Hi there! Glad you could join me.

I've been trying to demonstrate some of the moderate good side to James that existed in canon. As much of an jerk as he was, he did care for his friends and was loyal to them. He did try to by his wife and child some time to escape while he faced Voldemort, despite it being all but assured to be a hopeless fight for him due to Voldemorts fabled skills and abilities.

So yeah, James is an ass and very unrepentant for it in canon by the sounds of it, but he did take care of those he loved at all costs. So I sort of felt I had to represent that somehow.

So last we left off, James in the midst of trying to be a good supportive friend, spotted a very familiar redhead in the restaurant. How will this play out? Let's find out, shall we?

If Someone Cared Enough

Chapter 118: Heart to Heart

James question instantly set Remus on high alert.

"W-what?" he sputtered, couching on his drink.

James shifted from side to side in his seat, trying to get a better look into the restaurant through the window.

"There," he said, pointing to a segment of the dining room, "The red hair. That's Lily right?"

The others turned around in their seats. The restaurant's name took up much of the window space and the place inside was packed, so it was hard to find just precisely what—or who—James was pointing at. Sure enough, towards the back was a glimpse of red hair.

Remus cursed inwardly; he should have given more thought to his groups seating at their table outside. It never occurred to him that James was in the perfect spot to peer through the window at other diners.

Fortunately, for Remus, Severus sat with his back to the bistro outside so all James could see was the back of his head. It also meant that Severus's head blocked much of Lily's from James's view, making it nearly impossible to say with certainty that it really was Lily he saw.

"I don't know James," Remus said with feigned casualness, "It's hard to tell from here. Perhaps you're mistaken?"

Peter nodded along eagerly, "There are plenty of women with red hair, Prongs. That could be anyone inside."

"Looks like Lily to me," Sirius stated, though he wasn't even looking at this point. He pushed his balled up napkin around his plate with his fork, a hint of a smile threatening to appear on his face when he felt Remus's scolding gaze on him.

"Why make things worse?" Remus hissed just loud enough for only Sirius to hear.

Sirius shrugged, "I like to cause trouble when I'm sad. Makes me feel better."

Remus was torn between pinching Sirius by the ear and giving him a hug at that admission, settling for an exasperated sigh before redirecting his attention to James.

"James, you're probably just seeing what you want to see," Remus told his friend, "You've had Lily on the brain lately, so you're hoping every redhead you see is her."

"But it has to be her," James insisted, still twisting around in his seat to try and see past the people blocking his view, "The right height, same hair color—and I could have sworn I caught a peek of her eyes a moment ago. They're green like Lily's."

"Or you just think it looks like her," Remus persisted. He sent a helpless, pleading look to Sirius and Peter.

Sirius rolled his eyes before lightly kicking James under the table, "Remus is right, Mate. You haven't seen Evans all summer. You're probably getting uppity to see her so you…what's the word? Projecting? Yeah, that."

"I'm telling you it's her," James maintained, "If I could just figure out who's she's here with."

"Probably a date," Peter said without thinking, before slapping a hand over his mouth.

Remus gave Peter a look that plainly said, 'Seriously?'

"Probably Snape," Sirius said with a grin, loving the panic that flit across Remus face as he struggled to maintain the peace.

Thankfully, James didn't rise to the bait, instead laughing like it was the funniest thing he'd heard in his life.

"Good one, Padfoot," he chuckled, "As if Lily would ever see him that way. I'm not worried about him. Besides, there's no way he could afford to take her somewhere this nice."

Remus chose not to point out that Lily told him about Severus inheritance from the Prince family.

"And how could Evans afford a meal here?" Sirius drawled, leaning back in his seat, "Let alone get a reservation. Evans isn't rich, Mate; I doubt she'd eat here."

"Well whoever she's with could pay for her," James suggested.

Sirius scoffed, "And have the guy expecting her to put out just because he paid for lobster? Please, Evans is one of those feminist we hear talk about."

"It's true," Peter agreed, "Marlene got her into it."

Sirius gestured towards Peter triumphantly, pleased the boy proved his point, "See? If anything, Evans would go Dutch and I doubt she could afford anything here."

Remus jumped on that point immediately, "Exactly! Lily's folks do well, but not that well. Heck, the only reason me and Peter can eat here is because you guys treat us."

"Ah, shit, you're not paying?" Sirius teased, "I left my money at home."

Remus flicked Sirius's forehead.

"James, there's no way Lily's here," he assured his friend, "It's too unlikely."

