Hello! Welcome back, I've missed you ;)

Glad everyone was digging badass Mama Eileen. I've been wanting to bring some spark back to her for a while. Also Augusta is always a badass so of course I had to showcase that. And who doesn't want to blow a piece off of Bellatrix? I mean seriously!

So here we go with the aftermath! Enjoy!

If Someone Cared Enough

Chapter 109: Not Worth Having Regrets

Bellatrix's retreat marked the withdrawal of Voldemort's followers, many fleeing to apparation points or running into the woods. Those who couldn't get away were apprehended by aurors led by a now nose-less Moody, who seemed very unperturbed by the lack of the center point of his face.

They later reattached his nose after finding it in the cold dead fist of a mangled Pyrites, the man's own wand sticking out of his neck. Moody just nonchalantly said Pyrites landed on it when they went through the window, though the scratch marks on Moody's face—coupled with his nose still sitting on his face when last Severus saw him—indicated a struggled rather than accident.

Among those captured were Antonin Dolohov, Travers, Gibbons, Thorfinn Rowle, and Amycus Carrow.

Aletco Carrow was not captured with her brother, but splinched herself, leaving behind a decent segment of an elbow. The auror department would be on the lookout for any reports of a women being admitted to a healing facility for limb related injuries or any mass purchases of blood replenishers or dittany.

Of the dead, Corbin Yaxley, Fenwood, Goyle, Selwyn, the Snydes—a married couple Severus recognized as having graduated only the past year—and Mulciber and Avery Senior.

The last two were a frustrating loss to the order; who better to question on Avery and Mulciber's whereabouts than their own fathers.

Most surprising, or perhaps not surprising at all, was the arrest of Wilkes.

Though the Dark Lord recruited young, he typically avoided marking fledging followers until after they graduated. It gave off the illusion that they were not yet within his inner circle and therefore lacking useful information to be extracted by the ministry. While the ministry wasted time focusing solely on marker followers, students within Hogwarts discreetly and secretly assisted You-Know-Who's nefarious cause.

Participating in raids or attacks was a way of proving oneself worry of being marked, which likely explained why Wilkes was there. Unfortunately for him, lacking the sign of a Death Eater proved little innocence when you were caught red handed below the Death Eaters' signature mark floating in the sky.

Severus had no doubt that Rosier had also been present for the attack; but he must have been smart enough to get away unlike his hapless and dimmer friend.

Though the aurors searched high and low, no trace of Lucius Malfoy could be found. Moody had been adamant that Malfoy would be present, having long suspected that he, Pyrites, and Bellatrix were Voldemorts acting lieutenants. His conviction over Malfoy's involvement in the attack stemmed from an incident at the Ministry.

According to Moody, a Miss Dolores Umbridge had been found wandering the ministry dazed and confused, with no recollection of what she'd been doing within the previous hour. Adding to that was a curious comment by the receptionist of the records department, stating they'd seen Umbridge in the presence of Lucius Malfoy shortly before the woman was found in such a state.

What made it the most interesting was that the receptionist made the comment offhanded to a coworker just after they were allegedly shooed from the record department by Umbridge. When Umbridge was discovered in her less than alter state and the receptionist questioned about what she'd told coworkers she had seen, she could no longer recall such an event, her memory of the entire afternoon worrisomely blank.

If Moody's hunch was right, Lucius had used Umbridge to gain access to the records department and then obliviated both her and the receptionist to hide his actions. His own folly had been not accounting for the receptionist's tendency to gossip and not obliviating her immediately.

Umbridge of course later claimed to have been under the imperio when confronted after she recovered, swearing she'd never willingly let non-authorized personnel into any department.

So Malfoy was the likely culprit to have orchestrated the attack and unfortunately, he got away.

Despite the amount of blood she lost, Bellatrix successfully escaped, proving it was her who set up the anti-apparation ward as she was able to lift it to aid her own escape while the aurors had struggled to lift the ward themselves. All that remained of her was the wet pulp of one arm, one leg, and the fractured remains of her wand.

Even with the crippling blow to Voldemort's best soldier there was little cause for celebration. The aurors, while victorious, suffered many losses as well.

