I'm bad at it again, folks!

Like always, a big shout out to all my readers, reviewers, and advice and feedback givers. You know who you are and you rock! ;)

Glad people like Nesme's quirkiness and the bit of down time the gang got. Sometimes nonstop action gets old and too perdictable. Also, if the actions always follows in rapid succession...it starts to play off like a soap opera.

"Raul! My wife left me for another man! Then the pair accidentally drove off a cliff, taking with them my unborn child whom I didn't know about till just now! Whatever will do I, Raul?"

"I don't know. You're not the man I once thought you were...and I'm not Raul!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Seriously, it gets melodramatic without lulls between some events, right?

Anyway let the chapter begin!

Brace yourself for our characters questioning morality.

If Someone Cared Enough

Chapter Sixty-Four: Light Reading

Lily perused the shelves with reluctance, running her finger down the spine of some book so gingerly, one would think she fear a book would jump out and bite her at any moment.

Of course this was the restricted section, so for all anyone knew, a book just might do that.

It didn't take much convincing to get a pass into the restricted section. A little fib to Flitwick about possible extra credit work got Lily clearance under the guise of researching outlawed charms for an essay. Of course, Lily fully intended to do some sort of paper for her trusting, diminutive professor, if only to ease her conscience about lying to him, but Lily's true goal was far from a lousy research paper.

"Let's see," Lily murmured, her eyes scanning the list of titles before her, "Poisons Throughout the Ages, no…Fun with Cursing, not quite…100 uses for Giant's Blood …ewwww….no that isn't right either," She tipped a few tomes towards her to better look at the covers, standing on tiptoe.

"Adlebert's Encyclopedia of Blood Magic, not exactly what I was looking for…The Rise and Fall of Grindelwald…that could prove useful, but no…"

While it was certainly a possibility that anything to do with a Dark wizard like Grindelwald could prove beneficial in unraveling the mystery of the secretly dark Tom Riddle—or at least help them understand the boy's thinking better—it wasn't particularly wise to check out so alarming a book from the library. The only reason Lily and Severus had sneaked into the restricted section last time was that the subject of cursed items would very well raise suspicion if Pince logged it in her records as being checked out.

With Severus under the spotlight on and off for the ongoing drama of the train incident, followed by his father's death and Avery's escape, anyone associated with him would look very questionable suddenly taking an interest in so sketchy a subject. Now that there were gossip columnist speculating that he was somehow still wrapped up in You-Know-Who's schemes, Lily—or any of his friends for that matter—checking out a book on the darkest wizard of all time would be like painting a target on their backs for Dumbledore to investigate.

Last time their research called for covert operations and infiltration. Not wanting to repeat the chaos of outrunning Filch, however, prompted Lily to try a more discreet, permissible method. She wasn't looking for cursed items this time anyway and it was entirely believable that so scholarly a girl such as she would be curious about Charms, her best subject. Flitwick had mentioned in previous classes that many older Charms once thought harmless had to be stricken from the school teaching list due to their revealed probability to cause harm. If Lily recalled, there was a wine producing charm that had to be banned ages ago after it was discovered that the conjured drink contained higher concentrations of a substance akin to anti-freeze and as such was poisoning wizards across the globe, proving the dangers of attempting to produce complex mixtures out of thin air.

So Lily had the perfect cover for browsing the restricted books Hogwarts held. Might as well make the most of her visit.

Lily leaned forward, squinting at one of the titles, "Magic of the Morally Ambiguous…perfect!"

Lily plucked the book off the shelf, opening to the back index to narrow down her search.

"Lesser known defense," she read, skimming the pages, "Little known poisons, Magical maladies…Mind Arts! Page 306: Legilimency, 309: Occlumency."

After Lily and Severus's library heist last term, Lily couldn't risk taking out a book specifically speaking of mind reading. Word was going around that Pince was on the warpath after an inventory check revealed several restricted books missing, including the one Severus took on Occlumency/Legilimency. A student up and trying to check out a book on that very topic would shoot them straight to the top of the suspect list, a place Lily wished to avoid.

