Chapter 26: Oh, Oh, Oh, I'm On Fire...
It was just two days before the big RFA party and I still hadn't found the right dress. It wasn't for lack of trying. Every day for the past week I went out on my lunch break in search of a dress. Every day I came back empty-handed. I'd been to the mall, the thrift shop, even the expensive boutique stores on the main drag. Every dress I "found" turned out to have something wrong with it as soon as I got it on my body. Either it was too short or not short enough. Too baggy or too tight in places. For whatever reason, clothes just looked better on the hanger or in the window than they did on me.
"Let me go with you," Zen had said one night after dinner as we were clearing away the dishes. He'd made a manicotti with spicy red pepper sauce. It was, of course, delicious.
"Nah, that's OK," I said, waving him off. Not that Zen didn't have an excellent sense of style - he did - but he couldn't help but put everything I tried on through his "other guy" lens.
"Uh, isn't that, uh, too, uh…" he'd stutter as soon as I came out of the dressing room. His left eyebrow would go up and his head would tilt to one side. Whatever it was, it was always too low cut, too short, or just plain too sexy.
"I know what I'm thinking," he'd always say. "Just imagine what the other guys are thinking…"
I'd always cut him off at this point. "There are no other guys..." I'd reassure him. Then I'd stand up on tip toe and kiss him on the cheek.
Zen's perfect forehead would wrinkle with concern, yet he'd always smile and say, "Yeah, but still…"
So ultimately I didn't want Zen's help finding a dress for the RFA party because I didn't want to end up looking matronly. Plus, I wanted to surprise him. I wanted that moment when I emerged from the bedroom, when his red eyes got smokey as he looked me up and down.
I glanced down at my watch. Twenty more minutes until lunch was over. I had one more store in mind before I gave up the hunt and resigned myself to wearing one of the dresses I'd worn to one of the two parties before. I made my way toward a vintage shop located on an alley off 86th avenue. It was a little-known shop that was only open sometimes, only when the owner, a middle-aged expat American felt like being there. I hoped it was open today, because it was really my last and only hope. I sucked in a breath of relief when I rounded the corner to see the bright orange and yellow sandwich board positioned outside the door. As I got closer I could make out the text scripted elegantly in English. "Come on in, dollface. We got the sexy you're looking for…" God, I hoped so.
As soon as the door opened the smell of dusty closet hit me. The entire store wasn't much bigger than a walk-in closet so I wasn't that surprised. The owner was sitting behind a glass counter filled with second-hand jewelry, sunglasses and elegant hair combs. She was bent over a magazine, but she looked up when she heard the door.
"What can I do you for, honey?" She said. Her dirty dishwater blonde curly hair was streaked with gray and hung loosely at her shoulders. I noticed when she smiled that she had nice, kind eyes. Typically, I would never accept a salesperson's offer of help, but something about this woman's manner today totally made me say "yes" this time.
"I'm looking for a dress," I said, cautiously. "For an evening event, a party…"
The woman perked up immediately and scuttled out from behind the counter. I could see she was wearing a hot pink pencil skirt with a pair of perilously high heels the exact same shade of pink.
"Well, well, well," she said. "You've got quite a figure… some good curves for us to work with…"
I felt my cheeks grow hot as she looked me up and down, suddenly feeling very self-conscious of my body.
"You know, I've got just the thing…" she said as she turned around to a rack of clothing behind her and plucked out a dress. It was a short strapless number, the most gorgeous shade of iridescent midnight blue.
"This dress has been waiting for you," the shopkeeper said, giggling a little, which was weird but somehow endearing. "Well, waiting for you and those boobs." She motioned toward the dressing room. "Go on, honey," she said. "Try it on."
It took me more than a few minutes to get out of my work clothes and then wiggle into the dress. I held my breath as I stepped into the skirt and pulled the stretchy fabric upwards over my hips and then over my breasts. It was really more like putting on a sock, and it fit like a glove. Not too tight and not too loose, it felt perfect and, to my surprise, actually comfortable. I was almost too afraid to look in the mirror… I loved the way it felt, but what if it didn't look good?
