Without You- Chapter 3
Disclaimer: Still don't own anything
Authors Notes: Thank you to everyone who reviewed chapter two. I'm so glad that you are enjoying this story, especially given how "different" it is.
Chapter 3 soundtrack listed at the bottom.
I just want a little more time
Little more time
Little more time
I just want a little more time
Little more time
Little more time
-Not Ready to Say Goodbye by Leah Nobel
Tex had barely closed the door to his shared quarters with Danny before Tom started questioning him.
"What the hell is going on Tex? Rachel was talking...I don't know...craziness…. and now you're asking me if she told me about Niels."
Tex put his hands up in defense and started laughing, "Commodore…I'll explain...what I know, why don't you take a seat." Tex said gesturing to Danny's bed. Tom sat down, with Tex sitting across from him.
"Do you believe in heaven?"
Tom shook his head confused, "What does that have to do with anything?" he answered. Tex gave him a look and Tom sighed, "My mom was religious, I never took to it. I have my beliefs. I guess you could say I believe there is a heaven. Why?"
"I didn't care either way. I just hoped when I died...when it was my time...that wherever I went, I was happy." Tex paused before continuing, not quite sure how to drop this bombshell on Tom.
"Tom, there is no real easy way to say this and you may not believe me."
"Given the things Rachel has just told me…" Tom interrupted.
"Rachel and I...we are from five years in the future." Tex said.
"Excuse me."
Tex chuckled, "I need to go back to explain….I'm not sure how much Rachel has told you, but I end up leaving the James and head back to Texas with my daughter Kathleen. Things happen and in about seven months you reach out to me, you need help. I of course agree to help you and I die. I end up in heaven. As I'm walking in this field I see two women approach me. One is your wife...the other is Rachel.
"Wait...What? You meet Darien in heaven? What do you mean Rachel dies? When? How?" Tom asks confusion, shock and a hint of pain evident in his voice.
"That's Rachel's story to tell, not mine. You need to speak to her about it." Tex replied "As I was saying, I died. In about five years there is a war, it's pretty bad. We greet many people from the James...it was a tough time. Near the end of the war, you get injured and you're in limbo. Rachel and I end up stuck in limbo with you. When you choose to live, somehow Rachel and I were given this second chance.
"While in limbo I spoke to you. Told you that you had a choice to make. Not seconds after you left me Rachel rushed in. She was determined to find you. I had to explain to her what was going on, that you had a choice to make. She was insistent on finding you. She wanted to tell you to live, admit how she feels about you, but encourage you to live, that it wasn't your time. Somehow, in that moment, I knew you would choose to live and that Rachel would be tied to your choice. I told her to follow her heart and not to live with regret.
"I never expected that I would be tied to your choice and that I would be given a second chance as well." Tex finished. He leaned back and allowed Tom to digest what he had just told him.
"You need to understand, Rachel and I were sent back to this time for a reason. It wasn't until I woke up this morning and realized the date did I truly understand why, but we were brought here, to this time, to change what happened."
"Rachel admitted that she killed him. She told me that she lied about it."
"And she did." Tex said "Don't get me wrong, the man deserved to die, but Rachel shouldn't have taken it into her own hands nor should she have lied to you, even though we got the contagious cure out of it. One of her biggest regrets was this" Tex said gesturing around "this moment in time, because it changed everything between you two."
"How do you know that? That this was one of her biggest regrets." Tom asked.
"She told me."
August 4, 2020
Tex and Rachel sat at the table in his house. Andrea, Doc Rios, Darien and Jed had just left for the evening.
"I hope this war ends soon." Rachel told Tex "I don't want to see anymore people I care about to arrive."
"I would have to agree Doc."
The two sat in silence for a few moments before Rachel spoke up.
"Yesterday was my day."
Tex looked over, Rachel rarely discussed her days at viewing the living. Everyone handled the day differently. Darien would immediately go to Jed. Tex headed straight to the nearest bar (Yes, there were bars in heaven, go figure!). Jed would call everyone over and tell them what he saw. Rachel...well she typically barricaded herself in her house for the next twenty-four hours. She never once discussed what she saw with the others.
"And?"
"I looked in on Tom."
"I assumed as much." Tex replied, "How is he doing?"
Rachel sighed, "he's not doing good. This war...it's taking a toll on him, on his relationship with Sasha and the kids. Sasha is doing the best she can given the situation she has been placed in. She is trying to be supportive, but he is closing her out. He spoke of his regrets."
"Everyone has them sweetheart."
"I know." She replied. "One of my biggest regrets, other than not telling Tom I loved him, is Niels."
"Niels? Why would one of your biggest regrets be that asshole?" Tex asked.
"I don't regret killing him." Rachel admitted, "we got the contagious cure out of it. I regret my actions afterwords. Lying to Tom. Trying to keep him out of it. Trying to protect him, to which I failed miserably. In that one second, the decision I made to lie to him, I ruined everything. It took me so long to build the trust up with him after lying to him for four months while in the Arctic. Lying to him about Niels. Every ounce of trust that I had worked so hard to get, I lost it all. I knew it would take a miracle for him to trust me again. I broke it. I feel like a horrible person."
Tex got up and went over to Rachel, he kneeled down in front of her, taking her hands. "Rachel, your mistakes do not make you a bad person. Dwelling on the past bad decisions you've made only allows those decisions to keep defining you." Tex paused for a moment before continuing, "After your death, I kept replaying it over and over again in my brain, what I could have done to save you. I hated Tom for a long time, hated myself for a long time. It wasn't until Kathleen gave me a sound piece of advice that I'm now going to give to you.Release the need to replay the situation over and over again. Give yourself permission to release the guilt, release the what should have, could have or would have been. Forgive yourself."
