setting: one year after the war has ended.
disclaimer: I own nothing.
author's notes: hope is a dangerous thing like a woman like me to have. -ldr
Suki's arrival with her troupe of Kyoshi Warriors is silent and bleak; they walk the streets of the Fire Nation without fanfare, they step softly through the darkness of the evening with the full intention of disguising themselves in the deep navy of the night.
The first to greet them is Lord Zuko himself, standing tall, shoulder blades pinned back. His cheekbones are so severe they threaten to tear the pale skin of his face.
Suki steps forward to clasp hands with him and notices all at once the sleeplessness bruised under his eyes.
"I'm here to help." She murmurs, tightening her grip on his calloused hand in an attempt to provide the older boy some reassurance. His answering smile is dim; but he bows his head to her respectfully and gestures to the hall beyond him.
"Your quarters are in the hall beyond. I'm sure you are all weary from your journey, please rest for the night and we will discuss business in the morning." There is a quiet kindness in his eyes that she recognizes from the war, the gentle shyness of a boy she feels she used to know. She nods to him and follows the sweep of his robes down the halls lined with flickering firelight, motioning for her soldiers to fall into step behind her.
The Fire Lord waves his hand at a series of doors, watching with tight eyes as the Kyoshi file one by one into the rooms he had prepared for them. As Suki bowed her head to him and began to step towards her room, he reaches across the distance between them to grasp her wrist.
"Sleep with a weapon, Suki." His voice is a low rasp, exhausted; she can feel the sleepless nights in the grittiness that edged his words. Her mouth presses tightly, and she nods; Zuko's frame relaxes.
"I always do."
The morning brings about a tenuous peace; Katara rises with the happy realization that her friend has arrived. Sokka is overjoyed at seeing his lady love. They take breakfast together, the hall filling with the bright sound of laughter for the first time in ages. Zuko heads the table, sipping at the steaming cup of tea that Iroh has handed him. The Kyoshi are in full armor already, faces painted, armed to the teeth; but they still manage to arrange themselves carefully enough to appear comfortable.
Katara's fingers are laced through Suki's as they catch up, and the Kyoshi general can see the change in her friend almost at once. Threads of the girls hair has been touched by the sunlight, freckles kissing the very tip of her nose and a smile wrinkling the corners of her clear, ocean-blue eyes.
"How long have you been in the Fire Nation, Katara?" Suki peers at her curiously as she asks this, trying to keep a sly grin from touching her mouth.
"About seven weeks, I think. Maybe a little more." Katara's eyes flit across the room then, settling on the figure of the Fire Lord; and Suki allows a victorious grin to curve her lips.
"Time moves more quickly when you're happy, doesn't it?" Suki murmurs, pleased when a blush tinges the cheeks of her friend.
"It's okay to admit it, Katara. You've finally found a place to settle in. That's a good thing." She squeezes Katara's hand gently, reassuringly; the waterbender is silent for a long moment before meeting the warrior's eyes.
"Am I allowed to be happy, Suki? After everything that I've done?" She whispered, the words thin with the pain of nightmare plagued-sleep. Suki pauses at this, her smile fading into a soft, sorrowful sigh.
"I think we all deserve to be happy, Katara. You forget, we all lived through a war. We've all done terrible things." The Kyoshi Warrior is quiet for a moment, her eyes unfocusing as she stares into her memories for a long moment before her eyes refocus and she resumes.
"But we've also all done wonderful things. We've met each other. We've brought about peace - even if it isn't perfect, even if things are difficult. And I think we can all agree that you have always been the best of us." Suki squeezes Katara's hands with the slightest pressure, still knowing that no matter what she said, her friend's eyes would remain hollow.
"The best at killing, you mean." Katara's tone was empty, stretched thin; the words held a brittle pain in them. There is the briefest of silences between the two warriors no longer girls but not yet women as they reflect on the times they had lived through, the days of exhaustion, starvation, desperation...
"If you think you're better than I am in battle, you have another thing coming," Suki said breezily, eliciting a dark chuckle from the waterbender.
"But in my opinion, you should be happy. And it makes me happy that you've found some measure of joy and peace with Zuko."
Katara has grown accustomed to Zuko's daily walks through the palace in between meetings, her arm looped easily through the bend of his elbow; her silk robes the color of a blood moon. Her hair is loose, curling down to her waist in free, dark strands, strands of gold woven into a circlet at her brow.
She laughs merrily in the dappled sunlight, all flushed cheeks and wide smiles and eyes bright with joy.
He is not yet used to seeing the woman he loves in the color of his Nation; there are days where he still thinks his heart might come to a grating halt in his chest when he greets her in the mornings.
For the most part, she has gained an easy respect among his courtiers. There are a few who slit their eyes at her suspiciously even still, but they have grown used to her presence; they edge carefully out of the way of her trailing silks.
Most afternoons, they grin like the teenagers that they are in the warm, light filled halls; discussing days to come, adventures to have.
Today, they sneak shy smiles at each other; a comfortable silence between them as the promise of tomorrow buds between them.
