Has any other writer on this site had issues with uploading a file lately. Because I have to tell you, it gave me a bitch of a time getting this chapter on here.
Things are starting to develop for our dear heroes and I'm not sure they know how to handle it, my friends. What do you do when you stop seeing your friend as 'just a friend'?
If Someone Cared Enough
Chapter Forty: Blame it on the Hormones
"And so it was that the infamous battle of the Gilded Griffon Café began, also known as the 'Battle of Table Seven,' to witnesses of the event," Binns lectured monotonously. The ghostly professor moved his hand in elegant gestures as he wrote at the chalkboard. However, due to his obliviousness in regards to his own intangibility, the whispy, translucent educator left nothing on the board. He didn't even appeared to be aware that he hadn't actually picked up the chalk when he reached for it, the chalk sitting undisturbed next to the erasers.
"Tarback the Unpleasable—as he so widely became known hereafter—refused to pay for his meal right up to his death. He maintained to the bitter end that it had been 'unsatisfactory', and undeserving of his patronage," Binns went on, "The Gilded Griffon never recovered from that death bed declaration and was posthumously shut down as a result of Tarback's perilous review."
"He is aware this wasn't an actual fight but a series of disagreements in the local papers, right?" Mary whispered out of the corner of her mouth.
Jess nodded, "Wasn't that goblin a food critic or something? He asked for a steak as rare as they could make it and they served it medium well. That sounds like a reasonable complaint."
"I think anything involving goblins is a history-worthy affair in Binn's opinion," Meldonna mused, "I mean, this isn't even in our books. He's dredging this up out of nowhere."
"Nothing's he says is in the books," Remus whispered from the table besides them, "He stopped going by the reading material ages ago."
While the others continued to whispered and reflect on Binns's faulty teaching practices, Lily was miles away mentally, lost in her thoughts.
'What is wrong with me?' Lily wondered.
Ever since that night in the Library, Lily had been stuck on that very question, and all questions it created.
That evening was still fresh in Lily's mind, playing repeatedly before her whenever she closed her eyes. She could still feel the tension in Severus's hand at the small of her back, the heat of his breath against her cheek. She could still picture that undiscernible look in his eyes, like there was something he was holding back from her.
'He smelled nice,' Lily recalled, that familiar essence of grass clippings and old books sweeping over her, 'Better than I remembered. Did he start wearing cologne?' She remembered her friends' advice about spritzing her things with the perfume or cologne of the person she missed—though they no doubt thought she was homesick for her mom or dad rather than Sev. It was true she had considered the idea if only for a brief moment. At the time, her continuous meetings with Professor Sprout had been doing wonders for decreasing her numbers so she felt the faint trace of Severus's scent on his pillow was suffice enough to sleep to.
Only now that she had smelled it so close did she realize just how badly she missed it.
The question was why? Before, Severus scent had served as a means to soothe her fears of being defenseless, confident that his presence would provide herself conscious with the reassurance that she would not being facing Dream-Avery alone. Sev's scent had been a security blanket used to enhance her own courage to confront her demons.
Now though, his scent played very little in her dreamland excursions. With her nightmares gradually decreasing, Lily stopped needing the pleasant scent as comfort. She no longer felt compelled to cling to it for strength.
Instead, in recent weeks, Lily sought out that scent in her waking hours almost instinctually. She'd smell it when she had a stressful school day, she'd sniffed it when she felt like a cuddle—each year it took some getting used to that she couldn't go around hugging on people constantly the way she did her family; she was an affectionate person by nature. In the mornings after a particularly nice sleep, she'd pulled Sev's pillow close to her and bury her face in it, breathing in deeply of his signature scent, ensuring she'd start her day off with a smile.
Lily hadn't been entirely sure why she did it, but inhaling Severus scent had become routine for her, almost a habit if you will. A feeling of contentment replaced the mere comfort and relief she once experienced whenever she smelled it. It was an odd sensation, like the warm fuzziness of falling into a cloud, or holding an armful of kittens. It made her feel relaxed and peaceful, as if she could stay there forever without a care in the world.
