Disclaimers: I do not own Invader Zim
Author's Notes: So, for the sake of plot and story progression some chapter will be a combination of several episodes. Also, some Episodes just won't happen…Sorry, but I couldn't fit them into this universe. I might mention them in passing or change the scenario kind of like how I made Keef obsessed with Dib instead of Zim. Trust me it will make since when you read it.
With that said please enjoy Chapter 11!
(Back with Zim…)
'Somethings wrong.'
Yes, he could feel it, something had changed about him since their last encounter.
'Great I've done it again.' He hissed inwardly. 'I've managed to get too personal with the enemy…AGAIN!'
Yes, it was official, Dib had gone and started liking Zim for him, and Miz had nothing to do with it. It was Lard Nar and Vort all over again.
"Sir you have an incoming call from the Tallest." The computer said, interrupting his thoughts.
Zim groaned, he knew this was coming. "Patch them through." He said. "Might as well get this over with."
The computer turns into static before the call goes through.
"Greetings my Tallest." Zim saluted respectfully as they appeared.
"See I told you he's not dead." Purple said to someone off screen. "Like someone could kill him!"
"Zim you haven't reported in, in weeks!" Red began to lecture. "You made Purple throw ten drones out of an airlock last week."
"You threw ten people out of an airlock in a week?" Zim asked.
"They were drones, no one even remembers their names!" Purple screamed.
"I do." Another Irken drone said off screen. "His name was Jerry…I loved Jerry." Sobs can be heard.
"You!" Purple screamed out "The airlock with yah!" He screamed and soon the drone is sucked up through a tube and throw out into space.
"See what I mean?" Red asked.
"Why does he keep doing that?" Zim asked.
"It's your fault!" Purple hissed. "Now what is so important you can't call?"
"He's right Zim." Red said. "You only go quiet like this when something happened that you don't want us to know about."
Zim scoffed "That's not always the case." He lied. "Besides it's not…" He sighed. "My Tallest I keep you in the dark so you can stress less, not more."
"Well it's not working!" Purple growled. "Your shipment for this month barley came in on time. We're trying to win a war here!"
"Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?" Zim challenged.
"Well no…" Red answered.
"Then, trust me I know you are trying to fight a war." Zim insisted. "I don't need you to fix my mess."
"Ha! See I told you he got in too deep again!" Purple complained. "I thought we agreed this would be a quiet and boring mission!"
"He's right Zim." Red agreed.
"Well perhaps you should have warned me that some of the humans here are actually smart." Zim argued. "You told me they were simple and dumb."
"Well they are…" Purple said.
"Not all of them." Zim said. "The Swollen Eyeball is proving to be a force worth reckoning with, and their numbers recently went up." He added; however, he didn't add the fact that the new members were refuges from the Galactic Alliance, or that their Leader Lard Nar was also on the Planet.
"I see." Red muttered. "So, the humans are intelligent…"
"Well most of them are oblivious." Zim assured him.
"Of course, they are." Purple sneered. "All short creatures are stupid."
"Actually, some of them are tall." Zim insisted as he brushed his antennae back "It's amazing, really."
Purple, who was chomping away on a burrito now looked at Zim with a confused expression.
"So, you're saying most humans are dumb... yet tall." Red said. "How is that even possible!? I mean, how could anything tall be dumb?"
Purple agreed; his mouth still full of burrito. "Yeah! Huh?! Huh?!" He then sniggered. "Can you IMAGINE? Huh?! Huh!? Huh?!"
Zim nodded. "I can assure you, it's really quite-"
DING-DONG!
Zim blinked. "Oh! The doorbell! Uh...hold on!"
Zim went over to a nearby control panel and pulled out a microphone. "Robo Parents!"
Suddenly with a FA-WHOOMP! GIR was deposited on the floor face-first, smoking. He'd apparently tried to cook himself a hot dog but had unfortunately forgotten not to leave the plastic in the microwave.
