Back yet again!
Can I just say I am thrilled so many of you love my story? Seriously, this had been a huuuuge self esteem booster for me. I wrote this story because I needed to get it out of my head, but to know others actually enjoy it makes me feel incredible.
Sorry if I don't respond to too many reviews. As you have probably gathered from the amount of times I have had to drawn from personal experiences to write some of the darker aspects of this story, my home life is...less than ideal. It gets hectic and I often times have a lot of work on my plate. One of those responsibilities is caring for a disabled family member and that takes a lot out of me. So if I ever forget to respond to your review, it isn't because I don't care, but because I am just so tired.
On with the show!
If Someone Cared Enough
Chapter Fifteen: A Series of Adjustments
The next few days were a jumble of activity in the Evans' household. In order to make room for their long-term house guest, Hank moved his desk and any books necessary for his work at the University out to his tool shed. He left the remainder of his books, dozens of volumes of fiction and non-fiction, science journals and historical anthologies lining two walls of the room. With Severus being such a studious lad, Hank had no doubt the boy wouldn't mind a small library in his bedroom.
Of course, with Hank now intending to do his grading and research in the shed, Willow insisted it get cleaned top to bottom. They swept the floor and put down some cheap, inexpensive tile on the cement, the fair price courtesy of a neighbor working the local flooring store. They dusted and shined the worktable, all the tools placed on the wall above it, secured by nails hammered into the wall to act as hooks.
They sorted the junk and dented toolboxes that Hank had accumulated over the years into 'useable' and 'rubbish' piles and dealt with them accordingly. The space that cleared up allowed Hank to put his desk in the far corner and hang up some shelves above it for his books and journals. Willow polished and scrubbed the windows on the shed until the grim was gone and light shined through. The final touches were an area rug under Hank's desk and an antic Tiffany glass light fixture to go over the lightbulb in the ceiling, the fixture pulled from the attic, a former wedding gift for which they never had much use.
Willow put up an ad in the paper for her piano lessons and was able to get word to spread around with the help of the usual troop of gossipy housewives in the neighborhood. With several students already lined up for weekly lessons and Hank taking up tutoring University students on the side, there would be an added source of income to at least make the food budget manageable.
With Hank situated in the shed there was now a space for Severus to call his own. They brought the spare mattress down from storage and aired it out for a day or two. They then treated it to a good spritzing with a fabric spray; Petunia swore by the stuff for getting rid of the 'musty' odor on furniture and often used it on the living room sofa. The spray gave the mattress a fairly pleasant linen scent and Severus had no qualms about sleeping on it. The Evanses didn't have an extra bedframe anymore, but an old box spring beneath his mattress suited him just fine.
Lily quickly descended upon the room with some grey bedsheets and a forest green quilt and pillow shams once the bed was set in place. Knowing full well Severus's lack of interest in sports and finding band posters 'juvenile', she opted for digging through Severus's things and framing several pictures of famed potioneers, torn long ago from old copies of Withes Weekly and signed by the potioneers themselves in elegant, curly font.
Acquiring Severus things had proven an easier task than expected, but no less awkward. With an Auror present, Severus and Hank had ventured back into his childhood home and collected all of his personal belongings. Hank did an admirable job of not letting his shock and dismay show when he entered Severus' dismal excuse for a room. A mattress full of holes on the floor and a lone desk and chair were all that made up the sorry abode, everything else of value stuffed into Severus' trunk and shoved into the far corner of the room. They left the mattress and took the trunk and desk, figuring the latter could be useful.
Eileen was there when they came for Severus's things—Tobias having being hauled away while Eileen was left with strict instructions to appear for the hearing—but she hung back in the shadows, twisting her apron in her hands and worrying away at the skin around her fingernails. She barely made eye contact with her son, instead opting to stare at the floor whenever he went by. Severus tried not to let it bother him; he didn't wish to have a heart to heart with his mum where the Ministry could hear.
Prior to his Arrival, Willow had come for a personal one on one with Eileen. She had marched up the steps to that rickety house on Spinners End with a steely look of determination in her eyes. It was unknown what words passed between them, but when Willow reemerged, Eileen was crying softly and shaking her hand, nodding along to Willow's hushed whispers.
