Chapter 26. If I was going by my original "one chapter an episode" I would be done right here.

As it stands, I'm basically gearing up for episode 11.

So. A lot more angst for all of you. Yay?

In other news, I'm writing some original fiction again, which has killed my update rate. I'm considering uploading it to Fictionpress, but I'm not sure if I want to yet.

Space is very big.

It's stupid to say out loud, but it's true. most of the time, you can look to the sky, and there's the sun or the moon, approximately the size of your thumb if you hold your arm out at maximum length. In addition, most of space is very, very empty. Sure, there's microscopic bits of dust, but generally space is pretty empty.

Next, tracking an object in space requires either sending something out (frequently electromagnetic) and waiting for it to bounce off an object (called active scanning, think radar and sonar) or by listening for random signals to come in. Your eyes are passive sensors, waiting for light to come to them, If we could send light from our eyes, we could see in the dark. In general, we'd rather use a flashlight, but I digress.

Now, whatever magic propulsion engines there exists in the Vandread universe, they can allow us to accelerate even past light speed with little lead up. Or something. Not quite sure how, but it works. ANYWAY! This means that bouncing a signal off of my Vanguard shouldn't work as I'm outrunning the signal ruling out active sensors back on the Nirvana. Then, I deactivated all the radios and other signatures aside from the explosive heat dump from the thrusters, but I turned those off after a few semi-random direction changes to throw off my overall course.

If you didn't follow, the TL;DR is this: I shouldn't have been able to be followed. Not by the Nirvana, and not by anyone else. I should look like a slightly warm chunk of space debris to anyone else.

I glare up at the white Dread floating about a hundred feet overhead. A thousand feet would be a nice distance. A hundred feet is an accidental twitch of the steering yoke.

As if sensing my glare (With the Pakisis, maybe she can) Meia's voice drifts through the communicator. "I'm still not going anywhere."

Yes, Meia had somehow found me. I asked her a few times already, but she's been really tight lipped about it.

When I had first seen her on the radar, I had assumed that the Earth forces had spotted me, readied my sword- and severely misjudged the distances I was dealing with. The damn sword was hardly upright when she rocketed past me, close enough for a visual identification.

In a way, that's good. I didn't cut Meia's Dread in half, but if it had been an enemy, I would've been dead right now.

"I told you, I'm not going to run." I grumble, and add under my breath "Not unless I figure out how you tracked me."

"I don't suppose you'll tell me why you won't let me see those videos now?" Meia asks cautiously.

"No."

'Why not?"

I sigh. "Because, I don't think you'll be able to use the information properly."

She laughs with an abundance of scorn in her voice. "Right, but of all people, the possibly-unstable resident crazy person is able to process it properly."

"You have to have the right mindset-"

"You sound like those idiots who go around preaching ideas that can't hold up to scrutiny." She cuts me off. "Like that religion stuff you told me about."

...Ignore that. My grip tightens on the Vanguard's controls.

She continues. "You say that I don't have the right mindset as a way to deflect me away form the real topic. I used to get that all the time from my parents." She practically spits out the last bit.

"Okay, fine." I kick the hull of the Vanguard, which is probably a really bad idea as my toes remind me. "Maybe you do have the right state of mind. How the hell would I know? It's not like I can figure out how anyone else thinks!" I let go of the controls and consider punching the wall as well, but that seems ineffective as well. I need something better to vent my anger on.

"Why would you even need a state of mind to comprehend an idea?" Meia continues arguing. "Just tell me what it is and-"

"How was Christmas supposed to go?" I interrupt.

Anger and contempt are replaced by confusion. "Excuse me?"

"How was Christmas supposed to go?" I repeat, slower this time. "Or an easier one: Was Jura supposed to fight that spider robot with us?"

"No, but-"

"Ah! Nope! Stop! You fail, go back to jail, do not collect two-hundred dollars." I pull my pillow out of my backpack and start wringing the life out of it.

"...John, I'm going to kill you." My sensor array lights up as Meia paints me with some sort of targeted system.

"Go ahead. You won't get your answers, and I get out of this shitty universe."

For a while, all that comes back on the comms is a growl and my sensors return to normal. "It was saying no." She says, as if to herself. "So Jura was supposed to be out with us? But you said that she just caught up with you while you were running out to get to the comet..."

"You know what? I'll tell you why I didn't want to tell you." I snap. "Pull up a chair and some fucking popcorn, 'cause this is gonna be a long one."

