Chapter 2: A God's Beginnings

The Great Hall was filled with chattering nobles and frantic servants. The band was playing their hearts out, but no one paid attention to them. The nobles boasted back and forth in between making shouted demands at the servants. Overseeing all of this, the master of the castle smiled and swirled his wine. The sound of a door slamming open caught his attention and he turned.

A man in a warrior's uniform scuttled up to the head of the table and leaned to speak into his master's ear.

"Sire, I believe you should move to the escape tunnels as soon as possible!" he said urgently. His master scoffed and waved away his concerns.

"You and your guards have a duty to fight in my name. You can handle anything the world can throw at you. Besides, if word spread that I fled my own castle like yelping dog, my position would be ruined. Now you get out there, get your men, and-"

"Sire, you have no idea what's going to happen!" The warrior seemed quite frantic now. "You've gained the attention of… of him. Of Dumplin."

The goblet fell through the lord's numb fingers, shattering against the stone floor. The room became deathly silent. Nobody else seemed to even breathe.

"Wh-what did you say?" he asked. "Did you say Dumplin?! Where is he?!"

"He's coming soon, sire."

Suddenly, the entire room shook from a heavy impact. Streams of dust fell from the ceiling as everyone's hearts seemed to skip a beat.

"C-correction," the warrior whimpered. "He's here."

There was a drawn-out moment of silence before the doors were suddenly blasted into pieces. The guests in the dining hall screamed, some in fear while others in pain as they were skewered by shards of wood. Out of the huge cloud of dust and debris, those who dared to look at the entrance beheld the strangest creature they had ever seen.

He was a very short and rotund individual. His skin had a goopy quality to it and was dark grey in color. A single tendril extended from his head and hung down in front of his face, looking like a pompadour. His attire almost seared the eyes, with bright pinks, yellows, and greens all fighting for dominance. His mouth was drawn in a malicious smile and his beady eyes seemed like windows to the Void itself.

"Ding dong!" he said. "Dumplin here!" Looking at the master of the house, his smile grew even wider. "Glad I finally caught up to you… Raspberry."

Millennia in the future…

Darkness fell across Tokitoki City before a sudden flash ushered a massive serpentine dragon into existence. He floated over the city, giving an ethereal glow over those below him.

"I am the Eternal Dragon," he said in a loud, rumbling voice. "State your wish, and I shall-" He suddenly stopped and took note of who had summoned him. "No… No way! I thought I was done with all of you idiots!"

Trunks took a step back in surprise. In his experiences, dragons weren't supposed to act like this. However, he really needed help, so he swallowed his apprehension and pushed forward.

"Mighty Shenron!" he called up the dragon. "The Time Patrol is in desperate need of warriors to combat a great threat. My wish if for you to give me a strong ally. Someone with the kind of power to help me protect time itself!" There was a moment of silence before the dragon responded.

"Really?" he asked. "You've got me, an all-powerful dragon, right here. You can wish for the threat you're facing to never exist. You could wish to make yourself all powerful. Can't give you immortality anymore, that's not an option, but I have tons of other things I could do for you instead of just dragging someone here to fight for you with neither their knowledge nor consent. I mean, really? That's kind of a dick move, man."

"The fate of all existence is at stake!" shouted Trunks. "We need as many fighters as we can get."

The dragon sighed and ground his fangs before an evil thought occurred to him.

"You know what, fine," he hissed. "You want a powerful warrior. I'll bring you the most powerful warrior that ever existed." Trunks sighed in relief.

"Thank you, Shenron," he said. The dragon just gave a dark chuckle.

"You say that now… Anyway, your wish is granted!"

"So tell me, Raspberry," Dumplin said in a conversational tone of voice, "if you could sum up how you feel in one word, what would it be?"

Raspberry merely whimpered in pain. That was all he really could do now that every single bone in his body was broken in at least one place.

"That's what I thought," Dumplin said. "Alright, I've had my fun, so I think I can go ahead and kill you now." He raised his gloved hand, making a small ball of energy appear in his grasp. Before he could wipe Raspberry from existence, he felt a pull on his being.

"Someone summons you from a land far away," a strange voice said. "Also, just so you know. This wasn't my idea. There's no reason to be mad at me in a few millennia."