The Ministry wasted little time in giving the Evanses temporary custody of Severus when they got the report. A halfblood beaten by his magic hating muggle father was the last thing they needed a spotlight on while trying to reassure the Wizarding public that You-Know-Who's words against the 'threat' and 'danger' or muggles was just propaganda. Officials scheduled a hearing for the end of the week to make the setup permanent, in part to establish whether the Evanses were fit to take Severus in, and to cast sentencing on Eileen for her own complicity in the years of abuse.
Severus had protested such actions against his mother, a protest that ended in a rather heated row between him and Mr. Wrence. While Severus insisted his mother was a victim just as much as he was, Wrence argued that Eileen's own occasional acts of aggression on her child made her just as much an abuser as a victim. Severus was outraged and if Lily had not intervened—wrapping her arms around him and holding him until he calmed down—he might have leaped upon Wrence and throttled him.
Wrence did have some good news though; the hearing for Eileen was less a trial and more an intervention. If things went according to Wrence's plans, Eileen would be ruled an unfit mother and required to go to classes to regain custody. In doing so, the Ministry would see to it that Eileen work with a ministry-assigned agent to address her anger and in doing so, her own trauma at the hands of Tobias, the ordeal being cited as the motivation for her actions. While it was unlikely the court would see Tobias as ever being fit to go near his family again, it was possible to reason with Eileen to get the help and treatment she needed, maybe even reintegrate her into Wizard society. At least, that was how Wrence saw it.
Severus wasn't pleased with the situation, but at least he didn't have to worry about his mother being criminally charged alongside his father. He suspected some of the leniency towards Eileen was because of her pureblood status, disowned or not, but Severus couldn't prove it. If a pureblood former heiress wasn't treated kindly after her mistreatment at the hands of a muggle, it would be handing You-Know-Who the evidence he needed for his claims of a corrupt Ministry and a dangerous future terrorized by muggles. So the ministry had a tricky job ahead of itself; discreetly handling the harm caused by a muggle, while ensuring society saw a Ministry capable of serving justice without jeopardizing it's pureblood citizens with a pro-muggle biased. There had to be a healthy balance between muggleborns and purebloods in Ministry dealings; no side could be favored over the other. Severus being halfblood probably gave them a middle ground to work with.
"Sickle for your thoughts?" Lily's question jolted Severus out of his musings.
Severus shook himself, leaning back on his bed, "Just thinking," he answered. He cocked an eye at Lily.
"A sickle?" he asked, "I thought the phrase started with 'a penny'. Don't tell me those purebloods are rubbing off on you."
Lily laughed, coming over to sit next to him, "It's a thing Mary started doing back in second year. She got so sick of James and his friends acting smug about knowing wizards sayings and leaving us in the dark that she started mixing in wizard words with muggle phrases. It was really just to piss Black off; the sayings would sound like ones he should know, but the meanings would be lost on him."
"Clever," Severus said admirably, "I would have loved to see his face while he tried to puzzle it out."
Lily grinned, "It was priceless. He looks constipated when he thinks too hard." She jutted her jaw out and sucked in her upper lip, crossing her eyes.
Severus snorted and covered it with a cough, "That is…quite the spectacle."
"So…" Lily prompted, bumping shoulder with Severus, "What are you thinking about?"
Severus shrugged, "Just the hearing. This is a potentially big deal. A halfblood wizard nearly killed by his muggle father? The press will have a field day with it if they find out."
"Then we best hope they don't find out," Lily said.
Severus raked a hand through his hair, "This is one big mess. My mother is getting leniency…she's a pureblood…my dad hated magic and I'm half and half. Add what happened on the train and this is the recipe for the sort of scandal politicians love." He sighed, "I just don't want my family's personal lives dragged into the public for either side of this war."
Lily rested her head on Severus shoulder, rubbing his back sympathetically. She was glad he had finally grown used to her touch.