If Lily intended to get to know the subject better, she would have to rely on snippets of it from less obvious books. That's why she was looking for books holding large selections of magical subjects, hoping that among the pages would be the information she needed.

Sitting down in the aisle with her legs crossed, Lily hesitated before opening to the correct page and reading.

'While the most naïve would refer to the practice of Legilimency as mind reading, practitioners find the term to do the skill little justice. Legilimency ranges far beyond mere mind reading; it grants access to a targets mind in its full capacity. A Legilimens can view thoughts, emotions, dreams and even the deepest subconscious the target themselves may not even be aware of. The most skilled of Legilimens possess the ability the extract memories, removing them from a person's mind without use of Oblivation. The act of legilimency is oftentimes held in high esteem as the ideal method of information gathering'

"You mean privacy invading," Lily huffed with a frown. Honestly, you can take someone's thoughts away from them if you so choose? Why would Severus ever think that was okay?

'Initially thought to be a learned trait, historians and researchers have noted some wizards and witches throughout history bearing this skill naturally and have theorized that the most powerful of Legilimens can pass the ability down through bloodline; thought this has yet to be proven. Further evidence to the born ability theory is the naturally presence of the skill in magical creatures such as the Wampus Cat, native to North America and noted as capable to use the ability shortly after birth.'

"So some people are naturally born with the ability," Lily muttered, "I suppose you can't really fault someone who can't help reading your thoughts." It was surprising to learn some magical folk had a predisposition to Legilimency; she'd been positive it was a dark art developed by the foulest of wizards, created solely to invade and violate. To know some people didn't exactly get a choice on possessing the skill was certainly unexpected.

Still, Severus was not one of those people. He chose to learn an ability for robbing people of their privacy.

Curious, Lily ventured on.

'Used for centuries in various aspects of magical society, in more recent years, the practice of Legilimency is viewed as morally grey, the ethics coming under fire after various accounts of unskilled Legilimency attempts leading to catatonia in its victims, both Legilimens and target alike.'

Lily's eyes widened in alarm.

'This is because becoming a Legilimens requires the utmost patience, skill, and mental willpower. Those of weak will are advised to avoid such practices as a weaker mind could be easily overwhelmed when delving into the thoughts of someone stronger.

It became quite common in the middle ages for novice Legilimens to become trapped in their target's mind, rendering both comatose and unresponsive, usually for the remainder of one's life unless a more skilled practitioner could break the mental connection.'

"Sev, what have you gotten yourself into?" Lily said worriedly, her eyes trailing over the picture of a woman in a hospital bed, prone and unresponsive with her eyes hollowly fixed upon the ceiling.

Lily continued to read, becoming more and more distraught with every sentence. Terms like 'vegetative', and 'memory trauma' swam before her eyes in blocky text, causing a weight to settle uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach.

Severus wasn't just crossing a line; he was endangering himself as well. One wrong move could plunge him so deep into someone's psyche he may never recover. He could be overpowered by someone far stronger than him, rendered little more than a lifeless sack of flesh and bones, kept alive only by magic in the halls of St. Mungos.

Severus had said he worried about Rosier and Wilk's capabilities; that he wanted to see what they were doing long before they could implement a plan of attack. But what if one of Rosier's skills was Legilimency? Severus could try to read his thoughts only to have it pushed back on him, leaving the door to his mind wide open for Rosier's invasion, giving the conniving creep access to all Sev's secrets. Dear merlin, what if he learned about the diadem?!

Worse still was the possibility Rosier knew Occlumency. Even if Severus mastered that skill enough to protect his mind from being read, if Rosier could guard his thoughts too, a Legilimency attempt by Severus could prove disastrous. According to the book, Occlumency could not only project false images to shiled the real memories, a skilled Occlumens could quite literally throw a Legilimens from their mind if they fought hard enough, usually at the cost of the Legilimens own mind, the severing of the connection creating a devastating blow to their brain.

An image of Severus sprawled out on a bed in a white room flashed before Lily's eyes, him staring across the room at nothing, unblinking, unseeing. The very thought horrified Lily. Why would Severus risk it?

…Why would he risk it for her?

