Most of the time when i see kids involved in DR fics like these, it's normally adoption. Which is fine, i just wanted to say something different. Not that it matters to the plot much.

Warning for a lot of swearing.

(also me both making up curse words and also using ones i've said)

Anyway, enjoy! :)

START OF CHAPTER:

Having a temper had never bothered Hajime. He'd just say what he wanted, and sometimes he could sound blunt or harsh. And really, it wasn't like he was some uncouth delinquent or anything, so what did it matte? His lover and now husband, Nagito, didn't seem to mind, so what did it matter?

It hadn't…

Until they'd decided to have Izuru.

Naturally, both being males, they'd had to have a surrogate, but really both were just happy to expand their little family. They'd even adopted a dog shortly after Izuru was born.

The point of this?

Izuru had absolutely no filter.

As a small child, this hadn't mattered. And when they'd had another surrogate to have a little girl two years later, Chiaki, it still hadn't. Kids were kids, right? They were bound to be naturally curious.

But unfortunately, as Hajime discovered, this was really bad when you didn't have much of a curse filter.

So now, with Izuru at the ripe age of ten, and Chiaki eight, both were already showing signs of being quite the little geniuses.

"You absolute cuntbag!"

Hajime beeped his horn at a fellow driver, honestly how did some people even get their licence? He was driving the kids home from school, and he'd tried to keep his temper with his kids in the car, he really did. Sometimes people just got on his nerves.

Nagito worked from home, so it was usually easier for Hajime to pick up the kids from school while he was on his way home from work.

"Dad…?"

Hajime almost froze up. Shit…

"Izuru, Chiaki, kids? That's a very bad adult word, don't ever repeat that, okay?"

"Okay." Bless Chiaki's sweet little heart.

But on the other hand…

"Dad, i wish to know what that word means."

"I'll, uh… tell you when you're older okay? For now, can neither of you tell your papa i said that?"

Both kids agreed. Nagito had tried to help him curb his cursing, and he loved his husband for that…

"You dipshit!" Another beep of the car horn.

…unfortunately… it didn't always work.

With another request not to tell papa (Nagito), thankfully there were no more incidents on the car drive home. He'd ushered the kids inside, and so far, all was good.

"Welcome home everyone!" He was always so glad to see his husband. With the usual quick greeting kiss, he'd started heading to the bedroom to get changed.

But he'd forgotten something…

"Papa?"

"Yes Izuru?"

As soon as those words registered in the brunettes ears, his face drained of all colour. He already knew the words that would leave their son's mouth.

And sure enough.

"Papa, what does 'cuntbag' mean?"

His body froze up, slowly tip-toeing out of the room. Maybe if he could just-

"Hajime! What did you do?!"

Panicking, the brunette started speed walking towards the shared master bedroom.

"Gotaphonecalltomakebyeloveyou!"

"Hajime!"

It was somewhat of a miracle that neither of their kids had said a swear word. The only time one would ever leave either of their mouths is if one of them, mostly Izuru, was simply curious to know what it meant.

Between him and their honorary uncle Fuyuhiko, it was a blessing that neither of them swore. But him and Nagito had seemed to successfully put their kids off swearing, but hey, he wasn't about to complain.

And Izuru seemed to have developed either a morbid sense of humour or some sort of business skills already, because he appeared to know exactly how to milk his father's temper for all it was worth.

BEEP! "Goddamn stupid fucknugget-"

"Daddy, Papa said he wanted you to try and swear less, remember? He said it wasn't healthy for you to always get so angry."

Ah, bless Chiaki's sweet little heart. It almost made him feel guilty when he forgot. But once again…

"Dad…" The black haired child started, and Hajime groaned.

He wordlessly nodded for his son to continue.

"I will not tell Papa for two hours, in exchange for double this week's allowance."

"…one and a half your usual."

"Acceptable."

Quite the shrewd little businessman already, much to his fathers dismay.

"Chiaki, i'll give you a little extra something too, okay?"

The little girl blinked, which her father didn't see as he was busy turning a corner.

