The time on her bedside table read 4:45 AM. It had been two days since they brought Emma to the hospital, it's been two days since Emma lost her baby. Mary Margret rolled over onto her back, her mind over flowing with every thought she has had in the past two days. Unable to sleep since the night she awoke to Emma screaming in pain, before passing out in front of them. Sighing, she decided to get up and check on her.
Standing up from her bed, she heard her husband mumble something before falling back to sleep. Making her way to her daughters bedroom, she slowly opened the door. She found Emma fast asleep in the fetal position, holding something close to her. Mary Margret watched her daughter sleep for a moment, feeling nothing but sorrow for her.
After a couple of minutes she decided she should get back to bed, but Emma's bedroom door squeaked slightly before closing. She heard Emma breath in deeply before rolling over to look at her open bedroom door.
"Mom?" Emma asked, her voice was hoarse and her throat felt raw. She had cried herself asleep like she had done the night before.
"I'm sorry sweetie, I didn't mean to wake you. I was just checking in on you." Her mother said starting to close the door the rest of the way. "Go back to sleep."
"Wait, Mom, could you come here for a second?" Emma asked sitting up in bed, and turning on her bedside table's light.
"Of course." Her mother said softly, walking over to Emma and sitting beside her. That's when she noticed what Emma was holding on to. Laying beside Emma was a little white onesie, probably one that would fit a newborn baby. "Oh Emma!" Her mother cried, leaning in to give Emma a hug, who gladly accepted.
"When did you get this?" She asked, releasing Emma and reaching over, touching the onesie softly.
"When I went Christmas shopping. I was just about done and I was cutting through the baby section when it caught my eye. I thought it was cute at first and I started looking at other things and I could picture a little chubby cheeked baby smiling." Emma said teary-eyed. "And that's when..when…" Emma couldn't hold it in anymore and leaned into her mother and began sobbing.
"You decided to keep the baby, didn't you." It was more of a statement than a question but Emma still nodded her head yes.
The two of them sat on Emma's bed holding each other until Emma was no longer crying.
"I could see him." Emma said, wiping her eyes clear of any tears.
"Him?" Her mother asked, hoping she was referring to the baby.
"The baby, my baby. I know I never found out the gender but I felt like it was a boy, and I always felt terrible calling the baby 'it'" Emma said looking down at her hands. They were pulling at a loose string on her sheet.
"Oh honey, I know this is hard, but I promise you, it will be okay. Trust me, maybe it just wasn't the right time for him to be here. " Mary Margret stated.
Emma suddenly felt angry. Her eye's shot to her mother. "Not the right time?! Nothing in life happens at the right time! Why would my life be any different? Why would life take away my child because the timing was off! That doesn't seem fair." Emma snapped.
Her mother held onto her hands, letting Emma ramble on in her anger. "I certainly wasn't planned, yet you guys were able to keep me. I just don't understand why! All I want it to hold him and tell him he is loved by more than he will understand. My heart feels like it shattered. Everything hurts." Emma pulled back to hands and buried her head in them. Letting her tears flow freely.
"I know." She heard her mother say.
Looking up, Emma met her mother's glossy gaze. "You know?"
Nodding, Mary Margret cleared her throat. "You were about two years old when your father and I found out that I was pregnant. We were so excited. We knew it would be great as a big sister, cause you always said you wanted one. I was about 14 weeks pregnant when we lost the baby. We were grateful we didn't have to explain it to you. You didn't quite understand what was going on, you were too little. I felt like my entire world had ended. I didn't even leave my bed for a week. Your father was so great. He made sure you were fed and taken care of, and he would come in to make sure I would eat something." Her mother said a tear rolling down her cheek.
"What happened? How were you able to get out of bed and live with what happened?" Emma asked.
"You were the reason I was able to eventually get out of bed." She said smiling.
"Me? What did I do?"
"Your father had just picked you up from a play date and you were so excited to so me what you made that you didn't even take your shoes off when coming home. You ran from the front door, straight into our bedroom. You jumped onto the bed and showed me this drawing you made. All I saw was some blue scribbles but you told me that it was us. Mommy, Daddy and you." She said chuckling slightly. "I realized that I didn't lose everyone. I still had your dad and you, so I got out of bed right after that and made you a snack."
"Do you still think of them?" Emma asked.
"I do." Mary Margret said, nodding. "But I like to think that they are watching over all of us, watching us grow up and grow old. It's hard but after some time of grieving, it is because you don't cry for them anymore, or you have more kids, doesn't mean they are not important to you. You have learned to live with them in your heart and not in your arms."
All Emma could do was nod before hearing her phone buzz and light up displaying the time. "It's 5 in the morning." Emma smiled slightly letting a chuckle escape.
"What is it?" Her mother asked.
"Even on as an adult I still wake up before the sun does on Christmas morning." Emma joked.
