Without You chapter 5
Disclaimer: Let me check...yup, I still own absolutely nothing in regards to The Last Ship. Sorry guys.
Author's Notes: I don't recall if Curtis had a last name. I'm sure it was mentioned in season 3. As I really don't want to go back and rewatch the episodes, I'm just giving him a last name. Please just go with it.
Underneath the cold November sky
I'll wait, for you
As the pages of my life roll by
I'll wait, for you
I'm so desperate just to see your face
Meet me in this broken place
Hold me now
I need to feel you
Show me how
To make it new again
There's no one I can run to
And nothing I could ever do
I'm nowhere if I'm here
Without you
-Without You by Ashes Remain
February 18, 2015
Tom waits, somewhat impatiently for the skype to connect to his father. Jed Chandler picked up on the fourth ring.
"Hey Tommy!" Jed said exuberantly to his eldest. "How are you doing?"
Tom shrugged, he attempted to put a smile on his face given everything that was going on. Jed noticed the forced smile.
"Okay, out with it."
"Everything's fine dad" Tom replied.
"Bullshit." Jed responded. "What did Rachel do this time?"
Tom was taken aback by his father's comment, "Why would you assume Rachel has anything to do with my current mood?"
Jed laughed, "First off, the last time we spoke.."
"Was five days ago" Tom interrupted.
"As I was saying" Jed started again "the last we spoke you were still extremely upset about something Rachel had done, yet you refused to discuss it with me. So out with it."
Tom sighed and rubbed his hands over his face and through his short cropped hair.
"It's complicated."
"Then start from the beginning." Jed replied.
Tom began explaining everything that had occurred in the last eight days. Rachel admitting to killing Niels, learning she and Tex had died and were given a second chance due to him choosing to live five years in the future. Assigning Rachel a security detail, taking out the sub, and his shrapnel injury.
Tom paused for a moment to let his father digest everything he had told him, before starting on the day's events.
"There's more isn't there?" Jed asked and Tom nodded.
"Jeffrey spoke to Rachel three days ago. She told him details, details he had yet to share with anyone. He noticed that Rachel became visibly upset when discussing the James making port in Saint Louis. I spoke to Rachel about it...dad that is where she dies. She gets shot. She dies in a hallway...alone...I don't protect her."
Tom watched as father leaned back in the chair and sighed. "I'm sorry Tom." Jed said to his son. "I'm sorry that you've had to deal with all of this the last few days. But now you know. You can stop it."
"That's the plan." Tom replied "If we had a...workable plan."
"Workable? Wasn't Rachel able to give you information on how she died?" Jed asked.
"All she could tell me is that she was shot the night of the Inauguration ball, which is on the twenty-fourth around midnight. She knows nothing else about the man. But she told me she will always remember his face, so she could pick him out." Tom paused before continuing. "She couldn't remember the name of the hotel or even where it was located. She said that it was about 10 minutes from port."
"Have you spoke to Tex?" Jed asked.
Tom shook his head, "It didn't occur to me. But I will. I'm sure he'll know more information as he lived through her death, the man's arrest and conviction."
"There you go. Talk to Tex. He will be able to give you answers. You've come up with solutions to far worse situations." Jed assured his son.
Tom leaned back in the chair thinking about what his father said.
"What else is on your mind Tom?"
"Mike and I were tossing around ideas, ways to catch Rachel's killer and keep her safe. He came up with an idea, but…"
"But what?"
"It's a lot to ask of you. Of Ashley and of Sam."
Jed gazed at Tom with a confused expression, "Why would you need us? What was Mike's idea?"
"Mike knows that I've already told you when we would be in Saint Louis and that you guys would be there." Tom paused for a moment. "His idea was to get an enlisted sailor to pretend to be Rachel at the Inauguration ball, since most people don't know what she looks like and have Rachel pretend to be Darien as only you, the kids and the crew of the Nathan James know that Darien died.
"Rachel pretending to be my wife means that she would always be with me, I could keep her safe. The enlisted sailor would be given a security detail as well to keep her safe. But I told Mike no."
"Why?" Jed asked astounded "It's a good plan!"
"I'm asking Rachel to pretend to be Darien. I'm then asking my children to pretend that Rachel is their mother...a mother that they just lost two months ago! I can't do that to my children. If it was just me, I can do it. I can't do it to my kids. I can't. We have three days until we make port in Saint Louis and then another three days to the Inauguration. We...I...will come up with another plan."