"I know what you mean," she said after a time, "The last thing I want is to have my status as a muggleborn to be the focal point of the trial with Avery. What he did was wrong no matter who he is or who I am. I don't need people arguing that it's wrong because I'm some poor muggleborn, or okay because I'm lesser than purebloods…I just want everyone to simply admit that the act itself was wrong and I deserve justice no matter my blood or the blood of my attacker…you know what I mean?"
Severus nodded, "Yeah, I do. I doubt it would be fair to any other girl who has been in your shoes if the ruling for the trial comes down to it being wrong simply because of the Ministry having a pro-muggle biased. The action should be condemned, not the target of the action."
"Exactly," Lily agreed, "I would hate to win the case only to hear some other girl Avery might have done this to wasn't taken seriously because there wasn't a political angle that people could roll with. 'A pureblood attacked another pureblood; that's hardly news'. What if someone actually said that? How would a girl feel going through that?"
"It's a messed up world, isn't it," Severus observed, "We're the victims and yet everyone has something to gain from the outcomes of our cases. No one should matter but us, and yet whatever ruling is made, someone else out there is going to come out on top for some political stance."
Lily rested her elbows on her knees, head in her hands, "It's screwy, alright. Nice to know our heritage matters more than us."
"At least you aren't from the Prince line," Severus pointed out. "What a headline that will be. 'Disowned heiress of Prince fortune beaten by muggle husband; halfblood son nearly killed.' That would sell papers."
"What about 'Halfblood Prince saves muggleborn; his life hangs in the balance'? I'm surprised that one didn't come out in the papers while you were recovering," Lily teased.
"You were in more danger than I was," Severus argued.
Lily's smile disappeared, her expression sobering, "That's really a matter of perspective." She bumped shoulders with him again, "I'm still glad you came for me."
Severus bumped back, "Every time."
They locked eyes for a minute, unblinking as the seconds ticked by.
Catching himself, Severus looked away, clearing his throat, "Well now…"
Lily shook herself, blushing, "Yes…well…"
"Did you come up here to talk about something?" Severus asked.
"What?" Lily blinked, "Oh, yes. That's right. We both got letters," she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small stack of letters wrapped in twine.
"You got one from Nesme and Davis. Apparently you never told them where you live or even the town, so they just sent them to Simon," Lily explained, handing Severus his letters.
"Oh, thank you," Severus said, baffled. Aside from the few letters he received over the years from Lucius working on recruiting him or Avery demanding he do his summer reading work in exchange for protection, Severus never got mail during the summer.
"And this is from Mary," Lily added, handing him a third envelope.
Now Severus truly was confused, "Mary?"
"She wrote to me too," Lily said, showing her own envelope, "She probably just wants to see how we're both doing."
"I see," Severus said, staring at the letter like it would explode at any second.
Lily rolled her eyes, "It's not going to bite! Mary probably just wants to thank you and see how you're doing. She was really concerned in the letter she sent me." She nudged Severus with her elbow, "Go on, open it."
Severus broke the envelope's wax seal and tugged the letter out. Unfolding the parchment, he scanned the letter carefully, taking in the neat, curvy handwriting.
'Severus,
First, I would like to say that I hope this letter finds you well. Last time I saw you, you were still in dire straits at St. Mungos and they didn't have a clue as to when (or if) you would wake up.
I was scared for you, if I am honest with myself. You risked your life for Lily and me—for which I am deeply grateful—but it almost killed you. When Lily wrote to me that you had woken up I was so relieved!
Secondly, it goes without saying that I am thankful you came to my rescue. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You had no reason to stick your neck out for anyone after how the school has treated you over the years and yet you did. And I can never thank you enough.
Third, I feel it is only right that I give you my sincerest apologies. Truth be told, very few people have been very nice to you, myself included. We could have been far kinder to you. The way you were treated was greatly undeserved and I am sorry I let house biased influence me like that. I judged you before I knew you and it is high time I acknowledge how unjustified that was and how wrong I have been.
I understand if you never wish to forgive me, but my apology still stands. I'm really and truly sorry. You're a good, brave man, Severus and I never should have stood back while others hurt you. That isn't how I was raised and I never should have stood for it.
