Author's Note: Apologies for the delay. Life and work always seem to get in the way. Sigh... Do forgive my tardiness. Enjoy!

Chapter 3 – Confession is Good for the Soul

Because I killed her! Not only was Charity shocked, she was completely confounded. Of all the things she had conceived over the years to explain Lily's continued hold over Severus that was not one of them. She had assumed Severus was suspicious of Harry's paternity. It never occurred to her that he might have played a part in the Potter's deaths. Charity's eyes grew wider as her mind raced, struggling to grasp his admission of guilt.

Severus looked closely at Charity. It was obvious that she was taken aback by his confession, but it was the disquiet on her face that unnerved him. He groaned into his hands in anguish and stood. Suddenly, the air in the room became thick with an unspoken indictment and Severus felt it would choke the very breath from his lungs. He desperately needed air. Knocking past her, he strode toward the large bay window behind his drawing table.

"Alohomora," he strained.

The window flew open allowing the night air to blow through the room. Severus leaned against the frame, inhaling deeply in the hope that he could breathe away his torment. The fire in the hearth began to flicker and then died. Darkness descended upon the room.

Charity shivered as the draught prickled the back of her neck. Transfixed, she stared at the now empty armchair.

"I don't understand, Severus," she said quietly, "Voldemort killed James and Lily, not you!"

Severus heard her use of the Dark Lord's name but made no reply. He continued to breathe in the fresh night air, looking up at the half-moon in despair. From the moment Lily took up with James, everything in his life had gone wrong. Everything!

When Severus didn't respond, Charity turned toward him. The silver-blue moonlight made him look sick with grief and guilt. She couldn't help it, her heart ached for him.

Whether it was his revelation or the late August night air, the room was now intolerably cold. Charity stood up and walked toward Severus' leaning form. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she turned him away from the glass and shut the latch by hand.

Cautiously, she took both his hands in hers and led him to his desk. She leaned against it and waited for him to calm himself. Finally after a long pause, he briefly returned her gaze.

"Explain," she invited without accusation.

Head hung low Severus shook his head in shame.

"I can't tell you!" he insisted.

Charity lightly stroked his fingers with her thumbs.

"Muggles have a funny saying," she urged, "confession is good for the soul."

Severus scoffed. "I have no soul! Whatever soul I had, died almost 12 years ago!"

Charity held her peace, but self-pity really did not become him.

"Just tell me," she stated firmly.

Severus sighed. It was no use. She was here. It was time. He needed to come clean with someone who would simply listen and not judge. Resigned to his momentary fate, Severus released his hands, and moved to stand alongside her against the desk. Charity folded her arms across her chest and tilted her head downward, yet toward him. She looked intently at her black flats and readied herself for what she was about to hear.

"Hogwarts was a terrible time in my life," he began. "Unlike most of my house, I wasn't born a pure-blood, and being sorted into Slytherin as a half-blood was a living nightmare. Don't get me wrong, the Marauders made my life hell, but my housemates were little better. There was so much pressure to conform at that time and because of my 'muddied' blood, I could never pass muster."

Severus shrugged, shaking his head. "Even Slughorn thought that I was unworthy to be in his house, despite my skill in his subject. Did you know he created an uncharitable nickname for me?"

"No," she replied quietly, trying to hide the apprehension in her voice.

"Slughorn called me the 'half-blood Prince'!" he snorted.

Charity frowned. Severus' mother was Eileen Prince, heir to the Prince family fortune, and the butt of many a wizard's joke. She was a once powerful witch who had imprudently married a Muggle – one who couldn't keep a job and frittered away whatever little money they did have on drink and women. Charity knew that all the Prince's galleons in Gringotts could not camouflage Severus' degenerate non-magical blood in Slytherin House.

"Can you believe that?" he sneered, interrupting her thoughts, "my own Head of House mocked me for my parentage. What chance did I have? I just wanted to be accepted by my peers and yes," he exclaimed in frustration, "I was interested in the Dark Arts! That didn't make me a monster! It just made me a half-blooded Slytherin!"

Charity almost laughed at his indignation. When it came to the Dark Arts, she certainly was in no position to judge; theoretically, they fascinated her as well.

"I had no one, Charity. My parents were complete rubbish! Dumbledore, McGonagall, Slughorn – all turned a blind eye to my ordeal. Only Lily knew what was happening. She was there for me."

He shrugged helplessly. "Lily Evans was my best friend and the only good thing in my life. When she rejected me after I called her that…that," he swallowed hard, "horrible name, my world fell apart."

A tear threatened to trickle down Severus' cheek. He quickly blinked it away.

"Something in me broke after that," he continued slowly. "If my only friend in the entire world thought I was 'dark,' then I was going to prove her right. So, I took on the persona of the "half-blood Prince" and used it to my advantage to make allies. I became as Slytherin as I could and, you know what?"

Charity raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"I was good at it!" he exclaimed.