Williamson was struck down by the killing curse.

Proudfoot died of a blood boiling curse.

Dawlish survived but was paralyzed along the left side of his body; healers feared it couldn't be cured.

Kingsley was recovering from a rather nasty, unknown curse that had caused massive blood clotting along his limbs. They predicated he's be back to rights in a days' time.

Frank had an unfortunate run in with Fenrir Greyback while looking for Severus and Lily, barely surviving blood loss caused by a large bite to his collarbone. Alice blasting the untransformed werewolf through a wall saved Frank from being cannibalized alive by the savage.

"He'll be showing some traits, they say," Alice said dazedly, looking out over the smoking remains of Longbottom Manor.

A healing tent had been set up for the injured after the perimeter had been secured. Some such as Frank, were into too dire a condition to risk moving, even by portkey or apparation.

"He'll like his meat rarer," Alice went on, taking a shaky drag from her cigarette, "They told me not to be surprised if he hardly cooks his steak anymore. His scars won't ever go away; they'll hurt more around the full moon. He'll have trouble sleeping when the moon's full, feel restless, like an itch under his skin. But he won't be cursed…so the laws won't affect him."

"I'm sorry, Alice," Severus apologized. He shifted closer so he could look at her, biting back a groan of pain as his nerves protested movement so soon after a cruciatus curse, "He got hurt trying to find me; I locked Fenrir in that room so he wouldn't get out. If I had stayed put…"

Alice shook her head.

"He and I, we're aurors," she said, exhaling a puff of smoke into the air, "Fighting is what we do. We went into this job expecting we'd probably not escape completely unscathed, if we survived at all."

She chuckled, "Hell, the only reason I got into this profession was because if he died on the battlefield, I'd be there to avenger him…or join him, I guess. He was going into that fire whether you people were in there or not. If it hadn't been Fenrir, it would have been someone else, probably someone with the brains to use the Killing Curse quick and be done with it before he had a chance to blink."

Severus watched her, took in the far off look in her eyes as she stared out over the smoldering estate, over the bodies covered beneath white sheets. She seemed so wistful, yet, at ease. It was as if she knew what lay before her was the worst war of her young life…and she had made her peace with it.

"Why did you choose this path?" Severus questioned before he could stop himself, "Why not pack up and leave England. You and Frank have always wanted to get married and start a family—Lily talks about it well enough—there's nothing keeping you from leaving Europe and all this madness behind. You don't owe anyone a pound of flesh, Alice."

"No, but I owe my conscience the peace of knowing that when this war is over, I'll be running to something," Alice said, "Not away from something."

She coughed then, a sudden, abrupt hack that made her petite frame quake.

"Shit," she cursed, leaning down to stub out the cigarette on the ground, "I really need to quit."

She used an aguamenti charm to pour some water from her wand into her mouth, swishing it around a moment before spitting off to the side.

"You're not running away either," she pointed out.

"It's not like the thought hadn't crossed my mind before," Severus admitted, "I'd give anything to have Lily and her family somewhere safe, but it's not like if we ran this war wouldn't just eventually spread out across Europe. If he isn't stopped, I doubt he'll stop at ruling Wizarding Britain."

"So you want to help stop him," Alice stated more than asked.

Severus looked away, "I have a lot to atone for."

"Oh?" Alice questioned, "I didn't realize that teenagers owed the world their life for making teenage mistakes."

"I nearly joined those people," Severus said in exasperation.

Alice shrugged, "And kids joined the Nazis in the Holocaust. Children are easy to talk into doing bad things, Severus. It doesn't mean they're all bad at heart, just that they are capable of trusting the wrong sort of people. You can teach maliciousness to the kindest people if you keep them in the dark about the harm they're causing."

"I'm not blind you know," she said, "The ministry tried to keep your home life out of the Prophet, but I'd had an inkling about it long before then. Your father was a dangerous man; a muggle who hurt kids, his kid. Is it really any wonder you got wrapped up in Lucius pretty little words?"

Severus didn't answer her.