"Gir where are the robo parents?"
"They fixing the microwave." Gir told him.
"Well tell them to answer the door and behave like a normal dog monster! Do you understand?" He asked.
GIR shrugged as he got up and shook the soot off. "I really don't!" He admitted.
"GIR...human dogs don't SPEAK!" Zim whispered nervously, glancing back at the Tallest. "You're making me look bad!"
GIR began twirling his arms around in circles. "Oooooh!"
Zim face palms. "Just make sure they answer the door."
GIR saluted and began making grunts and squeals like a monkey would as he ran away.
"You really should replace that trash can." Purple said.
"I don't know I kind of like him." Red admitted. "He can always get me to laugh."
"Yes, well where were we?" Zim inquired, trying to get back on track.
Purple rubbed his chin with his other hand, then took another bite of the burrito. "Oh yeah...huh?! Huh!?"
"Seriously?" Red asked.
"What?" Purple said.
MEANWHILE...
GIR had gone up the elevator to the door to see the Robo Parents had indeed opened it. But what he saw there was no normal guest.
It was a large mechanical squid like creature, and it was holding the Robo parents in its tentacles.
Gir gasped. "AI!"
"Sir Unit acquired." The AI said.
"Master!" Gir raced back towards the elevator and tried to close the doors, they closed and Gir rides the elevator back down.
The AI closes the door behind it and rushes over to the elevator.
A projection of Mrs. Bitters appears. "Don't draw attention to yourself." She warned. "We don't want to cause mass panic."
"Understood Mother." The AI, also known as Sari said. "But I must fix him now, before he does something that could endanger us all."
"Do not let them see you." Mrs. Bitter's advised. "If the Tallest know there are AI's on Earth."
"That is why I am stopping him." Sari said opening a panel in the wall. "Right now!" She pulled several cords and wires out and cut them.
The power all through the house and lower base levels went down.
In the meantime, Red and Purple were still talking to Zim, wanting to know exactly how tall humans got. "So how tall do they GET?" Purple inquired.
"Perhaps taller than YOU, my Tallest!" Zim admitted.
"And somehow...and I'm just trying to get this straight here...somehow they're DUMB?"
"Like the dull-witted Gasquiggasplorch!" Zim said, nodding his head.
Red rubbed his chin. "I see! FASCINATING..."
Purple sighed. "Yeah, it's fascinating, but I don't see how this justifies your silence-"
Suddenly the power went down.
"He…hello? My Tallest!? Where have you gone!? GIR!" Zim roared out, stomping his feet. GIR didn't come. He frowned. "GIR!"
The elevator door opened to a frantic Gir.
"Gir, what did you do?"
"AI!" Gir screamed.
"What?" Zim asked.
But before Gir could answer the elevator shaft was suddenly torn open as Sari forces her way in.
"Irken scum located." It said.
Zim's eyes widen as The AI 's one mechanical eye shined red.
"Terminate alien threat." The red eye glowed as a red laser shot out at him.
Zim dodged effortlessly. "Gir defensive mode."
Gir attacked without hesitation, but Sari flicked him away like a bug. He falls to the ground, damaged.
"Gir!" Zim yelled.
"All Irken machines off-line." Sari informed him. "Purging may commence."
Zim's eyes narrowed. This was bad, AI's where known to kill Irkens on sight. Still, even with the knowing doom looming over him. The Irken could not see how this monster knew where he was hiding.
In lees…
"The Galactic Alliance sent you?" Zim pointed out. "Didn't they?"
"Correct." Sari answered.
"What is your business here?" Zim asked, though he already knew.
"I must eliminate all that stands for Irk." Sari declared.
Zim smiled. "Thought so." He pressed a button on his gauntlet and teleported out of the room.
"You will not escape me!" Sari screamed racing back up the elevator shaft.
Zim who is now upstairs doesn't even stop to turn on his disguise before racing out the door. His teleportation tech was limited at best and could only send him so far. It also took forever to recharge. "Irk!" He screamed as he looked over his shoulder to see Sari hot on his heels.