Unbeknownst to Tom and Jed, Ashley and Sam were standing back of the room at the edge of the door listening to the entire conversation. The two kids whispered to each other about what their father was telling their grandfather. With their dad's protests, they knew it was time for them to step forward.
"We'll do it." Ashley said firmly from the door.
"Yeah." Sam said.
Jed turned to see his grandchildren and gestured for them to come on over.
"Ash...Sam…" Tom said.
"Dad." Sam said "Grandpa is right. It's a good plan. Rachel saved us. She saved the world. If this is how we can repay her..." Sam trailed off.
"If this is how we can help make sure she doesn't get hurt and she doesn't die, by pretending that she is our mom, then we will do it." Ashley said. "We want to dad."
"Are you guys sure?" Tom asked "This is a lot to ask of you guys."
Ashley and Sam nodded, "We're sure dad. We want to help Rachel...and you." Ashley replied.
Tom asked the kids to please leave so he could discuss some details with their grandfather. Jed told Tom he would take care of getting their airline tickets changed and getting them into Saint Louis on the twenty-first instead of the twenty-third so the kids could spend some time getting to know Rachel and she them for the plan to work. When the call ended, Jed got up and headed out to the living room, where Sam and Ashley were now watching a movie.
Jed grabbed the control, paused the movie and sat down in front of his grandchildren.
"Ashley, Sam, I want to tell you guys how proud I am of you two."
"Thanks grandpa."
"It was nothing."
"It's not nothing Ashley." Jed said. "You guys are putting your personal feelings aside to help someone else.
Ashley smiled at her grandfather. "Like we told dad, Rachel saved our lives. I know if mom was still here, she would want us to do this, to help Rachel. Heck, mom probably would have insisted to dad that he do this."
Jed laughed, "I'm sure your mother would have. She probably would have been the one arguing with your father about doing it until he eventually gave in."
"When will we be going to Saint Louis?" Sam asked.
"I'm going to contact the airline and change our tickets. We will be leaving on the twenty-first instead of the twenty-third. We will arrive the same day the Nathan James makes port, this way you guys and Rachel can spend a bit more time together, getting to know each other.
The kids nodded.
"Come here kiddos" Jed said extending his arms. The two kids got up and went into his arms for a group hug.
"I love you two. I'm so proud of you. I know your mom would be too."
February 24, 2015
The Inauguration Ball was in full swing. Rachel stood next to Tom, her hand in his. When he approached her with his plan to catch her shooter, whom Tex informed them was Curtis Matthews, Rachel wasn't a fan. She began to argue with Tom about pretending to be his wife. Yes, they had admitted they loved it each but they were so busy with spreading the cure, making sure to stop McDowell's men in Memphis and coming up with a plan to keep her alive, that they really hadn't discussed their next steps.
Once Tom told her that the kids had insisted on participating, Rachel knew there was no point to arguing any further. Her main argument had been not wanting to put any undo stress or burden on his children...Darien's children, a friend she missed every day.
When Ashley, Sam and Jed arrived to the James on the twenty-first, Rachel couldn't contain her emotions at seeing Jed again. She began to cry and enveloped him in a hug that lasted over five minutes. Both Tom and Jed got the sense, from her reaction, that at some point in the future Jed had died and he and Rachel had become close while in heaven. While Rachel or Tex had yet to discuss Jed's death with Tom, they both agreed that they would be doing everything in their power to make sure he didn't die at the hands of Allison Shaw.
The three days prior to the inauguration, Rachel and the kids spent as much time together as possible (given that Rachel still had other demands placed upon her regarding the cure). Rachel told them all about growing up in England, her travels with her parents when they were missionaries, her mother's death (which allowed the threesome to bond quite quickly as Rachel understood better than anyone the grief they were feeling over losing their mother).
When the children asked about things they had overheard (Rachel knowing information about events that hadn't yet occurred), Rachel immediately approached Tom. The two of them sat the kids down and explained how she knew what she knew. The two adults could tell, at first, that the kids were having a hard time believing what they were being told.
"I know this is really hard for you to believe." Rachel said calmly. "It is even hard for me to believe. But there is something I haven't told you."
Rachel looked over to Tom, who nodded.
"After I died, I was greeted in heaven...by your mom." Rachel told the children. Ashley and Sam gasped at this news.
"You're mom became a…" Rachel stopped talking to control her emotions "an amazing friend. She helped me when I was at my lowest. It has been very...discombobulating...coming back to a life where she and I technically didn't know each other because I miss her every single day.
