The soup Obi-wan prepared for him was thin, little more than a broth than anything at all. But it felt nourishing, warm and satisfying in his belly as he obediently drank it down per his Master's orders. There was a sort of aching dysphoria to the entire situation. This dynamic had been so prevalent in his younger years. Anakin was always breaking himself so that Obi-wan could put him back together, in so many ways.

The familiarity of it brought old wounds to the surface, aching and rancid from their festering. For so long he pretended not to feel them, that he was better than that. And at the same time he couldn't stand to sit in silence for five minutes for the burden of them. But Obi-wan was a salve to those wounds, in a way that no one else ever could be.

His heart still tripped in its rhythm, still feeling excitement for the way Obi-wan looked in his eyes, stern and serious as the man had ever been. Anakin knew that look, knew it never preceded anything but the most sober truths. Those words broke through the hardened layers of his heart, exposing the soft raw vulnerability he kept inside, protected at all costs.

You must know I will not share you

Anakin was more than willing to give Obi-wan everything. He knew the last two years, in every battle and every stranger he had ever brought to bed he had only been seeking to fill the void that his Master left in his absence. He tried to lie to himself a thousand times, tried to believe it wasn't true. He knew it was. And to acknowledge that simple truth was as frightening as it was exhilarating.

He was aware of how foolish it was to let himself believe Obi-wan when he promised to stay. But there was something different- Obi-wan was different. The last two years of exile had changed him. Anakin did wonder what his Master had been up to, and he supposed he would learn in due time. After all, Obi-wan had his stipulations, and so did Anakin. He would demand complete and total honesty, and accept no less.

"Lie down, I need to take another look at your side." Obi-wan ordered, gaining Anakin's full compliance.

The man's hands lightly palpated over his swollen side, making Anakin acutely aware of how quickly the blocker was already metabolizing out of his system. Aches and pains crept back into his awareness, gracing him with the tell tale reminders of things he had no recollection of.

With an unsatisfied tisk the warmth of Obi-wan's hands abandoned their pursuit of prodding and probing, leaving his aching side now uncomfortably chilled in their absence. "I don't like it, but I don't think we have a choice. We need to get you to the temple."

"But Master," Anakin protested, his chest tightening again, anxious and afraid. "How can I explain any of this to them? They are going to want answers." And that was one thing he didn't have to give. The little information he did have would amount to a harsh reprimand and some form of rather strict disciplinary action. But he didn't need to remind Obi-wan of that for him to know it was true.

"I'm confident we can craft a convincing alibi." Obi-wan said, his words dragging as his mind worked hard, calculating different possibilities and their projected success or failure.

"The Council tried to get a hold of me last night, I ignored them twice before I shut off my com." Anakin confessed, feeling terribly foolish for the admission. But there was no use trying to hide anything from his Master, not anymore. There were still many things that Anakin felt hurt by, and he knew they would have to be addressed sooner than later. But now wasn't time to hash any of that out, and much of it simply needed time to heal. For now he would obey and be open with his Master, or try to at the very least.

"Just another detail to string together. It shouldn't complicate things too terribly." Obi-wan said, something ironic to his tone that felt like snide sarcasm but didn't quite pass for it. Catching Anakin's self conscious reaction Obi-wan pulled from his thoughts to look reassuringly into his eyes.

"It's all going to be alright. We'll get through this. We'll figure it out." Obi-wan said sincerely, a warm rough hand stroking down the side of his face. And there it was again- that tender pull again that struck between them that was maddening as it was involuntary. It bled the Anxiety from Anakin's mind for the moment, replacing it with steady reassurance and tender want.

"But the longer we wait here, the more questions they will have when it becomes apparent your injuries are not as fresh as expected. Then it will appear that we are hiding something." Obi-wan noted.

Anakin knew he was right. "As you wish, Master."

Anakin wanted to be doing anything other than dealing with this right now. There was a long time failing dam inside his soul holding so much of himself back, and it became terminal the moment Obi-wan kissed him. He felt the manifestation of it in his damp, trembling palms, in his dreamlike disbelief for his Master's fierce claim over him. But it was difficult to handle such matters with several broken ribs and a lovely assortment of injuries spanning both the internal and external variety.

Dealing with his wounds was the last thing he wanted to do. Though as their presence became increasingly loud against his senses, there was little else he could do. Weakly he asked Obi-wan to just give him another hypo, to which his Master declined, refusing to just put another bandaid on the problem.