Lastly, I would like to extend an invitation to you this summer for tea. You see, my parents are quite adamant they meet you so that they may thank you in person. I myself, would greatly like to do so as well, seeing as last I saw you, you were unconscious.
Lily is welcome to come if you would like, I understand you and I have had very little interaction over the years and you may not wish to meet one on one just yet.
Should you say yes, owl me and I shall set up a date and time.
I really would like to thank you in person, Severus. Please consider it.
Sincerely,
Mary.'
"Huh, she's a lot more formal in yours," Lily observed, reading over Severus's shoulder, "She must have been unsure how to talk with you. Still she really is glad you're okay."
"I take it from her lack of mention that you didn't tell her about what happened with my dad recently," Severus guessed.
"No, I felt that was something you should tell people, should you choose to," Lily said.
Severus nodded, "Thanks. I'm not exactly ready to be spreading it around."
"Mary may have an idea, thanks to Simone, but she doesn't know how bad it is," Lily admitted.
Severus groaned, "Serapeum and her big mouth."
"Would it make you feel better if I told you she only brought it up because she was giving me the business for ignoring you?" Lily offered.
Severus mulled that over, "…Maybe…but not because I think you deserve it," he back pedaled, "I was just…well it hurt when you started avoiding me. I can see why you did."
Lily gave Severus a lopsided smile, "I knew what you meant."
"So…Mary wishes me to visit at some point," Severus said, changing the subject.
"I think you should go," Lily told him, "You need to socialize more and it probably would do Mary some good to see for herself that you're alright. I mean, seeing you on the train was pretty…" she shuddered, "Horrifying."
"Her parents want to speak with me," Severus stated, looking at the letter again, "I'm not really all that great at meeting people."
"You did alright with all your new friends at school," Lily reminded him.
"That was against my will," Severus snarked.
"You still like them," Lily teased, "They're your friends now; deal with it."
Severus gave a very put upon sigh, "If I must. Anyway, I'll read Davis and Nesme's letter later; I imagine they'll have sent me a novel."
Lily laughed, "I'll bet they have. Nesme sure seems talkative. And I'm sure that your other new friends have included their well wishes in there too."
"Probably. Well, that's it for my letters; what's that last one?" Severus asked, gesturing to the remaining letter in Lily's lap.
Lily grimaced, "Well it's mostly from Remus—which is nice, he was really worried about us—but…" she opened the letter and pulled out two separate pieces of parchment, "It would seem James managed to sneak one of his own letters in before Remus sent it."
"How do you know Lupin didn't just simply agree to send it?" Severus asked suspiciously.
Lily tapped her finger on James' letter, "Because James asks me not to tell Remus in his. Remus promised me he wouldn't tell James where I live."
Severus raised a brow, "That is certainly…out of character for him. He normally does whatever those hooligans want."
Lily gave Severus a light shove, smiling playfully, "Be nice, Sev. He may not always stand up for himself, but he at least respects a girl's right to privacy. He knows that if I wanted James to have my address I would have told him already."
"So Lupin was at least taught how to be a gentleman," Severus surmised, biting back a smirk as Lily shoved him again, "So what does Potter have to say?"
Lily frowned, "It's just his usual antics, trying to flatter me, telling me he never wants to see tears shining in my "perfect eyes" again, that he would face a hundred Slytherins to protect me. It just goes on and on. He asks how I am which is sweet, I suppose, but he doesn't even mention you! I mean, Remus had the foresight to ask over your wellbeing—he recommends eating food with lots of iron, by the way, for the anemia—but James just keeps running his mouth."
Lily sighed, dropping her hands into her lap, "I appreciate that he is concerned for me, I really do. But after what you went through, the least he could do is ask after you. He knows how much you mean to me, so surely he can try to keep in mind what's important to me if he supposedly cares so much. And all the compliments? After what I've been through, romance isn't exactly on my mind."
"To be fair, you've been very tight lipped about what happened so maybe he doesn't know," Severus suggested. It put a bad taste in his mouth to defend Potter, but he couldn't really deny things had been quite chaotic in the aftermath of Avery's attack.