Lily looked down at her hands, recalling the fight at the start of term. Severus said he was doing this to protect her, hadn't he? He was putting himself in harm's way all for her…and she'd thrown it back in his face, berated him for it. He only wanted to protect her.

Lily was at a loss how to feel at this point. She wanted to stay true to her principals. After all, she'd been through, the thought of subjecting someone else to any form of violation sickened her, made her feel dirty. However, Severus was right; people weren't going to play fair in this war. How far was she willing to go to ensure what happened to her once never happened to her again? Or worse, to someone she cared about?

She thought of her mum and Petunia, defenseless muggles, women depraved Death Eaters wouldn't think twice about putting their hands on. Hell, she thought of her father, of what sort of twisted assault the likes of Bellatrix or her friends could do to him to degrade him in his final moments. Simone had said it herself; no one deserved to have their consent taken from them and no one was immune to the risk of it happening. Simone's father certainly hadn't been safe.

How far would she go to defend those she loved? As far as Severus? Lily didn't honestly think she had the stomach or willpower to force her way into someone's head. It seemed too cruel…and yet…where did she draw the line at acceptable?

When Avery escaped Azkaban, for those first few nights, Lily slept with her wand hidden under the pillow she and Severus's shared in his room. She'd pulled it from its hiding place after Severus fell asleep, herself lying awake for hours clutching it in her hand and staring at the door, waiting for Avery to burst through any minute, his sickening smirk smeared across his face.

Could Lily really say she hadn't considered blasting the bastard to pieces if she ever saw him again? That Sectumsempra hadn't been on the tip of her tongue as dread coiled inside her every time she heard a floorboard creak in the hall?

A part of her should be flattered Severus cared so much about her. Honored, even. As much as Lily strove for independence as a young woman, there was no deny the flutter in her heart when she recalled Severus bravely coming to her aid at the end of fifth year on the train. She had loved and admired courageous way he fought for her, the compassion he showed when he took her in his arms after every nightmare the following weeks. He'd become her knight whenever fear kept her from sleep, her own fantasy of safety and protection.

But the reality wasn't a glamorous picture of an armor clad Severus on a white horse saving the day. Reality was much bleaker with victory less assured. In fairytales the prince always won, but there was no guarantee in real life that Severus's attempts to protect her wouldn't end in his own demise. That was what terrified Lily most. What good would surviving in one piece be if she had to live on with the gaping hole in her heart and an empty place beside her where Severus once stood?

It was clear Severus intended to place himself directly in harm's way if it meant Lily was spared, but such a sacrifice seemed far more selfish than if Severus had taken the easy way out and simply fled with her. At least running as cowards could potentially assure they made it out alive, and more importantly together. If Severus actually thought Lily could make it through Severus dying for her, he greatly underestimated just how much he meant to her.

Lily glanced over the final paragraphs in the Legilimency section of the book, dreading what new sort of horrors it would reveal.

'While the duplicity and unethical nature of Legilimency is the subject of much debate, many can agree that when used consentingly the practice of Legilimency can prove beneficial in many aspects of healing that other magic cannot accomplish.'

Lily perked up, intrigued.

'Several notable cases of Legilimency have made critical acclaim in magical world of healing. One such case being the study of Darcy Bougard, a girl render catatonic after a fall from a broomstick resulted in head injury. Her father was noted to have spent six years perfecting Legilimency in order to enter his daughter's mind and, with repeated sessions, eventually drew her consciousness to the surface. Though lacking the majority of use of her right side, Darcy went on to live sixty years, marrying and starting a family.

Proponents of Legilimency in healing have proclaimed it's value in trauma recovery; granting Legilimens access to suppressed or traumatic memories that put an unnecessary toll on survivors of great hardship. Many famed Legilimens claim that suppressed memories can break down a person's emotional and mentally stability on a subconscious level, leaving the victims unable to process or treat the symptoms, as they cannot pinpoint the cause. Legilimens argue that their ability to draw thoughts out from the deep recesses of someone's allows them to cope with their past and overcome it rather than fear it.'

"So it's not…all bad?" Lily questioned, puzzled. She hadn't given much thought to consenting use of the ability. The way Severus had described it, it sounded like Legilimens spent all their time diving unpermitted into unsuspecting victim's heads, rifling through their private thoughts with reckless abandon. She hadn't considered that anyone would willingly welcome a Legilimens into their head.

