Captain Ed Mercer sipped his third coffee cup of the morning, somehow managing to keep the caffeine tremor from sloshing the scalding brew onto his office desk as he read over the briefing on Okuulian etiquette. He was quickly finding that it was about as complicated as the protocols for the English royals back on earth. Never sit when the high diplomat stands, unless she bows first. Then, she defers that honor to you. You will lose this honor immediately if you wink, eat with your left hand, look her in the chin for more than three seconds, or wear a hat. You can correct your mistake by winking with the other eye, eating with your right hand, looking at the high diplomat's chin for four seconds, or hanging your hat on the end of your erect…
The door chimed just as it was getting interesting.
"Come in."
The door swished open to admit his security chief, who dropped three large, ancient-looking books onto Ed's desk, just shy of squishing the Kermit the Frog doll that lived there.
"From the high diplomat of Okuul II," she said. "It seems their protocols are a little different from the way they do it on Okuul I, so he thought he'd send over a few pointers."
"Good night." Ed looked the stack of books up and down. "I had an apartment that size once. Are they even in Earth Common?"
Talla shrugged. "I don't read other people's mail, Sir."
"Well, maybe you should start. In the meantime, I'll need a write-up of which diplomats have access to which parts of the ship while they're here, preferably before Kelly and Gordon land."
"Aye, Sir." Talla turned toward the door, then hesitated. "Captain?"
"Mm-hm?"
"Why am I here and not there?"
Ed looked up from his briefing. "Sorry?"
Talla stepped back toward the desk. "Gordon and Kelly are on their way to a planet that was a war zone three weeks ago. Shouldn't I be with them?"
"Ideally, yes. But we're expecting a party of representatives from each side here on the ship, and Commander Grayson and I thought it was more important that you be around to make sure they don't go all Hatfield-McCoy on us."
"If that means what I think it means, I'm pretty sure it's what you'd call 'bullshit." At Ed's surprised look, she added, "Sir. I know I'm the new guy here, but is this because you think I can't protect them?"
"No!" Ed sighed and set down his pad. "All right. Kelly was the one who wanted to keep you here. And she was right. The last time I put the welfare of one crew member ahead of the whole ship, we turned an entire civilization into a brutal theocracy. Besides, Kelly's one of the toughest people I know."
"And Gordon?"
"He's…. a great guy."
The com piped up, and a bass voice filled the room. "Bortus to Mercer."
"Go ahead," said Ed.
"We're being hailed by the Governer of Okuul II. She says it's urgent."
"I'll take it on the bridge." Ed closed the link and stood up. "God, I hope Gordon didn't draw a penis on their building."
Talla blinked as he headed out of the room. "A what on their what?"
Ed strode onto the bridge with Talla a step behind. "Put it through."
He almost sat in the command chair before the viewing screen popped on, showing a green-haired cat-eyed woman in a purple robe who looked to be standing. He straightened as if he'd just sat on a tack.
"Governor. I'm Captain Ed Mercer of the Orville. We're expecting your delegates later this evening. What can we do for you?"
"You can start by explaining why your own delegates are three hours late," the Governer said.
Ed's dark eyebrows furrowed. "Pardon me?"
"Your Commander Grayson, I believe. We've been waiting for her to arrive since 1400 hours. That's three hours wasted that we could have been furthering the cause of peace."
Ed felt his heart skip. "You haven't heard from her at all?"
"No. And if you cannot send someone who can at least offer the courtesy of punctuality, then we will find someone who can!"
"Thanks, sounds good, we'll call you back." Ed cut the link. "Bortus, hail the shuttle."
Bortus's fingers flicked over his console, then he shook his great round head. "No response, Captain."
"Last known location?"
"A star system approximately twenty thousand kilometers from their destination. Their energy signature than veers toward a planet." Bortus's console chirped, making him squint at the reading, and his voice darkened. "Captain. There is an additional energy signature in the area. It is Krill."
Ed stood frozen for a moment, suddenly feeling as frigid as the starry space beyond the viewing screen. "Talla!"
"…ordon?" Pat, pat… "Gordon? Gordon."
SMACK!
Gordon's head snapped to the side under the force of the slap to his face.
"Ow! Motherf…" He blinked his eyes open to find that he was lying on the deck of the shuttle. The blur hovering over him solidified into the disheveled face Kelly, a worry line between her eyebrows. She was framed by busted bulkheads, hanging wires, and a fair amount of smoke. There were even a few tree branches that had speared the shuttle's sides during the descent, jutting into the interior like limbo sticks.
