Hi peeps! Have a good week?
So last chapter James and his buddies plotted a new way to win Lily...or rather James plotted and his friends politely entertained his delusions.
There's been a lot of focus on relationships in the past few chapters. Severus and Lily kicking things up a notch, James's friends attempting to sway him away from Lily and to consider other options, Peter and Marlene settling into a steady relationship. I bet you're all getting sick of this romance talk, huh?
Well too bad! Here's another relationship chapter :)
If Someone Cared Enough
Chapter 102: Hard but Necessary Choices
Petunia watched Vernon surreptitiously over the top of her teacup, eyes narrowed.
Around them, the clatter of servers bustling from table to table mixed with the intermittent chiming of the bell at the front door. Every chime announced the presence of each new patron, idle chitchat mixing with the occasional clinking of cups and saucers, the tapping of spoons on teacup rims by absent-minded stirring.
They'd been here for an hour, splitting some croissants and partaking in admittedly sparse conversation, Vernon not much for small talk that wasn't of business and his job. Not that he was a braggart, not anymore at least. Petunia had nipped that ego trip in the bud on their first date, firmly telling him that she had no use for a man who got more satisfaction from what he could say of himself than what others could say of his character.
After that, a subdued humbleness settled over Vernon. It was obvious he didn't know what to do with himself when the topic didn't revolve around him, but he made effort to focus on the less Vernon-oriented topics. Discussion often still led to his job, of course, but he at the very least talked more of the latest changes in departmental management, the going's on of his coworkers in the office and what he'd heard was happening down on the drill parts assembly line.
He almost seemed, dare Petunia say it, surprised that there was more to his job than what happened around him, seemingly shocked to come to her one day with news of a rumored strike among the laborers after an out of date safety protocol led to an assembly line worker getting their arm crushed in a machine. It was as if Vernon just assumed the drill parts just appeared on their own; he never gave thought to how a group of living breathing workers made them while working around dangerous and heavy machinery.
Petunia supposed she couldn't blame Vernon for his self-centered attitude. From the brief times she'd met both his parents it became adamantly clear that his sister Marge was the ruling favorite in his household, a bitterness Petunia herself could relate to.
Sure Marge and Lily were night and day, that much was true, but here was one key similarity between them. Both had been born with talents that gave them a leg up in life while Petunia and Vernon had to compensate for a lack of it through hard work. Lily was a magical witch with a charismatic charm that had others flocking to her quiet willingly. Marge was authoritative by nature, a born leader that people followed even if they didn't like her, compelled to obey her will and take her word as law. She'd go far with that take-no-prisoners attitude and her parents clearly preened over her because of it.
It was easy to see where Vernon felt left in his sister's shadow. Because of this, it was completely understandable why he talked so much of himself in Petunia's presence; she was the first person who listened.
Still, being the object of Vernon's affections didn't mean Petunia and Vernon had anything in common.
Petunia resisted a sigh as she watched Vernon continue to stare in befuddlement at his empty teacup, as he had been for the past five minutes. He turned the cup this way and that, rotating it a few times, his tongue stuck out in concentration. He stared at the smear of tea leaves at the bottom of his cup with such intensity, as if to will them to move into a shape he could recognize.
He eventually set the teacup down with a frustrated sigh.
"I just can't make anything out, Petunia," he lamented, "I can't make heads or tails of any of the muck in here. I mean, what is this glob supposed to be? A noodle?"
"A chain," Petunia clarified, leaning over to take the cup, "It represents responsibility. I think it's fitting given your promotion to department head."
Vernon tilted his head, trying with all his might to see what Petunia saw.
He sat back with a huff, "I just don't see it. What's the point of it all anyway? Reading tea leaves to understand yourself," he snorted, "It all sounds very…unorthodox."
He'd learned his lesson about being disparaging of magic around her. While Petunia hadn't felt inclined to let him in on the fact that Lily and Severus were a witch and wizard, she had told Vernon that the pair shared an interest in occult things like fortune telling; mainly as a means of explaining away their school books lying about when Vernon stopped by unannounced.