"Besides, she's not pretentious enough for this place," Sirius said with a snort, jerking his thumb at a woman with a ridiculous oversized hat, "Not like this stuffed shirts."

He returned the woman's scowl with a cheeky grin.

"But…" James protested.

"James," Remus chided as if he was talking to a child, "Today isn't about Lily. It's about Sirius. Aren't we here to make him feel better?"

James instantly stopped trying to peer around some balding man's head into the restaurant, turning to Sirius with a shamefaced expression.

"…Sorry, Sirius," he said, grinning chagrinned, "I just…I thought it was her."

Sirius patted James's head patronizingly, "You're obsession is making you see things, Mate. Might want to have your head looked at."

James snorted, slapping Sirius hand away, "Maybe you're right. And its probably not her anyway. I once offered to take her here, you know? She said no because she wasn't 'a snob'. So I mean…if she wouldn't go with me, why would she go with someone else."

The looks his friends gave him were the pitying 'you poor, stupid fool' sort, not that James actually noticed.

Remus cleared his throat, "So, we were talking about dessert, yes? Let's pick something Regulus would have liked."

"He liked Bananas Foster," Sirius said, wrinkling his nose, "I always hated it. Just order some Tiramisu, it was his second favorite."

{page break}

Severus made sure to request the dessert menus when the server came by to clear away the remains of their meal.

"That was amazing," Lily gushed, a rosy flush painting her face as she sipped her wine.

Severus eyed Lily over the rim of his glass, "Pace yourself, lush. Can't return you to your parents drunk."

Lily waved him off, "Oh hush, I'm not planning on getting snockered. Besides I brought a sobering drought just to be safe."

"It's just," she swirled the liquid in her glass, "We're adults now, you know? But mum still wants to treat us like little kids. Always harping about homework and chores, about eating our vegetables and drinking our milk. Petunia isn't that much older than me and yet she is treated like an adult…mum just keeps coddling me like I'm a baby."

"You're the baby of the family," Severus pointed out.

"So what?" Lily scoffed, "I'm still an adult. Once we graduate, our live are our own to decide, Sev. Mum needs to let go at some point. We're old enough to fight in a war, they enlist wizards at this age during times of crisis. We're old enough to be recognized as adults in the wizarding world, so why can't we be recognized as such at home?"

Severus contemplated his answer, "Probably because there's a fine difference between letting your children go to get a job and start a family and letting them go to be shipped home to you in a pinewood box."

Lily sighed, taking another relishing gulp of wine, "I know…it's just nice to be able to act my age sometimes without someone trying to treat me like mummy's little girl. We're not even allowed wine at dinner unless it's a special occasion."

"Or Augusta convinces everyone that she's giving us grape juice," Severus pointed out with a snicker, "She managed to get away with that at nearly seven dinners before our folks cottoned on."

Lily giggled, snorting in a rather undignified fashion that made Severus smile.

"She's crafty," Lily agreed, "I'll give her that. At least someone treats us like grown ups. How on earth do you tolerate your mum babying you?"

Severus grimaced, recalling how just this morning his mother had blotted a hanky with her tongue and wiped a smudge off his cheek on their way out the door.

"It's a bit more…complicated with her," Severus said eventually, "Mum didn't really get to do the whole coddling, doting thing with me growing up. Not as much as she wanted to, anyway, my father discouraged it. Well…more like forbid it. He said it would make me too soft. I don't really remember a time when mum held me. There's pictures of her carrying me as a baby, but sometime around the age I learned to walk the affection just stopped."

Lily looked at him sympathetically, "That's so sad."

Severus nodded, "It is. I think my mum wanted to be closer to me, to do the whole motherly routine. Bedtime stories, kissing scraped knees, singing lullabies, making cookies together. She just…wasn't allowed to."

"So now she's finally got the chance to parent how she wanted without Tobias's interference and I think she's…having a hard time thinking of me as a man," Severus finished somewhat lamely, "She never got the chance to treat me like her baby, and suddenly I'm all grown up."

"Think our mums will back off if we give them a grandkid to spoil?" Lily asked musingly.

Severus coughed, wincing at the burn of wine going up his nose.

"Lily," he sputtered.

"Whoops," Lily giggled, setting her glass down, "Should probably take a break from the wine for now; losing my filter."

Severus dabbed at his mouth and nose with his napkin, grimacing at having stained such the cloth, "I'm beginning to think the wine sauce didn't wholly cook off in your Chicken Madeira either."

