Hi there! Glad you all decided to return.
So this chapter may be a little sparse because it features smut...which I cut from the version of this chapter.
Sorry everyone, but I think if I took my sexual content too far, the site might crack down on me.
But fear not, the chapter is available in it's intact form on my AO3 account under the same title, username Aishling. You do not need an account to read it, and I believe my story is set to allow anonymous comments. So if you miss the smut (or at least the context it provides since a sudden gap in the story is jarring) feel free to stop over there.
If Someone Cared Enough
Chapter 110: Crossing that Threshold
Severus kissed Lily like a starving man the moment they were alone.
"Mmm—Sev!" Lily managed to get out, trying not to let the pleasantness of the kiss override her confusion, "What's gotten into you?"
They'd been hastened off to Prince Manor the moment Eileen was given the 'all clear' to be moved. Ponderosa and Augusta advocated for her right to be treated in her ancestral home rather than St. Mungos and Augusta had threatened to throttle the healer present if he didn't agree.
Seeing as how Eileen's treacherous grandmother was now a permanent resident of St. Mungo's long term care ward with her continuously worsening health, there was no one to object to the once lost heiress of Prince residing in her childhood home once more.
The healers overall seemed optimistic about Eileen's state of mind. True she was still disoriented and had lapsed into a confused state of mind at least once since awakening, but it didn't take long to bring her back to the present. It would appear that Bellatrix's blunt, cruel taunting of the truth was what shocked Eileen back into reality. That and the risk of losing her son.
The excitement Severus felt every time he saw recognition spring to Eileen's eyes was palpable for everyone.
Augusta and her immediate family received an invite from Ponderosa on Eileen's behalf to stay in the Prince Manor since their home had been decimated. While it was true that this hadn't been their own property, their esteemed family owning many estates, they lost their main home protecting Eileen so custom dictated that her home be hospitably opened to them.
Not wanting to be separated from her so soon, knowing she's probably need him as she came to grips with all she had lost and all that had changed, Severus insisted he be allowed to stay at the Prince Manor for a while. No one held any objections to this, seeing as how Severus needed no permission to enter the very home he was marked to inherit. The Evans family were most understanding; seeing the importance of Severus reconnecting with his mother.
When Lily had requested that she come with Severus, Kingsley had cut off Lily's protest of not wanting to impose by insisting the whole family come for their own safety. There was still no intel on how severe or extensive an attack Voldemort had planned, but general consensus was that if he was willing to work go after Eileen to hurt Severus, then he would probably go after Lily and her family.
Moody's investigation had left the scarred auror certain that Malfoy had obtained more than just the location of Eileen during his visit to the ministry. Umbridge no doubt told him Severus lived with the Evans family. Given that Augusta's family had a plethora of wards on their property, Moody's hunch was that the Death Eaters had been working for several days to possible even a week; slowly and painstakingly dismantling the manor's defenses in order to get past the barriers.
Considering some of the wards were ministry sanctioned and auror performed enchantments, they would have been listed in the ministry's records, giving Lucius a starting point for weakening the manor's wards. This meant that any auror placed wards on the Evans house were now compromised as well.
So a new plan of protection had to be established. Severus and Lily didn't get the full story, but it sounded like Dumbledore was taking the warding matter into his own hands, his charms and enchantments some of the strongest there were, and his position on the Wizengamot leaving him unbeholden to ministry regulations. On top of that, warding would be changed sporadically to keep enemies from learning what wards were used at any given time. Only Moody, Kingsley, and Frank were to perform the wards after Dumbledore set them. From the sounds of it, they were a part of something with the headmaster that was outside the ministry's jurisdiction, but in secret.
It was anyone's guess why Dumbledore was taking the protection of Severus and Lily's family into his own hands when there were dozens if not hundreds of people Voldemort targeted for defying him or rejecting his offer, but it didn't seem like Severus was very interested in puzzling out those questions at the moment.
"Slow down a sec, Sev," Lily said, a little breathless.
Severus backed off immediately.
"Sorry," he apologized, shaming painting his face a red flush, "Sorry…I didn't mean to be so forceful."
Lily nipped that self berating in the bud, pulling Severus back to her to wrap her arms around him.
"It's not like I wasn't enjoying it," she assured, "But a little context would be appreciated. You just sort of came at me. Normally there's some flirty banter that comes before this. I was caught off guard, is all."
"Right, sorry," Severus apologized again with chagrin, "Got carried away."
Lily placed a hand on Severus's cheek, making him look at her.
"I already said it's fine," she told him, "And enough apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong."
"I crossed a line, " Severus said, seeming to admonish himself with those words.
Lily shook her head with a gentle smile, "You didn't."
"I did."
Lily rolled her eyes, a playful smile tugging her lips.
"Hey," she said, rubbing gently at the back of Severus neck; it always seemed to relax him, "What's going on in your head?"
Severus tried to look away, but Lily wouldn't let him.