"I don't have popcorn-"

"So, what did you have for breakfast this morning?"

For several seconds, the only sound is the sound of breathing through the radio.

"I... don't see how that's-"

"No, answer me. I'm trying to prove a point."

"...I had pancakes."

"Why didn't you have a steak?"

Meia takes a moment to answer, and when she does, it's slowly, clearly watching out for a trap. "Because the kitchen staff didn't make steaks for breakfast."

"You could have made one. Or asked them to make you a steak. Or asked someone else like DIta who knows how. Or even ordered someone to. If you wanted a steak, you could have gotten one."

"Okay, fine. Yes, I could have had a steak." Meia acquiesced. "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"If you could redo today over, would you have had the steak for breakfast?" I ask.

"Well, I supposed I COULD have had the steak."

"Nope." I say simply.

"...Are you going to explain? You're quite irritating at the moment." Meia's tone becomes more annoyed.

"One more question: Do you believe in miracles?" I ask.

"No, I do not believe in some silly child's fantasy that everything can work out." Meia sighs. "Get to the point."

"All other things being equal, the end result is always the same." I say. "Two plus two is four, you ate pancakes, and we're having this conversation." I start fiddling with some of the buttons on the control face just to do something with my hands. "That is, without any other stimulus, these events will always happen, even if you restarted the universe, or had thirty copies of it."

"You're not making any sense."

I sigh and switch tacks. "Okay, let's start with two plus two. Let's run it through a calculator, shall we?" I mime pressing some buttons, despite the fact she can't see me. "Oh look, the result is four." I sit back. "Given that we're adding, and that the inputs are always two and two, we always get four. Note that that's not the only way to get four, you can add one and one and one and one, or a one and a three, or five and minus one. All of these additions equal four. There's also lots of other calculations you can make that all lead to four."

"Again, not making any sense."

"I'm getting there. So, how many times out of a thousand do you get five when adding two and two?"

"Zero, it always equals four." Meia responds.

"Exactly. For any given inputs, the output will always be the same." I allow myself a small smile. That's the easy part. "Alright, now extend that further."

"Extend what further?"

"For any given inputs, you get the same outputs." I tap my fingers on the monitor. "If you go to half-thrust on your ship, you always go to half-thrust. Never full, unless something goes horrifically wrong, right?"

"Yes..."

"Now, let's extend this to, let's say, a frog. A frog that is hungry, and sees a fly on a log a foot ahead of it. It flicks out its tongue and grabs the fly." I lick my lips. "Now, let's set up the exact same situation. Identical, from the placements of the fly and the frog, to the lighting conditions, the moisture in the air, even the atoms are lined up in an identical path. Does the frog catch the fly?"

"...If everything's identical, then the frog should be able to catch it again, right?"

"It will catch it, if everything is identical." I say. "And here's where most people get lost." I take a deep breath. "So, let's extend this to you."

"Hey-"

"No, seriously." I interrupt. "This morning, you were hungry. Your body wanted something to eat, but it doesn't quite care what. so you take in all of the variables and decide on eating pancakes. there are hundreds of thousands of recipes stored on the computer, the cooking staff takes custom orders, and you could even decide not to eat. But even supposing that there's an identical universe to this one, you'll eat pancakes this morning in that universe as well."

"No, maybe I'll have a muffin instead." She countermands. "Dita wanted me to try one of the ones the staff had made."

"No, you wouldn't, because all other things being equal, you made the choice not to eat the muffin. I don't know why you choose a muffin, just that you did."

"No, that's not right." Meia sounds uncertain however.

"It's like if I tell you the answer is four and ask you how I got there. There's too many ways to get to four for me to actually predict them, but I can guess. First, the largest reasons you ate what was already available was convenience. You don't have to wait longer for your food, you don't dislike pancakes enough to care, and you don't want to inconvenience any of the kitchen workers. You didn't eat the muffin because I'm sure DIta wanted it as well, and you figured someone else would like it better, or something."

"Actually, I just don't like raisins." Meia says under her breath.

"Hey, that's good enough." I say. "So to have you eat the muffin, you'd have to change something, like removing the raisins."

"That's it!" Meia perks up. "So, if in this alternate universe of yours, the muffin didn't have raisins-"

"Why doesn't it have raisins?" I ask.

"Huh?"

"The chef that made the batter for the muffins included raisins. She did this because..." I leave it open.

"I don't know, maybe she likes raisins?" Meia says.

"Okay, so why doesn't she like raisins in this other universe?"

