Emma felt the morning sun warming her face as she woke up. Opening her eyes, she saw the sun streaming through her window. Climbing out of bed, she drew back her curtains and saw a fresh blanket of snow.
She began thinking of when she was a little kid and she and her parents would be playing in the snow, making snowmen and having snowball fights. She smiled slightly at the memories, till she heard a knock on her door.
"Come in," Emma said, turning around to face the door. A crooked smile on her face when her mother entered.
"It has been a while since I have seen you smile. I have missed that smile." Her mother said, walking over to her. Emma turned back around looking outside of her window.
"I was just thinking about when I was a kid and we would build snowmen and have snowball fights," Emma said, smiling again. "I was thinking of a time when we were soaking wet from the snow and we were so cold we were shaking, but we were still smiling and laughing. We all wanted hot chocolate but when you went to the kitchen it was all gone. So we decided to make our own. Melting chocolate chips and mixing it with milk and adding whipped cream and cinnamon."
"That was when we found out that we both loved cinnamon on our hot chocolate." Mary Margret said chuckling at the memory.
"Do you think…" Emma started, only stopping by her voice cracking. "Do you think I would have had that with..um..with.." Emma's eyes filled up with tears, as she felt her heart being ripped out of her chest, thinking of what was taken from her. What she could have had.
"Oh, Emma!" Her mother turned her around, before wrapping her up in a hug that made her feel like a little kid. "Please don't cry. I am so sorry, Sweetie."
Emma felt her knee beginning to give out. She let go of her mother and went and sat down on her bed, burying her head in her hands, feeling the bed shift beneath her as her mother sat beside her. Emma laid down, placing her head on her mother's lap, letting the tears flow.
"Shh, it's okay." her mother consoled her, feeling her run her fingers through her hair and rocking back and forth gently.
After a few minutes, Mary Margret broke the silence. "Emma, I know you are supposed to go back to college tomorrow, but if you want, you can stay here a couple more days."
Emma got up from her mother's lap shaking her head. "No, I think this is something that I am going to need to do. If I don't leave tomorrow, I may never leave. Trust me, I want nothing more than to lay in bed all day every day and feel sorry for myself, but I also know that won't do me any good. Life still goes on, even after something like this happens."
"Okay, if that is what you really want to do, then we will see you off tomorrow, but you know, your father and I will be here whenever you need us." her mother said her own face drying of tears.
"I know you guys are always going to be here, and I know you guys will support me in anything I want to do. Thank you for being so understanding and taking my mood swings day by day. I know I haven't been the easiest person to talk to lately, and for that I am sorry, I am sorry for everything." Emma said, looking down at her hands.
"Emma, I have told you time and time again, this is not your fault. We can never understand why bad things happen to good people. You have every right to feel a different way, every day, every hour, or every minute. What happened was confusing and scary and sad, but you will come through this stronger than ever." her mother said, grabbing Emma's hands.
"I know, and I don't know when I will go back to feeling normal. I have been having a couple of good days, and then I feel bad for having a good day when my baby has passed away." Emma admitted.
"Emma, you can't guilt yourself into feeling sad all the time. You still should live your life."
"I know, and I am learning to do that." Emma grew silent for a moment, before looking back over at her mom. "Before dinner, I have to run an errand, I promise to be home for dinner, there is just something I need to do."
"Okay, did you want your father or me to come with you?" her mother asked.
"No this is something I need to do alone, but thank you," Emma said, smiling. "Until then, I think today is a good day to build a snowman. "
As the hours passed throughout the day Emma did everything she could to keep her baby off of her mind. After speaking with her mother, Emma put on her snow boots and her jacket and went outside and started to build a snowman. Her mother soon followed, smiling, and slightly shocked at the sudden change in behavior. When her father looked out the window and saw his wife and daughter playing in the snow, he couldn't help but smile before putting on his own boots and jacket and joining them.
The rest of the morning and part of the afternoon, the three of them spent their time outside, building a couple of different snowmen. When David threw a snowball at Mary Margaret, she went to throw one back at him only for him to dodge it, and it ended up hitting Emma. Turning around in shock, Emma began laughing before picking up her snowball and threw it at her mom. They had a snowball fight, all three of them acting like children and enjoying every minute of it. It was only when they began shivering from the cold did they decide to go back inside and have something to eat and make hot chocolate.
When the food was eaten and the hot chocolate was gone from their cups, Emma looked outside and saw that she had about 30 minutes of daylight left. "Hey guys, I have to run an errand, but I will be back in time for dinner." With that, Emma left her parent's house, heading to the store, smiling at the amazing day she had.