Initially Lily had brushed this off as just the enjoyment only best friends could have, but now she wasn't so sure. Getting a whiff of Ode de Sev straight from the source after so many months away from it had sent Lily's mind into a tailspin.
She wanted more of that smell. She wanted to push her face into Severus's chest, cling to him like a great big limpet, and enjoy that scent. It was frustrating. She knew when they first came to Hogwarts this year that spending her nights without Severus would be difficult, but she had learned to grin and bear it. Finally, she had gotten used to the miniscule hint of his scent from his pilfered pillow and the time they spent together. Now she had smelled it fresh and in full and it was like a quitting smoker wafting a cigarette under their own nose, and that evening in the library had only made things more difficult!
Lily had always been a physical, hands on sort of person with her emotions and thoughts. If she was happy, she'd hug, if she was sad, she'd cuddle. The nature of Lily's early friendship with Sev had been made up of frequent handholding and sitting shoulder to should with a good book in their laps or with her head in Sev's lap while he told her about magic.
As they got older the touches and embraces receded, turning into friendly pats on the shoulder and the playful push here and there, but the closeness became less frequent; hugs a rare occasion reserved for celebrations or holiday greetings and initiated only on Lily's side.
This past summer had brought back the closeness and comfort Lily missed and so she savored every moment of it, wistful in the back of her mind with the reminder that these moments would be rare once they returned to school. She could tell Severus had missed the contact as much as she had, so it wasn't like their renewed distance was due to embarrassment or reluctance on either of their parts.
However, it had been an unspoken understanding between them that others might not understand their friendship or their renewed closeness. Several of her friends were opposed to her still associating with Sev even after he risked his life for her, so she could guarantee that people would have something to say about her and Severus clinging to each other as they had when they were ten. That wasn't even taking into account how much of an ass Potter would be if he saw them holding hands.
That night in the library, though…Lily didn't know what to make of the longing and confusion it had stirred within in.
However brief it was, a part of Lily enjoyed the sensation of Severus's sturdy chest against her back, the security of his arms locked around her waist. The feel of his chin on her shoulder and breath on her neck reminded her of their time sleeping in the same bed back home, but the comfort was different. It was mixed with some mysterious new feeling, one she couldn't quite place.
Lily's eyes sought out Severus, landing on the back of his head as he sat up front and wrote furiously in his notebook. Ever the diligent one, he normally used the time Binns class bought them to read up on the actual assigned book and create a study guide of all he suspected the most vital and likely to end up on their exams.
Lily studied Severus's frame curiously. Even with better hygiene and a new outlook on life, very little changed about Severus outwardly. He still held himself in a defensive manner, a slight bend to his posture masking his full height, a twitchy manner to his steps. He still kept his head down most of the time, so seeing only his nose peek out from curtains of ebony hair was a regular occurrence for most students and staff who even looked his way.
Those who idolized his actions on the Hogwarts Express last year saw him in a completely new light, while those who always saw the worst in him determinedly held fast to the belief that he was merely working a new sinister angle. Lily suspected she had the Marauders to blame for that theory.
To those who knew Severus best, however, very little had changed about him. His personality, his love of learning, his impatience, they were all the same and overall he was still the same old Sev. However, for some strange reason, Lily suddenly felt as if she was looking at him for the first time and damned if she could figure out why!
It had clearly affected Severus too. She felt how Sev's heart had hammered in his ribcage like the panicking flaps of a hummingbird's wings. His arms held a rigid tension to them as he held her that she suspected had to do with the more than evading detection by Filch. Every breath Sev breathed had been shaky and restrained, as if it wrenched from him.
Sitting on Severus's lap, Lily could recall something else from that encounter and it sent a hot flush to her face just remembering it.
Honestly, Lily should have been horrified the moment she felt it underneath her, but for some reason she wasn't. Had it been anyone else, Lily had no doubt she would have leapt from the person's lap in shock, bombarded with memories of Avery's hot, horrid breath on her face and the unwanted pressure insistently pushing against her hip.