Today couldn't possibly get worse.
Oh, how wrong he was…
For as Zim raced through the park he found himself face to face with none other than an Alien Convention!
The large crowd their turned in his direction and gasped.
One man lifted a finger and said. "Alien!"
Zim turned hoping to see that it was the AI he was pointing at.
No such luck, Sari was gone.
Zim looked down at himself and noticed he was without a disguise. "Well isn't this just perfect." He hissed as the humans drew closer.
The Irken tensed, as his PAK legs came out, ready to fight.
And he would, until the last one standing was him, it was after all the Irken way.
"What happened?" Mrs. Bitters who appeared as a hologram beside Sari asked.
"All is going according to plan." Sari assured her as she stayed out of sight in a large tree.
"Good remember why we are doing this." Bitters warned her.
"I cannot just fix him." Sari argued. "The other's want to be sure he is worthy of fixing."
Of course, by others she meant the other AIs.
"Just be careful." Bitters added.
"Brother is no longer a child, mother." Sari said the obvious. "You cannot shield him from judgement"
"I know." Mrs. Bitters said. "Do what you must."
"I will." Sari vowed, and it was a promise she planned to keep.
(Back with Dib…)
He couldn't believe his rotten luck.
There Dib was in the middle of a spaceship with two strange creatures with a big monitor reading "Today's Specimen: Big-headed Earth Weasel" hung near the ceiling.
The two aliens, who were named Blue and Green, had stopped inches towards him, looking at him in amazement.
"His head is much larger up close." Blue said.
Dib clenched his fist, these big-headed jokes were getting old, and fast. "Who are you?!" He demanded as Green sipped some juice.
"Foolish Earthling! You have fallen victim to our clever plan!" Blue laughed.
"He sure did, Blue!" Green laughed. "Trapped you we did."
"What trap?" Dib asked. "All you did was beam me up from the street."
"SILENCE!" Blue announced. "You have been chosen as a perfect specimen of the Earth Weasel and will be added to our collection of life forms."
Dib blinked. "But I'm not-"
Blue pulled out a stick with red lights on it. He waved it around and around in front of Dib and the word "OBEY" flashed in the air. "SILENCE! Do not attempt to resist us! We have spent HUNDREDS of your Earth years harvesting the galaxy, haven't we? Adding to our..." He turned around and spread his arms wide, gesturing at the object of his attention as the word echoed through the ship...
"COLLECTION!"
HUNDREDS upon HUNDREDS of empty tubes were lining up and down the ship!
"What collection?" Dib asked. "They're all empty."
"There used to be a lot, but they escaped." Green said, shrugging.
"OH! Oh, don't say that Green! You'll give it ideas!" Blue spoke up.
"But I'm not An Earth Weasel." Dib said. "I'm a human being!"
"Then how to explain the large head?" Blue asked.
"Yeah only weasels have such large heads" Green added.
"It has a spooky dimension in it." Dib said sounding offended. "And it's not that big!"
"He will make a FINE addition to our collection, mmm!" Blue laughed.
"Look I don't have time for this!" Dib argued. "I have some personal issues to sort out." He admitted. "Could you just, maybe, drop me off? I could even show some real Earth Weasels" he suggested.
"IMPOSSIBLE! We've gone past the point of no return!" Green said, clawing the air dramatically.
Dib looked down at his house through the glass floor and pointed at it. "But my house is right down there! I could probably just jump onto the roof!" Then he blinked and his eyes went wide. "Waaait! You're hovering above an Earth neighborhood in plain sight!?" He gasped out.
"So?" Green asked.
"Aren't you…you know worried?" Dib asked.
Blue tapped the glass. "Do you think we're stupid!? We're using advanced cloaking technology, aren't we? Our ship is disguised and perfectly unnoticeable!"
'Yep...it's disguised. As a whale.' Dib thought. "Whales don't fly!" He yelled.