"He saw enough to piece together what happened," Lily said uncomfortably, "My robes were torn…I was wearing yours. I looked a fright. He has to have figured out what went on. And still he tries to woo me. I'm sure he means nothing by it but…"
Lily groaned, falling back on the bed, "Even when he is being nice, it's all for some ulterior motive. He's asking how I am as 'Lily; the girl he cares about because he wants to date her,' not 'Lily the person he cares about because it's basic human decency.' I just can't help but feel that while he's sincere, deep down he does it while hoping to win me over."
Lily righted herself, looking at Severus, "It's like he got his dating advice from one of those romance novels Mary reads. The girl is nearly ravished," she made a face of disgust, not really considering what Avery did to be 'ravishing' in any form, "and she's saved at the last minute, and then she jumps into the arms of the knight in shining armor and rides off into the sunset with him. Is that what he expected?"
"Possibly," Severus replied.
"Well I've got news for him: real life doesn't work that way. There is nothing romantic about being flirted with after something like that. And for the record, he is a far cry from a knight in that scenario. I mean, you rescued me," Lily looked at Severus, appreciation once again shining in her eyes.
Severus flushed, "I was just doing the right thing," he offered in explanation.
"And it means the world to me," Lily told him, "Really, you've been just wonderful since this all happened. You've been so patient with me; you listen and you don't press me for answers, and you've been doing your best not to snap at anything. Even right now, I know you don't like that James wrote to me, but you haven't been rude or moody, and aren't trying to convince me he's scum or anything. You're holding back for me and I really appreciate it."
"You've been through a lot," Severus admitted, "It wouldn't really be fair to go off on you for Potter sending a letter without your knowledge. Besides I think we both realize nothing good comes from us telling each other who we can associate with."
Lily nodded, "Yeah, it just causes more trouble for us. But listen, for what it is worth, I am sorry for what James and his friend put you through. It was unfair and it wasn't right. And if I'm nice to James, it isn't because I am choosing his friendship over yours. Frankly after learning of some of the things he and his friends have done to you, I don't really think friends is the word for it anyway. Maybe just housemates. Still, if you see me being pleasant to him, it isn't because I have taken his side. I just live with the toerag most of the year; turning him from acquaintance to enemy would be asking for him to make my life miserable."
"Like things would be for me if I had told my dormmates to sod off," Severus agreed, "Yes I suppose that makes sense. Though now I have effectively told them to sod off…"
Lily frowned, "That's right. You did do that. I mean, after the showdown with Avery and Mulciber, you can't exactly deny where you stand in all this. Are your remaining dormmates going to make trouble for you?"
Severus thought about it, "I don't believe so. I mean, Wilkes and Black's brother might, but they're the only vocal few. Stebbins and Parkison might be most distant and condescending, but they know not to make a fuss. As it is, Serapeum will keep people at bay if there is discord."
"Ah, that's right," Lily remembered, "The whole Pureblood protection thing Simone was talking about. At least now you have a decent person to look out for you."
"I don't need someone to protect me," Severus said moodily, "I do quite fine on my own."
"Let's just pray Avery didn't teach anyone that spell of yours before we left school," Lily said softly.
The pair sat in worried silence for a long time after that, neither speaking until Willow called them down for dinner.
{page break}
"Sev?" came a timid whisper from the doorway, "Are you awake?"
Severus rolled over, squinting through the darkness to make out a figure peeking around his door, "Lily?"
Lily pushed the door open a little more. Casting one last glance into the hallway, she tiptoed into Severus's room and closed the door behind her.
"Sorry, did I wake you?" she asked cautiously.
Sitting up, Severus turned on the lamp on his side table, "No, I hadn't fallen asleep yet. What's wrong?"
Lily fidgeted with her fingers, not meeting Severus's gaze.
"I was wondering," she began nervously, "Do you suppose I could stay here tonight?"
Severus sat up a little straighter, "What?"