"Tell me," she coaxed.
Severus took a deep breath, then breathed out through his nose.
"So many times," he began, "We've faced what should have been certain death. And each time, we could have died with so many regrets, so many wasted opportunities or missed chances."
He looked at Lily, his eyes pained, "On the train, if I had died it would have been without your forgiveness, or ever telling you how I feel. And…and I never would have known you felt the same way. I'd have died thinking I was never more than a friend to you…one that you've grown to regret having."
Lily listened intently, fighting back the wetness in her eyes at his words.
"And in the Chamber of Secrets," Severus went on, "We'd barely gotten back together when we faced Tom and the basilisk. I don't think we'd even put a name to what we were yet. We hadn't even said we loved each other yet. I would have hated to die without ever hearing those words…"
"Sev," Lily soothed, rubbing his neck still.
Severus paused, gaze focused on Lily's collarbone so he wouldn't have to look into her eyes, "I know we've been taking this slow…Its what I wanted as much as you did. But…the future is so uncertain for us…if we die…if…"
He met Lily's gaze, "Is it bad that I don't want to die with any regrets?"
"Oh, Sev," Lily cooed, drawing Severus in close, "Of course not. I have worries too, you know."
"You do," Severus asked timidly.
Lily nodded, "Of course I do. You think it doesn't bother me every time you run off to save the day? You think it hasn't crossed my mind that each time could be the last time I see you, that all these things I want for us might not happen because of this war. Of course I worry about that!"
"And I have thought about going further," Lily confessed, a blush rising to her cheeks, "Merlin, do I want to. Call it curiosity, call it hormones, but I want that cheesy closeness bad romance novels talk about. I want to be a part of you…in every sense of the word. I mean we're teenagers, practically adults; it's not like we can pretend we don't have desires."
Lily pressed their foreheads together, "Every first with you has been…amazing an-and comforting at the same time. It's like I'm right where I should be. I'm home when I'm with you and I know there is no one else I'd rather my first time be with. And I…I worry that I might miss my chance for us to be together if I wait, that one day one of use might die and will have missed our chance."
"I've held back because while I know what I want, that doesn't mean I'm not nervous about it," Lily confided in Severus, intertwining their fingers, "I know what I'm supposed to expect with sex, but that doesn't quell the anxiety…but I want to experience it with you. And…I didn't want to rush you."
"Rush me?" Severus questioned, stunned.
"Sev, you can't deny that the whole touching thing is difficult for you," Lily pointed out. There were times that tapping you on the shoulder made you jump, where me hugging you without warning petrified you. The first time I ever raised my hand for a high five you cowered from me like I was going to hit you!"
Lily gazed into Severus's eyes, her own swimming with so much sympathy and love, "Sev, I know you think I'm the only one who needed things slow because of Avery, but what your father did to you obviously still affects you. I know I tend to jump headlong into things without looking. I always have; call it the Gryffindor in me. But the last thing I ever wanted was to take you out of your comfort zone."
"Besides," Lily said, looking at their joined hands, "I didn't want you to hate me for pushing you into this…or think I was being irrational, o-or cheap."
"I could never think that of you," Severus breathed, "Lily, I want this more than anything and yes, I'm nervous. I-I still feel self-conscious taking my shirt off in front of you; I'm aware I'm no Adonis."
Lily kissed Severus, assuring, encouraging.
"I've thought about it," Lily told him, "What our first time would be like. It's different every time: sometimes it's slow and romantic with candles and roses on a bed, sometimes it's fast, rough, passionate, us on a blanket under the night sky. But what has always remained the same in my fantasies is that it's you I'm with…and I admit I don't imagine it as us years down the road…or our wedding night."
She pinned Severus with a heated look, "Do you know how often I picture us doing it in a classroom?"
Severus choked out a laugh, the idea as amusing as it was arousing, "Got a bit of a risky side to you, I see."
Lily joined in with his mirth, her head lolling back with a lazy chuckle, "You can't blame me for finding it exciting. Us…on top of a teacher's desk…my thighs wrapped around your waist…"
Severus groaned, head dropping, "You are not helping me calm down any."
"Then don't," Lily said quietly, "Let's go for it."
Severus looked at Lily, eyes going wide, "Lily…"
"It's what you wanted, right?" Lily pressed, "What you were afraid to ask me when you brought me in here. Well I'm saying let's do it. Let's take that final step, Sev. We both know we want it, so…why wait?"
"Lily," Severus stammered, "Are you sure you realize what it is you're asking for?"
"More than sure," Lily said, pulling Severus over towards the bed, "You're right; the future is uncertain and if I'm going to die in this war, I want to have at least spent one night with you, with the one person I want to spend my life with."
She coaxed Severus into sitting down. She climbed up next to him, still holding his hand, "We'll take it slow. We know the protection charms and truthfully…" she flushed, "Marlene owled me a contraceptive potion weeks ago in case I ever needed it. Never been opened; it's still good."