Still…that didn't change that much of Legilimency use consisted of entering someone's mind without their knowledge or permission. The few times it was consented to by a person didn't really make up for how often the ability was abused to invade someone's privacy. However, it did help to know Severus could potentially use the ability to help rather than hurt.

Who knows, perhaps when the war was over—something she prayed happened in hers and Sev's lifetimes—Severus could venture into the healing arts and utilize that skill for beneficial purposes. She'd already considered his potential for being a curse breaker or auror with his knowledge of Dark Magic. If he could put it to use in a way that wouldn't hurt someone…maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

Of course, first she would have to get him out of this mindset of selfless risks and sacrifice. She didn't want Severus compromising his morals for her safety. She'd once heard talk in the common room that use of true dark magic could alter one's soul, ruin it even. She refused to let Severus go that far all for her. She wouldn't be able to live with herself if he did.

Having had her fill of Legilimency for one day, Lily picked up the book and sandwiched it between two tomes on illegal and dangerous charms in order to make her excuse of extra credit charms research more believable. Leaving with plenty to think about, Lily completely missed sight of a black head of hair bowed over a book several tables away.

{page break}

Severus reread the passage before him, jotting down notes here and there in his notebook as he went. He'd managed to get a tad farther in the basics of Legilimency and had made some decent progress in clearing his mind. The latter would certainly come in handy for Occlumency, something Severus did not intend to abandon simply because he'd taken on researching Legilimency. With all the secrets Severus and his friends had stumbled upon as of late, it would be foolish to not consider strengthening his mental shields against prying eyes, namely Dumbledore's.

Perhaps Severus should consider teaching his friends Occlumency as well. While it was true Severus would be the most likely target of any curiosity Dumbledore could have, it would be a sever underestimation of his intelligence to assume he wouldn't seek out information through Severus's friends. Their honest, open and easily read faces made them a goldmine of information for the average Legilimens, so Severus shuddered to think what could be uncovered from them if they just happened to make eye contact with the headmaster one day at lunch.

There was also the concern of Rosier and his group. Severus did not know for certain that any of them knew either form of mind magic, but Severus wouldn't put it past a pureblood like Rosier to have been taught some level of protection against Legilimency to keep his family's secrets out of Dumbledore's grasp. After all, they'd need some level of cunning to raise a future Death Eater under the headmaster's nose.

It was even more likely they'd want Rosier well-guarded when they learned Thea would be in his year. The Rosier's would want nothing more than to ensure all their secrets were protected from Thea's opportunistic family.

Merlin help them if Rosier knew Legilimency. If his parents were to teach him at all, they'd most likely have started when he was younger, which would give him a leg up from Severus. A severe disadvantage Severus were prefer to avoid. The danger would be even greater if Rosier attempted to look into the minds of Severus's friends. Doubtful the rotten berk would exercise restraint on their vulnerable minds. Severus was confident he could manage somewhat against a Legilimens with his mind still intact, but the results would be disastrous for his friends.

It could be beneficial to teach his friends some basic mental practices, but it would be near impossible to teach some many people Occlumency when he was still learning it himself. He'd at least have to make sure to stress the importance of avoiding eye contact with Rosier or any of his lot and above all, never, ever look Dumbledore in the eye.

"Penny for your thoughts?" came a gentle voice to his right.

Nesme slipped into the seat next to Severus, the Daily Prophet and a dream journal tucked under her arm.

"Wouldn't it be a 'knut for your thoughts' around here?" Severus asked.

Nesme smiled, "Just used to my mum saying it the muggle way. It's what she is, after all."

Severus tilted his head, intrigued, "So that would make you…"

"Muggleborn," Nesme answered, "My biological father was muggle too. The only magical influence I had on my life prior to Hogwarts was my dad Rajesh."

"That would certainly explain some of your more muggle colloquialisms," Severus remarked, "So what brings you to the library?"

Nesme shrugged, "Nothing much. Davis is reviewing his transfiguration notes and that's boring, so I ducked out."