Meia remains quiet for a moment. "I think I see where this is going. So, if she doesn't like raisins, something had to make her not like raisins, and that would also have to be different, not just the muffins having no raisins."

"It's cause and effect. Why do the muffins have raisins? The baker likes raisins. Why does the baker like raisins? Her mother gave them to her on a trip to the zoo. Why did her mother give her raisins at the zoo? Who knows? But I can guarantee you that there was a cause and an effect." I fiddle with some sort of map that shows just how deep we are into space. "This leads to the idea that if two universes start exactly the same, the same things will occur. The only way to change it is external influence."

"External influence? Like what?"

"Well, this knowledge, for example. If you got to go back into the this morning on the Nirvana, you could deliberately change something to attempt to prove me wrong, but..."

"But what?"

"Given everything we do, you'll always do the same thing when you get back there. Every word I say gets added into the input for your decision, but if you got transported back, you'd always do the same things. And, for the first time ever, I have proof."

"...Proof?"

"I have this stupid DVD." I say. "You, Dita, Barnette, Jura and to some extent Zan have all recognized things that happened in the DVD that happened exactly like they did in real life. So, given the same starting state, everything turns out the same. Until one John shows up and starts disrupting things. Since I did things differently than Hibiki, in significant enough amounts that everything got thrown off, our conversations and things got thrown off. Events that I can't have influenced stay the same, like what planets we encounter, or groups of enemies provided we don't have a course change."

"...I see." Meia says quietly. "That would make sense."

"Yes, it does." I say. "Of course, most people don't like this. Most people would rather believe that they have a little magic switch in their head that lets them make real decisions, so you could have another, alternate universe where you decided to eat the muffin."

"Which is why you asked if I believed miracles?"

"Yeah, because an effect without a cause is a miracle, and anything else can be explained with enough information."

For a while now, the air between us has been civil. I decide to enjoy it while it lasts.

"Alright. So, the differences between the DVD and our reality exist because you changed things." Meia says. "And if you hadn't shown up, things would have proceeded in the same way they did in the DVD."

"Mmhmm. If you have perfect information, theoretically you could predict how everything could turn out form now on, but that would take a computer able to simulate our universe perfectly, which would necessitate a larger universe."

I can almost hear her blink. "So, why does this mean you won't show me the rest of the DVD?"

Ah. Right. "Well, you said yourself that Jura wasn't supposed to be with us on Christmas. That's not true; it's just that she wasn't there in the DVD, and was in reality. Theoretically, as soon as I did something different than Hibiki, that could have been calculated and someone could have known that would happen. Whoever did the calculations, at least."

"I get that, but what does this have to do with the DVD?"

"I watch the show with the mindset that all the information on that is wrong." I say.

"But-"

"I don't know if things have changed, but they could have. For example, maybe we made a course correction or lost a day because I did something, and the comet shows up before Christmas." I say. "Or, maybe we've been defeating the harvesters too quickly with our adjusted fighting methods, so they decide to implement better fighters, and don't have only one of those robots in the comet."

Meia remains silent.

"Things can change, and I don't know how, or where, or if it will help us or hinder us. So if I let you watch the DVD and you assume that everything will happen that way, you could be putting us in even more danger."

"Alright, fine. You had a point, and I shouldn't have pressed." Meia says, defeated.

"Ah." I swallow. "Sorry."

I can hear the curiosity in her voice. "You're sorry? I was the one who was pushing you."

"Yes, but... I'm still a kid. I should have just told you this back on the Nirvana instead of resisting at every turn. So, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry as well." Meia says.

"Friends?" I ask.

"We're starting over from friends?" She asks, voice teasing.

I smile despite myself. "Well, I'm glad you took it so well."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, when I was introduced to the concept in college, most of my classmates were in the "free will" camp, and fought tooth and nail to be able to tell themselves that it's alright, they do have a choice in their lives."

"...I can see why that would be a problem."

"Although, it's not like they don't have choices, it's just that their choices are perfectly predictable." I say.

"Still."

"So that's why I can't show you the DVDs. Or, at least, not without me to bounce ideas off of."

"That's fine. As long as I can make threat assessments- within reason- I don't have any issue."

"But you do understand we can't share this with anyone else, because they won't see it my way, right?"

I can feel a glare from Meia.

"No, seriously. If I show the DVD to the rest of the crew, they're going to assume everything goes that way, that it's some sort of fate. When they're not prepared for the differences, it could cause someone to die." I insist. "I don't think I could convince a lot of people on the Nirvana to see things this way."