"I could see the signs," Alice said, "Long sleeves in warmer weather, bruises after winter break."

Her gaze grew far off again, lost in memory, "I must have told Pomfrey and McGonagall so many times that things weren't right in your home. Begged them to send someone to look into it. But they said Slughorn had spoken to you, that you'd said things were fine."

"I didn't feel comfortable telling him the truth," Severus confessed. He recalled those random talks Slughorn had with him in Severus earlier school years, remembered how odd and unexpected it came across as. Severus never could look Slughorn in the eye, couldn't stomach the pity swimming in his professor's eyes over secrets he wasn't supposed to know. Now Severus knew where Slughorn had gotten his information.

"I really wish you had," Alice told Severus sincerely, "It made me sick to my stomach every summer to know you'd be going back there. I tried to talk to Lily about it, get her to look out for you, but I think she was too scared to admit things weren't right in your house."

Ah, that explained some things. Even as Lily and Severus had begun to drift apart, Lily still came round during the summer. The visits became less frequent and sometimes things felt tense and stiff between them, but she still tried to keep in touch with him. Now he understood why she pushed herself to spend time with him even as their growing divide made hanging out decidedly uncomfortable.

"Slughorn is a pureblood," Severus explained after a moment, "Someone of a level I aspired to be at. How could I tell him I couldn't even stand up to a muggle."

"You wouldn't have had to," Alice told him, "Because it isn't a child's job to stand up to an abuser. It's the adult's responsibility to not be an abusive ass."

"You sound like you were pretty focused on me during school," Severus noted, "You know, if I recall most of my school years were hell what with Potter and his cronies hanging around. But then one year, they started getting detentions left and right."

He side eyed Alice, "I believe it was right around the time you and Frank were made Prefects…and it ended when you two graduated."

Alice chuckled, "I made have thrown my weight around a bit then. Didn't really seem fair that you should have to be miserable at school after what you dealt with at home. Of course, I had to be discreet about it, the girls in my year kept giving me grief about being too hard on the 'Golden Boys'. But I found ways around the system…usually by citing obscure school regulations that they violated."

"But there wasn't anything I could do for you at home," Alice said sadly, "And the worse it got for you, I imagine the more promises the other side made to make your suffering end. Our side operates by so many rules and laws; can't arrest someone without proof, can't raid a home without a warrant."

She toed a pebble with her foot, "Can't beat the tar out of a child beating bastard without a confession from his victim that he's even doing it."

"But the other side," Alice ruminated, "They don't play by the rules. They offer quick, permanent and drastic solutions to your problems and I think that's why so many people who have it rough come around to them. They've suffered so long and here's some guy promising to make everyone who hurt them pay instead of asking them to fill out some report and wait for the judiciary process to do something about it."

"You can blame yourself all you want, Severus," Alice stated, "but don't ask us to blame you…some of us can see where the system failed."

Severus felt a stinging in his eyes, but rubbed at them until it went away, "Still, I want to fight."

"And it's fine that you do," Alice replied, patting his back, "Just don't think you have to die a martyr to get forgiveness for being manipulated."

"Yeah, but…" Severus trailed off.

Alice gave him a kind smile, "Hey, you think I'm going to hold it against every werewolf who joined You-Know-Who? They're not all like Fenrir; they're people who got the shit end of the stick and the bad guys are practically waving candy to them out the back of a windowless van. They think they have no other options and frankly the ministry hasn't given them any. I can't say I hate them for wanting a better life and believing his lies."

A shout rang up from the tents behind them, Frank's voice loud and indignant.

Alice snorted, "Big baby."

"Alice," Severus began, "Doesn't it scare you? He could have died today."

Alice hummed, "And I could die tomorrow. Life is uncertain, Severus. There's so many things people say their going to do with their lives that they never get around to. It's because they think they'll get to it eventually."

"Me and Frank don't have that luxury," Alice said cryptically, "No one around here does. There's a hell of a lot of people waiting to snuff our candles out. If you live life like you've got plenty of time, you're going to find yourself on your death bed someday wishing you'd stopped putting things off and did them when you had the chance."