Ever since Petunia had given him an earful on referring to her sister's studies as 'freaky nonsense', Vernon had done well to watch his tongue. Interested in showing Petunia he was the perfect, agreeable man for her, he'd even attempted to humor the lot by letting Lily read his palm or listen to Severus explain some runes.
His best efforts didn't add up to much though as he still understood very little of it.
Simone had often said that some muggles just weren't capable of understanding magic because deep down they didn't want to understand.
It wasn't that they were slow or bigoted…just very set in their ways of mundane. It was similar to how some wizards and witches were unwilling to entertain the idea of a life without magic; it just didn't fit in with their image of normal.
"It's fun," Petunia explained, setting Vernon's cup down on its saucer, "Didn't you ever play with one of those paper fortune teller things the kids all made back in primary school?"
"Well yes," Vernon said, "But that was all yes and no answers, it's a lot more straight forward than deciphering images out of tea gook."
Petunia sighed, "Think of it like cloud spotting; you can imagine shapes in the clouds, right? You just use that imagination to see things in the leaves. Stop seeing it as a mess in a teacup."
Vernon rubbed his brow, picking up the remaining piece of his croissant to nibble on.
"I just can't get into it," he admitted, "These games, they all seem rather childish. I mean, who believes in magic anymore?"
Petunia nearly sighed again.
Vernon wiped his mouth with a napkin, "It's fine for your sister to like this sort of thing; she's still a schoolgirl. But as a grown man, I can't say I have much use for silly notions of make believe and fairytales."
"I mean, take that whole palm reading thing," he went on, "It's just wrinkles; what can you see in that?"
"Well lots of things," Petunia said. She gestured for Vernon to give her his hand.
Petunia tapped a line running nearly diagonal across the center of Vernon's hand, "This is the head line; it's supposed to represent your intellect and reasoning."
"A long head line means the person is ambitious," Petunia explained, touching the tip of her finger to the line, "Yours is very long, which doesn't surprise me given your achievements. It also is sort of fragmented meaning you're prone to worry, which would also mean you also tend to have a lot of migraines."
"The line doesn't fork at the end, so you aren't someone who sees from more than one point of view," Petunia went on, tracing her finger up and down the line, "And the gap between your heart line and head line means you're very impatient." She fixed Vernon with a serious stare, "Which we both know you tend to be."
She released Vernon's hand, closing his fingers over his own palm and patting his knuckles, "It may seem like nonsense from a scientific aspect, but you have to admit, the traits I found on that line describe you to a T."
Vernon frowned down at his hand, "Still hardly makes any sense to me."
Petunia sighed, "I know. I don't think these are things we'll ever see eye to eye on, Vernon."
"But that doesn't really have to be a problem," Vernon reasoned, reaching across the table to take Petunia's hand.
Petunia held Vernon's hand for a moment before pulling away, "But it could be…Listen Vernon, there are things in my life that I enjoy—that make me…well, me. They're things you just don't share the same passion for. As much as I like cooking, we both know I want a career out of it, not just a pastime of cooking for a family like a housewife. You don't like art, you find piano rather boring and frankly, I don't really have much of an interest in the stocks and business practices you seem so gung-ho for."
She smiled sadly at him, "We're very different people, Vernon. And we want different things."
There was also the issue of magic, something Petunia realized Vernon would never be truly open to comprehending the wonderfulness. Sure he put in a great effort to accept it for Petunia's sake, but she saw the discomfort, the disapproval clear as day when he listened to Severus talk of runes or astronomy. She saw the way Vernon bit his tongue in her presence, just itching to say something scathing about that which he did not understand.
It was sweet that he held back for her, but a life of mere tense tolerance was hardly the life Petunia wanted for herself if she was to have magic in it.
Moreover, the more Vernon tried to understand Petunia's world, the further they grew apart as he failed time and again to accept it.
Vernon's efforts to participate in the stranger interests Petunia held didn't bring them closer together like he'd probably hoped. Instead, the gap between them was growing ever wider. Petunia's odd quirks hadn't embittered him towards her, but the feelings he once felt for her were undeniably cooling.
At this point, Petunia thought Vernon tried to make them work mainly out of stubbornness. He didn't want to lose the one woman he'd met that took the commanding presence of his sister that he was so used to and softened its edges into something strong willed but compassionate, someone who stood up for themselves but also thought of others. He liked being thought of, something he rarely got at home. Petunia couldn't blame him for hanging on.