"What?" Blue gasped. "Of course, they do. See no one down there even notices."
Down below Chas, Dib's neighbor was sitting in a lawn chair just outside with his wife Amber next to him, the two sharing drinks.
"Hmm." He rubbed his chin. "Is that an ORCA whale?"
"No, it looks like a blue whale." Amber remarked.
"I didn't think you see them this time of year." Chas said.
"Very rare indeed." Amber agreed.
Blue rolled his eyes. "Eh, but enough philosophy."
Dib blinked. "But, we haven't been talking about-"
"Let the hideous experiments begin!"
Blue pushed a lever on a nearby control panel and a mechanical arm moved along the edge of the railing nearby, lifting up a tube that was labeled "CAN 'O HUMAN". It lowered the tube down whilst Blue sipped on some juice with one clawed hand and whacked himself on the head with a duct tape roll with the OTHER.
PLOP! The tube lowered down next to Green, who opened up the tube labeled "CAN O' HUMAN" and took out...a gopher.
"We will begin by fusing you to this human being!" Green announced as the gopher wriggled around and squeaked.
"That's a gopher!" Dib complained. This was DEBILITATING! He was being experimented on by an alien race who had an IQ in the SINGLE DIGITS!
"STILL THY TONGUE! Begin the fusion!" Blue yelled out.
Green took the duct tape from Blue's claws and placed the gopher on the top of Dib's head, biting some of the duct tape loose from the roll...and then taping the gopher to Dib's head. Dib frowned angrily at this, one eye twitching.
"Oh, incredible. Incredible work. SUCCESS!" Blue laughed happily, "clapping" his hands.
"Thank you, thank you! Oh, what shall we do next?" Green then got an idea, holding up the juice Blue had been drinking. "Oh, let's fuse him with this juice!"
"No, no, I think we've already proven our mastery of the fusing technology!" Blue insisted.
"Oh, the juice! JUICE!" Green said, shaking it around. "C'mon, you know you wanna fuse him with it!"
Dib looked left and right, trying to find a way to escape as Blue began berating Green. "Look, I'm the captain and I'm sick of you always fusing things to my juice!" He snapped, taking the juice away from Green. Luckily, Dib notices the escape hatch, and he now ran towards it. "Ooh, I know! Why don't we test how he reacts to having things shoved through his head!"
Dib's eyes went wide. That would KILL him! He tried to fit through the hatch...
"Shoving? No! No, his head's just begging for a juice fusion!" Green insisted, shaking his head. "Uh- duuuuuhhhh!" He insisted, making a donkey-like face.
Blue gasped as he saw Dib trying was to fit into the escape hatch and failing miserably at it. "The weasel is escaping through the garbage shot! Stop him!"
Garbage shoot? No wonder he couldn't fit.
Suddenly Blue and Green looming over his head...geez, they were tall he realized as they glared down at him.
He had to think fast. "Look, a two-headed man on a donkey!" He cried out, pointing up.
They looked up. They blinked. Then they looked down. Dib was gone. So, they looked up again, then back down. Then they did it AGAIN and realized yep, he was gone...headed out the door behind them!
"Oh, another escape! Is it just me? Is it me!? Huh!?" Blue wanted to know.
Dib raced down a hallway with tubes lining both sides and climbed up a ladder to another massive room filled with tubes; pulling the gopher off his head and tossing it aside as he went. Heading up to a catwalk, he raced alongside of it to another series of catwalks as sparks of electricity sizzled to his left, the lights casting shadows on the wall. Seeing the shadows of Green and Blue coming close Dib ran to a door and opened it up by pressing the "open" button next to it and quickly ran inside to find himself in a room filled with MORE tubes.
"There must be some way off this stupid thing." He thought out loud, closing his strained eyes.
"Hello? Over here!" Dib heard a voice call out. His eyes widened. Was somebody else here? ...
"Will you please help me?"
-To Be Continued