But Severus…it had been embarrassing to say the least, yet that was it. It was like seeing someone in the shower; you want to cover your eyes and apologize profusely….maybe peek between your fingers—not that Lily would—but the last thing to cross your mind is any fear towards the baffled person standing naked before you. If anything, you see them just as caught off guard and startled as you. Severus had shocked her, yes, but she didn't feel the way she expected to feel, the way she would have felt with anyone else. Rather than feel the alarm and suspicion she may have felt with another boy, it was more like surprise, like 'Oh, that's right; you have one of those too!'
Lily could say with certainty that that evening had left her mystified by her own reaction, but she had even less to go on with Severus. Surely, that reaction had been just the typical boy impulse, right? It was normal for a young man to have things happened to his body that were completely involuntary on his part, so why should Lily read more into it?
His eyes before they parted ways that night stayed with her…there had been something about his eyes that wouldn't leave Lily be. Coupled with her own baffling thoughts it left Lily with more questions than answers and she had no clue what to do with it.
'It wasn't my imagination," Lily thought, thinking back to when Severus had called out to her as she left, "He wanted to say something to me…but what?"
Someone was tapping incessantly at her shoulder.
"Lily," Mary prodded, a touch of impatience in her voice, "Lily, are you listening?"
Lily looked up with a start, "Huh?...Oh um…what?"
"Class is over," Mary repeated, gesturing to the rest of their class gathering up their things and leaving.
"Oh," Lily replied, flushing in embarrassment, "Sorry, my mind was elsewhere." She discreetly spied Severus carefully assembling his things.
Mary snorted, "Obviously. You've been spacing out all day, what's with you?"
"Nothing," Lily said, closing up her books and quills.
Mary leaned over the desk, looking at Lily's notebook, "You spent the whole class doodling instead of reading ahead like usual," she laughed, pointing at the page, "What were you even trying to draw?"
"What?" Lily glanced down at the paper. She'd hadn't really been doing much of anything as she mused about her predicament. She'd kept a quill in her hand to look busy as a mere fail safe, thought it was unlikely Binns would ever call on her as he never spoke to the class in general once his long winded lectures started. Still better safe than sorry.
Apparently Lily's hand hadn't gotten the message that they were only pretending to write. Etched across Lily's notebook were masses of squiggles and lines bunched together in the margins and swirling out over the center of the paper. Intertwined and connected from her hand never leaving the paper, the symbols were hard to make out, but lost among the random shapes, it almost looked like there were some words that began with the letter S…
"Just scribbles," Lily said hastily, snapping her notebook shut and cramming it into her bag, "Just wiggling my quill in circles, I guess. Aimlessly scrawling, you know?"
Mary giggled, "Never pegged you for a doodler," she teased, "Usually you're so studious, even in a class as boring as this one."
"Well we're all allowed to take a break sometime," Lily defended, side stepping James as he carried a flattered Jess's books out the door for her, "I'm sure I can borrow someone else's notes later. Once they actually read the chapter, that is."
"I do read it," Mary said in her own defense, "I just don't see the point of doing it during class if I'm going to be heading to the library later anyway. Instead I can use class time for more important endeavors…like catching up on sleep."
"How productive of you," Lily drawled.
Mary held her hands up in mock surrender, "Oh excuse me, Mr. Snape, we can't all be up bright and early to study the day away."
Lily nearly tripped at the mention of Severus, but recovered quickly.
"Oh haha," Lily said, "Don't come crying to me and Sev when it's exam time and you don't know what to study for."
"Like you two would leave me hanging," Mary said confidently, "Hi, Severus," She waved as said boy passed them, in a hurry to his next class.
Severus paused, his arms laden with books, " 'lo you two. This your free period now, I take it?" His eyes lingered a little longer than usual in Lily's opinion before quickly darting away. Was it just her imagination, or did his face seem a little red?
"Yeah," Mary answered amicably, "Too bad you have Ancient Runes next; one dull class following another."
Severus shrugged, feigning casualness, "It's not that dull. Some Runes are actually quite interesting. But I'm already read up on this week's lesson, so I'm probably going to do some reading of my own," he patted the cover of the book on the top of his stack, "about our little item issue."