Lily snickered into her hands, "Maybe so."

Severus cleared his throat, casting wary glances towards the neighboring tables, "So if that's you without a filter, I take it you secretly think of children a lot."

Lily shook her head, "Not having them; just making them—oops!" She giggled yet again at Severus's scandalized, flushed expression, "That came out wrong."

"Do tell what the right way to say that was," Severus prompted, trying to maintain composure."

Lily waved her hands, "I don't…I know we're too young for kids. It would be foolish to have them right now. But…on the other hand…what it would take to make one," she flushed prettily."

"Oh lord, don't tell me that's your fetish," Severus said gapingly.

Lily squeaked, reaching across the table to place her hands over her boyfriend's mouth.

"It's not a fetish," she hissed, eyes darting around them to make sure no one was listening, "It's not like some adult magazine story with the girl all hot and heavy about making babies."

Severus stared at her in silence, partly because of her hands covering his mouth.

Lily sighed, sitting back in her seat.

"Okay, so it's a little bit hot to think about," she confessed, refusing to look Severus in the eye. But it's not like I'm gunning to have a kids right now."

"I don't want kids yet," she declared bluntly, "There's lots of things I want us to do before we're parents; places to see and go to that would be harder with kids in the picture. That's why I've been so careful with the contraceptive potion; neither of us are ready for parenthood."

She shyly looked up at Severus, "But that doesn't mean I don't…sometimes think about what it would be like for us to do it…to make a little person that's a little part me and a little part you."

"And maybe it is a little exciting to fantasize about," Lily admitted, ignoring the way Severus's eyebrows shot up, "There's nothing wrong with fantasizing about being risky, so long as we aren't actually taking such a stupid risk in reality."

Severus looked down at his hands, feeling a tad bit hot around the collar, "This conversation became surprisingly dirty."

Lily nibbled on some bread from the basket on their table, avoiding his eyes, "Seems a lot of things become dirty for us since we started fooling around."

"Is it hormones?" Severus asked, "Or are we going to be one of those gross, randy couples that still gets frisky in their seventies like the Pattersons across the street?"

Lily snorted, "Oh Merlin, those two need to close their blinds."

Severus chuckled, "So, steering the conversation away from more x rated topics, shall we get dessert?"

Lily coyly slid her foot up Severus's leg under the table, "I have something sweet in mind…"

{Page break}

Severus took a deep, composing breath as he prepared to leave the loo, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. It had taken him a bit of time to get his clothing to rights after Lily unceremoniously ambushed him as he'd been washing his hands. He'd thought she'd been joking earlier!

Severus rubbed the side of his neck, hoping his collar concealed the red marks there; never assume Lily was joking.

Not that it hadn't been fun, Severus couldn't say there was anything more exciting than having an overly eager, pretty girl grinding on his lap. It had just been startling; fooling around in a house with plenty of hiding places was one thing, but this was literally the only men's room in the eatery. While Lily seemed to get off on the possibility that someone might catch them, Severus couldn't say the thought of walking out and finding a line of impatient patrons waiting for the loo didn't niggle some worry at the back of his mind.

Not that he got to focus too heavily on that thought with how enthusiastically Lily bounced on his lap.

Lily slipped out before him, Severus not wanting her to go after him and run the risk of some wine-drunk louse stumbling in and thinking she was a tasty after dinner 'treat'. She'd taken a cautious peek out into the hall before flashing Severus an impish grin and darting out, leaving Severus to collect what remained of his brain cells and get the blood pumping back to his brain again.

Straightening his collar and checking his hair once more, Severus opened the door with as much inconspicuous dignity as he could muster—

—And promptly bumped into none other than an equally surprised Sirius Black.

"Huh," Sirius said, too stunned to seemingly think of anything else to say, "You're actually are here…"

Severus shook off his surprise, standing up straight with his head held high, "You act as if there was some debate about that."

"Sort of," Sirius mumbled, "James thought he saw Lily through the window."

"Potter's here?" Severus asked, glancing around, "Shit."

"Remus told him he was mistaken," Sirius interjected, halting Severus when the boy went to make a run for the dining room, "He bought it because he can't think of anyone Lily would ever come here with if she wouldn't come with him."

Severus eyed Sirius; it was unusual for the two of them to be in one another's presence without a hex or barb being thrown.

"Why are you bothering telling me?" he asked suspiciously.