Unfortunately, the peaceful airs of their morning stroll are quickly disturbed.
She can hear him before he appears. The Avatar's light, fluttering heartbeats are different than anyone else's; he dances along the halls with a fizzing laughter that she recognizes immediately. Her fingers tighten minutely on the Fire Lord's arm.
"Breathe easy. We have to be cordial." Zuko murmurs lowly, tucking her hand further into his grasp. She inclines her head to him out of respect, but a chill spreads through her expression; her eyes frosting with enmity. She can feel the anxiousness tightening in her limbs, a quiet, subtle fury. The waterbender smoothes her expression carefully as the Avatar approaches them. She has so many things to tell him and yet, nothing at all to say.
Aang pauses at the sight of the Fire Lord, a smile flitting across his face. As soon as he spots the waterbender on his arm, however, the joy in his eyes fades; replaced with a sorrowful surprise.
"Fire Lord Zuko. I'm pleased to see you've regained your health. I was worried for you." Strangely formal, Aang bows his head to the Fire Lord. His robes flutter oddly about his gangly, skinny limbs, and Katara quirks an eyebrow at the childlike image he makes. Zuko's expression is smooth and cool; removed, he regards the Avatar with the yellow, searching eyes of a predator.
She notes with some degree of pride that he has not released her hand from his own; she watches intently as Aang's eyes flit to their joined fingers, folded carefully into the crook of Zuko's elbow.
"I trust that is why you've taken up residency in my home uninvited, Avatar Aang. Out of concern for my safety." Zuko's response is icier than Katara expected. She bites down on her tongue to keep her expression from shifting in surprise. Aang is startled, as well, nearly stumbling.
"Yes, of course-"
Zuko lifts his chin stubbornly, then, the slant of his jaw a harsh, tense line. He lifts one pale, long fingered hand to interrupt. The regality in the movement stuns Katara for a moment as she suddenly sees how much Zuko has embraced his status; it is obvious how much older he has become.
It is obvious how his maturity surpasses Aang's. hasn't it always?
"Allow me to be frank with you, Avatar. Your presence was sorely missed in the time that you've been away, but we've made do. I asked for your assistance many times and was left unanswered. This is not the first assassination attempt on my life that has nearly succeeded, so what is it that you require of me? You must want something, if you've invited yourself here."
Zuko's teeth are bared wolfishly as he speaks, and Katara can feel the weight of years of struggle in his words; the deepening rumble of his power.
Aang frowns, mouth turning down, his eyes moving between the Fire Lord and the girl who is suddenly a stranger to him.
"I came to help. You're my friend, Zuko." Eyes round with sorrow and betrayal, the boy is suddenly so young; his tone is touched with hurt and Katara remembers there was a time where she would rush to cradle his fragile body in her arms.
Zuko scoffs, slightly, mouth turned down with derision. twelve months too late.
"I hardly know you now, Aang. You vanished nearly a year ago, and I've had to make some difficult decisions without you. The world has kept turning, even without it's Avatar. I've found I have important allies in other places." The Fire Lord squeezes Katara's hand minutely, here, and she has to bite down on her tongue again (is that blood she tastes?) to keep the shock from showing on her face at his frank display of affection for her.
"The Water Tribes are barely able to keep their people fed. I doubt they're important allies." The familiar sarcastic drawl comes from behind the Avatar, and as Aang moves aside, Katara faces the bored expression of Toph Bei Fong.
Her stomach drops and almost instantly, bile rises into her mouth; the acidic taste burns as she swallows the sudden, hot rush of fury.
"You really couldn't have thought of anything more tactful to say, Toph?" Aang muttered, his face flushing with embarrassment as the earthbender pushes him to the side to move closer to the pair.
"You know I'm anything but tactful." Toph snipes, her mouth a hard line.
katara can remember a time when he called her Sifu, teasing, laughter in his eyes.
There is a long, painful silence then; furious blue eyes meet the milky, apathetic Earthbenders' empty gaze.
Katara's hands slip from Zuko's, then, moving swiftly into familiar poses as the brittleness of anger courses through her.
"There are so many other things you could have said just now rather than insulting my home." Katara hisses, her words thin; there are twin ice knives in her hands before Aang or Zuko even notice she has moved.
"Well, there are so many other things you could have said to Aang rather than demanding he get out of Zuko's room the other day. He was just coming to try and help." Toph juts her chin out defiantly, planting her bare feet sturdily.
"Toph, really, I appreciate the gesture, but-" Aang stutters, reaching out to put a hand on her shoulder. She brushes him off- none too gently- and rolls her eyes.
"Can it, Twinkletoes," She snaps, folding her arms tightly across her chest.
"Someone had to say it," Toph mutters, shrugging, the very picture of exasperation. "And this is the first conversation I've had with Katara in almost a year. She never answered any of my letters."
when was the last time Toph called her by her name?
The echoes of the past are everywhere.