"Is that one of the books you got from the library," Mary inquired quietly so they wouldn't be over heard. Though Peeves had been all too happy to expose Lily and Severus's whereabouts that night, he was even more thrilled to have something to hang over Filch's head and so the poltergeist hadn't revealed just where he saw students out of bed. This left Filch with very little to go on as to what said students were up to or even which students it was, so there wasn't much he could really report to the professors other than the meritless and non-credible claims of the untrustworthy Peeves. As of now, the staff viewed it as a false alarm brewed up by the little cretin to send Filch on a wild goose chase.
Severus twitched slightly at the mention of the library, doing his very best to avoid looking at Lily.
"Yes," he said stiffly, his eyes riveted to a fixed position over Mary's shoulder, "Well, I best be off then; got a lot of research to do during class," he jerked his head forward slightly in some resemblance of an awkward bow and hurried from the classroom.
Mary stared after him, perplexed.
"Well that was weird," she said.
"Yeah," Lily said hesitantly.
It would seem she wasn't the only one over thinking things.
{page break}
Severus glared glumly at the book in front of him, as he had been doing for the past half hour. Quill poised over his notebook, the ink clinging to it had long since begun to dry out and what last vestiges of wet ink remained had already dripped onto the paper in little misshapen blots.
It was going on the tenth time since Severus had started the chapter on enchanted artifacts and it frustrated him how little progress he was making. When he nicked the book out of the library, he was optimistic that it would prove useful in their quest for answers on the diadem. Sure, the book probably had no information specifically on the diadem itself, but that didn't mean there couldn't be an excerpt lurking among the pages on protective enchantments that might fit the description of the ones applied to the crown.
Alas, though Severus had come across a section on enchantments deemed malicious in nature by ministry regulations, it was unable to keep Severus's interest and he knew the reason why.
Color rose to Severus cheeks as he thought of the night he acquired the book.
Lily smelled like flowers that night, a soft subtle fragrance he did notice in other girls. Most flowery scents lacked true substance, being watered down or too strong as a result of too many chemicals being mixed in to amplify whatever traits perfume makers thought enticed women into buying. Most girls Severus had the displeasure of being around—particularly pureblood girls his dorm mates used to introduce him to—wore overpriced and overpowering eau de parfum that merely imitated the scent of roses or lilacs, claiming natural ingredients but lacking flower extract in the actual list.
Lily on the other hand smelled of fresh lilacs with the pleasant mix of clean linen and a hint of lavender. It almost smelled soft and natural as though she had been sleeping in a bed of flowers. If Severus recalled, Willow had taken up making her own soaps two summers ago and often times sent Lily to school with a supply of body washes made from crushed flowers.
Willow never used lilies in her mixes because Lily would hate the irony of it, already annoyed by boys such as Potter giving her lilies as a gift.
"Just because my name is a flower doesn't mean that's my favorite flower," she would gripe to Severus after every Valentine 's Day, "What if my name was Venus? Would someone give me a fly trap?! It's not clever, it's a bad pun."
In truth, as lovely as Lily's name was, the flower that was her namesake had a very weak scent that didn't carry very well into natural made perfumes. Her favorite flower the lilac, however, was strong and rich, tingling the senses and clinging to ones clothes for hours. Severus could see why Lily loved it so; the scent filled him with a feeling of calm and contentment only Lily ever brought out in him.
That night, however, being so close in such a confined space had made him more on edge than relaxed to enjoy the scent. They had been too close, close enough for him to easily make a fool of himself or create a situation so awkward they'd never lock eyes again out of embarrassment. Pressed so tightly to Lily, the warmth of her body seeping into his very bones, it had taken every bit of Severus's strength to keep his wretched teenage hormones under control.
Of course, controlling the baser reactions of a boy's hormones was near impossible. You can control what you do with your little soldier, so to speak, but that didn't mean you can keep him from standing at attention. So of course, the second Severus tried to avoid dirty thoughts, parts of himself perked up as if to go, "dirty, you say?"