"That's why I'm marrying Frank now," she added, "So what if I end up a widow days after my honeymoon; at least I'll have married the man I loved. I won't let death take the best things in life from me, but I'm not going to hesitate when it comes to doing what I want. We'll get married, we'll have kids. We'll make a future for them that they can be safe in. And the day they put me in the ground it will be with a smile on my face, because I didn't waste my life saying 'why do today what I can do tomorrow?' I'm living, Severus. Living like it's my last; because at some point it may be."

"You don't think you're too young?" Severus questioned.

Alice laughed, "Severus, I'm too young to die! I think plenty of us are. Yet that's a very real possibility for me whether I fight or not. So if I'm going to be dragged into fighting for my freedom, why let age stop me from living life to the fullest while I'm at it?"

Alice looked at Severus, "I first asked Frank out the day You-Know-Who first revealed himself to the world and his plans. I kissed Frank for the first time at Hogsmeade after it was reported that a classmate's family went missing. I slept with Frank the night the Dark mark first lit up the sky over the remains of a burning home."

"Time is fleeting Severus," she told him, "and the worst things got; the more I realized that if I didn't reach for what I wanted now, I might lose my chance. I don't want to die with regrets for a life that could have been. I would rather die knowing I squeezed every precious moment out of life before I breathed my final breaths."

She patted Severus once more on the back, then heaved herself to her feet and wandered into the healer tent.

Severus sat alone for a bit, watching aurors extinguish the dying embers still gleaming softly among the fallen brick and charred landscaped. Someone was attempting to wrangle the Longbottom's prized flying horses who'd been set loose from the stables during the chaos. Another auror was wandering along the scattered dead and making note of names and next of kin for Death Eater, auror, and civilian alike.

Another day, another event that nearly ended Severus life. It felt like all he and Lily ever did lately was try not to die, something that should be regulated to simple tasks like eat healthy or look both ways before crossing the street. When had life become a gauntlet of evading scenarios and fiends often found only in fairytales? What ever happened to the simple times where all any kid had to worry about was getting passing marks in school?

Of course, there never was such a mundane life for Severus; he realized that now. Fearing a beating from his father, worried that the next hit might be the one that killed him, those weren't normal to the typical child's life. He realized that when he met Lily, when he saw the peace of her home life. But still, he'd assumed that as unconventional as his life was, it was still manageable.

And to a degree it was, most years it seemed Potter and his ilk filled Severus with more dread than his father did, anxiety over humiliation in front of his peers outweighing the fear of a pain that had become just another part of his life.

But Severus had always been hovering closer to the line between life and death than he realized, long before facing the basilisk or being on the receiving end of his own deadly curse.

It wasn't uncommon for abused children to die of their injuries, for their parent or abusers to take the violence too far and inadvertently kill their child. Severus never realized how easily a broken bottle could have slit his throat or a broken rib could have punctured a lung. Even the harm dealt by Potter and Black had the potential to end him. How many times did they use his levitating spells against him? Drop him on his head? A simple snap of his neck and he'd have been gone.

And the incident in the Willow, what Severus believed to be his first real encounter with near death, had only been the most obvious attempt on his life, not the first attempt at all. Severus knew now that many a time his father likely tried to kill him in a drunken stupor, but merely lacked the coherency or faculties to do it, forgetting the whole disagreement the next day.

Severus could have died many times over already, ended his story midway through a chapter with no climax or end. How much would he have missed had he died sooner? All the things he survived, the joys he'd experienced, this…happiness with Lily, he wouldn't have known any of it, all taken from him in a second.

Lily told him how the hardest thing she'd had to grapple with when it came to the Willow incident wasn't Black's cruelty or Potter's complacency, but that Severus could have died and she'd have never know the truth. She'd have lost her closest, dearest friend, in the aftermath of yet another argument, without ever having made things right and no one would have granted her the mercy of even knowing how it happened. It was the knowledge that she came so close to losing him and she hadn't even known it at the time that made her feel sick.