Severus paused. "I found ways to be…useful…to my housemates and suddenly, instead of being taunted and teased mercilessly, I found the acceptance I was craving."

Charity knew well what Severus was saying. She had watched it unfold.

"By 7th year, I was named Slytherin Prefect, and had given Lucius my word, secretly, that I too would become a Death Eater."

He sighed heavily. "I pretended to be proud of what I…what we all were becoming." A look of loathing crossed his face. "But deep down, I hated myself. I didn't really want the Dark Lord's mark! At 17, I just wanted Lily!"

Hearing Lily's name uttered with such despondency, Charity shivered. She wrapped her arms more closely around her frame in an attempt to warm herself. Severus took note of her reaction and moved swiftly to the hearth to relight the fire. She smiled faintly at his kind act and followed him, taking a seat in the armchair to be closer to the flame. Holding her hands out to warm them, she briskly rubbed them together. Charity hummed in mild, but genuine, satisfaction at their progress – perhaps they were no longer sitting in the dark.

Severus stared hypnotically into the fire. His hands were positioned on the mantle, while his head rested on his overlapped fingers. He spoke as if he were a million miles away.

"At the end of 7th year, when I heard that Lily had agreed to marry James…I," his voice hitched, "I…lost it!"

Charity feared he would hit his head against the mantle, but to her relief he straightened. Without thinking, he began to stroke his left forearm.

"The day after graduation, I made good on my promise to Malfoy. I took the mark."

Severus stopped his ministration and began to squeeze his arm tightly.

"It was an unspeakable ordeal," he grimaced. "So much suffering and death in one night," he remarked contemptuously, "just to pledge allegiance to a mad man."

Abruptly, he turned toward her.

"I knew immediately it was a mistake!" he spat.

Recognizing a desperate plea for reassurance in his obsidian eyes, Charity nodded.

"I know you did," she acknowledged.

He breathed a sigh of relief and returned his gaze to the fire.

"But Severus," she continued cautiously, "if you knew it was a mistake, why didn't you get out?"

"How could I?" he cried at the hearth. "You couldn't just take the mark and walk away. The Dark Lord owned you."

Charity sighed in dismay, her fingers pinching her temple skin.

"Ok. But if you couldn't break your allegiance with Voldemort," she queried in confusion, "how is it that you ended up working here? Hogwarts stands against the darkness. Dumbledore must not realize the extent of your involvement…"

Severus cringed at Charity's continued unfettered use of the Dark Lord's name.

Turning back toward her, he scoffed. "Gods, Charity! Of course, he knows! He knows…everything."

Charity was speechless. Albus Dumbledore knowingly hired a murderer to teach school children Potions? It didn't make any sense. Dumbledore was many things – impish, cunning, even manipulative – a fool, however, he was not. If the ministry ever found out that he knew about Severus' treachery, they would make haste to remove him as Headmaster. Fumbling to her feet, Charity tried to process Severus' admission, but her words kept catching in her throat.

Stepping toward him, Charity grabbed him by his arms, forcing him to face her.

"Severus," she breathed raggedly, "Dumbledore told the Wizengamot that you were not compromised. He vouched for you. Are you telling me was lying?"

Severus answered her with a nod.

"Gods!" she cried. "This is madness! If he knows you killed Lily…Severus, you're taking care of her son!"

Charity dropped her hold and began to pace, turning the information she had just heard over and over again in her mind. She felt like she was back at Hogwarts, standing outside the door of Ravenclaw's common room, trying to figure out a puzzle that had no solution. She had known both of these men for well over 10 years. As flawed as Albus and Severus were, they were both intelligent and honourable men. If they were lying to the entire wizarding world, there had to be a good reason. She solved the puzzle as the clock chimed again.

Charity stopped mid-stride and looked at the broken man in front of her.

"You're working for him, aren't you?" she charged.

"Of course, I am," he mocked, "I've been the Potions professor at Hogwarts going on 10…"

Charity cut him off. "No, Severus! I mean Albus lied for you, so you could do his bidding. Am I right?"

Feeling caught, Severus sighed. "It's not that simple."

Charity crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Well simplify it for me, Snape!" she snapped.

He winced at her wrath.

Stepping toward him, she poked him in the chest.

"You're telling me that you killed Harry's mother, that the Head Master knew of your involvement, and that based on this knowledge, he proceeded to lie about what you'd done to the entire wizarding world so that you could be his spy. What, pray tell, am I missing?" she spat.

"The why, Charity! You're missing the why," he replied, attempting to grip her accusing finger.

She stepped back hastily at his touch, her eyes falling away from his.

"This better be good!" she hissed.

Undaunted, Severus moved toward her and placed his hands on the sides of her shoulders.

"Look at me," he requested.

Charity felt betrayed. A sharp pain gripped her chest as she attempted to choke back her tears. He gently cupped her face with his hands and contrary to her anger, the tension in her breastbone released. Her eyes met his.