"Back to build a fort of books again?" Severus queried.

Nesme snorted, "Maaaaaaybe. So, hows the mind magic going?"

Severus looked at her suspiciously, prompting Nesme to shrug her shoulders.

"Simone told me," she said nonchalantly.

Severus sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face, "And I suppose she's made her displeasure on the subject clear, hm?"

"Don't take it too hard," Nesme assured, "It has nothing to do with it being light or dark magic; just the potential it has for bad."

"Well I'm trying to utilize it for good," Severus said in frustration, "Why do people have to take a noble action and dissect it into something foul?"

"Maybe because the path to bad is paved in good intentions?" Nesme suggested, "Or something like that; I forget how it goes. Either way, you can't argue that Legilimency has just as much potential to hurt someone as it does to help."

"Yes, but the only people I could possibly hurt probably deserve it," Severus growled, "I mean, have you met Rosier? He's just as bad as Avery or Mulciber. Who knows what he's capable of."

"Then shouldn't that concern you?" Nesme questioned softly.

Severus looked at Nesme curiously, "What do you mean?"

"Well if you're in Rosier's head, you'd have access to all his memories and thoughts, wouldn't you?" Nesme asked, "Not just the ones you're looking for. What if he is as bad as Avery? Or worse? I imagine you don't get to see only what you want in there; you may find some things too terrible to speak of if he truly has sided with You-Know-Who. Do you think you could handle looking at the worst of him? Knowing just how big a monster he might be on the inside?"

"I…" Severus began, "I hadn't thought of that."

"Maybe it's time you should," Nesme suggested, "This isn't like playing a spy in the movies, Severus. Even with a consenting subject, Legilimency isn't a victimless crime. Seeing who someone really is can change you, Severus. Sometimes it's better not knowing just how bad someone can truly be."

"So even you're against this," Severus sighed, massaging his brow, "Great…"

Nesme shook her head, "No, I'm just making sure you realize the risks. I'm not going to try and stop you or anything."

"Well at least I have you and Mary on my side," Severus said. He side eyed Nesme, "Sort of anyway."

If it makes you feel better, Simone isn't hung up on this because it's dark magic," Nesme offered, "Her problem with it lies in what it can essentially do. Consent and privacy are very important to her and Legilimency is sort of…well morally unethical. Did you know she hates the Statue of Secrecy for that very same reason?"

Severus's eyes grew wide, "She does?"

Nesme nodded, "I mean, she gets why we need the Statue and she loves muggles; of course she wants to protect them from those who would use magic to hurt them. However, there is a certain aspect of the Statue that has always rankled her."

"What?" Severus prompted.

"Obliviation," Nesme responded, looking at him, "It's standard practice with all accidental or intentional magic in front of muggles outside of those with magical children, siblings, or spouses. If you have no connection to magic; the second you catch a hint of it, it's stricken from your memory like that," she snapped her fingers.

"Simone hates it because it takes away muggle's choices on how to handle magic," Nesme explained, "Instead of protecting muggles from severe danger like Death Eaters and blood purists, she sees it as invalidating them when they actually are harmed by magic. No one asks them if they want to remember it or not; they could be assaulted and the ministry just wipes it away. Poof!"

"But in that case, wouldn't you think some things are best forgotten?" Severus asked with genuine interest.

Nesme shook her head, "The memory is never really gone though, is it? Sure, the details would be lost, but we have enough wizards and witches in the wards of St. Mungos after accidental obliviation who still respond to certain smells, still cry when hearing certain songs. Think about what sort of triggers could exist for a muggle who's been harmed irrevocably by magic? To have lingering fears and sorrow, but no idea why must be awful."

"That probably would be terrible," Severus conceded, his mind going back to his recovery at St. Mungos. There had been an old man constantly wandering out of the ward for permanent spell damage. Various healers said he was the victim of obliviation, though the culprit was never determined.

The man used to chatter quite good naturedly with anyone who passed him, but whenever the smell of egg sandwiches wafted by around lunch, the man became a hysterical mess, ranting about a trolls, an unimaginable foul stench, and a man with remarkably white teeth and a fake smile. He never knew where any of his ramblings stemmed from, as he couldn't recall a single detail of his life for certain, let alone any time he ever encountered trolls. But that smell always seemed to set him off, presumably because many likened the scent of mountain trolls to that of rotten eggs.