Emma stood in the middle of her favorite walking path in the woods. Looking around she noticed the lake that was about 5 feet from her was frozen over. Everything was covered in snow, giving Emma the illusion she was in the middle of her own winter wonderland.
The sun was beginning to set, hitting the snow just right for everything to sparkle. Emma let herself remember when she was a kid and she would run around these woods, pretending she was a fairy princess, or an Ogre was coming for her.
Looking up, Emma looked at the Balloon she bought at the store a few minutes before. Pullin on the string, she caught the balloon in her hands. The Balloon was blue with big bubble letters spelling out Miss You.
"This was my favorite place to be as a kid," Emma said, holding onto the balloon. "I would have liked to believe you would have had some amazing adventures here. I would have shown you where the Ogre king lives, and I'm sure your grandfather would have loved to teach you how to sword fight. I would have bought some blank wooden once and you and your grandmother could have painted them." Emma smiled, imaging the life that could have been. "I am so sorry you were taken from us before getting a chance to live your life. I will never forget you. I love you so much. I promise to carry you around with me every day. I will live my life the way I would want you to live yours."
Giving the balloon a tearstained kiss, Emma took in a deep breath and let go of the balloon, watching it go higher and higher. She looked up at the sky long after she lost sight of the balloon. Wiping the tears from her face, she took another deep breath and made her way out of the woods and towards her car, to make it home for dinner, before going back to college the next day.
Emma closed her car door and took a deep breath, before looking around. She was back at school. She felt like it had been a lifetime since she was here. So much has happened in the last few weeks. Opening her passenger side door, and grabbing her backpack alone with her Christmas gifts she had for her friends, She heard a high pitched, delighted squeal behind her.
"Emma!"
Turning around to see the source of the squeal, she smiled. "Ruby!" She called back. With her back on one shoulder and her gifts in her hands in front of her, they reached each other and embraced in an awkward hug, but neither one of them cared.
"Look at you! You got so tan! Florida was good to you." Emma laughed, looking at her friend glowing, only to look darker with the snowy that surrounded them.
"Why thank you! And you look...tired.." Ruby admitted, her smile fading for a moment. "Is everything okay?"
Before she could answer, she heard a deep warm chuckle behind her. "I for one think we should have had another week of vacation. I'm not ready to start up school again."
"August!" Emma said, giving out another hug, doing her best not to crush the gifts.
Before either one of them could say anything, they heard the clicking of heels on pavement approaching them. "Now, who do we know would wear heels in the middle of winter." Ruby joked.
"Regina." They all said in unison, giggling.
"Ask and you shall receive." They heard Regina's voice from behind August.
After they all exchanged hugs, and "great to see you" They agreed to meet for dinner in about an hour, enough time for them to go back to their dorms and get settled in. An hour later, Emma entered the dining hall and saw August and Ruby sitting at a table, waiting for the rest of them, Emma joined them, feeling more at ease and better than she had the last few weeks.
After a few minutes of the three of them catching up, they heard a guy wolf whistle from across the room. Looking up they say, Regina, hanging up her jacket. When she turned to walk towards them, all of their mouths dropped. Regina was wearing a pair of black knee-high, high heel boots, with black tights. A skin-tight leather skirt, and a skin-tight black sparkly sweater. Regina's hair was curled and her make up was done, like she was going out on the town.
"Damn Regina, You look hot!" Ruby commented had Regina sat down at the table.
"Why thank you dear," Regina answered smiling.
"Ruby is right, you look good," August said, smiling, wondering where she got her sweater.
"You look too good," Emma replied. "Alright, spill. Who is he?"
"Whatever do you mean?" Regina asked, smirking.
"You know what I mean. You were clearly trying to hide the fact that you were at the skiing lodge with a guy, and I know you, Regina. You only dress up this much when you are feeling a certain way. A way only a guy can make you feel. Now come on now, who is this mystery man?" Emma interrogated.
"I plead the fifth," Regina stated, taking a sip of her drink.
"I don't buy it. I want a real answer, Regina." Emma argued."Please, just say it for me." Emma said, giving her the best doe-eyed look she could do.
"Alright, I will tell you, as long as you get the stupid look off your face." Regina caved. "His name is Robin. I don't know if anything is going to happen between him and me, so I don't want to make a big deal about this. I met him last year at the ski lodge, we never spoke, just made eyes at each other. This year, however, he came up to me and we started talking and we really enjoyed each other's company."
"Oh yeah, how did you enjoy each other's company?" Ruby asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
Clearing her throat, Regina looked away from Ruby and looked over at a laughing Emma. "So tell me, Emma, we haven't heard from you since your ultrasound. How are you? How is the baby?"