"One of the last conversations I had with your mom was about an hour before all this" Rachel said gesturing around the room, "happened and I was given a second chance. She and I were sitting in a field of flowers, daisy's as they were her favorite.
"Looking back, I think she somehow knew that something was happening. She told me that life is too short to wake up with regrets. To love the people who treat me right and forget about the ones who don't. To believe that everything happens for a reason and that if given a second chance, to take it. If that chance changes your life, to let it. She said it wouldn't be easy, but it would be worth it."
"And then he was there." Rachel said looking into Tom's eyes, "giving our children and I the cure...saving us, when we were so close to death."
The group of wives, standing with their officer husbands, swooned at Rachel's words. She inwardly rolled her eyes.
"Speaking of..." one of the women stated, "Where are your children?"
Rachel pointed to the refreshments table about twenty feet away, "they're over there with their grandfather. Would you like to meet them?"
The group nodded eagerly. Rachel smiled, "I'll go get them, if you'll excuse me for a moment." She squeezed Tom's hand in reassurance and moved away.
She made her way quickly over to Jed and the children.
"Darien" Jed said as Rachel approached.
"How did Darien do this?" Rachel whispered to Jed. "I'm ready to kill a majority of these military wives."
Jed laughed. "She was a pro."
"Is everything okay?" Ashley asked worriedly. Rachel smiled at the girl. "Everything's okay sweetheart. They would just like to meet you and your brother."
Rachel reached out her hands and each child took one. Jed smiled, following closely behind as Rachel led the children back to their father.
The group quieted as they approached, "everyone" Rachel said "these are our children, Ashley and Sam."
Ashley and Sam exchanged pleasantries with the adults.
"You two must be thrilled to have your father home?" one of the men asked.
"We are." Ashley answered.
"It's awesome to have dad home." Sam responded, "But we have mom and grandpa, lots of people lost their whole families, we're really lucky."
"I'm the lucky one." Rachel said "I have amazing kids."
As the conversation continued, Rachel kept casually glancing around the room. She was keeping a close eye on Ensign Lynch, who was being escorted around the room with O'Conner, Miller and Tex as her personal security. Rachel and Ensign Lynch had sat for hours discussing key details about the cure that people would ask. Ensign Lynch was a quick study and by the end of the first day had everything down pat. The remaining days, Rachel had filled her in on her life, in the event they asked about Rachel's schooling. Rachel was worried that someone may ask her questions she would be unable to answer. Tex assured Rachel that if he felt the question was to personal or too "scientific" that he would promptly change the subject and pull her away to "meet & greet" others who wanted to meet the "infamous Rachel Scott."
Tom, Rachel and the children continued to move through the ballroom exchanging pleasantries with people. Jeffrey had given Tom the guest list the day prior. Any names he recognized, especially people he knew and knew he (and Darien) he reached out to and explained (albeit briefly) the situation and asked for their discretion. Everyone immediately agreed to the charade, if it meant keeping Rachel safe.
Around eleven Rachel noticed the children were growing tired. She was about to interrupt and tell Tom that it was time for her and the children to head up to their room. She hated leaving Tex to find Curtis on his own, but her maternal instincts (which she assumed she never had) seemed to be kicking into high gear.
Rachel glanced over the general's shoulder that Tom was talking too when her breath caught.
Curtis.
He was standing approximately fifty feet away. He was on the outskirts, looking around.
Looking for her.
Rachel tried to control her breathing.
She wanted to look away, but she couldn't. She continued watching the man who killed her. He began moving around the room. She never took her eyes off of him.
"Honey?" Tom said to her, "Are you okay?"
Rachel turned to look at Tom. She saw the the entire group was staring at her, worried expressions on their faces.
"What?"
"You started breathing a bit erratically and began squeezing my hand." Tom told her.
"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just...I'm just...getting a bit tired and I can see the children are too…" Rachel stopped talking and looked back into the crowd.
She couldn't find Curtis anymore!
"If you'll excuse me. I'm going to get my family settled I'll then come back and join you." Tom told the group he was speaking to. He began guiding Rachel away, Jed taking the children's hands.
When they were out of earshot of others, Rachel turned to the wall and began to hyperventilate, tears forming in her eyes and sliding down her cheeks.
"Mom...Rachel...are you okay." Sam asked worriedly.
"I…" Rachel tried to respond.
"Dad, can you take the kids up to the room. Rachel will be up shortly." Tom said.
Jed nodded, "come on kiddos."