Stealing my courage and ready for disappointment, I lifted my head to peek in the glass and smiled. Wow, I thought. It's not a thought I often have, especially in relation to my body and its physical shape, but honestly I thought I looked stunning. The dress made me look as good as I felt. The shiny blue fabric hugged my hips and cinched at the waist in all the right places. I also liked the way the bodice of the dress lifted my breasts. Not only was I sporting a fair bit of cleavage, my new tattoo was on prominent display. I turned around to check out the back view, glancing over my right shoulder and then my left. Wow, I thought. I actually have an ass.
"How's it fit, honey?" I heard the shopkeeper's voice call from behind the curtain. "Come on out and show Auntie Paula…"
I stepped outside the curtain to reveal myself.
"See?" She said, shaking her head so her curls bounced. "Didn't I tell you? It's perfect."
"Auntie Paula" was right. I could already picture Zen's face when he saw me, his reaction playing out in two parts: First, his red eyes would settle into a lusty gaze. Then he'd shoot me a look of wariness and say: "Babe, don't you think…"
I smiled. It was perfect. "I love it," I said. Then my smile dissipated as I had another thought. Surely a dress that looked this good also had to be expensive.
"How much is it?" I asked. I was already getting that feeling in my stomach, the slightly dizzy and sick feeling I got when I knew I was going to buy something even when I couldn't afford it. I felt around for the price tag.
The shopkeeper must have caught the look on my face. "Oh honey," she said, smiling. "Don't you worry about a thing… That dress is so yours I can't bear to charge you for it."
My eyes popped wide. "Wait a second," I said, feeling a little confused. "What do you mean?"
"Honey, I'm giving you that dress," she said, gesturing to my image in the mirror. "Can't you see it's already yours?"
My mouth dropped open in surprise. "You're giving me this dress?" I said. "Like for free?"
"Free of charge," the woman assured me. "That's one of the perks of being your own boss… I do what I want, when I want, and I want to give you that dress." This time when she smiled I saw that she had the most adorable space between her teeth.
"Oh that's very generous," I said, running my fingers over the fabric. "But I don't think I can accept…" Although I said this on the outside, I really, really wanted to accept it on the inside.
"Just say yes," the shopkeeper said. "Honey, don't look a gift horse in the mouth."
A gift what? I thought. Americans. They had the strangest way of saying things… Although I think I got the gist.
"I don't know what to say," I said, finally.
"How about 'thank you'?" The older woman said. She was still smiling, the lines around her eyes making little crow's feet.
"Oh yes!" I said, feeling my cheeks flush with embarrassment. "Of course!" I said quickly. "Thank you!"
A few moments later, I stepped out of the dressing room changed back into my work clothes. "Auntie Paula" was standing back behind the counter. She had the dress all packed up and ready to go.
"Really," I said. "I can't thank you enough… Is there really nothing I can do for you?"
The older woman smiled, a little crookedly with maybe some kind of memory behind it. "Well, I guess you could promise me you'll get laid in that dress…" She giggled, making that weird, yet adorable sound again.
I felt my cheeks flush as an image of Zen flashed in my mind… His hands on my bare thighs, pushing the hem of the blue skirt up and back…
"I think I can do that," I said, a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. Now I could almost feel Zen pulling on the edges of my panties, wiggling them down until they slid easily over my knees...
Hell yeah, I thought, I can get laid in this dress, no problem.
"What's in the bag?" Zen said later, when he picked me up on his motorcycle from work. We were going to meet Saeyoung, Lexi Ann, Yoosung and Sarean at Prince Edward Su, a Karaoke bar in Hongdae. Everyone was excited to get a look at the "new" Yoosung. Even though the official "reveal" event for Queer Eye For A Guy was the RFA party on Saturday, Yoosung had agreed to a "sneak peek" event the night before. The chat room was a-buzz with the topic the night after the Queer Eye For A Guy makeover was filmed.
Yoosung: I don't want the first time you guys see the 'new' me to be weird…
Yoosung: [anxious emoji]
Zen: What are you so worried about?
Zen: When it comes to hygiene and your personal level of style, there's only room for improvement.
Yoosung: [angry emoji]
Yoosung: You're just worried about not being the only hot guy in the RFA anymore…
Saeyoung: What do you mean "only"?
Saeyoung: Because there's lots of hot over here...
Lexi Ann: I don't think he means 'nerd hot', honey...
Saeyoung: But 'nerd hot' is better, right?