Emma's face fell and she quickly looked down at the table. Her normal feeling going away, only to be replaced with sadness, guilt, and embarrassment. "Oh.. um.." Emma began to pull slightly at her sweater. Feeling like everyone was staring at her.
"Emma?" August asked she looked at him quickly than the rest of the group feeling her face grow hot.
"Emma, what's wrong?" Regina asked.
Taking a couple of deep breaths to keep her emotions at bay, Emma finally looked up and looked at her friends. "I..um...I lost it." she whispered, her heartbreaking.
Her entire table went silent. She felt August's grip grow tighter on her arm. She felt Ruby reach over and begin rubbing her back in comforting circles. She looked over and saw Regina, one hand on her mouth the other on her chest. Unable to hold it back anymore, Emma let a few tears escape. "I'm so sorry," she said.
"Oh Emma, you have nothing to be sorry for. This wasn't your fault Honey." August said, not rubbing her arm. Emma was beginning to feel like a petting zoo and was grateful Regina wasn't getting up to hug her.
"No, I know it was my fault. At least that is what I keep telling myself, but I am sorry for not telling you guys sooner. I just felt so embarrassed and hurt and.. and broken." Emma said, wiping away her tears.
"Emma, when did you lose the baby?" Ruby asked. "If you are not comfortable or ready to tell us then that is completely understandable. You can tell us whatever you want, whenever you want." Ruby added quickly.
Emma nodded. "Remember when I called you guys and showed you the pictures of the baby?" she asked, she watched as everybody nodded their heads. "Well the next day I did some last-minute Christmas shopping and I felt funny and really tired when I got home. My parents wanted to look at Christmas lights and I told them to go without me. I fell asleep shortly after. I woke up a few hours later and ...I...and I was in pain. My parents brought me to the hospital and they told me I lost it."
"Oh, Emma." She heard Ruby cry beside her.
"For the next couple of days, I didn't leave my bed unless I had to. I didn't understand what happened. I didn't understand why. My entire body hurt from this loss. Christmas morning rolled around and my mom was able to help me out of bed and the pain didn't hurt as much. I think the pain will grow weaker over time but I doubt this will ever go away." Emma realized that she was crying, unable to hold back any emotion.
"Oh sweetie, I am so very sorry that happened. Is there anything we can do?" August asked.
"Just be here and be patient with me." Emma stated.
"Of course, take all the time in the world." Ruby offered, giving her a small smile.
Their tables remain quiet for a moment, all of them taking in the moment. Regina was the first to end the silence. "Well, how about tomorrow morning, if we are all up for it, we go get coffee at our usual spot and try to get back into the routine of things." She offered.
"Regina, that is a bit rude wouldn't you say?" August scolded.
"No Regina is right. We need to get back to the way things were. Everything might be different now, but life goes on and we need to as well. Coffee sounds great." Emma stated, giving Regina a smile, which she returned.
When dinner was over, the group hugged outside Emma's door, before saying goodbye and good night. Emma turned to unlock her door and she heard Regina shift awkwardly behind her.
"Emma.." She started.
Turning around, Emma saw that Regina's eyes were flooded with tears, threatening at any moment to overflow. "Yes?"
"Emma, this might be a stupid question, but are you okay?" she asked.
"I think I will be, as of right now, all I know is that I want to take a hot shower and try to sleep more than 3 hours a night," Emma said with a sigh.
"You know that we all love you and will be there for you no matter what. We may not always know what to say but we will be there for you." Regina said, taking a step closer.
"I know you guys are and I love all of you too." Emma replied.
Before Emma could say anything else, Regina wrapped her arms around her. Both women held each other, letting the tears fall freely. After a minute, Regina pulled away, wiping her face. "I will see you for coffee in the morning."
"See you in the morning." Emma said, waving goodbye.
The next morning, the group of friends found themself in their usual spot at the cafe. Emma with her usual black coffee. Ruby with her latte, August with an iced coffee, and Regina with her hot Apple cider.
Emma was listening to Ruby finish her story about one of the many hot men she met in Florida. She was allowing herself to feel happy and to live in the moment. Emma finally felt like everything was going to be okay.
Suddenly the Cafe's door slammed open, the bell on the door jingled with such force, Emma feared it would break or come off. Looking up her heart sank to her stomach and her throat felt it was threatening to close.
"Emma!" His voice boomed through the entire cafe.
"Neal! Wha.." Before she could finish speaking, Neal cut her off.
"Is it true? It is true that you were pregnant?"