"What if I reject your way of seeing things?"

"Well... I suppose that I'll just have to plan around you assuming that everything goes just like the DVD." I sag into the pilot's chair.

"Hmm." Meia falls quiet and I watch her Dread move around in some sort of pattern around my ship. "You're arguments are at least well reasoned, but I'm going to think about it some more."

"Forcing you to accept my ideals just makes me a hypocrite." I say. "Consider all the options, and feel free to tell me I'm wrong. Maybe I didn't consider something." I shrug. "I'm willing to be wrong, but you better have good arguments."

A day later, about a day and a half since I ditched the Nirvana, Meia opens up the comms again.

We've been talking about some menial things in the meantime, mostly pertaining to the quality or lack thereof of the emergency rations, or organizing watches, or whatever.

The atmosphere has been a lot nicer. Almost back to what is was around Christmas. It seems that removing the big obstacle sitting between us let our relationship repair. Let this be a lesson: Secrets tear apart relationships.

Anyway, she sends me a message.

"Hey, let's combine our machines."

I had asked her to give me a minute and done my best to clean myself up, but... I've been in a coffin sized box for almost forty hours. Deodorant just isn't going to cut it, but it certainly can't hurt.

I'm am very glad that either the Paksis or the Vanguard designer had the foresight to install waste removal systems, or spending this amount of time in this box would literally kill me, probably from some sort of sepsis.

With that pleasant thought, I reluctantly join up with Meia's Dread.

The merge process dumps me out right in front of Meia. Dread's have a lot more empty space in the cabin, which allows me a breath of fresh air- well, fresher. Meia's been in the same predicament as I have and obviously hasn't fared that much better.

"What's up?" I ask the woman currently sitting behind me.

"Well..." Her cheeks tint red. "I wanted to see you, and talk to you face to face for a while."

"Ah." I throw one leg over the seat, allowing me to sit side-saddle on the control seat and look at Meia without almost twisting my head off. "Of course."

"So..." She clears her throat. "I understand what you say about the DVD and all..." She hesitates, but carries on. "but I still want to see it. I'm not sure if I like your viewpoint, but I'll take it into consideration, okay?"

I blink. "Hey, it's better than I thought I'd get." I look around and locate my bag. "I supposed you want to watch it now?"

She nods, and I get the entire thing set up. Stick the DVD in the laptop, and... well, I'll need to plug in my laptop somewhere after a few hours. I'll have to jury rig something. "How do you want to sit?" I ask.

"Eh... We can both sit against the canopy, set the laptop on the bench and watch it like that." She suggests.

I look at the space between the seat and where the canopy meets the floorspace. There's not really that much room...

I glance at Meia and find her unable to meet my eye. Whatever. I cue up the appropriate episode and sit down on the floor.

Meia gingerly steps over and sits on my lap.

Fuck it. Just enjoy it for now. She seems to be enjoying the contact, so whatever.

We settle down to watch the next few episodes of Vandread, the ones pertaining to the next few events.

It's a nice hour.

"Wh-what was that?!" Meia exclaims as I hit pause on my laptop. "We... we killed it by making a star?"

"Yep."

"Which only works because of fifteen different coincidences, most of which probably won't occur?"

I sigh. "Yuuuuup."

"I mean, first they wipe out the people they're harvesting for skin on the same day as Paiway's birthday, then Rabat of all people picks you up, you all get locked up until it's almost too late-"

"And then, we all join forces and use the power of fusion to lance the dumb bone shaped ship to smithereens."

Meia looks out into the great void beyond. "We are so fucked."

I like to pretend I'm good at explaining things. This chapter was a big explanation that might not have worked.

John's ideology that I spent the chapter explaining is Determinism, the idea that everything can be determined given perfect information. Free will, the opposing argument, is that you make a decision, and it is yours, that you have influence over reality. Usually, this is the product of a soul of somesuch. Free will makes the most sense to humans, because we live in real time and have no undo actions. It's basically the argument of logic vs emotions: Logic seems correct, but feelings feel right. Which is like the old joke about the brain. It's the most important organ, according to the brain.

I'd rather you didn't just accept that Determinism is true or false based on my words. Think it over, read more on the subject, and come to your own conclusion. That is the only path towards the truth, where I don't decide what you think, nor does anyone else. Apply this to all things in life. The truth is that which doesn't go away when you close your eyes, but we wear a lot of lenses that distort things.