Chapter 6: Sowing the Seeds of Doubt

The questions started as soon as Zen got out of the shower.

"So why is Echo Girl calling you?" he said. As I watched him wrap a towel around his lower half, I resisted the urge to back him up against the shower door and start mauling him with kisses.

"Um, yeah," I started, blinking the image of doing him in the bathroom out of my mind - for now. "I was going to tell you yesterday and then, um… forgot." I bit my lower lip remembering just why I had forgotten to tell Zen about my new assignment, us being otherwise engaged for the better part of last night. "I'm going to be her handler for that cat commercial."
Zen's jaw dropped and his tongue almost rolled out of his mouth. "What?!" he said. "You're kidding me."

"I wish I was," I said, leaning forward to brush mascara on an eyelash. I could see Zen in the reflection of the mirror. His mouth was twisted into one of those unfamiliar angry modes.

"Why you?" he said, tugging, I thought maybe a little too hard, at his wet hair with the towel.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "Jumin just called me into his office and said I was doing it."

"And you said yes?" He said.

"Well, I didn't get the feeling I had much of a choice," I said. "He was pretty insistent."

I watched as Zen practically stomped into his boxers. God, he had nice legs.

"So this is Trust Fund Kid's doing?" Zen said, kind of snarled actually. "That jerk. Who does he think he is?"

Zen opened a drawer to pull out a tee-shirt and then slammed it shut. Why was he so angry? I mean, I didn't want to work with Echo Girl, either, but I wasn't up in arms about it.

"Why are you so upset about this?" I said, deciding to voice my thoughts aloud. "I mean I don't want to work with her either, but it's just one commercial."

Zen punched his arms into the sleeves of his tee-shirt, getting ready to pull it down over his head. Good-bye, beautiful muscles, I thought to myself, good-bye until later.

"You don't know Kyungju like I do," he said, shaking his head at the floor. "She is kind of a handful to work with… and that may be the understatement of the century."

"Babe," I said, dusting the final bits of powder on my cheeks and nose. "Don't you think you're over-reacting? I mean, maybe a little?"

"Man, I don't know," he paused to run both hands through his silver hair. "Somehow this is trouble. I can feel it."

I got up from my seat at the mirror, went over to him and put my hands on his shoulders.

"Babe," I said. "Don't worry about me. I'm a big girl. I can handle Kyungju." I smiled and slipped my arms around his back, letting my hands slide up and under his black tee-shirt. His skin was warm and soft and smooth. I pulled him closer and he groaned.

"It's just…" he started.

I reached up to pull his face toward mine and smiled.

"Just shut up and kiss me, OK?" I said, and he did.

Later at work, I was taking a break from emails to chat with Seven on the Messenger App. He was trying to convince me to convince Zen to go out on a double date with him and his girlfriend, Lexi Ann. Seven and Lexi Ann had become a heavy item just recently after the two of them embarked on a mission to save Seven's brother, Sarean, from an evil organization called Mint Eye. Seven's brother, Sarean, had basically been brainwashed by their leader and had committed a number of crimes, including some high profile hacking. In fact, it turned out that Sarean was actually the hacker that lead me to the RFA apartment in the first place, and also the one who attacked me later. Well, to make a very long story short, Seven and Lexi Ann were able to bring Sarean back from the edge of insanity, and now the twin red-headed brothers were thick as thieves once again. Lexi Ann and Sarean also became full-time members of the RFA. Considering everything that happened, I probably should hold more of a grudge against Sarean, or at least be afraid of him, but I don't, and I'm not. He was out of his mind when he attacked me and besides, if he had never led me to that apartment, well I don't want to think about what life would've been like if I had never met Zen.

I was just about to tell Seven I'd do my best to arrange that double date when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jaehee making a very business-like beeline toward my desk.

MC: Got to go. Incoming.

Seven: Short with dark brown hair and glasses?

MC: Ya.

Seven: Laterz.

Less that seven seconds later, Jaehee was dumping a huge silver binder on my desk.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Look book for the cat food commercial," she said. "So you can get an idea about what we're looking for. Shooting starts on Monday, by the way."

I frowned. It was Thursday, only a few days away, so that wasn't going to give me much time to prepare. I picked up the book and started flipping through the pages. Inside there was page after page of intricate sketches of a beautiful woman dressed in long flowing dressing gown surrounded by what seemed like dozens of cats. Here they were lounging on a settee. There they were admiring the woman as she sat at her vanity. The one that was probably most over the top and made me the most uncomfortable was the one where they were all sprawling together on a heart-shaped bed.

"Where's the food?" I said.

"What food?" Jaehee said.

"The cat food," I said. "That is what you're selling, right?"

"Oh yes, we decided to 'can' that," Jaehee said, snickering and when she did this, she also snorted a bit, which made her seem like the totally obedient and hard-working I-have-no-life-of-my-own office nerd that she is. "Get it?"

I did get it, but I didn't think it was that funny, so I just looked at her. Jaehee cleared her throat and continued.

"Well, turns out the art director didn't think the cat food looked… uh, very appealing, so we went for the artistic interpretation instead."

"I see," I said, not really seeing at all, but knowing enough to realize when it's useless to argue the point. "So what do you want me to do?" I thought I was just supposed to work with Echo Girl, get her from point A to point B, provide her with the endless list of requirements her assistant had emailed me this morning, but apparently I was under informed.

"Well, you know, achieving this look is up to you," Jaehee said in that annoying, matter-of-fact business-like tone of hers. "Mr. Han and I are counting on you to deliver."

"Wait," I said. I suddenly pictured myself having to cajole and persuade Echo Girl to do this and that amongst a pile of cats on a heart-shaped bed. I'd spent enough time with her and Zen on set to be able to audibly imagine her whiney protests. Maybe Zen was right. Maybe this was a horrible idea worth getting angry about. My heart sank. "You want me to be the director?"