Obi-wan sat in silence stroking his beard while he mulled over a number of ideas. "You ignored your com because you were pursuing a thief," he tested. "You were jumping from a building to the suspect's cruiser, but you misjudged the distance. Your com was destroyed when you fell." Obi-wan finished, sounding more sure as he completed the story.

"I sensed your trouble and came to your aid, patching you up as well as I could before taking you back to the temple." Obi-wan added.

"And that took all night and all day?" Anakin asked.

"You're right..." Obi-wan said, returning to his thoughts, his eyes searching.

"You came to and found your way back home... where you patched yourself up. I came to check on you and convinced you to see the healers." Obi-wan suggested, wearing a smug smile on his face for the notion that he could convince Anakin of anything.

"Sounds as good as anything else." Anakin agreed, still feeling a lingering sense of unease for not knowing the true sequence of events, while they painted over the empty memories with false plastic ones.

Gently, Obi-wan helped Anakin into some clothes before the two of them climbed into one of the air-speeders parked out front. The Chancellor left a few at any given time for Anakin to use if he so wished. Now he was just glad he wouldn't have to trek back to the temple on a speeder bike. It wasn't so comfortable because of his injuries but he was able to adjust himself well enough that it minimized the discomfort.

Taking the driver seat Obi-wan twisted the ignition, the engine humming silently to life at his command. "So, how did you find me?" Anakin asked hesitantly, as if prying too much would break a delicately held illusion. One made of glass and childish beliefs, held together by willful ignorance.

"I sensed your distress. I felt you fall unconscious." Obi-wan answered matter-of-factly.

Anakin remained silent, unsure of what he might say or how he could even respond. Obi-wan was being vague, but what else was there to say?

Really Anakin had many, many questions. Why was he covered in blood? What happened to Quinn? What happened to him? Obi-wan's silent reluctance to volunteer any information on the matter was not reassuring. But did it matter? What would any of it change?

Looking over Anakin noticed Obi-wan white knuckling the wheel, a stern detached look on his face as he gritted his teeth. Something felt hollow in the man's chest. A pit formed in Anakin's stomach.

"I need to know what happened." Anakin said soft yet frankly, feeling his core shake with cold apprehension. He needed to know, but he didn't want to know. Darkness hung over his blotted memories like thick black tar, somewhat telling in itself. Just the feel of it reminded him of the way his skin cringed on Kraysiss, the way the darkness swallowed him up and made him into nothing.

No, Anakin didn't want to know. And his body told him enough for him to understand the gist of what transpired. But he could feel it festering in his Master, feel the black rot of it worming its way through his soul. And that more than anything else, scared him.

Obi-wan pulled an unsteady breath, his eyes trained past the windscreen on the traffic ahead of them. "I found you... And I found him." He said, wringing his hands on the wheel. Another silence fell between them. Anakin felt the dark chill in Obi-wan's aura prickle like ice down his spine.

"I didn't just kill him. I wanted him to suffer." He said quietly, simply. "And he did."

Anakin sensed his Master's defenses blocking the better part of his tortured memories, deliberately keeping images and emotions from crossing over to him. But he could sense the shape of what Obi-wan censored from the shadows they cast over his aura, over his face, in the expanse of his eyes that seemed to grow black and empty. Anakin could feel the violence in his Master's spirit, how it lingered there. How it had been with him for a while now, much longer than just the night before- just another way the man had changed.

But then his words sunk into his consciousness, their meaning stirring something inside of him. "You killed him?" Anakin asked in disbelief, but not unbelieving. Something conflicting dashed through Obi-wan's aura, fleeting as it was ambiguous.

"Yes. It was… messy." Obi-wan answered, a look of disgust passing over his face.

"I've taken lives before, when beings have forced my hand." Obi-wan spoke, his steel blue half lidded eyes staring out introspectively in front of them. "A Jedi isn't supposed to enjoy killing. Taking a life is always supposed to be the very last resort."

Anakin felt a rise of anxiousness stir inside him. He never expected to relate to his Master in this way, but he did. The dark gratification he felt in cutting down that village of Tuskens felt very much the same. It did not quell the grief. It did not tame the rage. But in the moment it was an all consuming fever, blinding him from all else. To have his Master openly admit to such a thing was shocking. Picturing Obi-wan mercilessly killing someone in cold blood was almost unimaginable. If it wasn't for the evidence of his kill in blood stained robes Anakin might not have believed him.

"I didn't have to kill him. He begged for me to spare him. I could have turned him in." Obi-wan said distantly.