Saeyoung: Lexi Ann? MC? Come on, back me up
MC: Erm… I think I have to go wash my hair
Lexi Ann: LOL
[MC has left the chat room]
There was no way I was getting anywhere near involved in that conversation, so I logged out at first opportunity. All I needed was Zen to start asking questions about what it meant to be "nerd hot", etc.
Back in the parking lot after work, Zen was still looking at the little brown bag I was holding in my hand. "Is that it?" he said, raising one eyebrow. "Because if that's your dress, that's an awfully small bag."
I leaned in to kiss him on the lips, lingering a little longer than usual in hopes of creating a distraction. No such luck.
"So, is that it?" he said again as soon as our lips parted. He reached for the bag. "Let me see…"
Instinctively, I pulled the bag away, sticking it behind my back. "Nuh-uh," I said with a teasing smile. "You can't see… not until tomorrow night...I want it to be a surprise."
"Aw, come on," he pleaded. "I promise to act surprised tomorrow night…" he said, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. "I am, after all, a great actor."
"An 'up and coming' actor," I corrected. "Nice try, but it's still not happening."
I stuffed the bag into the trunk of his motorbike along with the satchel that contained my work clothes. Since I knew we were going out, I'd brought along another outfit. I was wearing my favorite "going out" jeans and a black top with flowy sleeves. It had a scooped neck just low enough to reveal the top half of my new tattoo. I caught Zen looking at it with hungry eyes as I zipped up my jacket.
"Do you like what you see?" I said, peeking up at him from under my lashes.
"I love what I see," he said, bending down to pull my chin upwards toward his face. His lips were soft and the kiss was slow, deliberate. Instantly, I felt my heart beat faster inside my chest and my thighs begin to burn. How was this even possible? After just one kiss, I was already ready to give myself over. Just like that.
"We should probably go," I muttered between kisses.
"Probably," Zen said. "But you taste so good…"
I put both hands on his arms and reluctantly pushed him to arm's length. "Come on," I said with a note of resolve. "Let's go."
When we got to the bar, Yoosung was already there. I almost didn't see him. One, because his hair was slicked back and he was wearing that leather jacket that Stiles, the fashion expert from Queer Eye For A Guy, picked out for him, and two because he was talking to a girl.
"Is that really Yoosung?" Zen said, whispering in my ear. "Seriously? And, is that a girl he's talking to?"
"Try to disguise the shock and awe in your voice when you speak to him, ok, babe?" I said, squeezing his hand. "He's a delicate flower...and although he'd probably never admit it, your opinion means a lot."
"Yeah, sure it does," Zen said, rolling his eyes. "Is he wearing like, jeans and a button-down shirt? Man, I think that could be considered a real outfit…"
Yoosung was wearing a button-down light purple shirt open at the neck and what looked like designer jeans. My eyebrows raised a little in surprise when he turned around. Who knew our little boy had such a cute butt? I quickly looked away before Zen could catch me looking.
The girl Yoosung was talking to was young, possibly a first year student, with straight blonde hair almost as light as Yoosung's. As we got closer, I could hear her bright, bubbly giggle.
"Oh seriously?" She was saying as she lightly touched Yoosung's arm, keeping her hand resting on his forearm. "You can't have known that…it must've been so scary."
"That's what it's like, being the Guild Master," Yoosung said. "There are some tough calls to be made sometimes."
I heard Zen's voice in my ear. "Oh man," he groaned. "Kiss of death...He's talking to her about LOLOL"
"She doesn't seem to mind much..." I said, smiling to myself. It was kind of amazing. It seemed that the "Rad 5" had indeed turned our little Yoosung into a lady killer.
"Damn, it's frightening what a little gel can do," Zen said with at wow-that's-fascinating tone to his voice.
"Right?!" I said, pulling him in the other direction toward the bar. "Come on… Let's leave Yoosung to his business and get a drink."
"Gladly…" Zen said.
After we got our drinks, a beer for Zen and a white wine for me, we went to claim our karaoke room for the evening. Once settled, we started going through the songbook while we waited for Saeyoung and the others to arrive.
"You're going to sing tonight, right, Princess?" Zen said.