"Of sorts," Jaehee said. "We don't have the budget for a director, per se, but we have you…"

"But I…" I started.

Jaehee shushed me with a finger. "Now come on, MC," she said, peering at me from over her glasses. "You've proven yourself very capable in the past."

"I know, but I…" I started again, but Jaehee was already walking away.

"Mr. Han and I won't take no for answer," Jaehee said in a sing-song voice.

I considered for a moment going after her, but decided against it. What good would it do? I started to flip through the pages of the look book again. The "look" was ridiculous. This project clearly had Jumin's propensity for weird cat lust all over it. I sighed and put my head in my hands.

Why did everything about this project make me want barf?

After work, I met Zen in front of my yoga studio. Although he was a traditional workout kind of guy, you know, typical cardio and weights, I had convinced him to go to yoga with me - to at least try it. I had fantasies of us someday being one of those couples who did partner yoga on the beach. I could already envision him lying on his back on the sand and balancing me in the air on his two feet. Or us intertwined in a cobra double helix. Just think of all the trust and intimacy we could build. I was getting hot just thinking about it.

When I got there, Zen was standing outside the studio, leaning against the wall and tapping his thigh. He looked gorgeous of course with his leather jacket thrown over his dark sweatpants and tee-shirt. No fair, how did anyone get to look good in sweatpants? By the very nature of the name, he should look at least a little less gorgeous, right? But nope, he still looked like a god. When he saw me, he smiled.

"Hey, pretty girl," Zen said, leaning down to kiss me on the lips. He smelled delicious, of course, and I took a moment to stand on tiptoe and nuzzle my face in his neck. Mmmm…

"Hi yourself," I said, whispering into his skin. We clung together like this for a bit until I finally willed myself to pull away. We were in public, after all. Zen looked at me as if to say you're so cute and linked his hand in mine

"So, princess," he said, tossing his head at the entrance. "How does this work?"

I pulled him past the other yogis and up to the register to get us signed up and set up with two mats. Then I excused myself to the dressing room to change out of my work clothes. While I was changing in front of my locker, I overheard two of the other girls talking.

"I know that was him!" one of them was saying. I peaked under my armpit to catch a glimpse of the speaker. She was short and perky with a blond bob and a cute little turned up nose. She was wearing very skimpy yoga shorts and one of those criss-cross yoga tops. Of course she had the perfect yoga body to match, every muscle rippled and just toned enough. I looked down at my own belly. I wasn't exactly fat, but I wasn't toned either. I had a long, long way to go before I had even a hint of a six pack, and quite a bit further than that to go to achieve hot yoga babe status.

"It was totally him," the other girl squealed back. She was a tall, slender redhead with the most adorable freckles. "Yeah, can you believe it? We saw Zen in the flesh!"

"God, could he be any more gorgeous?" the blond one gushed.

"Uh, not possibly," the redhead said. "Like I'm not sure he's human.

"We should ask for a picture," the blond one said. "My cousin said she ran into him at a coffee shop once and that he was really nice."

"Yeah, I've heard that he's really dedicated to his fans," the redhead said. Then they both sighed and giggled.

"God, Echo Girl is soooo lucky," the blond girl said. "If he were my man, I don't know how I'd ever get out of the house."

I felt my cheeks get red hot. Echo Girl wasn't Zen's girlfriend. That's only on the show, stupid, I thought. Someone should tell her. His real girlfriend was me.

Then, almost as if she had heard my thoughts, the redhead spoke, though I'm not so sure what she said was any better.

"You know that Echo Girl isn't Zen's real girlfriend, not in real life, anyway," she said with an air of confidence, an I-know-something-that-you-don't kind of tone. "Remember that huge scandal? I mean, it was just a few months ago. Anyway, that's when Zen made that announcement, introduced his real girlfriend on TV," she paused for emphasis. "It was so romantic!"

"Oh, really?" Blondie said. "What was she like?"

"Well, that's the thing," Red said. "You should've seen her… I mean she just wasn't all that, not like you'd expect. I mean, she was kind of a zero, actually, quiet, shy, no personality. I mean she had this mess of brown hair that basically hung in her face and…"

I stopped listening after that. I didn't want to hear any more. It felt like all the life drained from my body at that moment, and I had to fight the urge to bolt and run. I didn't want to draw attention to myself and risk being recognized. God, I had never really thought, nor cared, what Zen's fans might think of me. Now that I knew, though, I couldn't really unknow, if you know what I mean.

I made sure to let the girls go out of the dressing room first. I wanted to give them time to get their pictures taken with Zen without me barging in or giving myself away. Besides, who wants the big "zero" girlfriend to butt in and ruin the moment? Instead I took extra time to brush my hair. Slowly I pulled it into two low ponytails at the base of my neck, and then stepped back to examine myself in the mirror. Those girls were right, my bangs did really hang in my face and cover my eyes. Just out of curiosity, I tried lifting them up and out of the way with my fingers, and then pushing them aside. What would I look like with shorter bangs or shorter hair, I wondered. Would I be cuter, more approachable?

When I came out of the locker room, Zen was waiting for me, alone and smiling at me like I was the only girl in the world. He took my hands and pulled me close.

"Damn, you look so cute with your hair that way," he said. Then he took a step back to look a me fully and his eyes narrowed. "But isn't that top a bit tiny? I don't know if I'm going to be able to concentrate on poses when all I want to be doing is staring at your belly." He laughed and led me into the studio, where he'd set up our mats side by side.

I kept waiting for him to bring up the fact that two of his fans were here, but he didn't - and he didn't even look at those girls, didn't even glance their way, not even once.