"Sit with me," he said.

She was so tired, and her nerves were frayed. She felt vulnerable in a way she never had before. An hour ago, she would have given herself over to this man body and soul. Now, nothing between them seemed real.

Severus led her to the sofa and sat down. Charity did not follow suit, but instead took a seat across from him on the coffee table. Stonily, she looked him dead in the eye.

"I want to know everything," she said coldly.

"I want you to know," he agreed, feeling relieved for the first time in years.

Charity raised a sceptical eyebrow, but Severus surrendered nonetheless.

"Lily fell pregnant not too long after graduation. She was just nineteen," he disparaged. "As much as I knew joining the Dark Lord's ranks was a fate worse than death, I was still angry with her about James and very bitter with life. One night I was at the Hog's Head drowning my sorrows – Albus was there. He was interviewing Trelawney for the Divinations post."

Charity rolled her eyes and snorted. She was already suspicious of the subject, but the fact that Trelawney was a lubricated nitwit did not help.

Severus tried not to smirk at her reaction to Sybil.

"They had gone into a separate room to talk," he continued. "I was drunk and wallowing and looking for a way to prove myself to the Dark Lord."

"I thought you said you knew you'd made a mistake," she countered accusingly.

"I did know it was a mistake," he shot, "but there were days when things felt so hopeless. It was hard not to give in to the darkness."

Severus sighed wistfully.

"I followed them and stood outside the door. They were talking about the position at Hogwarts. Albus was being polite, as usual, but I could tell that he was not going to hire her. Just as he was about to send her on her way, she spoke. Actually, she prophesied."

Charity leaned in, furrowing her brow.

"What did she say?"

"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ..."

Charity gasped. Harry!

"That's all I heard," he shrugged. "Dumbledore's brother caught me eavesdropping and kicked me out on my arse. I ran straight to the Dark Lord with what I'd heard Sybil say."

"But how did he know it was Harry?" she asked inquisitively. "Couldn't the prophecy have been about another child?"

Severus paused. He had never thought of that.

"I don't know, to be honest. It's not like you could reason with the Dark Lord," he scorned.

Charity nodded.

Noting her agreement Severus, carefully, took her hands in his.

"And the Gods' know I tried!" he exclaimed, shaking his head. "After Harry was born and I realized the Dark Lord believed he was the one about whom the prophecy was spoken, I went to him. In desperation, I divulged my feelings for Lily to him and begged him to spare…her."

Charity scowled at his selfish admission.

"When he wouldn't relent, I, covertly, went to Albus to ask him to protect Lily."

Severus shifted, intertwining his fingers with hers.

"He was…disappointed in me, to say the least. But I swore to him that if he would just save Lily I would switch sides and serve him for as long as he needed me. Rightly, he chided me for my selfishness regarding James and Harry, but he also accepted my offer. In my desperation to protect the women I loved, Albus saw an opportunity to defeat the Dark Lord – he took it!"

A pensive silence fell upon them, each absorbed in their own thoughts.

"That bastard!" Charity suddenly spat, releasing Severus' fingers.

Severus scoffed, "I don't blame him, Charity. He really tried to save them. If Black had not betrayed them, James and Lily would be here with us today, and Harry would have his parents."

"And you would still have Lily…" Charity offered thoughtfully.

Severus smiled sadly.

"If you're right," he replied, "I never had her to begin with."

Charity bit her lower lip and swallowed.

"Severus, I should never have opened my mouth," she offered apologetically.

He brought a finger to her lips to stop her.

"Don't apologize. You were right. I destroyed my life for a girl who never loved me as I loved her."

"I can be such a prat!" Charity declared, scolding herself.

She placed her hands on his knees and leaned into him. "I'm really sorry, Severus," she insisted.

"Me too." he breathed, taking her hands again in his.

Leisurely, Charity ran her thumbs across the backs of his hands and adjusted her seat on the table.

"So…I…ummm…I…just want to be sure," she probed nervously. "You did not kill Lily Potter, right?"

"Well, I might as well have." he countered off-handedly.

"Ok," she said slowly, "but you did not actually kill her!"

"No. Not technically," he replied, scowling at her callousness.

Relief mounted in her and Charity allowed it to engulf her. She hugged him fiercely.

"I knew you could not have killed her!" she declared earnestly.

Severus was floored.

"I will never understand why you believe in me, Charity Burbage," he declared solemnly. "You always have, haven't you?"

"I'm so glad you finally noticed," she scolded gently. "While you were mooning over Lily Evans, taking shite from her friends, I was trying to get you to see that I was on your side. And I'll always be on your side Severus. Don't you know that by now?"

Charity pulled away and smiled genuinely at him, the corners of her eyes crinkling.

"I was an idiot back then," he acknowledged.

"Yes, you were!" she teased.

Severus leaned forward and took her in his arms. She nestled her head on his shoulder.

"I won't take you for granted again!" he declared, as he burrowed his face in her neck.