"Are you sure about this, Lily," Severus asked once more, "Really sure?"
"Positively sure," Lily said, pulling Severus in for a kiss, "You're the only one I want."
The kiss was slow, sensual. There was little need to rush, it was doubtful either of the would feel comfortable going too fast anyway. Their lips melded together softly, slowly, every touch lingering and sweet.
Lily's tongue traced the seam of Severus's lips, pressing against them in silent question. Severus parted his lips in answer and Lily wasted no time delving inside, her tongue coaxing Severus's into a playful dance.
Falling back on the bed, Lily pulled Severus along with her, the pair lying on their sides together, legs intertwined.
"Don't wait for me to make the move, Sev," Lily encouraged, panting against Severus's open mouth, "If you want something go for it."
Swallowing thickly, Severus placed his hand on Lily's thigh with more confidence than he felt. Sliding his hand up and down her pale, smooth skin, his hand trialed up under her skirt, tracing the edge of her panties.
"So hesitant," Lily teased. She rolled onto her back, pulling Severus on top of her, "Such a gentleman."
She began working on the buttons of his shirt, pecking kisses around Severus's mouth innocently as she worked it open.
Following her lead, Severus grabbed the bottom of Lily's shirt, the girl willingly putting her arms up over her head so that he could pull it off.
Lily giggled rolling Severus's open shirt down his shoulders as he kissed and sucked at her collarbone.
"No marks on my neck," she reminded him with laugh, "If others see it, they'll know."
"Wouldn't that be a tragedy," Severus chuckled, tugging down one of Lily's bra straps to get at more of her skin.
Taking the initiative, Lily sat up a little to reach behind her and unhook her bra.
"Stupid thing," she muttered, struggling to get one of the hooks, "Not the easiest to due when lying down."
"Let me," Severus offered, his hand coming up to join Lily's between her shoulder blades. He managed to get the final hook, the offending garment sliding down Lily's shoulders and off her arms.
Severus took in Lily beneath him, her smiling coquettishly up at him.
"Like what you see," Lily asked teasingly. Her voice was playful, calm but a bit of tension was hidden just beneath the surface. Nervousness, a need for reassurance.
Severus cupped one of Lily's breasts in his hand, his thumb grazing her nipple.
"Oh I definitely like what I see," he groaned.
Moving quickly before he lost his nerve, he ducked down and captured one of Lily's nipples in his mouth, something he had always wanted to do.
Lily squealed at the sudden move, back arching for a moment as she squirmed, "Oh!"
Severus swirled his tongue over the soft bud, twirling and flicking over it to tease it into a stiff peak.
Lily writhed under him, hands tangling in his hair, "Mmm….oh, that's nice….oh!"
Lily's movements caused Severus's hips to fall between her open legs.
"Merlin," Severus paused to groan, his crotch pressed between Lily's thighs, "You're going to drive me crazy."
"I'll—mmm—considered that a compliment," Lily moaned as Severus descended on her other breast.
Rocking against him, Lily relished in the feel of his cock pressing so insistently against her through their clothes, the hard, hot drag of it against her most sensitive places. She rolled her hips, coaxing Severus, beckoning him.
"You feel so good," she moaned, her hands running reverently through Severus hair.
Severus gave a guttural groan; he could feeling Lily getting wet through the fabric of their clothes.
"Wait," he panted, "Wait a moment."
Reaching down, he fumbled with his zipper, tugging it down frantically in an effort to ease the pressure. Finally, he freed his aching cock from the confines of his pants.
"Much better," he breathed, rolling his hips against Lily. It felt a hundred times better without the stiff fabric of his pants getting in the way, the wet drag of his cock against Lily's rapidly soaking panties.
"Mmhm, much," Lily gasped, bucking against Severus.
The pair rocked together, Severus grinding himself furiously against the mound of Lily's sex why her wanton cries spurred him on.
"Can I," Severus panted, "Mind if I try something?"
Lily, lost in the pleasure merely nodded, "Uh-huh."
Severus stopped rocking, drawing an impatient whine from Lily.
"Don't stop," Lily pouted.
Her frustrations quickly turned to surprise as Severus fingers slipped beneath her underwear, "Oh!"
(smut omitted, found on AO3, same title)
Falling forward, Severus barely managed to catch himself on his elbows to keep from collapsing on Lily. For a minute neither of them said anything, struggling to get their breathing under control.
After several minutes of silence, Lily sighed, rolling her head towards Severus.
"How do you feel?" she questioned with a dreamy smile.
Severus took a moment to answer, still panting. Finally he smiled back, leaning forward to press his and Lily's foreheads together.
"Like I have no regrets."
I feel bad to cut out the smut, but I know this site can be very strict and I think I already was pushing it with previous chapters.
I won't be offended if you don't review here because you went to the chapter on AO3. There's not much of a chapter here to review.