Smiling her mother stood up from her bed. "Well, what do you want to do? We can go back to bed, we can talk some more. I could put on a pot of coffee and we can look at the Christmas lights while we wait for your father to get up." Her mother offered.
After thinking for a moment, Emma nodded. "I think I would like some coffee."
It was around 7 AM when David woke up to an empty bed. Standing up and stretching, hearing and feeling his back crack, he gave a small sigh and put on his robe, hoping to find his wife downstairs. Making his way down the stairs he could hear the soft melody of Christmas music. Once he stepped food in the living room, he was slightly confused to find it empty, until he heard his wife voice from the kitchen.
Walking into the kitchen he was surprised to find his wife and daughter sitting at the kitchen table, both with a cup of coffee in their hands talking.
"Merry Christmas." He stated, still standing in the entryway.
"Merry Christmas!" his wife said, standing up from the table and walking over to him, greeting him with a kiss.
"Merry Christmas Dad." Emma said, standing up and walking over to her dad.
He opened his arms and gave her a big hug, taking a mental picture of the moment. "Merry Christmas." He whispered.
"Well, now that everyone is awake, should we open gifts first or should we eat breakfast first." Mary Margret asked.
"Mom, when have we ever eaten breakfast before opening gifts." Emma joked.
David smiled over at Emma. "That's my girl!" He laughed.
After they had all opened their gifts, the pancakes were eaten, Emma sat down in the living room surrounded by wrapping paper, taking in the moment.
"Emma?" She heard her mother call out.
"In here."
"Hey, what are you doing in here by yourself?" Her mother asked worriedly
"Just taking everything in." Emma signed. "I think I am going to take a shower soon." Emma announced. "Do you or Dad need the bathroom?"
"No, we are all set. I was just about to put the Ham in." She said, "What to help me out with the side dishes when you are ready?"
"I would love to." Emma said smiling.
Emma felt good being so busy. After she had showered she helped her mom make two different types of potatoes, roasted and mashed. She cooked up some veggies and made homemade rolls. She was setting the table when she heard a knock on the door.
"Who could that be?" Her mother asked, wiping her hands on her apron before opening the door.
Emma continued to set the table when she heard a familiar voice.
"Hi Ma'am, you must be Emma's mother."
"Killian?" Emma asked, walking around the the corner to the front door, where her mother stood, the door opened with Killain on the other side and two gifts in his hands.
"So you are the famous Killian who will be joining us for dinner tonight. Please come in!" Mary Margret announced, motioning her hand for him to come in.
"Thank you! Oh and here, this is for you and and your husband." Killian handed one of the gifts over to her.
"Oh, why thank you. That was so thoughtful."
Looking over, he met eyes with Emma. "Hello, Emma."
Emma felt the blood rushing to her cheeks and and her heart began to pound in her chest. "Hey Killian. I have to be honest, I kinda forgot you were coming, been a crazy past couple of days." Emma breathed out.
"It's alright, I woke up this morning not realizing what day it was and almost didn't come because of it." He laughed slightly.
"Well, I am glad you are here. We are just about to put dinner on the table." Emma turned and showed him to the kitchen. She saw her parents opening the gift that Killian brought them. Her mother let out a gasp when she saw it.
"Chocolate?! Oh my! I know what I am eating later tonight." Her mother laughed.
Killian chuckled. "It's from Switzerland. My parents went there on their vacation and sent me a couple of boxes."
"Well that was very thoughtful. Thank you!" Mary Margret said, walking over and giving him a hug. "We hug in this family."
Smiling, Killian handed the other gift to Emma. "This one is for you."
Emma looked at Killian as she took the gift. "Oh, thank you, but I'm sorry, I didn't get you anything."
"That's okay, I wasn't expecting you to. I saw this yesterday and I thought you might like it." Killian said smiling.
Unwrapping the narrow box, Emma couldn't help but smile. Under the wrapping was a Rectangular velvet box. Opening the box Emma was met with a silver bracelet with a blue sapphire in the middle. "Killian...Oh my...Thank you so much!" Emma felt her eyes fill up with tears as she pulled him into a hug.
"I'm glad you like it." Killian said shyly.
Lost for words of what to say, Emma looked back down at the bracelet.
"Well I for one am hungry, How about we eat!" Her mother said, breaking Emma out of her trance she was in.
"That sounds wonderful." Killian said, still smiling.
After dinner, everyone was in the living rubbing their overly filled stomach,
"That was delicious, Thank you for having me over for dinner." Killian stated, looking over at Mary Margret.
"Yes, thank you Dear." David said, kissing his wife on the cheek.
"Thank you Mom." Emma said, not wanting to move.
"You are all very welcome. And you Killain are welcome here anytime." Mary Margret said.
"She just likes the chocolates you brought her." David said jokingly.
"They don't hurt." She replied smiling.
"Emma, I was thinking about burning some of this food off, want to take a walk with me." Killian asked.