Severus shuddered; he'd hate to be reduced to a gibbering by remembering something he didn't realize was even a memory.

"That's a fair point," Severus agreed.

"The problem with Legilimency is you not only can see someone's private thoughts, but, given enough practice, you can actually take some of them away if you want," Nesme said "That's not much different than oblivation."

"Simone says that robbing someone of the rights or abilities to process grief in their own way is essentially stealing the legitimacy of what happened to them. I can't say I disagree," Nesme's gaze grew wistful, her eyes glassy over.

"Nesme?" Severus prodded with concern.

"My birth father left when I was just a baby," Nesme explained, "Mum insists he died of a fever, but there was this picture she used to carry of them on their wedding day. The man in the photo; I saw him from time to time in our town with a much younger, thinner woman than my mum. Richer too."

Severus listened silently.

Nesme shifted in her chair, getting comfortable, "When my birth dad left, we couldn't afford the rent on our flat, so we were kicked out. We lost everything. It was just me and my mum, an infant and single mother living on the streets."

"My earliest memories are being hungry," Nesme went on, "So hungry. It felt like there was a hollow pit in my stomach that could never be filled. And of course, it rarely was filled. There would be times we wouldn't eat for days, drank dirty rain water collected in tin cans during the downpours. It made us awful sick sometimes, it did. My mum, she ate less than me, gave me most of the portions she could pilfer or earn in whatever way she could. She won't talk about what she did to earn some money here or there, but…I have a pretty good idea…"

Severus looked away, pity pooling in his stomach.

Nesme pushed on, "When I was nearly four, mum brought me to a nearby park to play. We'd managed to wash up in the sinks at a coffee shop bathroom that day so mum saw it as a chance for me to play with other kids without being picked on for being dirty or smelling funny.

"A kid shoved me off the jungle gym," Nesme said flatly, "Called me ugly and pushed me backwards off it. I should have hit the ground but…I stopped an inch or two before I made contact, just floated there."

"Accidentally magic," Severus said knowingly.

Nesme smiled, "Yep. My mum was pretty freaked out, naturally. She'd seen me do stuff like that before but this time was different. I mean, there were witnesses, a whole park full of them. She grabbed me and ran. We must have gotten about half a block away before this man appeared in front of us. Just popped out of nowhere, like magic. That was the first time we met Rajesh. He'd been visiting on holiday and saw everything, realized what had happened. He sought my mum out to help her because he knew she had no idea how to raise a magical child. Somewhere along the way, they fell for each other and I had a father again."

Nesme smiled fondly down at the now faded henna on her hand, "Do you know what really makes a Hufflepuff?"

Severus blinked, taken off guard by such an odd question.

"People have several choices when faced with troubles," Nesme began, "You can try and become a fighter, put on some bravado to hide your fears and shine the brightest, like a Gryffindor, or you can turn it into a learning experience and make every obstacle from then on a challenge to overcome, like a Ravenclaw. You can also let it make you bitter, cause you to lock your feelings up for fear of perceived weakness," she looked at Severus, "Like a Slytherin."

"But…" Nesme went on, "when you make it out alive and can still smile the same, still find joy and love and good in the world…that's Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff means to survive, with every part of what makes you you still intact. It means to not let life's cruelties change you, to not let it extinguish the light you have inside you. I can smile each and every day because I know even with the ugliness I faced, there is still lots in this world to be thankful for, there's still beauty."

Nesme looked Severus in the eye, unblinking, "The days before Rajesh came along were pure hell, but if given the option to forget them, I don't think I'd take anyone up on the offer. They were my hardships, my struggle, and I want to remember them because they're a reminder that I survived, that it didn't break me, that it didn't make me into something I'm not."

"You don't have to talk about what you grew up with," Nesme added, "I have a pretty good idea what went on anyway. Just answer me this: how would you feel if someone came in and took those memories away? Even if they thought that they were helping you in some way by making you forget; good or bad those memories are yours. Would you really want to just forget everything you've been through up till now?"