How much would they have lost? Missed out on. Severus didn't exactly know how much changing to the past could actually affect the future, but there was no way of knowing if his death would have borne any change on Avery's predilections against women, or his desire to act on it. For all Severus knew, Avery still might have gone after Lily that day on the train…only there would have been no one to save her or Mary.

Severus shuddered, wrapping his arms around himself tighter.

"Cold?" came a voice behind him.

Lily was poking her head out of the healing tent, face blackened with soot and superficial scratches from falling rubble. Her hair was mussed and wild, the ends singed, as were her clothes, and she had a white patch of gauze across the back of one of her hands.

"Scraped it on a steel post," she explained, waving the injured hand, "They were worried about rust."

"Glad to see you're all patched up," Severus said, giving Lily a soft smile.

Lily sat down next to Severus, their shoulders touching.

"You're supposed to be resting," she said pointedly.

Severus wouldn't meet her eyes.

"How's everyone?" he asked in lieu of a response.

Lily huffed in annoyance but chose not to push the subject, "Frank's going to recover, but he'll have a scar. A big one; the healers say there's no getting rid of it. Kingsley is the least hurt overall, despite how severe his condition sounded. They've removed all the clots; he'll just need bed rest."

"Moody didn't want them to reattach his nose," Lily went on, "Said the gaping hole would be a harsh reminder to his enemies that he can take whatever they throw at him. He's right pissed that the healers put it back on anyway and he's threatening to hack it off when they aren't looking."

Severus chuckled, that sounded like something Moody would do.

"Augusta is okay," Lily said, "She's got a concussion from the blast and there's a nasty gash on her forehead that she won't let anyone but her own family healer look at. Her brother-in-law didn't survive the fight, nor three of her cousins, but she's coping."

"And my mother?" Severus asked.

Lily turned to him, "Too early to say. She's been slipping in and out of consciousness since they got to her, but she doesn't seem to possess any injuries. They think it's a combination of shock and exertion; she hasn't used magic in so long."

"That was the most...aware she's been in ages," Severus murmured, "I felt like she was actually looking at me, not through me for once. I felt like she really saw me this time."

Lily wrapped an arm around Severus, "Augusta threatened to castrate the healer if he let leek your mother's condition. He says this brief lucidity should be taking as a good sign. She's still in there, Sev. Maybe she can be brought back out again."

"The question is," Severus turned to Lily, "What brought her out to begin with?"

Lily shrugged, "It's hard to say. Maybe just maternal instincts took over. You were in danger."

"Maybe," Severus agreed reluctantly, "Just seems sort of farfetched when she sat back and let Tobias wail on me for some many years."

Lily hugged Severus, "Your mother does love you, Sev. She's a victim too. It messes with someone's head; doesn't mean it didn't kill her to see him treat you that way."

"Besides," she added, "You've told me that she got in between you sometimes; she still wanted to protect you."

Severus idly picked at some blades of grass, "I guess."

"So," he said, changing the subject, "Any clue what Ponderosa was doing running into the attack like that?"

Lily shrugged, "If he does have a reason, he's not sharing. But I think it's all about your mother. You saw how frantic he was to find her."

"It's strange," Severus mused, "He said they knew each other as kids, but he never indicated that they were friends or anything. His father just worked for her family."

"May there's more to their relationship than he let on," Lily suggested.

A cry rang out from the tent before Severus could respond.

"Severus," Alice called, "Your mum's awake!'

Severus leapt to his feet. He tore into the healing tent, Lily hot on his heels.

Severus raced up to his mother's cot, a concerned Ponderosa leaning over her.

"Has she said anything?" Severus asked frantically.

Ponderosa turned to Severus with a kind smile, "She asked for you."

"Severus," Eileen croaked, her voice weak, "Severus?"

"I'm here, mum," Severus answered, taking his mother by the hand.

Eileen managed to turn her head towards him, the act seeming to take more effort than it should.

"There you are," she murmured, "You're okay…"

Severus squeezed her hand, "I'm fine. Thanks to you, mum."

"Couldn't…let her…hurt you," Eileen mumbled weakly, "Too many people…have hurt you…couldn't let…it happen…again."

