"Don't tell me you feel nothing for me," he whispered, his breath brushing against Hermione's face, making her shiver. "I won't believe you... you won't believe yourself, either... because you know yourself, Granger."
A frown brought Hermione's brows together as she looked quite boldly into Snape's eyes. He, however, did not seem to come unhinged, which actually surprised the girl. Before, he had seemed to get knocked off balance quite easily. Now, he was much calmer. So much calmer that he could beat her in this game.
"I've never said that," she snarled, "but it doesn't mean I would jeopardise everything just to be with you. Besides, I could never be with you."
Snape narrowed his eyes, but did not move away from her. After a moment, he brought one of his hands up to her face and tucked a free strand of her hair behind her ear, then gently caressed her cheek with just the tips of his fingers. It made Hermione feel so flustered that she could not say a word; she just closed her eyes and tried to calm down.
How could she be with anyone of whom she was scared so much that it cast a shadow upon any warmer feelings she harboured for him? Even if she decided to give it a try, would it not mean that she would come to regret it soon?
"You couldn't?" whispered Snape. "Have you never imagined what it would be like, though? I would care for you. I would make sure no-one would ever hurt you, Granger. Is that not something you'd consider..."
"As I said," Hermione cut in, "you would need to protect me from yourself first. I am not scared of anyone else as much as I am scared of you, Professor."
Those words seemed to have hurt Snape as he stepped back and straightened up, narrowing his eyes when he glanced at Hermione with something that looked like disgust. Once again, he was back to his normal, arrogant self.
"Scared... is that so?" he muttered. "Then I believe you know nothing of fear."
"I know more than you'd assume, Professor," replied Hermione resolutely. "I have been through enough to get to know fear. And nothing and no-one has ever brought me to the point you managed in the last several days."
"I could say the very same thing about you... but it's not fear you make me experience. No-one before you has ever brought me to such madness. I love you, Granger, does that mean nothing to you?"
Hermione was not ready for such confession. Her eyes wide open, she stared at the man in front of her as he approached her once again in just two long steps and grasped her shoulders. This time, she did not even try to fight.
"I love you... blindly... madly... even though I know I shouldn't," he continued whispering fervently. "It's a curse to both of us, I know, but there's no way we could get rid of it. But... but we could turn this curse into a blessing..."
"No, sir," she answered, shaking her head. "We couldn't... if we tried, we would soon come to realise it was a mistake."
"Why do you keep repeating that?" he asked, his voice sharp now. "I don't think you believe it."
"But I do! Of course I do! What's the point of me lying to you, sir?"
A deep blush appeared upon Hermione's cheeks as she looked up into his eyes. Once again, she felt the very same urge to press her lips against his, to forget about how wrong it was. To forget that he was Severus Snape... but this time she would not allow herself to act on a whim. This time, she had to control herself.
When he looked at her, she had a feeling that he could read her mind. That he knew exactly what she was thinking about, and it made her feel so uncomfortable that she could compare it to feeling sick.
"You want it to be true," he said after a longer while. "You want to live a normal, quiet life... but it will bore you finally, Granger. You'll learn that it's not meant for you. If it were, you'd have stayed at home and married that filthy..."
"Don't you dare offend my friends!" she snapped finally, pushing Snape away. It was so sudden a gesture that it caught him off guard and he faltered. "You know nothing of them!"
"I know enough to be sure that neither Potter nor Weasley are meant for a woman like you!" he erupted, no longer trying to stay calm. "They are children while you have matured! Neither of them would give you the life you deserve!"
"But would you be able to do it?" she asked with irony in the tone of her voice. "What kind of life do you think I deserve? I cannot imagine myself locked up in the dungeons of Hogwarts forever! I am not you!"
Snape had never been this pale. When he glanced at Hermione, she had a feeling that his eyes themselves could freeze her; they made her shiver as the coolness of his sight seemed to be penetrating her to the bone marrow.
"Then this is what you think of me," he said emotionlessly, staring at her.
As soon as he spoke up, she came to regret her own words – on the other hand, though, was there anything she did not mean in the words she had said...?
"It... it will be better if you go now, Granger... just... keep the things happening here... to yourself," he added, waving her away, no longer even looking in her direction; as if just looking at her could hurt him.
Hermione did not wait anymore. She opened her mouth to tell him goodnight, but no actual word left it, so she resigned and burst out of the office, feeling her heart hammering in her chest. Her vision was pulsing as blood rushed through her veins.
When she found herself out of Snape's sight, she leant back against the wall and closed her eyes, hiding her face in her hands. Had she not gone too far? She had promised herself that she would control herself this time... and yes, she had managed to fight the urge to kiss his thin, pale lips... just the thought of them made her feel certain weakness in her limbs... but her words... she had not meant to hurt him.
On the other hand, how could she make him realise that this relationship was something both of them would regret at some point? Maybe at first they would even be happy, she had never said he was completely incapable of being a good partner. He could be doting and caring. However, that was not enough...
Never would she ever accept a person who could not accept "no" for an answer. Never would she ever approve of a man who did not respect her friends, whatever they would be like. Yes, Harry and Ron could be childish, but they had done a lot, they had been through so much, even though they were still so young... and they were good people.
Snape seemed to keep living the life he had lived before Lily Evans had died. He had forgotten that Harry was not his father James. He had forgotten that she, Hermione, was not Lily, and maybe that was the reason why he wanted her so desperately...
