"Excuse me?"
The tone in Hermione's voice was so shocked that she was not able to hide that. Perhaps she had not even tried to do so; the way she stared at Snape at that very moment was enough to betray her confusion and terror. Yes, terror. Because what else could she feel knowing her teacher whom she had rescued just a couple of months before now wanted her to stay with him for the whole night? Moreover, in his room?
All of this seemed to amuse Snape quite a lot as he watched the poor girl try to find a response to his suggestion. Well, it was not really a suggestion, but it was definitely much safer to call it like this. Granger had always been a clever girl; was she clever enough to find a way out of this trap? Because Snape was quite sure he had prepared it well enough for her not to be able to escape.
Oh, it was not his point to scare her away, or to hurt her, however, it would be a lie to say it was not entertaining to watch her cringing like this. It would be cruel to prolong it forever more so he knew he would need to stop it at some point.
She had every right to be scared. After all, there he was, a man who was supposed to lay buried in ground for some, and yet, he was still safe and sound, just his face marked with more scars. He was her teacher and there were so many ways he could force her to stay there, or to do whatever he wanted her to. And she, while being so clever, opposed to breaking the rules. Maybe being so smart she did not want to stand up to her teacher.
"I have just asked you to stay here with me, for the whole night," he replied, his silky voice filling the room. Having made a step forwards, he found himself strangely close to the bushy-haired young woman.
They were so much alike. Although she had come from a family with not even a drop of magical blood in their veins, when he looked at her he could see a bit of himself. Full of ambitions, full of talents that were looked down upon.
It also made her in some strange way similar to his first love, Lily. There was also something similar between those two girls in the way they looked. Of course, Hermione's hair and eyes were darker, but they had the same shape of lips which curled in the same type of sweet smile – and sometimes he could see the same frown upon her face as he had on Lily's.
But she was neither him nor Lily. It was her own person. Hermione Granger. And it was her, not anyone else, even Lily, who had rescued him and who had caught his eye. How come he had got so interested in such a girl?
"Professor, as much as I... usually respect... teachers' orders..." she started but stopped almost as soon as she had begun.
"You make it sound so bad, Granger," he flinched. "It was no order but a mere suggestion that would save you the problems of getting back to Gryffindor Tower so late at night."
The tone of his voice had not changed even a little bit; it was still quiet and delicate, just like the way he looked at her. Never before had she seen him glancing like that at anyone, let alone a student.
Once again, Hermione looked back at the door behind her. Getting away would mean risking facing Filch and losing some House Points, which she did not want to happen. After all, the term was still just to begin. How could she allow that to happen? On the other hand, though, staying there with Snape... what actually did he want to talk about? There was nothing they should explain to each other. Yes, she had made sure he would be safe after the war, but nothing more. She had not been the one to heal him. Her deeds could not be called brave – she had only done what was right. In fact, she was surprised no-one else had actually done that.
"I must confess I wish you had been in Slytherin," he added out of sudden. "You would have made so much more progress... Learnt how to use all of your talent and ambition instead of wasting it away."
"I believe I can do this without being in your House, sir," she dared say before she could bite her tongue. Would Snape use this chance to punish Gryffindor for her insolence? She hoped not. She would need to be more careful about what she was saying.
"Sit down."
That was the only reply she could hear. Sit down. Really? After all she had told him? Even though it was a perfect chance for him to punish the House he had always hated so much? Once again, she looked at him with shock but finally fulfilled his request and took a seat in one of the black, shabby armchairs. Nevertheless, she dared not lean back; actually, she sat on the very edge of the seat, just like back then, during the first Potions class...
Oh, had she changed since then...
Back then, she had been just an irritating first-year, a know-it-all driving him mad. But had he not thought of Lily back then? Lily had been just like that during her first year at Hogwarts. Snape could not help but smile at the memory, and that had to be caught by Hermione's eye.
"It... it is not my intention," he began rather carefully and the girl could hear a slight hesitation to his voice, which surprised her quite a lot, "to scare you away. If I'm to be honest... it's quite the opposite."
He propped himself against the desk and looked at her. Now, as he had told her to sit down, he had been making sure to keep a proper distance from her; maybe their being so close together had been making her so uncomfortable.
"I still don't understand, sir," she spoke after a moment, then bit her lips staring at her knees. Thoughts kept racing across her head and she could not gather them up. And if she did not, he would definitely win that night. And it would mean she would stay there for God knows how long, talking about things she probably did not want to talk. "Why do you need me here?"
"For talking," responded Snape, his lips curling into a weird smile. His hands, though, closed on the edge of the desk; however, that was the only sign that he was much more nervous than he would like her to know. "I do not want to do anything else to you. Unless there is something more you would like to do."
Completely shocked and confused, Hermione forgot that she should be staring at her lap, and having looked up, she allowed her eyes to meet Snape's. The man could not help but snicker at her reaction.
"I need to know why you did what you did, Granger," he said quickly, before she was able to comment on his previous words.
"I have already told you, sir," she replied, realising she was still holding the cup of tea he had given her. It had seemed to be so long since the moment she had entered that room. By now, all of her friends would have already fallen asleep... maybe even Filch had gone to sleep already. If so, there was a chance... "I could not let you die there and then. You were still alive and it was a human thing to do..."