Perhaps it was petty, but a part of Severus couldn't help but blame Lily for the whole mess. If she had just listened to him and stayed in her dorm, this whole mess could have been avoided. It was far easier to stay hidden if you had only yourself to watch out for, and Lily only gave Severus an extra person to keep out of trouble.
Peeves probably wouldn't have been so inclined to rat them out either if it was only one student out of bed. The fact that it was a boy and a girl made the rule breaking seem more scandalous, something Peeves obviously relished in. Even if he had still called Filch, Severus wouldn't have been as concerned had he been caught. He could handle detention just find and as long as no one figured out where he had been sneaking into, it shouldn't have caused too much trouble.
But Lily was a prefect. A detention doled out to her would be the talk of the school in no time, calling undue attention to her and ultimately their research. Severus also couldn't in good conscience let Lily get in trouble on his behalf. He had searched for a hiding place for both of them instead of splitting up as would have been wise and they ended up in one awkward heap.
Therefore, it had been with great mortification that Severus sat in that alcove with Lily that night, all too aware that at any moment she might shift slightly and feel him in the worst possible way. He was almost positive she had felt it when Filch had passed their hiding place and Lily had leaned back into him to avoid the man catching them. She even stiffened up right after, something Severus saw as a sure sign she'd noticed his indiscretion. He'd expected a shriek, a slap or even punch and berating, yet Lily said nothing.
She must have noticed something though, as she was as tomato read as Severus imagined he was when they climbed out of the alcove. He'd avoided making eye contact, sneaking only brief glances at Lily and wasn't surprised to find her doing the same. Clearly, she was embarrassed by the whole situation. Maybe even humiliated; something Severus couldn't blame her for since it was probably very unpleasant to struggle with a distrust of men and their lusts after everything that's happened. Then to have your best friend, the one you trusted most, get an erection in your presence must feel appalling and upsetting.
Yet Lily didn't seem angry. In fact, a part of her seemed almost confused if anything. Did she really find it so farfetched that Severus would react to being so close to her body? It wasn't like she was unaware of her attractiveness. She was modest, but not blind. Half the school admired her looks and appeal, her developing curves and radiant smile putting many under her spell. You'd have to be blind or not like women at all in order to not find her desirable.
Therefore, it was strange to see confusion etched across Lily's blushing face. Why was she surprised? She didn't need to realize his feelings for her to guess that as a teenage boy he'd react to her sitting in his lap.
The blushing was odd too. Without anger, the flush of her face wasn't one of repulsion and embarrassment as Severus would have originally guessed. In fact, had he been a bystander to the evening, seeing her blush like that would have put him on edge about whomever caused it. However, she was looking at him, and surely, she couldn't have been shy or flattered that he found her attractive, right? He was no James Potter, no sterling Quidditch player with looks and money at his disposal. There was no charming smile or wind swept hair; only crooked grins and flat locks that got oily too quickly.
There was no way Lily would be interested in him or enjoy the prospects of him liking her. There had to be another reason she reacted the way she did.
Severus closed the artifacts book with a groan, drawing the curious glances of a few nearby classmates, but a withering glare from him sent their eyes back to their Ancient Runes books.
Concentration was near impossible at this point for Severus. Just looking at anything related to the diadem or the research of it made him think of where he got the book from and whom he got it with, circling right back into the same troubled thoughts all over again. All he needed to do was remember why he needed the book in the first place, he'd think of who else shared this secret with him, and that just led him back to thoughts of Lily.
Knowing he would be making no progress with diadem research now, he put the book away and looked for something else to occupy his time. He really had no interest in dragging out his Ancient Runes book as he'd already read the chapter they were covering and done the necessary assignments. That left him with a class of wasted time and he would much rather be productive than sit around blank faced and vacant like many of his empty-headed classmates.
Looking through his bag, Severus spotted another book from his late night trek to the library. Since returning from that near disastrous stealth mission, Severus hadn't given the Occlumency book a second glance. Now with time to whittle away, he may as well take a peek.