Still... to think he had been keeping himself out of her way all day long just to be calm when he had faced her... He had known that he scared her – and this time, he had wanted it to go well. Instead, it had gone even worse than before. She should have watched her tongue, but right now... right now it was already too late.
"I need to apologise to him," she thought, having moved her hands away from her face as she took another deep breath and pushed herself away from the wall. "Things between us might be strange... but he's still my teacher."
Hesitantly she looked back over her shoulder and to her surprise, she discovered that Snape was there, looking directly at her.
Their eyes met once again and she felt her heart skip a beat. She had been so lost in her thoughts that she had not heard his steps – but truth be told, she was not so far from his office, he had not had to look for her.
"Why haven't you left yet?" he asked quietly. It was obvious he was trying hard to keep his nerves under control.
"I thought you wanted me to leave your office, sir, and I am no longer inside," she answered, her voice shivering.
"You have just said you couldn't spend your life in the dungeons of Hogwarts, then I was sure every second spent here makes you go insane," he replied mockingly, but at the same time, he did not seem to be angry, even though there still were dark spots on his pale skin, as if the blush had not yet come off completely.
"No-one's locked me up here," she said, forcing herself to sound as calm as she could, "and I am here on my own free will."
Nothing but silence answered her this time. Snape stood there, resembling a grotesque sculpture, tall, in long black robe, his dark hair covering a part of his face. He did not even look like he wanted to say anything.
After a minute or two he moved. Hermione was not quite sure why she had not used this time to leave to Gryffindor Tower – it would have been so much better, so much more reasonable. However, she stood there, as if she had been Petrified, and watched him approach her. His steps were slow, as he was purposely giving her time to flee, if she really wished to do so. Yet she did not escape this time.
"I cannot understand," he spoke after a moment, standing right in front of her, "why you keep pushing me away."
"I just want to live my life," answered Hermione, honesty sounding in her voice. "I don't want anymore problems... I just want to finish this school... have a normal job... no longer having to worry if I'm going to wake up alive."
"Have you never thought of having a family?"
Hermione felt dizzy. How, on earth, was she supposed to answer to such a question? It was not something she should be talking about to her teacher, was it? Especially when it was the least liked of all teachers...
However, had she not done things she should not have done with him? It would not be the first time the boundaries would be broken...
"I have. But I am still young. I have so much time. First, I need to graduate, then, I can start thinking about anything else."
"This is what I thought, too," he said, his voice strangely empty. "That I was young. That I still had time. Then the woman I loved was stolen from me. My life went on much faster than I had originally planned. And then... I realised I was no longer young and even though I met another woman, she won't have me."
Hermione was not quite sure whether Snape tried to manipulate her or just opened up to her; still, he managed to make her feel sorry for him.
"You may think this is not going to happen to you, Granger," he continued after another while, turning to glance at her. "But is there anything that could prove you right? This is not something you should be taking for granted."
"Then you think I should accept you just not to end up all alone?" she asked bitterly, making Snape wince.
"No, Granger, haven't you been listening?" he growled.
"I want to help you," she said quietly, "but not paying such a high price. I don't want to exchange your happiness for my happiness."
"Who said it would be such an exchange?" Snape cupped her cheek in her hand, and Hermione found herself leaning to his touch. He was a cruel man. Playing her emotions so easily... but she was not sure whether he was doing that on purpose. "You would not have to give up on your happiness. You would be happy along with me."
It looked like Snape was not awaiting her response, and Hermione was not able to give him one. She remained completely silent, trembling slightly as her thoughts kept rushing in her head just like her blood was rushing in her veins.
But had her nightmare not been a warning from her own mind? He could lure her with his words, but after some time she would wake up from a dream into the reality she did not want. He was so much older. Their thoughts were so different. Even if they tried to work on it, no-one could guarantee they would succeed.
On the other hand, she was aware of the fact that she could share his fate. At some point, she would realise she was an old woman with no-one by her side just because she had pushed away the one she had loved, and who had loved her back. At such a moment, it would be way too late for her to regret her decisions.
"Please, stop," she whispered. "You are trying to poison me with your words."
"Yet you have cast a spell upon me," she heard a response. Even though she knew she should get away, she did not even open her eyes. "You should face the consequences."
"I am facing them already," she replied. "You have no idea what a torture..."
"Do I not?"
Upon hearing those words, Hermione opened her eyes. Snape was still glancing at her, his eyes caring but sad.
"I am going through just the same thing, Granger," he continued. "Just the same... but I have already lost one person I loved in my life. I am not going to give up on you. On my dream."
The girl turned her face away. It was way too difficult to keep this eye contact as he spoke such things about her.
She could not be his dream. Every dream could come true. Of course, they could be hard to achieve, but they were not completely impossible. However, she could not imagine his dream coming true... or could she?
"Let me go," she whispered, her voice faltering, but at the same time, she did not try to fight, to push the man away. He, on the other hand, did not seem to be willing to let her go.
"If you wanted to go, you would have done it already," he answered, placing his other hand on her other cheek. "And since you haven't... I assume you don't want to leave me."
"You assume way too much."
"Yet I seem to be always right."
And perhaps he was right just once again, because as he leant in to kiss her lips, she allowed him to do so.