Severus considered the question carefully. It was true he'd been through a living hell most of his miserable childhood, been subjected to cruelties no one, especially not a child, should go through. He'd forever be angry at the man who tormented him, the man who destroyed the woman Eileen once was. He'll probably never get over the resentment that boiled inside him at the very thought of Tobias. Not even the man's death could quell the disgust and hatred he felt for that wretch.

And yet…Severus couldn't say he would rather forget what happened. If there was a way to go back and ensure none of it had ever occurred, sure he'd do that in a heartbeat, if only to save his mother from the lifeless shell she was now. But to have the memories removed while the facts still very much existed…it would be like an insult to how hard he fought to keep going.

Even surviving out of sheer spite was something in which he took pride. His father thought raising him with hate would make him too soft to fight back, but instead Severus proved his resourcefulness but letting that very hate be the motivator to thrive. He found a better life in spite of his father; that was something he would always be proud of; he didn't need that man to have a good life.

So no, Severus didn't think he'd want the memories of what he suffered to be erased. Awful as they were, they defined a large part of his life and to forget it ever happened would be spitting in the face of everything he endure, everything he got through and succeeded with. As bitter as the resentment made him, it also reminded him of how fortunate he was now.

"No…" Severus admitted, "I don't think I would."

"And I can't say I blame you," Nesme said.

"I don't get it," Severus confessed, utterly confused. It was the first time Nesme had ever had a serious and composed conversation with him. He hadn't expected such depth to her character before, "What is it you want me to do? You want me to stop researching this?"

Nesme shook her head, "No, I just want you to be aware of the weight of your actions. Bad things are coming, terrible things and everyone knows it. We're all probably going to make some hard choices out there. I can't fault you for doing something drastic. I only hope that if and when you do, you recognize all the repercussions and consequences that may come with it."

Nesme's gaze was the most serious Severus had ever seen it, unflinching, unwavering. She held Severus's gaze for a long, silent moment, before Severus broke away and nodded in understanding.

"I'll only use it if I absolutely have to," he agreed.

Nesme smiled, relieved, "Good. I know you'll make the right choices when the time comes, Severus." She gave him a gentle squeeze on the shoulder.

"Now," Nesme said, standing up, "I've got my eye on a nice secluded pair of shelves that would be ideal to build a book fort between," she pulled out a magazine and a bag of crisps from her bag, "If you need me, I'll be in my inner sanctum."

She walked away with purpose, leaving Severus smiling in bemusement.

I swear I didn't intend for the title to be ironic or punny when I wrote it, but given the chapter deals with morally ambiguous magic and light versus dark magic, I can see it coming off that way XP

Mind magic in the HP universe always struck me as more risky and dangerous than it is portrayed in canon. Sure, it's acknowledged as difficult to learn and dangerous for those who's secrets are exposed, but I personally feel there must be some level of mental and emotional risk towards the legilimens to dabble in other people's must secretive thoughts. Not only could a person uncover things potentially too terrible for them to handle, but being inside the memory would cause them to witness the awful deed in question. I imagine using Legilimency on a suspected rapist would be traumatic for even a trained Legilimens.

There's also the risk of the mind's defenses. Surely a skilled Occlumens could do worse then just forcibly push a legilimens from their head? Couldn't they damage the other's mind in retaliation, or trap them in the connection? Opening someone else's mind just leaves you susceptible to the link being opened back in your direction.

I'm sure some of you have begun to wonder if anyone other than Simone ever takes a moral high ground to be the voice of reason in the group. Well here's perceptive, contemplative Nesme!

I know most if not all of us have been firmly on Severus's side in this whole issue because war isn't fair, but let's admit, if the tables were turned and Severus was on the receiving end of Legilimency-say by Dumbledore-we'd be demanding the legilimens pay for the indiscretion because Severus doesn't deserve to have his privacy violated in such a manner. Nesme is someone who personally lives by 'treat others how you wish to be treated', so she wants Severus to understand just exactly what he is doing and how easily he could be in someone else's unfortunate position.

Last resorts need to be just that; something you do last when all else fails.

Review, folks!