But he would never accept magic, and Petunia wasn't willing to sacrifice the world she'd been embraced by to be with him.
"Petunia," Vernon tried, "Tuney…we have a good time, don't we? So what if we're different? Surely there was things we can grow to love in each other."
"Love, or put up with?" Petunia asked, drawing chagrinned wince from Vernon, "You think my sister and her friend are weird, Vernon. Don't try to deny it. You think I'm weird too, just a little, but you're too afraid to say it. It makes you uncomfortable and I hate to make you feel that way. But…"
She turned away, "I can't stop being who I am to make you happy."
"I'm not asking you to," Vernon insisted.
"But it is what you want," Petunia cut in gently, "For me to just…grow out of this and start being more proper and normal like you. But I can't. Whatever it is you love about me…it comes with all the things you cannot deal with."
She took Vernon's hands in her own, "I can't be the dream girl you were hoping to find."
Vernon, bit his lip, looking down at the table, "But who is there for me if not you?"
"Someone," Petunia answered, "Someone's out there if you keep looking for her. Someone who loves to hear your stories, who chastises you for walking out in the rain without an umbrella. Someone who cares for you the way you should have gotten as a child and loves the…the normalcy of you."
Petunia sat back, pulling her hands away, "but I've only ever been a small fragment of what you're looking for. You need the whole package, the one just right for you."
"What if I could change?" Vernon offered hopefully, but even as he said it, Petunia could see the reluctance lingering in his eyes.
Petunia shook her head, "Oh Vernon…the other shape in your teacup is an anchor…"
"And that means?" Vernon asked.
"Difficult to change," Petunia answered softly, "And your head line stretches to the end of your palm…for the inflexible."
Vernon sighed, refusing to meet Petunia's eyes. There was a time when such disappointment might of left him inclined to throw a fuss, but Petunia's refusal to back down from an argument had taken a lot arrogance out of him.
Placing some money on the table, Vernon stood up and threw on his windbreaker. Casting a glance about the room, Vernon headed for the door.
He paused a few feet away from the table.
"You mentioned something about a heart line," he mentioned, turning to Petunia, "What did you see in it?"
Petunia gave Vernon a sad, sincere smile.
"Heartbreak," was her answer.
Closing his eyes and inhaling deeply, Vernon turned away and left.
Petunia took a deep breath, letting it out slowly through her mouth. Slumping in her chair, she stared at her reflection in her now cold cup of tea for several moments in silence.
The rest of the world moved on around her while she stared off into space.
She couldn't say what she felt was a broken heart…she'd never actually come to love Vernon. But his companionship had been nice for a time. A part of her had hoped the feelings would appear over time, perhaps she'd feel that spark Lily spoke of so often in regards to Severus. But it never came.
Petunia had never truly know love, too bitter in her younger years over her lack of magic to open up to many people, let alone boys. Her friends back then had been too prim, too stuffy, girls that would sooner gossip about you the second your back was turned than truly care for you. They'd dated rich boys, the type Petunia used to day dream of but the harsh reality of her average looks and middle class kept her from setting herself up for the obvious rejection.
Being wanted by Vernon…had felt nice. Like she was the special one for once. Someone wanted her instead of Lily. He'd come into her home, met her beautiful, charming sister, and still wanted Petunia. It had been…wonderful to feel desirable, to feel interesting.
But what good was that feeling if she didn't love Vernon?
To love someone at this point would mean to share with them a world she refused to part with, a world of magic and wonderment that she'd thought for years was not hers to enjoy. Having finally let the genie out of the bottle, so to speak, she had no intention of resigning herself back to a world without that gleam of the fantastic.
But as a muggle what options did she really have to find someone she could include in that world?
"Excuse me," came a deep voice to her right, "Is this seat taken?"
Petunia looked up and locked eyes with a striking tall gentleman. Heads taller than herself, he had dark skin and broad shoulders. His head was cleanly shaven and smooth, his blue button up cleaned pressed and his slacks black and sleek. A gold hoop earring hung from his left ear and his eyes were a rich shade of brown that looked down on Petunia kindly and with a hint of concern.
