of dragon, albeit very well behaved and able to communicate in the fine language of Dragonish, while Mr. Potter of Gryffindor is wearing a prefect's badge and will doubtless be able to help you with any trouble you are having which requires a prefect."

Lots of heads turned to look at him, and Harry waved.

It seemed like the right thing to do.

"As anyone who is a returning student may have noticed, we have a new staff member this year," Dumbledore told them all. "As our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, who was truly in a class of her own in regards to applicants to the position, may I introduce you all to Professor Umbridge."

There was a scattered round of applause. Before it had finished, Professor Umbridge stood up (it was a little hard to tell) and cleared her throat in a sort of odd 'hem hem' kind of way.

Harry didn't quite remember the details, but he thought that one of the Discworld books had mentioned that 'hem hem' was how you mentioned something about people being nude without actually saying it out loud.

Perhaps it was something to do with the seamstresses? They were about what the books called negotiable affection.

"Ah, Dolores, you would like a word?" Dumbledore asked. "Or several? I find most people quite baffled when I only say one."

"Thank you, Headmaster," Professor Umbridge simpered, and Dumbledore sat down before gazing at her with rapt attention.

None of the other teachers seemed quite so impressed.

"I am delighted to have such a lovely welcome here," Professor Umbridge went on, smiling brightly. "It's so wonderful to be back at Hogwarts and to see such happy little faces looking up at me!"

Harry sort of wondered if Professor Umbridge had ended up going to the wrong school. He didn't even think there was a wizarding primary school, but if there was it sounded exactly like she was pitching her welcome at them.

"I'm going to be teaching you in Defence Against the Dark Arts," the Professor added, stressing each syllable precisely. "I know it's been ever so hard to follow with how many changing teachers you've had, especially when some of them really haven't known what they were talking about or what was appropriate for lessons, but I've come in to fix all that and I'm sure we'll all be such good friends!"

Harry could definitely hear chuckles coming from Gryffindor table, but people chuckled at what Professor Dumbledore said as well and it didn't seem right to tell them to stop. So that didn't really feel like a time to do a Prefect thing and tell people off a bit.

"I look forward to meeting each and every one of you," Professor Umbridge concluded. "And teaching you all you'll ever need to know about Defence Against the Dark Arts."

She sat down, and Dumbledore stood up again.

"Thank you for that, Dolores," he said, pleasantly. "I must say I had never before considered the idea of our new staff members introducing themselves to the school. I wonder if I should ask someone else to, such as Professor Snape?"

The glare that Professor Snape shot Dumbledore was really quite amazing to behold. It almost made Harry sure that Snape couldn't cast Wandless Magic, because by the looks of things if he could then Dumbledore would have been a smoking pair of slippers.

"Or perhaps I shall do it myself," Dumbledore added. "Good evening to you all. My name is Albus Percival Brian Wulfric Dumbledore, though I may have arranged those fiddly middle bits incorrectly. I am the Headmaster of this school, also the Supreme Mugwump, the Chief Warlock, and something called a Grand Sorceror which I have not yet been able to discern. If anyone can help me find this lost title then please do alert me."

A wave of giggles swept through the room.

"I hope as many of us as possible will be quite good friends," the Headmaster went on. "I find that it is much more pleasant to have friends than to not have them, after all. And as my last word I will simply say: bedtime!"

He sat down with aplomb, and it took a moment for Harry to realize that that meant the feast was over.

"Hey, mate, what's the password for the dorm?" Dean asked, as people started to slowly get up. "I forgot to ask earlier."

"Swordfish," Harry told him.

"Thanks," Dean replied, and turned into Upstart before flying over the heads of most of the other students to head for the main staircase.

"Wow!" half the Gryffindor First-Years gasped, almost in unison.

"Did he just turn into a bird?" someone said.

"He's an Animagus," Ginny explained. "So yes."

Harry counted, doing his best to remember how many new Gryffindors there were. It looked like there were the same number of First-Years present as there were people who'd been sorted, so he flared a wing slightly for attention.

"Hogwarts is a bit confusing," he told them all. "Gryffindor's dorms are up on the seventh floor, so I'm afraid we've got a lot of climbing to do."

