The beginning of the semester had not been going well as for now, according to Hermione, however, it was not a sign for her to stop trying for it to get any better. Actually, even though at first she had been about to just give up, now, she felt motivated to do whatever she could to focus on her education – and at the same time, to help Snape.
If she were to be completely honest about why she was so concerned about his well-being, she would need to answer that she knew it was the only way he would leave her be. However, at the same time, she was aware of the fact that for some reason, mysterious even to her, she cared about him.
Maybe he had been right the night they had got back to Hogwarts – she would not be able to take back the life she had saved. Because at first, she had been worried about him, knowing he had been in a very serious state after Voldemort had tried to kill him. That was the first and the main reason why she had started thinking of him at all. But then... yes, it was wrong, but the innocent thoughts had turned into something more.
It was difficult to forget about all the cruel things he had done to Harry, Ron or her, or the rest of the students. But he had not been always cruel. Had he not given his life to save Harry and the rest of the wizarding world?
Moreover, Snape was devilishly intelligent. Hermione had never been the one to care about a person's looks, however, she could feel herself being attracted to brilliant people. At first, she had just enjoyed spending time with them. Then, when she had grown up, she had found herself crushing on them – because whether she wanted it or not, she was just a human. A person who could not really control who she was fond of...
No matter how unhealthy it was, she had somehow fallen in love with Severus Snape, the very same man she had been sure had always been disgusted by her. At least until now – because now... if he was telling the truth...
"You look surprisingly good today," she heard Ginny's voice as the redhead sat by her side in the Great Hall, pouring herself a cup of tea. "After last night I thought you'd be at least sleepy, but look at you."
Hermione could not help but chuckle.
"I am sleepy, Gin, but what's the point in showing it when there are so many other things I should be focused on?" she replied.
"That's the spirit!" answered Ginny, then took a sip from her cup. "Well... what do we have after breakfast?"
Hermione pulled out her schedule and took a look at it.
"Herbology," she said, frowning a little. "Double Herbology, then Transfiguration..."
"Luckily no Potions today," Ginny cut in, "I've checked it because I wouldn't have stood the thought of having two days in a row when I'm locked in the dungeons with Snape. Thank you but no."
A faint smile appeared upon Hermione's face and Ginny bit her bottom lip as she thought of her friend.
"But... but you're having your detention tonight, too, right? I mean... he... you... you didn't manage to convince him to change it?"
Something flipped in Hermione's stomach and it made her feel sick, so she put her toast back on the plate and took a deep breath.
"Unfortunately not," she responded finally, shaking her head, but did not dare tell Ginny about the way the previous detention had ended. "But every day brings us closer to the end of it, so I need to be patient."
Ginny smiled reassuringly, patting her friend's shoulder.
"If you can't do this, I can't imagine anyone who could," she told her with a small nod. "But I'm glad seeing you handling all this situation much better than yesterday. I told you, it's just a matter of time, and you'll excel at everything once again. You just need to get used to being at school once again. I guess there are some aspects of being a regular student that are much worse than being on the road."
Hermione could not help but burst into laugher. Ginny was right – school was not all that easy, but if she had survived the pursuit of the Horcruxes, why would she not be able to survive a normal school year? Especially when she had survived six of them already, with Harry and Ron by her side, the students who had a weird talent of getting themselves into trouble?
And now... now she was the one who had got herself into trouble. It was nothing different than just any other school year, then.
Not paying much attention to what she was doing, she glanced at the High Table and noticed Snape was not there. A part of her was relieved, but at the same time she could not help but feel a pinch of nervousness in her heart. What if he was somewhere out there, waiting to start nagging her, just like he had the previous day?
"Do you want to get to the class now?" asked Ginny after a moment, as soon as she had finished her breakfast and saw Hermione no longer busy with her toast. "We still do have some time but I think it's better to get there early so we can get the best seats."
Hermione nodded and the two marched out of the Great Hall. Fortunately neither of them could see Snape anywhere around – because, even though Hermione was completely unaware of that, Ginny kept her eye on her friend and knew that something about Snape's presence was quite disturbing to her. Therefore it would be better if they could avoid meeting him anywhere in the corridors, even though there were other people around.
Because everyone at school knew that Snape was a bully of a teacher. If he started mocking Hermione, no-one would see anything strange in it, even if it was wrong, and they would not get any help. And Ginny really did not want to experience the same thing she had the previous night, with Hermione being so stressed out that she had woken up screaming in the middle of the night. She needed to protect her friend.
Luckily for both of them, Snape was not there and they were able to make their way to the Transfiguration classroom without any unnecessary obstacles.
And so the day went on. At some point of it Ginny's sense of humour managed to get rid of the rest of Hermione's bad mood to the point where Hermione actually forgot about the detention awaiting her in the evening.
It was quite unusual for Hermione to have detentions, so she needed to get used to it (or, hopefully, not, as she thought, because she did not plan on having another one). Although reluctantly, Ginny had to remind her about the meeting in Snape's office when she noticed that Hermione was so lost in finishing her assignment that she did not look like she was going anywhere.
"Oh... right... right," answered Hermione, putting her quill aside. "I think I've finished, anyways..."
"Could I take a look?" asked Ginny. "I still lack two more inches."
Usually Hermione would not let anyone do that – especially since it reminded her of Ron who had used to do it more than often, however, Ginny was not Ron. Ron's sister put much more work into her education, and she had really been doing lots of research for the essay. Moreover, Hermione felt quite obliged to her friend for all of her help, so she moved the parchment a little bit closer to the redhead.
"Here, take a look," she said, then stood up and grasped her bag. "I should be going if I don't want to be late. And I really don't because Snape does not approve of any tardiness."