The way in which he acquired the book and with whom should have resulted in the same lack of focus the other book did, but it was thankfully quite the opposite. His close encounter with Lily left him feeling exposed and vulnerable, questioning how easily others could read him. The last thing he needed was for Lily to realize the depth of his feelings for her and end their friendship. He'd need to play things closer to the vest, keep his secrets well hidden, more so than he ever had before. Learning to occlude his mind and keep a straight face was a good place to start.
While the rest of class struggled through their rune work, Severus occupied himself with the book's first chapter covering the basic principles of the Mental arts. He made sure to write down anything of importance on a separate piece of parchment since he didn't want to run the wish of this book being recovered at some point after he returned it and someone recognizing his handwriting. Call him paranoid, but now that he was on to Dumbledore's ability to read minds, he wouldn't put it past to the old goat to have memorized his handwriting or something else equally abstract since he took an interest in Severus.
'It's not even that I nearly died that caught his attention,' Severus sneered inwardly, 'it's that I did it defending someone from his favorite house.' Severus would have come to Lily's aid regardless of what house she was sorted into, but he got the feeling Dumbledore wouldn't have been nearly as invested in Severus's wellbeing if Lily was a Hufflepuff Severus rescued.
Perhaps Severus was simply being pessimistic and the Headmaster did actually care about him, but the incident with the Shrieking Shack made it hard to believe Dumbledore capable of caring for someone if they didn't share his own moral alignment. Should a teenager's misguided quest for safety and acceptance really put the value of their life at so little worth?
It bothered Severus how easily Dumbledore could measure the worth of someone. He assessed people at first glance and labeled them accordingly, only finding value in their life when they presented a quality he deemed admirable, such as foolhardy bravery. Sure, teachers were known to have favorites and perhaps hold some bias when it came to certain students, but to actual weigh which students' life mattered more…that seemed far to indifferent over life to be called the moral good. Dumbledore's job was to protect and value all his students, not just those he deemed worth saving.
That's why it irked Severus so to have Dumbledore's support now. The man seemed all too content to let him walk the worst possible path and make the biggest mistake of his life back before Severus squared off against Avery and Mulciber. Before that, Dumbledore didn't see it his priority to try and guide Severus to a better option or even hear him out. In his mind, Severus was a lost cause back then and the headmaster was more than willing to let him become part of something that would have left his life a meaningless pit of regret.
With how obviously many of You-Know-Who's student followers were in over their heads, a man of Dumbledore's keen insight could surely see they had no idea what they were getting into. Most of them would live out a life of disillusion and remorse up until they inevitable died as You-Know-Who's canon fodder against the Ministry. Their own master would probably kill some of them off when they were unable to follow through with his demands for blood and cruelty. Those that swallowed their revulsion and did as commanded would live on with guilt and disgust wallowing inside them until the bitter end.
Seeing how many students were choosing this path with only an inkling of what unspeakable madness lay before them, it baffled Severus that Dumbledore didn't take it upon himself to try to steer more of them away from such a future. Instead, all his efforts went towards those students already firmly in his pocket.
Now that Severus had shown himself capable of playing the hero should those he love be harmed, he knew Dumbledore probably saw him a useful chess piece to utilize as he played with You-Know-Who. Severus did not intend to let Dumbledore use his fears and feelings to benefit his cause. He'd protect Lily, he'd fight You-Know-Who's vision of a perfect world if only for her and his friends and family's sake, maybe even to redeem himself, but he wouldn't be a pawn to anyone. Undoubtedly, Dumbledore wanted to help the greater good, but there was something quite callous about how he manipulate his players in order to achieve this, playing on
His resolved to not be used made Severus all the gladder he stumbled upon this book. He'd keep his secrets safe and fight this battle on his own terms to keep all those he cared for safe. Dumbledore could lead his own merry band of mindless soldiers into the fire; Severus would fight with brains, not brawn.
Of course, he still had no idea just what he was going to do to stop You-Know-Who, but anything had to be better than suicide missions, right?
Potter would probably call that cowardly thinking, but Severus called it smart. How in Merlin's name do you protect your loved ones if you're constantly taking needless risks? What good was a willingness to throw your life away at any given moment if it meant leaving those you cared for behind and defenseless? There was a time and a place to lay it all on the line; for love, for Lily, but not at every single ministry raid and certainly not for the thrill and glory of rushing into a firefight with wands waving.
