Author's Note: These characters aren't mine and I make no profit on this enterprise. That said, while I rarely solicit comments, if this chapter makes you laugh…do let a writer know because it does a writer good. Read on.
Chapter 6 - A Little Knowledge is a Dangerous Thing
Harry sat back and snuggled into his professor's arm. Severus could not believe he was sitting like this with his first love's 11-year-old son. James is rolling over in his grave! It wasn't that he felt smug. Far from it. But for the first time in many, many years, Severus felt human. He felt like real love was finally within his grasp and it didn't feel awkward, strange or unattainable. Rather it felt honest, good and true. Severus sighed contentedly as he stared absently at the cold hearth.
"Wait…" he started, noticing that something was amiss.
"Yes, Professor?" Harry replied uncertainly.
Severus pulled his arm from around Harry and leaned forward in his seat. Reaching for the bottle of fire whiskey he had left on the coffee table the night before, he pushed it aside. The bottle's cap came into view.
"That's strange," he voiced, observing the cap.
"Is something wrong, sir?" Harry asked.
Not hearing the boy, Severus stood up and began muttering to himself.
"I could have sworn I put it right there."
He moved toward the armchair and lifted up the seat cushion.
"Humph…not there," he grimaced, placing the seat cushion back down.
Severus placed his hands on his hips and turned back toward Harry. He was lost in thought as if retracing his steps.
"Sir?"
"Yes, Potter," Severus replied absentmindedly as he knelt down and looked underneath the table.
Not finding what he was looking for, he stood back up and looked beneath the cushion he had just been sitting on. Nothing! Severus was becoming annoyed.
"Where did I put it?" he exclaimed impatiently.
Feeling a slight sense of dread, Severus lifted Harry from his seat on the couch and searched every crevice. He came up empty. Gods!
"Professor!" Harry exclaimed as he tugged the back of Severus' shirt.
"What, child?" he boomed. Startled, the boy fell back into the armchair.
Trying not to take his professor's outburst personally he replied hesitantly.
"Nothing, sir…it's just…" Harry fished into the pocket of his oversized terry cloth housecoat and pulled out what Severus had misplaced. He held it before his guardian. "Is this what you were looking for?" he asked innocently.
The ring glistened in the shafts of morning sunlight. Severus exhaled the toxic tension gathering behind his eyes.
"Potter! Thank the Gods! I thought I'd lost it."
He sat back onto the couch, leaning his head back. "Where was it?" the professor asked.
"Right here on the table, by this bottle, sir."
Severus jolted up. Damn! The bottle!
Reaching forward Severus grabbed the fire whiskey and made sure the cap was secure. He then placed it on the side table, away from his ward. Could you be a bigger halfwit, Snape?
Harry was thoroughly confused by the Potions professor's morning moodiness. Wanting to make things right, he took the ring and offered it to Severus.
"If you need it, sir, you can have it back."
Severus furrowed his brow.
"Potter, that ring is yours. I gave it to you intentionally."
"I know, but when I saw it out here just now, I figured you must have needed it for some reason. So if you need it, please, take it."
Severus was perplexed.
"Why would I need the ring back, Potter?"
Harry looked bemused.
"To give to Miss, of course!" he exclaimed.
Severus' eyes looked as if they would pop out of his head.
"Potter…I…I…don't think Ms. Burbage would accept that ring," he stammered.
"Why?"
"Why?" Severus repeated the question, quickly looking to turn the conversation in a different direction. "Well…because it was meant for your mother."
"Oh…" Harry rejoined unfazed. "Irregardless…you should really give Miss a ring," he continued adamantly.
"First of all," Severus retorted, cringing at the child's spoken English, "it's 'regardless!' And second, why should I give Ms. Burbage a ring?"
"Well…because you slept with her!" Harry declared.
Because you slept with her! Severus felt like he would retch. Headaches were all too common for Severus and the one he had chased away earlier lurched back behind his eyes. Unfortunately, it was too early in the morning for a drink and his tincture for headache relief was in his lavatory, which was currently occupied by a cheeky witch. He shifted forward in his seat and swallowed nervously.
"Potter," he began, eyeing the child narrowly, "whatever do you mean by that?"
Oblivious to Severus' reticence, Harry set out to remedy the Potions professor's apparent lack of familiarity regarding relations with the opposite sex. Looking sympathetically at his Dark Man, the child stood up from the armchair and shooed Severus over. Severus looked quizzically at his ward but obliged the boy and took the next seat on the couch. Harry sat on the edge of the couch cushion and turned very seriously toward Severus.
"Well," Harry said deliberately, "what do you want to know?"
The child's determined expression prevented Severus from bursting out in peals of laughter. Stifling the urge, he sat back, and responded to his ward's question.
"I do have a few questions, Potter," Severus declared soberly.
"Alright then, go ahead," the child nodded.
"First…what did you mean when you said Ms. Burbage and I 'slept together'?" he asked as casually as he could.
Harry patted Severus on the knee and replied carefully.
"Well…professor…"sleeping together" is something a man and women do when they're married."