Sirius shrugged, "Dunno. Haven't quite processed it yet. Also a little drunk. Dunno," he shrugged again.

Severus looked dubiously at the other boy, "Any chance you won't tell your partner in crime that he was right?"

Sirius wobbled slightly, "What are the chances I'll even remember this conversation by the time I reach the table? An' James ain't my partner…Remus is."

"That's not what I—" Severus pinched the bridge of his nose, "It's an expression."

"Look," he leveled Sirius with a very stern glare, "I don't need potter's antics mucking up my day. I came here to have a nice afternoon, clearly you lot are here to do the same. Let's just forget this conversation ever happened and go our separate ways, alright?"

"Kay," Sirius said, surprisingly agreeable. He stumbled slightly, "No wait…I have something to talk to you about….something important."

Severus sighed, "What is it?"

"Not short," Sirius told him, "It's a big question."

"Out with it, man," Severus snapped.

Sirius paused, leaning against the wall. After a moment, he startled, jerking back.

"Gotta piss first," he announced, bumping past Severus to get to the door of the loo.

He pointed at Severus, "Wait here, okay? I really need to talk to you."

Severus groaned, "Oh, come on…"

"Please," Sirius said more urgently. He stood there a moment or two with his finger still pointing at Severus, like an owner ordering their pet to stay and seeing if they'd listen. Finally satisfied that Severus hadn't moved, he ducked into the loo.

"Of all the bullshit…piece of work…" Severus muttered to himself, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. A part of him was tempted to just go back to his table. His dessert should be there by now and pie was better fresh. Chances are Sirius would forget he'd even bumped into Severus given his level of intoxication.

Still…Severus had never heard Black say please before…

Sirius came out several minutes later. His eyes landed on Severus and he blinked owlishly, "What are you doing here?"

Severus rolling his eyes, exhaling through his nose to calm himself, "You asked me to wait here so you could talk to me."

"Oh yeah," Sirius said, recollection flashing in his eyes, "Let's go out back."

"Out back?" Severus questioned, "Are we even allowed out behind the building?"

Sirius waved off his concerns, "It's okay, I know one of the busboys."

Severus allowed Black to lead him through the dining room towards the kitchen. He spied Lily seated at their booth waiting for him, their dessert already on the table.

Her eyes widened in alarm when she saw Sirius, a panicked, questioning gaze shooting to Severus.

Severus waved his hands in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture to ease her worries; Black wasn't in the mood to cause trouble.

Lily pointed to herself in question and made to stand up, an obvious inquiry of if she should come along.

Severus shook his head, giving her a calm smile.

'Five minutes,' he mouthed at her, pointing towards the kitchen and giving her an okay hand sign.

Clearly still worried, Lily reluctantly nodded then sat back down, her eyes following the pair into the kitchen.

Sirius exchanged brief words with a pimply-faced bus boy before leading Severus into the kitchen. They wormed their way between line cooks and chefs furiously chopping and working over hot pots and skillets. Slipping past the harried looking dishwasher up to his elbows in suds, they made it to the back exit, Sirius waving Severus through.

A pompous looking waiter eyed them disdainfully when they stepped into the little alley behind the restaurant. He took one final drag of his cigarette before flicking it to the ground and stepping on it with the toe of his shoe. With the air of someone who thought their precious time had been infringed upon, he exhaled loudly through his nose and glared at the two teens before stepping back into the kitchen.

"Here we are, I suppose," Severus said calmly, turning to Black, "Now talk."

Sirius took a deep breath, though if it was to clear his head or sort his thoughts, Severus didn't know.

"You knew Reggie," came Sirius's voice eventually. It was not a question, "You were friends with him."

Ah, so that's what this was about.

"Yes," Severus replied, "He was one of the more genuine friendships I had in Slytherin, if any friendship in that house could be called such."

Sirius chuckled hollowly, shaking his head as a wry grin stretched across his forlorn face, "Sneaky snakes, the lot of you."

"Is there a particular point to this conversation?" Severus asked impatiently, "Or was this simply a ploy to insult me for my sorting?"

Sirius chewed at his bottom lip, eyes on the ground. He nudged the cigarette butt the server threw before leaving.

"Everyone was so sure about how you'd end up," Sirius said quietly, "On the wrong end of an Auror's wand, dead on the field of some battle…or in the gutter, if You-Know-Who didn't think you worth recruiting."

Severus scowled, "The point, Black. I suggest you get to it."

