It was difficult to fall asleep that night – for both of them. Hermione laid in her four-poster bed, staring at the red curtains, which seemed to be dark grey in the little light she had. There were other girls in the dormitory, and she could hear their deep, calm breaths mixed together, but she could not sleep. At first, she tried, tossing and turning in her bed, trying to calm down and imagining all the most pleasant things in the world.
After all, her friends were out there, probably wishing her all the best, possibly already asleep. What were they dreaming of?...
Now, the good times had begun – there was no menace awaiting them outside the castle, so the students should have felt happy and safe. So should she. And yet, there she was, uncertain of what she should do – the next day she would need to see Snape during breakfast, and later on, during her detention. Her colleagues were probably going to hate her; after all, she was a Prefect, and she had got a detention the night she had got back to school.
At least she had not lost any points... so no-one beside her would face any consequences. She would be the only one suffering because of her mistake – but could saving someone's life be called a mistake?
Hermione stepped out of her bed and approached the table to pour a glass of water for herself. Taking a sip, she walked to the window and looked outside. It was so calm there; the dark forest seemed to be just a mysterious picture, not something real, the reflection of the moon glistened in the waters of the lake.
Yes, she had missed all of that during their year-long pursuit after the Horcruxes. However, the picture was not complete without the man she had rescued in the Shrieking Shack. Even though Snape was a terrible bully she had always complained about with her friends, she could not deny she needed him there, at school, and after that summer, she was not even sure whether she could handle living without him afterwards.
Cursing under her breath, she closed her eyes and leant against the wall; it seemed to be so cold against her skin right now.
She definitely should not have had such thoughts about Snape – he was her teacher, for goodness sake, moreover, a man she had always claimed she had hated. Then what had changed since the moment she had last thought of him like that?
Unwittingly she touched her lips with just the tips of her fingers. Hardly could she believe she had really kissed Snape – and not because he had forced her to, even though she would be glad if she could think of it that way. At least she would have another reason to hate him. Instead of this, she was no longer sure what she actually felt.
She was a Prefect. The last thing she should be doing was breaking the school rules – and there she was, was breaking more than just that. If they kept doing that and someone noticed them... they would get into trouble.
"I must end this," she whispered to herself, then finished drinking the water and put the glass back on the table before she got into the bed, still completely unaware of the fact that she was not the only one who could not fall asleep that night.
Severus did not even bother to lay down in his bed. He had not felt this way since he had known Lily, but back then, he had been just a young boy, a teen who had had the right to fall head over heels for a beautiful girl. But now? Was he not a mature man, a person who should be focused more on his duties instead of love life and emotions? Then why would he feel so weirdly attracted to this young Gryffindor?
Now, as he had thought of it, it was not just a whim. He had known her for quite a while now – she had always been that annoying know-it-all who made him almost lose his nerve. However, he could not deny that she was a talented witch, and he had always appreciated gifted people. Whether he wanted it or not, Hermione Granger was so much like Lily Evans that he could not just choose to ignore it, even though it would make it so much easier if he could. Both she and Lily were Muggleborns, yet exceptionally skilled as students. They did not look very much alike, however, there were some similarities. Especially in the way they smiled.
Hermione had never smiled at him, but it did not mean he had never seen that expression upon her fine features. Probably that was the reason why he had thought back of Lily when he looked at her. And now, he owed her his life...
Snape hardly ever drank alcohol, but that night he could not resist it. Having poured himself a glass of Firewhisky he drank almost all of it in one gulp. It seemed to be burning away his worries, but did not manage to get rid of all of them.
They could be caught. If they did get caught, they would get into so much trouble... Grimacing, he rubbed his eyelids with fingers. He was actually asking for it, making Granger come to his office for her detention. Why had he not taken it under consideration? Or – maybe he had taken it under consideration but chosen to ignore it?
"I hate her so much..." he growled to himself, sitting down in the armchair with an almost-empty glass in his hand. "She's driving me crazy, this foolish little Mudblood..."
But no matter how much he tried to insult her, he could not make the picture of her, nestled safely in his head, any worse. She was a beautiful, talented witch. So young and so tempting. Way too good for that Weasley boy to have. He, Severus, would take a good care of her... he was not perfect, but he would do his best, and she could make him a better person, if she only chose to help him. But would she voluntarily do this?
Taking a deep breath, he felt an awful weight in his chest. It hurt to know that he was not a person she would ever consider a possible partner. She was way too smart to even think of it. She must have known the risk of it, and as an intelligent woman, she would never choose to take it, no, she could not...
And yet, he could not help but think of the touch of her soft lips against his. That kiss... it had not felt like it had been forced upon her; no, he would have sworn that she had wanted to kiss him just as much as he had wanted it... Maybe that was why his remorse had not killed him completely yet? Because deep in his heart he had a feeling that despite her being so smart, she, too, wanted him the way he wanted her?
Then what would she do the next day, when she met him again during her detention? Would she bring up the kiss? Would she ask him to stop? She was brave enough to try, but would she take that risk?
There was a tiny smirk upon his lips as he finally went to bed.
It was probably much more difficult for Hermione to see Snape the next day during breakfast than it was for him – he was used to showing no emotions on his face, even if he was boiling inside. And she... she was always so honest with everything, even her feelings. She could betray herself with the way she looked at him.