Tom rubbed his hands over his face. His head felt like it was going to explode with the amount of information coursing through it.
"I know this is a lot to deal with." Tex said to Tom. "But you need to deal with it and you need to talk to Rachel. You need to let her explain what she has been through...her feelings for you."
"I thought you had feelings for Rachel." Tom replied.
"Oh, I'll always care about her. Till I die...again." Tex smirked. "Sometimes all you need is a second chance because time wasn't ready for the first one. If you're lucky enough to get a second chance, don't waste it."
Rachel stirred in her sleep, loathing to get out of the warm bed she was in, but her bladder began pressing the issue. When she was done using the restroom, she stood looking around, it took her a moment to realize she was in Tom's quarters. Her brain immediately flashed back to their last conversation. She sighed and sank on the bed, placing her face in her hands.
She felt a sense of relief, telling Tom the truth about what she did, but would it change anything. Was she still doomed to repeat the past? Was she still doomed to die in a hallway with Tom never knowing she loved...loves him?
"Only one way to find out." Rachel muttered to herself and stood up. She went to the door and opened it, surprised to find O'Connor sitting in the room, not Tom.
"Doctor Scott."
"Where's the captain?" Rachel asked.
"He asked me to watch you and to call up to the bridge when you woke."
Rachel nodded, she made her way over to the couch and sat down, wringing her hands.
"Captain should be here soon."
"Thank you."
They sat in silence for a few moments before O'Connor spoke up, "I don't mean to pry Doctor Scott, but is everything okay?"
Rachel sighed, "No...it really isn't...I don't know what is going to happen. It's extremely complicated."
"I'm sure everything will work out."
"I hope so." Rachel responded.
They continued sitting in silence until Tom appeared roughly five minutes later. He thanked O'Connor, who promptly left the room.
Tom remained standing near his desk, while Rachel remained on the couch.
"How are you feeling?" Tom asked breaking the silence.
Rachel shrugged her shoulders, "as good as can be expected."
Rachel took in Tom, his body language was off. He seemed distressed, more so than immediately after she had confessed what she had done.
"Tom, I know this may seem like an odd question to ask given everything I've told you, but are you okay? You seem a bit...off….more so than earlier."
Tom stared at Rachel, not sure how to answer the question.
"I guess the question is, now that you know that Rachel has feelings for you, how do you feel about her?"
"You need to let her explain what she has been through...her feelings for you."
Tex and Mike's words replayed through is brain. He had been so caught up with creating and spreading the cure, dealing with the immunes, the sub, the Valkyrie network and Niels that he had been ignoring Rachel's feelings. Hell, he insisted she work with Niels when it was obvious she didn't want too. Looking at her now, he became very aware, with her body language and facial expressions, that her feelings for him had grown from friends to...something more.
He closed his eyes briefly. How had he not noticed this before?
"Because you weren't paying attention" a voice inside his head said.
"Tom?"
He opened his eyes and gave her a smile, "I've just got a lot going through my mind right now...that I need to sort out."
"I'm sorry...I know I'm the cause of quite a bit of what you are dealing with right now."
"I'll figure it out Rachel." Tom replied. "Jeffrey asked me to bring you to him to talk as soon as you woke up."
Rachel patted her legs, "Well, there is no time like the present." She stood and walked over to the door that Tom was holding open for her. They made their way through the p-ways to the Admiral quarters.
Rachel gave the illusion of calm and composed, but on the inside her brain was running a mile a minute. They reached their destination much quicker than she had hoped they would. Tom knocked on the door and Rachel heard Jeffrey's muffled "enter". Again, Tom held the door for her.
Jeffrey stood as they entered the room.
"Doctor Scott, Captain Chandler." Jeffrey addressed them.
"Captain Chandler said you wanted to speak to me." Rachel said.
Jeffrey nodded, "Yes. Captain Chandler, I'll call up to the bridge when I'm done speaking to Doctor Scott so she can be escorted back to her quarters."
"Yes sir" Tom said, turned and exited the room. Jeffrey gestured to the couch, he knew this would be a tough conversation, he wanted to make her as comfortable as possible.
Rachel sat down, with Jeffrey pulling up a chair and sitting across from her.
"I presume Tom filled you in on what I disclosed to him earlier today." Rachel stated.
"Yes he did, but I would like to hear it from you."
Chapter 3 Soundtrack
Hymn for the Missing by Red
I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz
Nothing Makes Sense Anymore by Mike Shinoda
Start a Riot by Banners
Distance by Christina Perri
I Choose You by Barcelona
Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles
Hold On by Chord Overstreet
Always Hate Me by James Blunt
You are Loved (Don't Give Up) by Josh Groban
The Reason by Hoobastank
Falling Slowly (Once, music from the motion picture soundtrack)
Find Me (feat. Birdy) by Sigma
Here Without You by 3 Doors Down
Find Me by Boyce Avenue
Mirrors by Madilyn Bailey
Broken by Madilyn Bailey & Jake Coco
I Need Your Love by Madilyn Bailey & Jake Coco
Everything I Need by Skylar Grey
Beautifully Broken by Plumb
Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson
Losing Your Memory by Ryan Star
Requiem on Water by Imperial Mammoth