Lily waved her hands frantically, "It's not what you think. I didn't mean it like that. I just…I'm having trouble sleeping and well…"
Severus took the time to look at Lily; to really take her in this time.
Though the pale, shaky visage she had been on the train and the few days after had faded, Lily still was a little peaky. Most days Severus spent with her after being released from the hospital, Lily had looked fine, but now that Severus thought about it, he could recall the faintest hint of make-up smeared by her eye or under her chin.
Now in the faint light of his lamp, Lily seemed almost as pale as he did, her skin pallid and a far cry from the rosy cheeked girl he grew up with. Looking closer, Severus could just make out deep circles under her eyes.
"How long have you been having nightmares?" Severus asked.
Lily rubbed her arm, looking away, "Honestly? Most nights. Almost every night since it happened. When I shared a bed with Tuney the night we brought you home, things were okay, but…alone…" she looked up at Severus, her eyes pleading, "Just tonight, Sev, I promise. Please?"
Severus took in Lily's tired eyes and fragile stance, standing there clad in a tank top and a pair of sleep pants.
Severus took a deep breath. It was innocent enough. And she had already slept next to him at the hospital, right?
Gathering his resolve, Severus nodded.
"Get in," he ordered quietly, pulling back the covers and scooting over.
Relief lit up Lily's face like a lumos spell. Quickly crossing the room, she all but dove into the bed.
"You're sure you're alright with this?" she asked, wiggling under the blankets to get comfortable.
Severus hummed noncommittally, "We've done this before. I'm just concerned what your parents would say."
Lily rolled over on her side, facing Severus, "Mum lets us wake up on our own, so you don't have to worry about her coming to the door. We're fine," she rested her head on the pillow, smiling contentedly. She stared at Severus, a grin on her face, "Thanks, Sev."
Severus coughed, "It's no big deal. Just two friends sleeping, right?"
Lily nodded, closing her eyes as she snuggled into the blankets happily, "Right."
Severus attempted to relax. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on clearing his mind and going to sleep, when he was startled by the feeling of something pressing against him.
Lily curled up besides him, their shoulders touching and their faces inches away from each other on the pillow.
"Night Sev," Lily said sleepily, already drifting off into slumber.
"…-n-night," Severus said. Taking a shaky breath, he composed himself.
"It's no big deal, it's no big deal," he chanted over and over.
Risking a glance at Lily he watched her sleep, her face relaxed and peaceful, her breath stirring some strands of hair hanging over her face.
Severus stared at her, not sure what to do. She seemed so happy with him.
Looking around, Severus carefully moved closer. Ever so carefully, he wrapped his arm around Lily, bringing her closer.
Lily cuddled into his side with a contented sigh, her hand coming up to grip his nightshirt tightly in her sleep.
For a long time, Severus just lay there. He soaked in the warmth of Lily's embrace, the subtle fragrance of her hair. He marveled at the comforting way her head tucked below his chin, her delicate frame fitting so nicely against his own.
As Lily's soft breathing lulled him to sleep, Severus knew that if Lily asked to do this again, he would say yes in a heartbeat.
And he did say yes when she came back the next night.
And the next night.
And the next.
So some interesting new developments have arisen, haven't they?
I told you I wouldn't be glossing over Lily's ordeal. This is only the beginning and I plan to further hash out some of the fall out emotionally as time goes on.
This chapter has Lily discussing much of what I found to be wrong with James' character in canon. I have already made it known that I disapprove of him winning Lily under false pretenses by pretending to have changed his bullying ways. However, even if he HAD changed it would still bother me due to the reasons for this change. James wouldn't have stopped because he became a better person but because he saw doing so would get him something-or someone-he wanted. In order to get Lily, he stopped bullying. That's not as noble as stopping his bullying because he honestly saw it as wrong. James does everything because he is working an angle, at least where Lily is concerned. This shows his lack of regard for others as well as her; he wouldn't be changing because he cares about how it makes her feel, he would be changing because he saw it as the perfect way to win her over. THAT'S what I dislike about James.
Not much to say here since the chapter focused mostly on one scene and is straight forward. I hope you all enjoyed it.
Read and review, my lovelies!