That was why she decided not to look in his direction in the morning. By the way she looked, it was obvious she had not had a good night sleep. However, she was there, smiling softly as she sat down next to her new colleagues – it was strange to be at Hogwarts without Harry and Ron by her side, but maybe it was for the best. This way, she could focus more on her education, and maybe get to know more people.
As she started her breakfast, Pigwidgeon landed just in front of her. With a soft smile on her face, she reached for the letter, gently stroking the owl's back.
"You've done a good job, Pig," she said as the owl hooted quietly. "Wait here a second, I'll see what Ron wrote, alright?"
She was not quite sure why she was talking to Pig, nevertheless, the little owl seemed to have understood as she awaited – as patiently as she could, even if that meant jiggling around on the table and finally dipping the beak in Hermione's cup. The girl did not seem to notice that, though, as she was focused on the letter.
It was just a casual letter from her friends – they wrote they were alright and missing her, which made her smile a little. There was nothing that could have harmed them, however, it was always good to know they were fine, especially knowing Harry's talent for finding some trouble. Right now, though, she did hope that he would not have any problems when he was safely at home with Ron...
"You look terrible today, Miss Granger, I wonder what might have happened," she heard out of sudden. The voice was quiet and velvety, full of sarcasm, even though it seemingly bore no emotions; how could one not recognise it?
Swallowing a curse, she looked up, folding the piece of parchment in her hands, just in case – she definitely did not want Snape reading her private correspondence – and took a deep breath. She knew her face was pale and there were dark circles under her eyes, but she did not want him to think that she was afraid of him.
Even though she was.
"I am perfectly fine, Professor," she replied, hoping she had managed to make her voice sound calm and neutral, despite her heart beating so fast in her chest.
His dark eyes met hers, and it would be hard to say that they were empty and cold; never before had Hermione seen Snape's eyes glowing with so much passion as right now – even the previous night. It was almost as if he was fascinated by the way she had handled her current situation. She wished, though, it were not so.
Or maybe... maybe she wanted him to be fascinated? Deep in her heart she felt proud and flattered, knowing she had managed to evoke such feelings in her teacher's heart. Even though before he had treated her like a nuisance. Now, so much had changed. She had grown up and matured, he had learnt to see a woman in her.
"I wonder if you will say the same after tonight's detention," he said with what sounded like amusement – moreover, there was a smirk upon his face as Hermione looked at him. "Well, I wish you a good first day."
And then, he shuffled away. Hermione sat there, completely bewildered, still staring at his back as he walked, his robe flapping like wings of some enormous bat. That was when Pigwidgeon reminded her of her duty to finish reading the letter and write a quick response.
There was no time left to write anything longer, so Hermione just assured her friends that she was alright – which was not really a lie, because physically she was unharmed – and promised to write a longer letter later on, as she had some time. They would understand, she was convinced about it, because they had to know she would have lots of learning now, since it was the last year of her education there, at Hogwarts.
And then what, asked a quiet voice in her head. Will you marry Ron, like everyone's expecting? Or will you consider some other possibilities...?
Unwittingly she glanced towards the High Table. Snape was already there, as grim as always, not paying any attention to her, looking as if he had forgotten about the little talk they had just had. Maybe it was for the better...
That was when Professor McGonagall approached her and handed her a timetable. At first, Hermione was too lost in thoughts to notice anything as she quickly glanced at the piece of parchment in her hand. Only after a moment it got through to her mind.
She was going to have Potions with Snape again that year, and it meant that they were going to meet each other much more often than she would like to. It meant even more time trying to pretend that nothing had happened between the two of them. Even more of him teasing her... How, on earth, was she supposed to focus on the lesson now?
"Better hurry up," said Ginny, patting her shoulder. "Our first lesson's starting in a moment. I'm sure Ron and Harry can wait a bit longer for your response."
Hermione was shocked to realise she had not given her letter to Pigwidgeon yet, so she quickly did so before she swallowed the rest of her breakfast as fast as she only could. However, it was not the reason why she felt her stomach flipping.
They were going to have Potions with Snape, and it happened that on Wednesdays they had a double lesson. It meant that that day she was going to see Snape for at least three hours. Three long hours, two of which were going to be spent with them amongst other students... and one – hopefully just one! – with just him and her.
"Are you sure you're alright, 'Mione?" asked Ginny, looking at her carefully. "You look terribly pale today... and you're just so distracted, you're not really like yourself, you know?"
"I swear, I'm fine, Gin," replied Hermione, forcing a smile onto her lips; one good enough to foul Ginny, at least. "Don't worry. I just... almost forgot what it's like to be at school, after that last year... I just need to get used to it once again."
Ginny smiled with compassion.
"Yeah... right," she responded quietly. "But don't worry too much, okay? It won't help at all, and I'm here to help you as much as I can."
The tone of her voice was warm and calming, and Hermione could not help but nod. This time, her smile was much more genuine, even though she did not feel any less stressed about the day that was just about to begin.
"Sure, Ginny, thanks," she answered, giving Ginny's hand a soft squeeze.
Hermione had never been more thankful for Ginny's loyal friendship, however, at that moment she wished she would not be Ron's younger sister. Because what would her reaction be if she got to know about everything?
Would Ginny think that Hermione had betrayed her brother? Or maybe she would just feel disgusted with what Hermione had done with their teacher? A man old enough to be her father?
No. Hermione could not tell her best friend about everything, not this time, even though it was the very time she needed a friend she could open up to.
"I just know you'd do the same for me, 'Mione," said Ginny, still oblivious of Hermione's thoughts, as they walked into the classroom.