Knots congealed in Severus' stomach. Harry, however, soldiered on, mistaking his professor's expression of horror for the embarrassment of ignorance.
"But sometimes…not married…like you and Miss," the child spat out quickly afraid he'd shamed the Potions Master for sleeping with a woman to whom he was not even engaged. Severus sighed. He wanted Harry to tell him what he knew about sex, not give him some moralistic lesson about propriety in Muggle mating rituals.
"I'm curious, though, Potter. What actually goes on when two people...sleep together?"
Now Harry was confused.
"You mean, you don't know, sir? I don't understand. I saw Miss in your bed. How could you not know?" he asked completely bewildered.
"Ms. Burbage did sleep in my bed last night. It was much too late for her to go back to her rooms and I didn't want Hogwarts' custodian and his wretched cat to frighten her."
Severus replied evenly, lying through his teeth. Harry smiled and nodded his approval of Severus' chivalry. Gods! This child will no doubt be sorted into Gryffindor.
"I understand, sir," Harry continued, interrupting Severus' chagrin.
"So you really don't know what it means for a man and woman to sleep together?"
With a nod in the negative, Severus shrugged feigned naivety. Realizing he needed to start at the beginning, Harry stood up before his professor-guardian as if to give a lecture.
"Well…when and man and woman love each other," he began, folding his hands and looking Severus sincerely in the eye, "they get married."
Severus resisted rolling his eyes at the child's hint, choosing instead to bite his tongue.
"But even if they aren't…you know…married," the child continued cautiously, "they sometimes still sleep together."
Severus played along, nodding his understanding and leaning forward as if to get in on the world's biggest secret.
"What happens is…the man tells the women that he loves her, and they kiss all keen and everything. Then he takes off her shirt, and she begins to unbutton his. The man picks her up and takes her to the bedroom. They kiss some more, and more clothes come off. Then they fall onto the bed with him on top of her."
The child stopped momentarily to make sure his student was following. His guardian was hanging on every word. Feeling assured, Harry continued.
"Yeah…so…they keep kissing, but it's sort of like biting. Then they start making noises – which, honestly, sound kind of weird if you ask me," he said pointedly with slight revulsion.
Severus remained calm but was recoiling inwardly at Harry's relatively accurate description.
"At some point, they get under the covers, kiss some more and then share a fag while they chat about how great sleeping together just was."
Severus furrowed his brow in confusion. Share a fag while they chat? What in Merlin's good name is this child talking about? Severus pursed his lips unsure of what to say next.
"How do you know this, Potter?" he asked somewhat smoothly.
"Oh…" the child responded darkly as he moved away and sat back down on the armchair, "Auntie Petunia used to watch her stories on the tellie. I'd sneak a peek when she wasn't looking, and Uncle Vernon was at work."
Harry leaned in toward Severus. "You won't tell, will you?"
"Those monsters, Potter? Certainly not!" Severus spat. "But just so I understand…a man and women "sleeping together," is what might be seen on Muggle television?"
Harry nodded quickly, eyes wide with knowing. Severus could not believe his good fortune! Charity was right. The child had no real clue about sexual relations. He had dodged the proverbial Muggle bullet. He could leave this discussion for a later date…maybe a year, or even two, from now. Severus heart grew lighter and the headache he was nursing as he listened to Harry's description abated slightly.
"Do you have any questions, sir?" the child asked sincerely.
Severus appeared to think hard, placing a crooked finger over his lips and squinting his eyes. "No! I think I understand now," he responded quickly, eager to move the conversation to consideration of what they would eat for breakfast.
"Can I ask a question, sir?" Harry asked brightly, unwilling to consider eggs or porridge.
Severus sighed. There would many things to work on with Harry Potter, starting with his use of the English language.
"Yes you may," he quipped.
"Is the reason you don't want to give Miss the ring because you didn't sleep with her?"
So long good fortune!
"Potter, when I give Ms. Burbage a ring, it will not simply be because we have slept together."
Harry looked squarely at his Dark Man, chewing the inside of his cheek. He didn't notice that his question hadn't been answered.
"Can…I mean…may I ask another question?"
Severus nodded.
"Even if you didn't sleep with Ms. Burbage last night, did you at least kiss her?"
A strange feeling of pride welled up in Severus' chest, he wanted to scream, "that's my boy," though he had no clue where such a feeling was coming from. Instead Severus eyed him suspiciously.
"You are a very nosy young man!" he declared irascibly.
"I'm just wondering," the child stated timidly.
"Why?" the potions professor queried.
"Because I like her!"
Severus remained quiet for a moment, reflecting on his ward's statement. He leaned forward and placed his hand on the child's knee.
"I like her too…a lot," he whispered, his obsidian eyes smiling.
Harry beamed. So did Charity who had been listening to Harry and Severus' entire conversation from the hallway. Clearly it was time to make her entrance.
"Ok…" she chirped as she walked into the kitchen. "Anyone hungry?"
"Starved!" Harry and Severus chimed simultaneously getting up from the sitting room.