"You got out," Sirius said bluntly, "Changed your mind, your allegiances. You had second thoughts; you didn't want to be a Death Eater anymore."

He laughed, short and abrupt, "Pissed off your dark little buddies and surprised the hell out of the rest of us, you did."

"Yes," Severus sniffed, "I supposed the fact that I have a heart would come as a surprise to the likes of you."

Sirius winced.

"Is this conversation going to go anywhere, Black?" Severus drawled out, "Because if not, I have a lunch to get back to—"

"Did Reggie have second thoughts?" Sirius blurted out, "Is that why he's dead?"

Severus paused in the doorway, turning to look back at Sirius.

"You knew him best," Sirius told him, "Closer than I was to him in the end. Did he…did he ever say he changed his mind?"

Severus regarded Sirius carefully. The other boy looked so small now, a far cry from the confident, arrogant bully Severus knew so well. There was a vulnerability to him now, a brokenness looking desperately for a boon, something to put him back together.

Before, this would have been a weakness Severus would exploit, capitalize on if it meant getting even.

But now...that opportunity just seemed petty.

"D-did he have second thoughts?" Sirius asked again softly.

His concern was overall baffling. Severus had been thoroughly under the impression that Sirius's hatred for all things dark and Slytherin included his brother, having never seen a kind moment between them during all his school years. To see Black now it was as if the boy truly had lost a brother and not the estranged enemy of familiar ties that he'd led everyone to believe he viewed Regulus as.

It was honestly shocking to see that Sirius had any room in his tiny brain and self-centered heart for remorse of regret.

Severus sighed, stepping away from the door and back into the alley.

"He did, I suppose," Severus confessed, "He never liked how others treated house elves and I think he was starting to realize their treatment wouldn't improve with people like Bellatrix and Lucius in power. It was probably his worry for Kreacher that started his doubts."

Sirius snorted, "He always did love that bloody bastard more than us."

"I think he just trusted him more," Severus remarked, "Kreacher never based his loyalty to Regulus on whether or not Regulus lived up to expectations. Anyone's expectations."

Severus felt a small sense of satisfaction at seeing Sirius wince. Good, he meant it to hurt. Regulus only brought it up once, but he would never forget the look of disgust and disappointment on Sirius face when he got sorted into Slytherin, nor the hurt that it caused him to realize the rift it meant for them.

Severus pushed on, seeing no point in dragging things out, "I imagine the attack by Avery and Mulciber did little to reaffirm his convictions. With how Avery bragged about being appreciated by You-Know-Who, it probably gave Reg a great deal to think about when it came to what he was signing up for."

"So he did start to change his mind," Sirius murmured, "Is that what got him killed?"

"I cannot say for certain," Severus lied. Technically, Regulus faked his death because it was the only way to assure You-Know-Who didn't hunt him down and torture him to death. But the less Severus appeared to know the less suspicion would be cast upon Reg's mysterious and alleged demise.

Sirius huffed, "That's a yes then, isn't it."

Severus didn't answer.

Sirius sighed, raking a hand through his hair, "Why didn't he come to me? If he wanted out, James and I could have busted him out of mother's house. She wouldn't have found him no matter how hard she looked."

"I suppose we'll never know now," Severus stated, "At least take comfort in knowing he wasn't the person you thought he was; he was better than that."

He turned to leave but Sirius stopped him again.

"Wait," he pleaded, "Just one last thing."

Severus turned to him expectantly.

Sirius shuffled from one foot to the other.

"Did…Did Regulus hate me?" he asked in a small voice, one that spoke of a man dreading to hear the answer.

"Regulus rarely spoke of you at school," Severus replied, "It was mostly to insult you. But…there was never any heat to his words. He never meant it."

Sirius inhaled sharply, pinching his eyes closed. Stepping back he tilted his head up to the sky.

"Bloody fine time for it to rain," he said shakily.

Severus looked at him curiously, baffled. Glancing up at the blazing sun in the cloudless sky, he opened his mouth to ask just what the hell Black was talking about…

Only to see a tear trail down Sirius's face.

Severus looked away, guilt burning in his stomach.

"You're right, Black," he said finally, "It's a terrible time for rain."

Yes, the end was inspired by the FMA scene where Mustang mourns Hughes. I regret nothing.

I'm having a fun time going into Sirius character, delving into the side of him he didn't show. I can't help but wonder in canon if Sirius ever missed his brother or thought about what happened to him. Or did he write it off as merely the fate of an evil Death Eater and move on?

Review please :)