Euan groaned.

"If you follow me, though, there's a route where you can skip one of the floors," Harry went on. "It's this way."

He hadn't actually discussed with Hermione about who should lead the first-years up to the dorm, but it seemed to make sense that it should be him because he was the one who was the most distinct. Nobody really complained, either, and so Harry took them first up three flights of the main staircase before branching off and through one of the secret passages.

"This one feels like it's going up one floor, but it's going up two," he explained, looking back over his shoulder so everyone could hear.

"Isn't there a lift?" someone asked.

"There's broomsticks, but they're not allowed indoors," Hermione answered, from the back of the group.

Harry led them out again, through a tapestry which showed twenty people at a feast, and pointed out how the tapestry looking like a feast was a useful way to remember it was part of the quick route to the Great Hall. Then they were going up again, and it was only two more flights of stairs before they reached the entrance to Gryffindor Tower.

"Ah, the first years, I see!" the Fat Lady said pleasantly. "Welcome, all of you, to Hogwarts, and to Gryffindor as well!"

She turned her attention to Harry. "Password?"

"Swordfish," Harry told her, and she swung neatly open.

"The password changes several times a term," Harry explained. "If you're not sure what it is, ask a prefect."

There was a bit of a problem with that, and he corrected himself a moment later. "Preferably one from Gryffindor."

That got a few giggles, and then the new students went through one by one.

Harry took a moment more to let them know that – to help make sure they didn't get lost – he was going to be heading down to breakfast, lunch and dinner right at nine, twelve and six for the next two days, so anyone who wasn't sure of the right route could follow him.

"There's also some school maps that are made by Mr. Lupin, my Lycanthruncle," Harry told them. "They're not free, but they're a couple of sickles, and if anyone wants them let me know and I can get him to send enough for everyone who wants one."

"Any questions?" Hermione asked.

"Where are our bedrooms?" asked one of the first-year girls – Harry was fairly sure her name was Alice.

"Girls' dorm rooms are through that door," Hermione told them. "You only have to go up three flights of stairs to get to the dorm."

"More stairs?" someone else groaned.

"Hey, we're on the fourteenth floor," Seamus chuckled, having come through the portrait hole in time to hear that. "And unlike some people, I can't just fly up there."

"What does Lycanthruncle mean?" a boy called Herbert asked.

"It's kind of like the brother of my dogfather," Harry replied. "Except I think the brother of my dogfather was actually my dad, and none of them were related."

After he'd finished saying it, he thought for a moment about how that explanation had somehow managed to make him more confused.

"...what?" someone said.

"It's one of his godfather's friends," Hermione explained. "His godfather tells terrible puns."

There didn't seem to be any more questions, and after a few more minutes people started to go filtering up the stairs.

Harry went up once the first rush had slowed down, snagging a few things from his trunk – his copy of Dragonsinger, a photograph of Nora, and a blacked-out mirror – then went back to go down the stairs again.

"Not turning in yet, mate?" Ron asked.

"I thought I'd stay downstairs and read for a bit," Harry explained. "Not quite ready to go to sleep."

"Teenage dragons get all the luck," Neville said, yawning. "You get up earlier than us and go to bed later."

"Plus, you know, he can fly and stuff," Ron sniggered.

About half an hour later, with the common room empty, Harry activated the mirror.

"Empress?" he asked.

"Welcome back to Hogwarts," the ancient basilisk replied. "I do have the date right?"

"That's right," Harry agreed. "Well done on teaching the dragonets, the difference was obvious when I met them earlier."

Empress' hiss sounded pleased.

"My friends were joking about getting a basilisk for Gryffindor," Harry added. "I didn't tell them about you, the idea came up because a griffin student joined this year and he's gone into Slytherin."

It was at that moment that Harry learned what it sounded like for a snake to snort with amusement.

"Oh!" she said. "I wonder what Salazar would have thought..."

She paused for a long moment, then spoke up again. "It is late. Do you have time for some reading?"

"A bit," Harry told her, opening Dragonsinger. "So, last time, Menolly had forgotten her pipes..."

AN:

Yep, it's her.

Bit different reasons why, though.

As for Isaac... well.