Tom waited until the three of them were gone before pulling Rachel to him in an embrace.
"Rachel." Tom whispered, "I can't help you if you don't talk to me."
"I saw him. I saw him. I saw him." Rachel kept repeating.
Tom's blood ran cold. "Where?"
"In the ballroom. Looking around. For me. He killed me. He killed me."
Tom pulled away enough to place his hands on her face, "he is not going to hurt you. He is not going to kill you. He will not hurt anyone. I promise you. Do you believe me?"
Rachel took some deep breaths to steady her nerves and nodded her head.
"I'm going to have Danny take you up to the room and stay with you. Remember, we have a plan. We are going to catch him."
"I know." Rachel said, "I'm just…"
Tom pulled her back to him, "you're scared."
"Yeah." Rachel mumbled against his chest.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
They pulled apart. Tom took her hand and they headed back to the ballroom. Tom caught Danny's eye and gave him a nod. Danny jumped up and said some quick words to Kara, Andrea, Mike, Burk and Wolf. Within seconds they were all up and making their way way to Tom. Danny got there first and guided Rachel away. As they left, the remaining members of the crew approached.
"Okay." Tom said to Andrea, Mike, Burk, Kara and Wolf, "Just like we planned."
Danny pulled out the keycard Tom gave him and guided it over the door, which gave a green light. He opened the door and gestured for Rachel to enter.
"Rachel!" Ashley and Sam yelled and ran over to her. They embraced her.
"Are you okay?" Both children asked.
Rachel guided the children over to the couch the the suite Tom was given.
"I'm fine now." Rachel assured the children. "I saw the man who hurt me. I became scared and I reacted. I'm sorry if I scared you guys."
"I told you guys, nothing to worry about." Jed said to the kids.
"Your grandfather's right." Rachel agreed, "but it is getting late, so why don't you two go get ready for bed."
The kids nodded. Ashley got up and made her way to the bedroom while Sam hung back.
"What's up Sammy?" Jed asked his grandson.
"Rachel, will you tuck us in?" Sam asked hesitantly.
Rachel smiled, "I'd be happy too. I'll be in shortly."
Sam gave her a huge smile, turned and headed into the bedroom.
Thirty minutes later, Rachel emerged from the bedroom and quietly closed the door behind her. She saw Jed sitting on the couch.
"Where's Danny?" She asked softly.
Jed pointed a finger to the door, "he's standing guard until Tom returns."
Rachel nodded, walked over and sat on the opposite end of the couch.
The two sat in companionable silence for about five minutes before Jed broke it.
"When do I die?"
Rachel looked over, surprised at his question.
"What? I…."
"It was pretty obvious, the way you reacted, when you saw me the other day. You hugged me, in tears, for five minutes. The last time I had seen you was two months ago, right after Tom brought us aboard the Nathan James in Baltimore. We only spoke briefly to one another during our stay."
Rachel sighed. She began looking around the room, trying to avoid looking at him. She didn't want to start crying again. She felt movement on the couch. When she turned her head she saw that Jed had moved next to her.
"Whatever it is, it's okay Rachel, I can handle it." Jed told her.
"We're going to make sure it doesn't happen. Tex and I. We agreed. We won't let anything happen to you."
"What happens to me Rachel? I can tell it's eating you up." Jed says.
"It was September, September fourteenth. You and Tex arrive in heaven. Darien and I were there to greet you. You two tell us that a woman by the name of Allison Shaw was trying to dismantle the United States. Tom thwarted her attempts and she kidnapped Ashley and Sam. In doing so, she killed you. Tom reached out to Tex, who died during the confrontation with Allison. But I promise you Jed, Tex and I are going to make sure this doesn't happen. Tex knows all about what Allison was doing. He's going to tell Tom everything. We're going to stop it."
Jed reaches over and takes Rachel's hand. "Thank you for telling me."
"The four of us, we became like a family." Rachel whispered. "Seeing you again, it brought it all back, and…"
The tears that had been threatening to fall, began in earnest. Convulsions began wracking her body. Jed released her hand and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to his side.
"I miss her. I miss her so much. I don't know how to reconcile the fact that I miss someone that I technically don't know." Rachel said through her tears.
"You don't." Jed said matter-of-factly. "You don't try to make sense of the situation. You just acknowledge that you miss Darien. You live your life to honor her. That's what I encourage the kids to do."
"They're great kids." Rachel said, pulling away from Jed and wiping her face.
"They are." Jed replied, "You seem to have taken to them."