"Of course." Emma said smiling, standing up from the couch.
Once they were about a block away from her house, Killian cleared his throat quickly. "Thank you, for inviting me over for dinner. Your mother is a wonderful cook."
"Oh, really it was no problem at all. If my mother could cook for an entire kingdom she would." Emma laughed.
"Emma, I'm sorry if I am being too forward, but is everything okay?" He asked, turning his head to look at Emma.
Biting her lip, Emma didn't know what to say. Finally she stopped walking and looked over at him. "Can I show you something?" She asked.
"Oh..um..yeah sure." Killian said, a bit confused.
"Here, follow me." Emma grabbed Killians and as they began jogging over to the woods. Running about 3 trees in, Emma looked up as did Killian. He saw the bottom of a tree house a couple yards up. "Come on." Emma said, letting go of Killian's hand and began climbing the ladder that was attached to the tree.
Once both were inside, Killian took a look around. There were blankets everywhere, alone with boy band posters and cute pictures of animals. A couple fold up chairs and a few pillows scattered around.
"I used to come up here a lot when I was in middle school and in high school. My friends and I would come up here and tell each other everything." Emma said, looking around.
"Thank you for showing me." Killian said, smiling.
Emma turned to look at him, before lowing herself to the floor of the tree house and laying down on her back, looking up at the ceiling.
"What are you doing?" Killian asked, still smiling.
"This was how we would lay when we told each other really serious stuff. If our parents go into a fight, if we were scared of something. If we got hurt. What ever was said her, was to never leave this place. This was our safe place" Emma said, still looking at the ceiling.
Killian nodded and walked over to her, and laying down next to her. Copying her, he started at the ceiling. After a few seconds had passed Killian wasn't sure what to say. "Emma.." He said,
"Yes." Emma answered, still not looking at him.
"Are you okay?" He asked again.
He suddenly her Emma sucks in a shaking breath and in a cracking a voice answer. "No.."
Emma felt her tears run down from her eyes and into her hair, but she didn't care to wipe them away. "Killian..I want to tell you something, but please keep it between us." Emma said.
"Of course, that's the rule of the tree house." Killian said, smiling when he heard Emma chuckle slightly.
"Killian, do you remember when I was dating Neal?" She asked.
"Yes." he answered. He wanted to tell her she deserves better than him and was relieved when they broke up, but thought better of it.
"When we split, I found out I was pregnant. I was so scared and confused and lost. I had no idea what I was going to do." she said, her voice still shaking.
"Emma. You said 'was', are you…" Killian didn't know how to finish his sentence without hurting her.
"I lost it. I had a miscarriage two days ago." Emma said, surprising herself with how strong her voice was.
"Emma, I am so sorry! I had no idea."
"I decided to keep him just hours before. I found this little onesie and I fell in love with it. I started looking at all this baby stuff and I could picture him playing with them and learning. I felt like I was watching him grow up." Emma said sadly. Her mind filled with images of what she was imagining her son to look like.
"Tell me about him." Killain said.
"What?" Emma asked, turning her head towards Killian.
Looking back at her he gave her a small smile. "Tell me what you thought your son was going to be like. Who you thought he would be. I want to get to know him."
Turning her head, she stared back at the ceiling. "He would have dark black hair. And have a little dimple whenever he would smile. He would have an amazing imagination and always come up with these amazing stories about fairy tales. I would push him to become an author if that was what he would have wanted." Emma said smiling.
"You have thought about this a lot." Killian said, his own eyes tearing up. "He sounds like he would have been a wonderful kid."
"I dream about him. My mom was the one who got me out of bed today and told me things that were sad, but oddly enough made me feel better." Emma said, feeling like a weight had been lifting off of her.
Turning her head, she smiled and looked at him. "While we are here, is there anything on your mind?" Emma asked. "Any secret that you want to share?"
Taking a deep breath Killian closed his eyes. "Emma, I lied earlier. When I told you I forgot today was Christmas and almost didn't come. I almost didn't come because...because I was afraid I would tell you something dumb and ruin tour friendship."
"Killian, I don't think you could ever ruin our friendship. You are way too nice, and generous and understanding. I honestly don't know how I made it through life for 18 years without you." Emma said. "Nothing could ruin what we have."
Killian decided to push his luck. "Emma, I like you. I really like you. I know this is an inappropriate time to say this, but I think you are beautiful and deserve better than what life has handed you. You are the reason why I still work at a financial office and why I still go to school in the states. You are amazing Emma, and I want to stay in your life for as long as I can." Killian finally opened his eyes and looked over at Emma, who was staring at him with the most amazed look in her eyes.
Emma reached over and cupped his cheek with her hand and leaned him to kiss him. It was a quick kiss, but everything that needed to be said was in that kiss. "Thank you Killian." Emma said.
"Of course Emma. I am always going to be here."