"... and yet somehow no-one but you did the same thing," he cut in.
"For God's sake, I am just as surprised as you are!" she cried forgetting about her promise to keep her nerves in check. "I... I have no idea why no-one else did that. But I was sure I could see you still breathing... I had to try..."
"Which meant risking your life to protect a man you've never liked, didn't it, Granger?" he asked, his eyebrow rising.
Of course, he was right but she was not going to tell him that.
"First of all, you were my teacher," she replied fiercely before adding quickly, "sir."
"And it was a chance for you to get rid of the teacher you disliked. No... the man you despised. The nature would have done something your friends had attempted but turned out to have no guts to do it... is that not right? You all wanted me to die. And yet, for some reason you were back in the Shack..."
Hermione had tears in her eyes. For some reason it stung his heart with pain. At that very moment, he wanted to approach her and wipe her tears away. Nevertheless, he did not allow himself to do such a thing; his hands clenched on the desk even more.
"Are you disappointed or angry that I did that?" she asked, her voice trembling with emotion he could not quite understand. No... it was not one emotion. It was a strange mixture of so many; that was why he could not tell them apart.
"I was..." he admitted after a longer while. "At first, I was. Back then, when the snake attacked me... I wanted to die. I had done everything in this life I should have. I had suffered a lot and death seemed to be the only thing that could... relieve me. The only way to escape the life that had caused so much pain to me... I don't expect you to understand me... but back then... yes, I wanted to die. I just... did not want to live anymore. There was no point in living..."
Hermione found herself suddenly at loss. His words made her heart beat faster which took her breath away. No longer could she look up at his scarred face.
"Did you want me to apologise to you for making you live on, sir?" she asked only, her voice faltering.
"No," he answered at once with more power to his voice. "I need to thank you once again."
In sheer surprise, she let her eyes find his face once again and, to her surprise, she discovered he was still looking directly at her. For some reason her heart picked up its pace; blood kept pounding in her ears.
"Thank me?" she repeated flatly.
"Yes," he nodded, then pushed himself away from the desk and approached her. Reaching his hand out, she thought he would touch her hand but instead he seized her cup. "The tea has gone completely cold..."
At that moment Hermione was completely convinced that he was trying to avoid answering; she, however, needed to know.
"Thank me?" she repeated once again. "But what for?"
A heavy sigh escaped Snape's chest, but he did not look up at her again.
"Do not get me wrong, Granger," he spoke after a longer while. "Many would consider it inappropriate and I can see why, for it is definitely not a... desirable feeling..." Closing his eyes, he rubbed his forehead with the same hand that had previously touched the cup. Just the tips of his fingers had brushed her hand on the way. It must have been just a coincidence...
"You make me confused, sir," she confessed, but he made an impatient gesture to hush her.
"Do you think I am not confused? I wish I weren't! But all that keeps haunting me..." he said in a tone she had never heard coming from his lips. Never before had he put so much feeling into it. Well, yes, it was true that she had heard him speak with rage or exasperation, but it was nothing like that...
Perhaps that was the reason why she stayed completely silent, letting him say what he wanted to say. Or maybe it was her curiosity...
"You wouldn't leave my thoughts all summer, Granger," he added after a moment, sounding a bit as though he was angry at her for that. As if she had anything to do with it. "All summer long, I could think of anything else but you. Your motives... the fact you risked everything just to protect me... Once again, I understood that there is a sense in life."
When he finished, he allowed himself to look at her face again. To his shock, he realised he was much closer to her than he remembered stepping. There she was, sitting in the armchair and glancing at him with bewilderment in her brown eyes, unable to say a word. But she did not try to escape, even though if she tried that now, he probably would make no attempt to stop her, so defenceless he was.
And it could be seen in his eyes. When Hermione looked at Snape, she realised his eyes were no longer two dark, empty tunnels. But it was not the first time she had ever seen it. That reminded her why she had returned to him that night...
"You said yourself, sir, you are my teacher... we couldn't..."
"No-one has to know," he whispered feverishly. "It is just a year..."
His words and the way he uttered them made her think about Ron and Harry. Especially Ron. He did not know... never had she dared tell him about Snape... about the pity she had felt when she had seen him lying there... or maybe there had been more to it than just pity. When Snape had looked at Harry just a split second before going completely limp, she had seen in his face something she had soon realised she wanted to see more. At that moment she had thought it was out of curiosity, or maybe because he was just a man... but now...
"We couldn't," she repeated, sinking as deep into the armchair as she could.
"You sound like a coward you are not, Granger... I know... I know it is all wrong, it should not be like that." Out of sudden, the back of his fingers gently touched her cheek and she quickly closed her eyes, having no courage to look up at him. "But you rescued me twice. You brought some meaning to my life, to the life I thought I was done for... Call me obsessed, but I cannot imagine my life without you in it anymore."
Yes, he was definitely obsessed. Hermione knew that but at the same time she tried to count how many times she had thought about Snape that summer.
"You give me too much credit for that, sir, I swear I have done nothing more than what anyone else would have..." she protested half-heartedly, her breath taken away by him being this close to her, his nose just an inch away from hers.
"Would you really so easily take away the life you have protected?" he asked quietly.
She could not answer. He was definitely too close.