"That's okay Daddy, i'll be fine."

He couldn't help the fond smile that came to his face, their daughter really was such a sweetheart.

"I know honey, but it wouldn't be fair if i just gave Izuru extra."

"But my money is a bribe, hers isn't."

"Izzy…"

"Sorry."

"Anyway." He turned another corner, not looking from the road as he addressed his children. "It wouldn't be fair, so Izuru will get what we agreed on, and Chiaki, would you like some extra tokens for the arcade this week?"

"Yes dad."

"Thank you daddy."

His grin widened when they both answered at the same time. They were just so cute sometimes, even if this was right on the heels of getting conned out of more money by his ten year old son.

This system usually worked. Hajime forced to try and convince (he kept telling himself that it wasn't bribery, as if that would stop him from being shamed at being conned by a ten year old child, even if it was his own son), Izuru into somehow staying silent. But because of his genius and natural intelligence, his curiosity always got the better of him sooner or later.

Not that Izuru being a curious child was a bad thing, he would always just get that look from Nagito. He swore Chiaki and Nagito were the absolute best in the universe at guilting people, they were just both too adorable.

Speaking of adorable people…

"Nagito, dearest, love of my life?"

An amused huff was his husband's initial reply. The two were curled together on the couch.

"What did you say in front of them this time?"

"Er… absolutely nothing?"

A hand went dangerously up his thigh.

He wouldn't… would he?

"… y-you can't do that to me…"

"Mmm, depends how honest you are. For when we're alone, of course…"

The little shit knew exactly how to get to him. The hand combined with the goddamn smirk just about killed him every time.

Of course, this cycle repeated. And on occasion, when Fuyuhiko was around, Izuru had even dared to try and scam him too. Being the prideful yakuza he was though, this usually ended up in a full blown debate. And Hajime was left somewhere between amused, proud, and worried that Izuru knew how to do this so well so early.

He swore that him and Chiaki were the only sane people in their household, and possibly out of the people he knew. In any case, life certainly was never boring.

Take the next day when Hajime brought the kids home, for example.

"Hajime, come here would you?"

Something in that tone told him that he'd better obey.

"Kids, go to your rooms and do your homework, okay?"

After both children had complied and disappeared from sight, he made his way to the kitchen where his husband was.

"Hajime, guess what? I just had the most interesting conversation with Izuru the other night."

He silently gulped, already guessing where this was headed.

"Care to tell me where Izuru heard 'absolute piece of shit pile of cuntfuckery' from?"

Hajime let out a nervous laugh.

"I have absolutely no idea, could've been anyone."

A pale eyebrow was raised.

"Hajime…"

"What? I have no idea what you're on about… i-"

A hand reached for him, but before it could make contact he'd gently smacked it away without thinking.

When the eyebrow raised slightly further, he knew he'd screwed up.

"Oh…?"

Godammit, stupid brain!

"Wait! I didn't mean-"

His husband stood up, avoiding Hajime's hand to stop him.

"I guess you'll be comfy on the couch, won't you?"

"Wait Nagito no!"

His paler husband only laughed, disappearing out of the room.

Goddamn stupid brain…!

He shut off his brain, chasing his husband out of the room.

The next day:

'BEEP!'

"Goddamit! I could have made that light! Stupid fuckrag…"

"Father?"

Hajime resisted the urge to bash his head against the steering wheel.

And then the next day after that:

"Father, what does 'douche-nozzle mean?"

"Hajime!"

"Goddamit Izuru…"

This was Hajime's life now.

But goddamn, as much as it frustrated him sometimes… he wouldn't change it for the world.

END OF CHAPTER:

I started working on this before i finished chapter 31, odd i know right? I just really wanted to write this idea, and this chapter's prompt was kid themed, so it was the perfect place to put it.

This business course i'm doing is kicking my ass, so i really apologise if it seems i'm not updating as much anymore. I swear it's like school all over again… T-T

Lol enough of my whining, i really hope you liked this, it amused me from start to finish.

Cya next chapter :)

Tairulz