Anakin understood what it was to commit such a crime borne of passion, what it was to lose control. Picturing his Master as anything but calm and collected didn't seem right, but he could sense the thing Obi-wan spoke of just under the edge of his skin. It was an overwhelming all consuming thing that existed in the realm of wants and demands.

But Obi-wan was gentle, just and kind. It didn't make sense. He seemed incompatible with the sort of violence he admitted to. And it was more than just the act he was confessing. It was everything inside himself that led him to be so disposed.

"But I didn't. I killed him." Obi-wan continued, caught in the stream of his own cathartic release. "But it's worse than that," he whispered. Anakin could feel the man's sick stomach, feel his muted repulsion. It was a division of self that carved Obi-wan through his core, cleaving conviction and belief into haphazard broken truths. The man was reeling, spiraling untethered, no one to catch him as he fell.

"I tortured him. I wanted him to feel everything. Because…" Obi-wan trailed off, his steady focus on the traffic ahead turning to rapid searching. Anakin knew well enough what words remained unspoken, so loud in their silence that he might as well have said them himself. But they had to be said. Their omittance was more egregious than breathing life into them alone.

"Because of what he did to me." Anakin finished, his words quiet yet controlled. He needed brutal honesty. Anything else would infuriate him. He wouldn't stand for any more lies, not even in the form of exclusion. Especially not that.

Obi-wan took a breath. Anakin felt the man's aura flare with grief, a flash of the image he held ransom escaping his tightly held shields. It hit him with some shock, but didn't inflict nearly as much pain as his Master felt for it. The picture of his body naked and battered curled in on itself, ripped far, far away from consciousness- It hurt, but it was what he had expected. There was a sort of peace in knowing and seeing, even if so vicariously.

"Yes." Obi-wan whispered, a trembling breath escaping him.

If Anakin wasn't limited by the bright stabbing in his side and numerous other wounds he would have thrown himself at his Master right then and there. The speeder would veer of it's carefully dictated path, hovering to a halt in the shoulder of the traffic lane. Obi-wan would protest at first but quickly succumb to distraction.

It was strange. Anakin thought he should have felt distressed, offended at the very least. But he wasn't. He wanted to rip the conflicted shame from his Master's heart. Obi-wan was everything good- feeling passion and rage only made him human.

"I would do the same for you, Master." Anakin answered. "Or worse," he added, knowing in his rage he was capable of many terrible, terrible things.

"And what does that say about me? I was your teacher." Obi-wan said flatly, the sound of defeat heavy in his voice. The man was so stubborn, so intent to cling onto his self sabotaging guilt.

"My actions are not your responsibility." Anakin said sharply. "And you haven't been my teacher for a very long time."

"Your feelings just make you human, Obi-wan. We've been taught that our emotions are an enemy, but you know just as well as I do that isn't true." Anakin said with conviction.

"Emotion isn't an enemy, but it isn't inherent truth, either." Obi-wan answered. "It's automatic. Unconscious."

"And what do your emotions tell you about yourself, Master?" Anakin asked, challengingly. "You're hungry for guilt. You want to bury yourself in it. It blinds you."

"You misunderstand." Obi-wan said sternly, silencing Anakin and pulling in his full attention.

"I don't feel guilty for what I did to that monster." Obi-wan sneered. "And that's the problem."

"But you still feel guilt." Anakin insisted. "I can sense it."

"For all the ways I've failed you, yes. Giving in, killing with no remorse, is no example of what a Jedi ought to be." Obi-wan answered heavily.

"I don't need you to show me what a Jedi is supposed to be." Anakin retorted. "I just need you."

Something heavy filled his Master's heart. He could see it weighing on his soul. Again Anakin felt the urge to smother the man, to make him forget all the petty self loathing he was so fond of practicing. But before he could even say another word they were landing in the Jedi Temple's hangar bay.

Obi-wan got up and out of the speeder without a word, hailing over a medic to help collect him. As one of the healers was scurrying over with a stretcher Obi-wan went to open Anakin's door, carefully heaving him up into his strong arms. His face was carefully stoic. Anakin could feel his aching heart still restless beneath the surface.

I didn't mean to upset you Master, Anakin whispered through their bond, suddenly apologetic. And it was true, however it seemed nearly deliberate when Anakin pushed his Master's buttons, it was simply consequential. He couldn't help himself. The man could be so infuriating at times. And that was hardly his fault.

Don't worry about upsetting me, dear one. Obi-wan whispered back, lips unmoving. Focus on healing your injuries. Everything else can wait.

….

"Master, where have you been?" Ahsoka blurted as Obi-wan sauntered through the doors to their shared living space. Merrith sat curled up on the sofa, an oversized plush tooka wrapped tightly in her arms.