"You know Commander, when you're trying to wake someone up from a concussion, it's generally a bad idea to give him another one."
"Come on." Kelly grabbed him and started pulling. "You've got to get up. We have to get the hatch open."
"We do?"
"Yes! Unless you want to suffocate."
Right, the smoke was getting a little thick. Gordon groaned as Kelly hauled him to his feet. For such a skinny woman, she was awfully strong. Together, they lurched to the hatch, which was already a little buckled from the impact of the landing.
"On three," said Kelly. "One, two, THREE!"
They each slammed a shoulder into the barrier, and with a great groan of protesting metal, the hatch gave way. Taken a bit by surprise at how easy it was, Gordon landed squarely on top of Kelly as the door whumped to the ground.
"Whoa, jeez!" Gordon pushed himself up and scanned the coughing XO beneath him for injuries. "Sorry about that. Are you okay?"
"Get off me!"
He scooted back on his haunches and Kelly sprang up to dart back into the smoky shuttle, and emerge again with a black pack slung over her shoulder.
"What's that?" he asked.
Kelly glanced down at the pack, then frowned back at Gordon. "This? It's the emergency pack. There's one in literally every shuttle in the fleet."
"Right! With candy bars and travel scrabble and stuff."
"With water and a homing beacon and a first aid kit and stuff. Seriously, dude?"
"Oh."
Kelly rolled her eyes, grabbed a hand weapon from the pack, and slapped it into Gordon's hand. "Here. Try not to shoot yourself in the foot."
"Yes, Sir."
"Now let's go."
Gordon frowned at their surroundings. They were surrounded by something between a forest and a jungle, full of dense trees hung with vines and leafy canopies. The only break in the foliage was the hundred-yard rut that the shuttle had rent in the trees and soil before it finally came to a stop.
"Go… where, exactly? Shouldn't we stay with the shuttle? Aren't you supposed to stay with the shuttle when you're lost so people can find you?"
Kelly sighed, and spoke as though to a particularly dull child. "The Orville probably doesn't even know we're missing yet. If we stay with the shuttle, the Krill will find us long before our people do. In the meantime, we've got to get to higher ground for the homing device to be of any use. Did they go over any of this when you went to the academy?"
"Yeah, I… must've been sick that day."
Kelly shook her head. "I can't believe I let you be in my wedding."
"Hey!" Gordon folded his arms, careful not to shoot himself as Kelly had ordered. "I did the roses for that wedding! That ought to count for something."
CRACK!
They both whipped their heads up to a nearby tree branch that was disintegrating in a shower of sparks before it broke off from the tree and landed at Gordon's feet, making him stumble backwards.
"If that's what I think it is, you can forget about roses, and make it lilies for both of us!" said Kelly. "Run!"
They took off through the trees, branches whipping and leaves stinging as they ran over the uneven ground. More shots whizzed through the air, so close that Gordon could feel their heat. As they passed a large boulder, he risked a look back and saw five Krill – four males and a female – crashing after them in their protective anti-UV gear. Dropping to one knee, he managed to return a shot that elicited a curse from one of them.
"Gordon!"
The next thing he knew, Kelly hit him in a flying tackle just as another volley of shots pierced the air where he had just been. Before he even had his bearings, she was rolling to her feet and pushing him on ahead of her.
"Run, you idiot! Ungh-"
Gordon stopped mid-stride and turned to see Kelly, dropped to her knees and grimacing as she made to push herself back up to her feet.
"Kelly!" Gordon returned a few more shots, which caused the Krill to take cover just long enough for him to grab Kelly's arm and pull her back up into the run.
They only made it another ten meters or so, and then the trees broke apart into thin air and the ground disappeared.
They teetered on the edge of the cliff they'd come to, Gordon going pale as he watched some pebbles from under the toe of his boot take the five-story drop and disappear into a rushing river far below. The precipice extended to their left with no apparent end. To the right, a huge waterfall cascaded down to feed a thirty-foot-wide river of white, churning water.
"Shit…" said Gordon.
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
They looked back to see the Krill dashing through the trail they'd cut, weapons blazing without missing a beat.
A look passed between Kelly and Gordon, hers with the determination of someone who knew she might lose resolve if she waited another instant, and his with the horrible understanding of a man who wanted to live just one more second.
Before he could say a word, she grabbed him by the jacket and flung herself off the cliff to the roiling water below, Gordon's cry echoing through the canyon for all the ages to hear.
"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTT…!"
Thanks for reading! Did you like it? Please drop me a note!