Last time we were here Echo Girl showed up and sang a couple of duet songs with Zen. It was primarily a marketing stunt, at least on Zen's part, and so they performed the songs in character as Jae-joon and Ji-yoo from More Than Friends. The whole scene seemed so real, I'd gotten jealous and drunk and/or got sick from a tainted glass of wine I got from Jumin and, well, it was awful. Anyway, for obvious reasons, I hadn't gotten a chance to sing that night, and ever since, Zen has been bugging me, making me promise that I needed to sing next time. Looks like tonight is my night, I thought. I guess I was going for it.
"Yeah," I said, trying to sound nonchalant. "Sure, I'll sing." I don't know why, but I was feeling nervous. I liked to sing, and even was part of a three-piece rock band in high school where I was the lead singer. I guess it was just that, well, Zen was so good. I was definitely intimidated.
I was just about to start combing through the songbook to figure out what song I would sing when I heard a loud, slightly off-pitch sing-song voice behind me. I turned around to see Saeyoung looking a little manic and grinning from ear to ear.
"Hey-ya!" He called, his red head bouncing.
"Hiya everybody," Lexi Ann said, scooching in the doorway beside him. "Sorry about this guy in advance… He got into the Ph D. Pepper…"
"It's alright," I said, leaning in to give Lexi Ann a hug. "We actually like him this way…"
"Oh, do you?" Lexi Ann said. "Good. Then can I send him home with you two?"
Saeyoung bear tackled Lexi Ann from behind and swooped her up off the floor. She shrieked with surprise. "You love me!" Saeyoung taunted. "You know you do!"
"Yes, yes, baby," Lexi Ann said, patting his shoulder. "I do, I do… Now put me down…"
Saeyound relented and then turned around to give me a hug. "MC!" he said, squeezing me hard against his chest. "My favorite caped crusader!"
"I should say the same for you," I said, gasping for air. He was literally crushing me. Zen reached over and pulled him back by the shoulder.
"You're squeezing the life out of my girl, dick face," Zen said.
"Aw, Zenny baby!" He said, embracing the actor with a hug. "So good to see you!"
"God," Zen said, looking at Lexi Ann. "You really shouldn't let him drink that stuff…"
Lexi Ann rolled her eyes. "Don't I know it…"
I turned to Lexi Ann. "Did you see Yoosung out there?"
"Um, yeah!" Lexi Ann said. "Holy hot stuff! Even though I expected him to look different, I guess I had no idea the Rad 5 could work such miracles."
"Aw, come on," Zen said. "He looks alright."
Saeyoung snorted. "Jealous much, mirror boy?"
Zen scoffed. "Hardly… How could I be jealous of anyone, let alone a loner gamer college boy with a little gel in his hair?"
I reached over to squeeze Zen's hand, which had become somewhat of a secret signal between us. Basically it was my way of saying, "Ok, baby, that's enough.'' Zen sighed, pressed his lips together into a line and then squeezed my hand back.
"Alright then," I said, changing the subject. "How about we get started on some tunes?"
Lexi Ann went first with her rendition of Abba's "Dancing Queen". Halfway through the first chorus, Saeyoung pulled off one the table cloths and turned it into a kind of sari/dress. Then he danced and sang back up. By the end of the number, Zen and I were both practically pissing ourselves with laughter.
"Damn, Saeyoung," Zen said. "You actually kind of look good in a dress…"
"I know," the redhead replied, smiling. "I'm glad you noticed."
Saeran showed up after that, a sheepish smile on his face. "Sorry I'm late," he said, running his fingers through his mint hair. "Coding…I lost track of time."
"It happens, my brother," Saeyoung said. "It happens…"
Yoosung showed up shortly after with a big smile on his face. I noticed his ears were also a little red.
"Where's your new girlfriend?" Saeyoung teased.
"Uh," Yoosung said, blushing a little. "I got her number, but I told her I had to go."
"You did what?" Zen said. "Why didn't you bring her here?" He shook his silver-haired head in dismay. "Am I going to have to give you lessons? Single Guy 101?"
I glanced up at Zen sideways and gave him a look. It was hard to imagine that he was ever like that, ever one of those annoying guys with one thing on his mind. In fact, I knew for all his big talk, he wasn't like that. He may have dated before, but when we met he was still a virgin. By this time I had finished my wine, so I was feeling a little drunk, the nice kind of drunk, all lovey dovey, so the thought of me being his one and only one made me feel warm and dizzy.