"You were screaming," Eileen went on, her eyes welling with tears, "…so much…screaming, I—" she paused, taking in a ragged breath, "…he always used to…hurt you…make you cry like that…"

Suddenly it became abundantly clear what brought Eileen forth from her stupor. When Bellatrix struck Severus with the crucio, the screaming seeped through Eileen's sub conscious…and dragged forward memories of a life she'd fought to think a bad dream.

When she heard Severus screaming, she was transported back to all those times he was hit by her husband. By Tobias; a man who was never the love she dreamed him to be.

"You'd dropped your wand…" Eileen went on, "…He-he…Tobias made me snap mine…can't fight back without a…wand…so I picked it up."

"She hurt my boy…" Eileen said, her eyes burning with fire, "She needed…to hurt…too."

Ponderosa smoothed the hair back from her face, "You did what you had to, Ellie."

Eileen slowly twisted round to look at him, "Who are…you?"

Ponderosa gave Eileen a warm smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners, "Have you forgotten me, Ellie?"

Slowly, Eileen's eyes widened.

"P-Pontius?" she questioned. Struggling, she raised her hand to cup his face, "It…it's been years."

Ponderosa took her hand in his, kissing the knuckles, "Long years, Ellie. Very long years without my friend."

Fumbling through his pockets, Ponderosa pulled out his pocket watch, presenting it to Eileen, "Look familiar?"

Tears welled in Eileen's eyes, spilling down her face.

At first glance, it looked like an ordinary watch, the sort many wizards carried with them. Severus couldn't figure out what about the item had his mother so emotional.

But on second glance, there was something off about it. The top that opened and closed did not match the body of the watch, the metals two different colors from each other. Whereas the body bore etchings of leaves and branches, the top held in its center a carving of a large monarch butterfly.

It took Severus several moments to realize the top of the watch was actually the lid of a locket.

"Where did you get this," Eileen whispered, cupping the watch reverently, "My locket broke…I thought the lid was lost forever.

"I found it under your dresser the day you disappeared," Ponderosa admitted with a sad smile, "I kept in case…so that if…when you came back to us, we could fix it."

Eileen cradled the watch in her hand as if it held all the answers to life.

"My parents gave it to me," she murmured, a hiccup escaping with a sob, "When I graduated. Mum…they passed ages ago…I always meant to come back to them…"

Ponderosa cupped Eileen's face in his hands, wiping away a tear with this thumb, "You came back. That's all that matters."

Sobbing, Eileen grasped blindly for Severus, snagging his hand and squeezing it, her thumb stroking his knuckles, "I came back…and I've brought my son with me."

Ponderosa chuckled, tears swimming in his eyes. He kissed Eileen's brow, "Welcome home, Ellie."

"Sev," Lily whispered out the corner of her mouth. She leaned in to her boyfriend, eyes on the pair of adults in front of her, "I think I've figured out what they're relationship was…"

Severus nodded. The image being painted in his head was astonishingly clear. Childhood friends separated only by circumstance; one a beloved daughter of status, the other a boy of humble beginnings. Unspoken feelings lingering just beneath the surface as the girl grew into the sun that lit up the boy's darkness, only he was too afraid to speak his feeling allowed…and watched her shine her light on other people…other boys.

All the possibilities, all the 'what ifs' of what could have been if only Ponderosa had spoken with his heart.

Two people bound to one another since childhood without a clue how much they meant to one another.

Severus turned to Lily, "They're us."

I know we get so little of Alice in canon to know what she was like, but I like to think she wasn't exactly a soft, timid person, nor do I picture her mincing words. She got into the Order knowing full well she may die or worse and she was prepared to do it if it meant a better world for others. So I saw her as the perfect person to drop some truths about not living with regrets. I also see her as someone who wouldn't have turned a blind eye to neglect or mistreatment, someone who wouldn't let house rivalries dictate her moral compass.

So some people called it; Ponderosa has feelings for Eileen. I've been holding that in for a while now, but I always pictured him having feelings for her, having grown up alongside her surely he would have built an attachment to her.

Also, who's feeling the wolfish-tendencies Frank idea? Lol

Review please.