In his hand he held a cup of coffee.
"Would you mind if I sat here?" he asked in a deep, slow voice. It was calmly reassuring, "All the others are taken."
"Oh, um…" Petunia glanced around at the now packed café, "Uh…sure. Go right ahead."
"Thank you," the man sat down with a smile.
"So," he began after a minute, hands cupped around his coffee mug. He gestured to the door, "That looked rough."
Petunia groaned, "You saw that? Yeah, that…that wasn't easy."
The man hummed, "Sounded like it needed to be said though. Had you two been dating long?"
Petunia shook her head; it probably was odd to be filling a stranger in on her private life, but it wasn't like she planned on coming back to this café ever again; it had been Vernon's favorite.
"Long?" Petunia repeated, "No. Even dating? Also no. Frankly, I'm not exactly sure what we were. He clearly wanted it to be something serious, but I just never really saw it. Wasn't feeling it, you know?"
"Well if you weren't feeling it, who can blame you for ending it?" the man replied, "He took it better than I would have expected. Some men take rejection pretty hard."
Petunia frowned, "I think he's rather used to rejection. It's why I felt so bad turning him down. But…it just wasn't going to work. We're too different; I shouldn't have to change the parts of myself that aren't even flawed just to make him happy."
"I think you made the right choice," the man stated, "Standing up for who you are is a very brave thing to do. It's not easy in a world that tries to box everyone in."
Petunia sighed, "Tell me about it."
The man chuckled, taking a gulp of his coffee.
Petunia studied him for a moment.
"You look familiar," she said, eyes narrowed in consideration, "Have we met somewhere before?"
The man smiled, "I wondered if you would recognize me."
He held a hand out for her to shake, a golden ring of a phoenix on his ring finger.
"Kingsley Shacklebolt," he introduced himself, "I was assigned to watch out for your family and Severus last year. We met at the music festival last summer when Severus had a panic attack."
Petunia's eyes lit up in recognition, "Oh yeah! You were that guy who was following us. You're still on guard duty?"
Kingsley nodded, "It was seen as necessary given how much trouble Severus seems to get into. He's like a magnet for it, it seems."
Petunia snorted, "Don't I know it; how many near-death experiences does he plan on having?"
They both laughed at that.
"So shouldn't you be out watching Lily and Severus?" Petunia questioned, "They seem more the types to run in any sort of trouble."
"There's a few of us on protection detail," Kingsley explained, "We've got two on your parents, Frank typically works with Moody on looking out for your sister and Severus. For the most part, I tend to look after you. You seem to pick far more interesting places to go to; feeding ducks by the pond, going to the theater, stopping by the music store…"
"Wow," Petunia said, "That would be really creepy if you weren't assigned to keep me from getting killed by You-Know-Who."
Kingsley laughed, a deep, booming sound, "And your sass is always entertaining to hear."
"Not mention," Kingsley added conspiratorially, "Choosing to guard you means I get quite a bit of access to the food at the restaurant where you work."
Petunia snickered, a brow raised, "You like to eat, do you?"
"My dear, I am a man of refined tastes," Kingsley said teasingly, "I don't 'like to eat'; I partake in fine cuisine."
"Speaking of which," he turned to the server making her way to their table, "Yes, I'll have a slice of your tiramisu with the expresso infused dark chocolate ganache, please."
Petunia giggled some more watching the server's expression at the idea of such an imposing looking man ordering so sweet a confection.
"You're certainly are a book one can't judge by the cover," Petunia commented to once the server had left with Kingsley's order.
Kingsley chuckled, "I find most people are not exactly as they appear to be, Ms. Evans."
"Don't I know it," Petunia said with a smile, "You remind me of my friend; she's rather refined looking herself but she has this wild, unexpected side to her that tends to catch people by surprise."
Kingsley's quirked a brow, a slight smirk on his face, "I take it you're talking about Simone Serapeum?"
Petunia blanched.
"I shouldn't have said that," she said worryingly, gathering up her things, "You're with the ministry…if they know I've been talking with you—"
Kingsley gently reached out and placed a steadying hand on Petunia's arm, making her pause.