"Come here, baby," I said, reaching my arms up around his neck. When I lifted my head and closed my eyes, his lips were there, his hands sliding down the length of my body. God, I could kiss him forever. "I love you, baby," I whispered into his neck. "I love you so much."
Zen took my face and held it in his hands, his beautiful mouth smiling and his red eyes just adoring me. "Then sing for me," he said. "Sing for me, please, Princess."
"Oh my god!" Saeyoung cried. "You guys are so gross." Lexi Ann gave him a look and swatted him.
"Shut it, Seven," she said. "Maybe you might learn a thing or two…"
I stumbled over to the machine and punched in the numbers. Suddenly I knew exactly what song I wanted to sing. I'd even practiced it in the shower a few times when Zen wasn't home. When the familiar keyboard melody kicked in, I picked up the microphone and turned to face him. Then I began to sing...
"Hey little girl, is your daddy home? Did he go and leave you all alone?" Zen was sitting on a stool and I sauntered over, swaying my hips until I was standing between his knees. "I got a bad desire…" He put his long arms around my waist as I continued to sing. "Ohhh ohh ohhhh, I'm on fire…"
Bruce Springsteen's "I'm on Fire" was one of my all-time favorite songs. I used to do a cover of it with my band in high school. I'd forgotten how much this song made me horny, until now. Swaying my hips and singing between Zen's knees, it was all I could do to keep from forgetting the damn song and taking him right there. But, I reminded myself, our friends were there, and that would be awkward.
By the time I got to the second verse, I noticed Zen's whole face had changed. It wasn't just lust I saw, or even the expression of love I was used to. It was a look I'd never seen before. His red eyes were heavy and looking at me, drinking me in with what felt like an even deeper tier of his soul. I didn't think it was even possible but something stronger was flowing between us, and as I continued to sing, the edges of the rest of the world seemed to fall away...
"At night I wake up with my sheets soaking wet, and a freight train running through the middle of my head… Only you can cool my desire…" I leaned in closer as I continued to sing and sway my hips. "Ohhh oh ohhh, I'm on fire…"
When the song came to a finish, I felt myself slowly float back to reality, and when I got there I realized that the whole room was quiet. Too quiet. My cheeks flushed with shame. Was my singing awful? Had I sucked that badly? I was about to run from the room in utter embarrassment when Zen's mouth opened and his lips began to move.
"Damn, Princess," he said, his voice low. "Where'd you learn to sing like that?"
Breathing a sigh of relief, I smiled and threw my arms around his neck. That's when I noticed Saeyoung, Lexi Ann, Yoosung and Sarean. They were all standing behind Zen with transfixed looks on their faces. Yoosung was the first to speak.
"Wow, MC…" Yoosung said. "I didn't know you could like, actually sing…"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I like to sing," I said, smiling. "I had a band once…" I looked from one to face to the other as everyone just kept staring, seemingly stunned into silence, so I babbled on. "We were called 'Smirk'..." I heard myself giggle nervously. "I was the singer, and I played a little guitar…"
As I said this last bit, Zen's eyes nearly popped out of this head. "You're a musician?" he said. "Why haven't you ever…"
"Well, don't excited," I said, waving him off with a hand. No big deal. "I'm not anymore… I mean, I don't even remember the last time I played…"
Although I did, actually, remember. The last time I picked up a guitar was in California. I used to own an acoustic, back before I'd had to sell it to help pay for my ticket back to Seoul. I wasn't playing anymore anyway, I reasoned. I told myself I didn't really miss it...
Zen took my hand, looping his fingers in mine. He pulled me in close, leaning down until our foreheads touched. "Well, you're really good," he said. "I mean it."
I felt my cheeks glow hot, and my whole body get warm. This was basically the best thing anyone had ever said to me.
"Yeah?" I said, feeling a lump rise in my throat and tears begin to burn behind my eyes. Until this moment I didn't realize how much, or for how long, I'd wanted this… Someone to actually, for real, see me.
"Yeah," Zen said, smiling. "Now will you sing me another one?"
Author's note: a long week at work... the good, long and tough kind of week when, at the end, you know it was all worth it... I didn't know how much time I was going to get to write, but find time I did. Thanks (always) for reading, reviewing and commenting... You all keep me going :-)