Severus was just finishing outlining the key points of chapter two when the professor dismissed class. Charming his notes against potential prying eyes, Severus tucked the parchment into his journal from Marcus, knowing the amount of privacy hexes on that book would keep his research safe.
Severus waited for the herd of departing students to thin out a little before joining them, picking the Occlumency book up with his Ancient Runes one with little concern for the passersby. He'd considered the attention the books title would call to him the evening he picked it out. It was with some clever thinking and hard work—transfiguration never was Severus's strong suit—that he transfigured a long piece of parchment into a false cover for it. Smiling, Severus slipped his fake 'Herbology for the Practical Potioneer' into his bag.
Halfway down the stairs, Severus nearly bump into the very person that he had been trying to distract himself from during class.
"Sev," Lily said breathlessly, taking a step back, "…Hi."
Behind her, her friends Jess and Meldonna, along with a third Gryffindor girl Severus could never recall the name of, looked down their noses at him. Mary was surprisingly absent.
"Hello," Severus said awkwardly, "You're free period is over then?"
Lily nodded quickly, looking anywhere but Severus, "Yeah, it ended a few minutes ago. Mary forgot one of her quills in the classroom," Lily added, "We figured we'd meet her at our next class…Herbology."
"That's…nowhere near here," Severus pointed out, gesturing in confusion to the tower they were in. The greenhouses were quite a ways off from this side of the castle.
"Yes, um…" Lily fiddled with her bag, pulling out a large glass orb, "One of the third years was catch with one of the crystal balls from the Divination classroom. It's on the top floor and it needed to be returned so..." she shrugged, "prefect duty and all."
"We would have thought your class would be over by now," Jess said tartly.
"Yes," Meldonna sniffed, "We didn't realize we would be running into you."
The third girl—Abigail, Severus recalled—made a quick glance at her friends before copying their expression.
"Not that there is anything wrong with that," Lily stated warningly, shooting her friends a look, "We just thought you would have left that class as soon as possible seeing as it bores you." She shifted awkwardly, "You have free period next?"
"Yes," Severus said quickly, jerking his head in a nod, "Yes, I do. I…I better be getting to it then."
"Right," Lily said with a little laugh, looking at her shoes.
Severus made to step around Lily, but Lily did the same thing at that moment. Without thinking, they both stepped back the same way in an effort to move for the other.
"Oh…I," Lily began.
The pair laughed awkwardly, a little at a loss.
"Let's just…" Severus put his hands on Lily's shoulders and moved her opposite of him, effectively switching their places, "There we go."
"Right, right," Lily said, "Um…see you later?"
"Of course," Severus said, then caught himself. He didn't want to appear too eager, "I mean…we have study group later, so…"
Severus turned on his heel and stiffly walked away as quick as his legs could carry him. Behind him he could hear Lily's friends whispering furtively.
"What is with you, Lily?" Jess hissed.
Lily made a shushing sound, "It's nothing. Just forget it!"
Once out of earshot Severus came to a stop. Leaning against the wall, he tried to catch his breath and wish the red away from his face.
Lily was just acting this way because she was embarrassed, right?
It's weird when you first start crushing on a friend, huh? Things used to be so innocent and simple, now suddenly you're caught between fighting inappropriate thoughts about them and wondering when they stopped being just your friend and started being appealing.
I can't say I truly know the feeling, being asexual and all, but in my youth, I once thought I was in love with my best friend and let me tell you it is a confusing place to be. Turns out that due to my difficult homelife, I just latched onto her for comfort and self consciously tried to tell myself it was love in order to gloss over how dependent I became on her.
As you ca see here, Severus is having a hard time imagining the girl he sought after actually reciprocating his feelings. Part of this is because Severus has never seen any inkling of interest from Lily whereas he has been smitten since day one, so in his mind it is unlikely Lily would start to like him gradually. He doesn't see himself as having changed that much to warrant a change in her feelings, so it's laughable to him that Lily would start to like him now when she didn't before.
Read and review, lovelies!