"Relax, Ms. Evans," he said kindly, "I'm Dumbledore's man. You'll find I have very little interest in knowing Simone's whereabouts…aside from slipping a few false leads into the investigation to waylay the other aurors."
Petunia looked him in the eyes, "False leads…?"
Kingsley flashed her a grin, "Dumbledore's orders. I've thrown a few unlikely and improbable 'witness accounts' into the Ministry's investigation. I think right now they're looking for your friends in an alleged goblin commune in the Amazon jungle; a jungle that is mostly unexplored right now."
Petunia let out a breath, sitting back down, "So…I can trust you?"
"My only intention with you is to protect you from anyone holding a grudge against Severus Snape," Kingsley said honestly, "Not to extract information from you about your friends."
Petunia exhaled, "That's a relief."
The server returned, placing the slice of tiramisu on the table before moving on to take someone else's order.
Kingsley gestured to the dish, "Would you like some?"
Petunia eyed the tempting piece of cake. Yes, she had already eaten a croissant, but…the tiramisu did look quite delicious.
"Thank you, I'd love some," Petunia said picking up a spoon.
The first bite was heavenly, forcing Petunia to close her eyes to relish the flavor dancing on her tongue.
"Oh god, why didn't I order this before?" she asked aloud.
Kingsley chuckled at her antics, "Not much of a dessert before dinner type of girl are you?"
Petunia shook her head, taking another bite happily, "No, but I think I will be from now on."
Kingsley smiled, busying himself with some more bites of tiramisu.
"So are you going to be alright?" he asked eventually.
Petunia looked up, "With what? Oh…you mean with Vernon?" she looked down, "Yeah, I'll be fine. I knew from the start that we weren't really compatible."
"You know it's funny," she stated, "If I had met him before I'd learned to accept magic, he probably would be my type. Successful, respectable, average; the perfectly normal sort of guy old me would have clung to in order to convince myself that not having magic didn't bother me."
She rested her head on her palm, "But now that I see how much I was missing out on, I don't think I could ever settle for 'normal'; if such a thing truly exists. The more I learn about magic, the more being 'abnormal' seems to appeal to me."
Kingsley grinned, "You'll find that normal doesn't exist anywhere."
Petunia smiled back, "And I'm glad for that."
Soooo...after a lot of ruminations over the matter, I ultimately decided to have Petunia and Vernon go their separate ways.
Now frankly, I do honestly believe Vernon loved Petunia in canon. Truly, deeply loved her. He clearly detested all things strange and abnormal to his standards of acceptability and yet loved Petunia enough to marry her despite knowing it would make him a part of her unusual family, and that any child they had would carry her blood, the blood of a family that popped out a witch. He had no way of knowing if magic could be passed on or not, but still willingly became a part of Petunia's life because he loved her enough to tolerate the fact that she was related to a witch.
But even while I respect that he made that choice out of love for her, tolerance only goes so far and truthfully only was successful to their marriage because Petunia herself resented magic. If Petunia had liked magic, Vernon's tolerance would never have been enough, no matter how much he loved her, because there would always be this divide between their worlds that he couldn't truly accept. It would be like Petunia marrying someone who loved her deeply but hated gay people, while knowing full well she had a gay family member who she loved and supported. Sure, he'd be tolerable and polite for her sake, but the knowledge that he didn't like someone so dear to her and reviled their very existence would weigh heavily on her.
So given that this Petunia is happily a part of the magical world, I realized that even a Vernon who loved her wouldn't work unless he could accept magic, which frankly I don't see him capable of. Petunia hated magic because she was actually envious of it and wanted to be magical; Vernon hated magic simply because it "wasn't normal".
That doesn't mean Vernon isn't capable of becoming a slightly better person than in canon, and I think my Petunia did a fine job of putting him on the right track. Getting him to take himself out from under his domineering sister's thumb is a good way to help him let go of the resentment and bitterness probably building in him for years.
How's everybody feel about Kingsley? Frankly, I've always liked his self confidence and collectedness, as well as how despite being a natural born leader, he had no trouble following other's orders if necessary, like how he listened to Dumbledore (though admittedly, no one really should listen to that guy, but you get my drift).
Review, please :)