The tone she used to utter the last sentence made Ginny chuckle.
"I hope everything goes well today, too," she added, waving her friend goodbye.
Hermione took a deep breath and wished herself luck as well, wholeheartedly hoping that it would not go the way it had the previous day.
Having stepped out of the common room, she strode through the corridors, at this time pretty much desolated, and headed to the dungeons. To her surprise, though, she felt much more self-confident and calm than before. Maybe she had already got used to having this detention but... no, she doubted that was it.
As she stood in front of the door leading to Snape's office, she knocked, feeling her stomach flip again.
"Enter," she heard a familiar growl coming from inside, and she understood that Snape was not in a particularly good mood, therefore it would be better for her if she at least tried to behave the way she should.
As she entered the office, though, she dared not look up at the Professor, knowing that all that could await her was a harsh scholding.
"I want to hear your excuse, Granger," said Snape, his voice strangely calm.
"Excuse, Professor?" she asked, confused, glancing up at him.
He was there, sitting at the desk, both of his hands placed on its top. It was almost as if he was not furious with her, which she believed he was, after all, how could he have reacted to her having escaped his office during detention?
"Yesterday I did not let you leave the office and your detention was not over. And yet, you decided to walk out of here. I am waiting for your excuse."
For a moment, Hermione felt inexplicable anger. He had scared her, and now, he was waiting for her excuse? He knew perfectly why she had left! And yet... for some reason there was no exasperation in his voice – moreover, she would even say that he seemed to be... sad? It made her look down at her feet.
"I..." she started yet could not find any proper words that could explain what she had felt the night before. "I was afraid that... that the conversation was not going in the right direction, sir. And it... it was better to leave... before it was too late."
"Before it was too late?" repeated Snape and his brow went slightly up. He, however, did not stand up. "And what is that supposed to mean?"
Hermione frowned. What was the point of him interrogating her like that?
"That at some point the conversation would have gone too far, Professor," she replied, and her voice betrayed how annoyed she was.
Snape let out a small snort of sorts, then finally got up and slowly stepped from behind the desk, approaching the girl who dared not move away from him – her heart, though, was hammering in her chest.
"For a moment I thought I've mistaken someone else for you, Granger," he said quietly, "because you did not seem to be the same brave Gryffindor I used to know. At least right now you're proving me wrong."
This time Hermione did not let him provoke her, and remained completely silent. However, she did tip her chin slightly up, as if trying to show him she was not a coward.
"Tell me, then," he continued, "what you meant by the conversation would have gone too far."
If Hermione's eyes could burn him alive, he would have just become a human torch. He, though, did not seem to be moved by that.
"I'm waiting for your answer, Granger, and you should know better than anyone else that I am not a patient person."
Of course, Hermione knew that it was quite the opposite – there were many teachers at Hogwarts, and Snape could be one of the most patient of them. At such a moment, though, it would be better not to check if she was right.
"Our conversation at the beginning of the school year," she started after a moment, hearing that her voice was trembling more than she would like it to, "did go too far. We did something we shouldn't have, and... and I wanted to avoid such a possibility."
One of the corners of Snape's mouth went slightly up, as if he was very close to smiling yet something stopped him from doing that.
"But you did think it could take place once again?"
Hermione gritted her teeth and made a step back.
"I was afraid you might've forced me to do it!" she snapped.
"Oh, and did I force you when it happened for the first time?" he asked, his voice, on the contrary, completely calm.
Even though the girl would have wished he had been wrong, she knew he was not. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath.
"You did not," she replied coldly.
"Then where did that assumption come from? That I might have tried to force you to do something you didn't want, especially when we're talking about things as personal as the same thing we did the first night?"
Hermione did not answer this time, either. Snape did not push her, though, and for a longer while a rather awkward silence seemed to fill the whole office, which at that very moment seemed to be strangely tiny and stuffy.
"When I came here today," she spoke at last, "I thought that I could help you deal with your obsession. But now I see it's impossible."
"I didn't think I could hear such words coming from that pretty mouth of yours, Granger," replied Snape as he stepped away just to prop on the desk behind him. He did not take his eyes off her, though. "You have never seemed to be so willing to give up on your plans."
"Because I am not," she answered, squeezing one of her hands with the other as she tried to calm down. "However, in this situation..."
"In this situation? Granger, I have spent my whole day away from you just to calm down. To wrap my mind around everything concerning you so I wouldn't snap at you again. I didn't want to scare you away yesterday, and I don't want it now. But you seem to be so... so inclined to see only the monster part of me..."
The muscles of her jaw twitched ever so slightly but the Potions master seemed not to have noticed that.
"As I said... I know I am not the kind of man a young girl would be eager to dream about. I am not a good person. Nevertheless, I am not entirely bad, either. And I would be glad if I could see the same thing I saw in your eyes the first night... Back then... you believed in me. Just like Lily once did. You are not Lily," he added quickly, noticing Hermione was about to cut in, "but you are very much like her. Loving. Caring. Understanding. If you cannot love me, no-one can."
Hermione swallowed hard, not quite sure what to tell him. When she had come there, she had had such a good plan! To help him with his obsession so she could focus on school. But now... now, what was she supposed to do when he made her realise she did not entirely hate the thought of Snape loving her?
Though, it was much more difficult than she had originally thought. It was not only forbidden – it was wrong in so many other ways...
"I... I can't..." she whispered, shaking her head.
"You can't or you don't want to?" he asked just as quietly, making no sound as he approached her.
He placed his hand on her cheek once again, making her heart melt and her body shiver. Her breath hitched ever so slightly as she realised she was not able to give him her honest answer.
His face was way too close.