"I never knew if I wanted to be a mom. The choices I made. The career path I chose. It wasn't until I died, that I began regretting all my choices. Not allowing myself to fall in love, not admitting my feelings once I had them. Not having children. Right before I was given this second chance Tex told me not to live with regret. I've been trying very hard not too."
"So can one assume that you have told my son how you feel about him?"
Rachel cocked her head to the side and gave Jed a surprised look, to which he responded with a laugh.
"I may be old, but I'm not blind Rachel. You're in love with Tom." Jed stated, "The question remains, have you told my son? And if so, did he admit his feelings for you, or do I need to have a stern talking to with my eldest child."
Three hours later, Tom quietly opened the door to his room. He saw his dad sitting on the couch, with the TV playing softly and a cup of coffee in his hands.
"Dad, what are you still doing up?"
"Couldn't sleep. Did you catch the guy?"
Tom nodded, "he fell for our trap. He is now in custody. President Michener ordered that Rachel continue having a security detail until it is determined all threats against her are neutralized."
"I'm sure Rachel will be thrilled with that news." Jed replied sarcastically.
"She won't like it, but she'll agree to it if it means keeping her safe." Tom responded, "Where is she?"
Jed pointed to the bedroom, "I convinced her to lay down about two hours ago. She wanted to wait up for you, but she was struggling to stay awake."
Tom went over to the bedroom door and quietly opened it, he looked into the room and a smile spread across his face. Jed noticed the smile.
"What?"
"Come see."
Jed got up and walked over to the door. He looked into the room and saw the Ashley and Sam were no longer in their bed. They had moved over to the queen bed Rachel was sleeping in. Each was curled around her, Ashley on her left, Sam on her right. Rachel had her arms around each child protectively. All were fast asleep.
The two men backed away and Tom closed the door. They went back over to the couch and sat down.
"Looks like they took Darien's words to heart."
Tom gave his dad a quizzical look to which Jed said, "as Darien was dying, she pulled the kids to her. She told them that she loved them, that she loved you. She also made them promise that when you met someone and fell in love again that they needed to give this woman, whomever she may be, a chance. That they were amazing children and they deserved to be loved by someone who would treat them as her own."
When Tom didn't respond, Jed continued. "Tommy, it's okay that you fell in love with Rachel. Darien wanted you to meet someone and fall in love again.
Tom sighed, "I feel like I'm betraying Darien."
Jed leaned back into the couch and thought for a moment, "What did you tell Darien every time you were deployed?"
"I told her that I loved her and the kids."
"And?"
"And, if anything were to happen to me, I wanted her to move on. I wanted her to find love again, to find someone who would love her like I loved her and love our children as his own."
"And that is all Darien wanted for you too, in her final moments." Jed replied, pausing for a moment before continuing to speak.
"The way Rachel talks about her friendship with Darien and how much she misses her, I get the sense that Darien and Rachel became extremely close, because of that and how we both know Darien had a huge heart, she would be thrilled for you and Rachel. I'm sure she wishes it were her, but she wouldn't begrudge either of you two happiness." Jed finished.
Tom gave his dad a smile, "thanks dad."
Jed smiled, "So the question my boy is, what are you going to do about it?"
Soundtrack
Put Your Arms Around Me by Texas
Lift me Up by Kate Voegele
Be Alright by Dean Lewis
Fortress by Bear's Den
I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz
I Found by Amber Run
Saved by Spilled Canvas
Fall for You by Secondhand Serenade
Nothing Makes Sense Anymore by Mike Shinoda
When Darkness Comes by Cobie Caillat
A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope
Promises I Can't Keep by Mike Shinoda
Requiem on Water by Imperial Mammoth
Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles
Faded by Sara Farell
Revolution by UNSECRET
Underwater by Vertical Horizon
Total Eclipse of the Heart by Glee cast album (season 1)
I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young
I'd Come for You by Nickelback
Falling Slowly by Marketa Irglova & Glen Hansard
The Reason by Hoobastank
Impossible by James Arthur
Battlefield by Lea Michele
Already Gone by Disturbed
Broken by Madilyn Bailey and Jake Coco
The Mess I Made by Parachute
Recovery by James Arthur
Not Ready to Say Goodbye by Leah Nobel
Start a Riot by Banners
Broken by Seether (feat. Amy Lee)
Find Me by Birdy
Ashes by Celine Dion
Why am I Falling by Ramin Karimaloo
Hands to Heaven to Breathe