Obi-wan sighed, pulling a hand down over his face. Anakin was exhausting in nature, but the events of the night prior hung heavy on him still. He hadn't truly slept since he and Ahsoka left their training mission to plunge into the disaster that was Koda station. Now he was feeling that fatigue rather acutely.

"You look like hell, Master." Ahsoka remarked with worry.

"Thank you for your adept observation, Padawan." Obi-wan gibbed wryly.

"I'm just saying-" Ahsoka shrugged.

After all the chaos, then reporting a laundry list of fabricated events to the Council after the fact, he was feeling on edge. The healers told him Anakin should be back at full health after an overnight in the halls. This time the next standard day his love would be fully healed and battle ready. No doubt he would be deployed again. The Council didn't seem to regard anyone's need of leave time. It was a luxury they often decided they could not afford. Of course there was no telling what assignment would be lurking for Ahsoka and himself at the end of the day, either.

So much had changed. It felt like Obi-wan's world came to a halt, the sweet moment where he had Anakin on his lips at the fore of it all. But the galaxy hadn't stopped spinning, and there was still a war on. Now it almost seemed to exist in spite of him. Never mind trying to keep Anakin safe from forces who were obviously conspiring against him, the likes of which the man didn't even know about. He would have to tell him sooner rather than later. Anakin needed to know, even if Obi-wan didn't have the heart to tell him.

He felt the holo and puck in the pocket of his robe, weighing heavy with darkness, feeling entirely too cumbersome to carry in the moment. If Anakin was careful, on his guard, he would have nothing to worry about. But careful was one thing Anakin rarely was. He should have told him already, he knew that.

The longer he waited, the less understanding the man was going to be about Obi-wan not being immediately forthcoming. He could just destroy both pieces of evidence and forget the entire ordeal. That option weighed favorably in light of others, but he didn't know if he could bring himself to destroy them, either.

"It looks like Merrith is doing better?" Obi-wan asked, switching the subject.

"Yeah, the healers said she's in much better shape. Master Yoda said she could stay with us until they find a new home for her." Ahsoka said excitedly. It was obvious she took well to being a big sister. He knew that would only inevitably make things more difficult when Merrith was sent to a permanent home, but that was an issue for then, not now.

"Oh?" Obi-wan asked, trudging towards his quarters. "Did he say how long that might take?"

"He wasn't sure. A week, or more?" Ahsoka replied.

Obi-wan sighed with relief. That meant for at least a week they wouldn't be sent on any missions. He would have time to rest and mentally recuperate. Maybe, if he was lucky, he would get some much needed time to talk with Anakin, away from prying eyes and ears.

Walking into his own private quarters Obi-wan collapsed. Things were different now. He was different. There was no denying it. As much as parts of himself still cared about trying to be the Jedi he once was, trying to do right by Ahsoka where he had failed Anakin so terribly- part of himself didn't care about any of it.

He cared about Ahsoka, he wanted her to succeed. Of course he couldn't help but wonder if she would have been better off in the agricorps than in his own care. He wasn't the Jedi she deserved him to be. She needed a good role model, and that was one thing he was not.

It was foolish to deny what he was becoming, and childish to try and pretend he could stop the transformation that had already begun to take place. The dichotomous part of his mind told him that he couldn't be both a Jedi and not a Jedi at the same time. Either he was, or he wasn't. Either he failed or succeeded. And of course, he failed.

He had given in to his feelings for Anakin long ago, it wasn't new. It was why he left, why he allowed himself to hurt the boy on Kraysiss. It was why he was helpless to his whims- why he could torture a man to death without remorse. It was why he didn't care as much as he should have about straying from the Code.

Giving into his love, his passion, was wrong. That's what the Jedi taught him to believe. But he didn't know if he could believe it. He could see how it led to violence, to death and suffering. But all of those things seemed faultlessly consequential. But such was the way attachment skewed one's sense of morality. With it, any atrocity could be justified. That was what the Code dictated.

But Obi-wan knew it was more complicated than that. Love wasn't wrong, it wasn't supposed to be cut out like a necrotic limb. He had killed, but never once had he killed an innocent. He only killed those who sought to hurt others for their own personal gain, whether for power, pleasure, credits or all three combined. That was some sort of justice, wasn't it? It wasn't mindless chaos. There was sound reasoning behind it.

He could spin the same debate in his mind for hours if he let himself, but instead he put it to rest, however forcibly. Now was time for rest. Everything else could come after.