Katara notes out of the corner of her eye that Zuko has subtly backed to the side, standing between her and the hall beyond; his eyes meeting hers for a moment. He narrows his gaze slightly.
not here, his eyes seemed to be saying, not now.
The Waterbender lets the ice knives in her hands melt into her palms at the warning in Zuko's eyes, but there are things she must say.
"I didn't answer any of your letters because I wasn't interested in your excuses. And I'm still not." The words are heavy with history, hanging in the air in the middle of a circle of once-friends. Toph scoffs, and Zuko recognizes the way she scuffs her feet against the floor - shame is coloring the younger girls cheekbones, reddening with guilt.
"Oh, please. Excuses?" The earthbenders casual tone is barely concealing the way her words maneuver around the emotion gathering in her throat.
Katara's eyes are bright with tears as she presses her lips tightly together to repress a sob from tearing from her lungs - how dare she try and avoid this?
"It was horrible, what you did, and I didn't feel like hearing you apologize again." Katara spits, her bones shaking with the sheer weight of restraint she was showing, trying to respect that they are now standing in a room very close to a public hall. Zuko is desperately trying to maintain decorum as he shields them from view of the hall beyond - or at the very least, he is attempting to do so.
Toph flinches at the accusation.
katara can remember their faces when they admit they've been seeing each other behind her back.
she can remember toph's ruddy, ashamed expression.
most of all, she can remember the way aang told her she was too much.
"Katara-" Aang moves forward, hand outstretched - this is a mistake, she will never allow him to touch her again - she spins in his direction with a glare so derisive he backs away instantly.
"Don't you dare touch me. I lived in such pain for so long because of the things you said to me." She lifts her chin as she speaks the words that she has held in her heart for so long, eyes as icy as twin glaciers, her mouth turned down so harshly it threatens to tear at the corners.
forever with you isn't possible when you're like this, katara -
"But I have learned how to move on, and I have learned how to live happily; despite it all." Almost subconsciously, then, she steps closer to Zuko at the same moment he moves closer to her; they don't touch or look at each other, but she can feel the warmth of his presence behind her. As if connected by an invisible string, his arm lifts at the same time hers does; she loops her arm through his once again and her expression evens back into one of distant coolness.
There is a long pause, then; Zuko can feel the tightness of her hand on his and the way her body is trembling.
Aang is shocked into silence, then, his hand hovering in the space between them before he snatches it away as if he has been burned by her eyes alone.
Toph starts forward, then, as if to say something - Aang's hand, a ghostly presence on her shoulder, stops her. He shakes his head once gently, and she uncrosses her arms from her chest to shove them deeply into her pockets and turn away from the scene bitterly.
"Lord Zuko, it would be appreciated if you could do me the honor of meeting with me to discuss some important information I have regarding those who would do you harm."
Aang bows low at this point, a movement that shocks the Fire Lord; the Avatar typically bows beneath the waist to no one. It is a sign of status, a way of acknowledging that in this situation, he has lost this battle.
"Red suits you, Master Katara." He whispers, quietly, the words mere threads in the wind; at first, Katara thinks she may have imagined them. But she feels Zuko jolt a little in surprise.
"I agree." Katara's answer comes far more swiftly than the Avatar was expecting; his eyes widen incrementally.
Before another word can be spoken, he presses his hand into Toph's shoulder and they turn to leave.
Zuko and Katara stand motionless, watching them leave; hands clenched together, knuckles white with the effort.
"La, Zuko, I hope I didn't embarrass you-" Katara starts, her eyes suddenly smarting with tears.
"Are you alright?" Zuko interrupts, searching her face with an anxious fervor. Katara swallows loudly, flailing, struggling to find the words, and Zuko nods in response. Firmly tucking her body into his side, he whisks her down the hall; past the interested, searching gazes of the courtiers, who don't appear to have noticed anything out of place - thank Agni.
She isn't sure of where they're going until she begins to recognize the ornate carvings of the doorways they pass. They're headed to his suite, the safest, quietest place in the whole palace. With a wave of his hand, he dismisses the guards that are stationed along the hall; they don't even bother to question him.
Only after three sets of doors and several locks clang loudly into place behind them does Zuko turn to the waterbender with worry etched into his features, her hands pressed anxiously into his.
"Zuko, I'm so sorry-" She starts, emotion choking the words before she can finish the sentence. Tears spill over her cold-fire eyes and down the curves of her cheeks; she sucks in a keening, rasping breath that rattles with distress.
"Don't be. Don't ever be." He tugs on her hands, gathering her into his arms; tucking her into his embrace. She leans her head on his wide chest and cries - the sobs wrack her chest violently, deeply. She grips the Fire Lord to her as if he is the mast of a ship in a storm, her fingers fisting in his robes so tightly she fears she may tear his fine silks with her grief.
To watch the undoing of such a fearsome woman is a thing to witness, indeed, and Zuko does his best to remain sturdy in the whirlwind of her pain.
what a year this has been. apologies for the lateness of this update, but lately i've had plenty of time to write!
i hope you all enjoyed this chapter, it's good to be back to this story.
xo,
nightfall26