"Wait, what?" Dumplin managed to say before he suddenly vanished.

He reappeared in the middle of some sort of pavilion. A circular moat wound around a central gazebo where seven glowing balls with stars in them were arranged on some sort of pedestal. Trees lined the edges and there was also a paved walking path.

Oh, and there was a fucking huge green dragon looking right down at him.

"Mother fucker, what is that?!" Dumplin shouted in surprise.

"Like I said," grumbled the dragon, "not my idea. Please remember that, master." Suddenly, the dragon vanished with a huge burst of light. The seven glowing balls rose into the air before flying off in different directions. Dumplin just stared at the strange sky as light returned to the world.

"Master? What could he…"

"…What. The fuck," someone else said.

Dumplin turned to face the new voice. There was a young man with lavender hair, a long coat, and a sword standing a few yards away from him. He was looking at Dumplin with an expression of complete and utter shock.

"Who… what… how…" the young man sputtered. "What are you?" Dumplin narrowed his eyes.

"The name's Dumplin, maggot. Now why am I here?"

"My god, this can't be happening," the man muttered to himself before taking a calming breath. "My name is Trunks and I'm a member of the Time Patrol. We protect the time stream from any outside interference. We have a crisis on our hands, so I wished for Shenron to summon a warrior capable of helping us in our time of need. So… I guess that's you." In a smooth motion, he drew his sword and leveled it at Dumplin's head.

"Oh, that is just precious," Dumplin said with a smirk. Trunks looked a little annoyed.

"I have to test your power to see if you're the warrior we require." He assumed a ready stance before lunging forward. "YAAAHHH!" he shouted as he brought his sword down on Dumplin, only for the blade to be suddenly stopped by Dumplin's open palm. The grey being just smiled at him. "Huh," said Trunks. "So this is what that feels like…"

Dumplin slammed his other palm into Trunks' chest, sending him flying back into the trees. And then through the trees. And a wall. And a building. And another building.

Dumplin's smile grew even bigger.

"Yeah!" he shouted. "Get DUMPED!"

That was Dumplin's introduction to being a Time Patroller. Realizing it might be fun to learn more about history's most powerful fighters and eventually steal their powers, he decided to stick around for a while, even if that meant putting up with Trunks. He also found out how pitifully weak the various threats facing the Time Patrol actually were, and he took to suppressing his power enough that he could at least get an exciting fight out of it. This always confused Trunks and the other members of the Time Patrol when he would take down some powerful foe, since according to both senses and Scouters, Dumplin had no energy reading at all. They didn't know that he fueled his strength with mana, an archaic power from before the birth of the Kais, instead of traditional ki.

Dumplin fell into a routine with his new life as a Time Patroller. Fortunately, just when things were beginning to get a little stale, everything changed. That was when he met… her.

TITS!

That was Dumplin's first thought when he laid his eyes on Towa. The pale blue skinned elf woman was dressed in a tantalizingly tight red bodysuit with black accents, with a section cut out to give a teasing glance at the undersides of her ample breasts. Dumplin stared at her, absolutely stunned by her beauty and pure sexiness.

It was a little shameful that he was so distracted that Mira got a free hit in, sucker punching him hard in the face and sending him flying across the little Namekian island their confrontation was taking place on. When he finally got his head to stop spinning, he pulled himself out of the crater he had made. Towa was chuckling at his misfortune while Mira just glared at him.

"That was a cheap shot," Dumplin said, rubbing his cheek.

"You left yourself open," responded Mira. "You deserved it, fool."

"Come over here and say that again!" roared Dumplin, flying straight at Mira. They exchanged blows and energy blasts aplenty before Towa stopped them, citing that Mira shouldn't waste time with such a weak opponent. Dumplin felt a little pissed, but he couldn't stay mad at a face like that.

"I hope you don't plan on getting in our way again, little… man?" said Towa. "Things would be very uncomfortable for you if you did."

"Actually," Dumplin said, "my plans were more along the lines of you and me sharing a candlelit dinner. Maybe some dancing." He shrugged. "I mean, if you'd be up for it."

Towa stared at him for a few long moments. She blinked. She blinked again. Suddenly, she doubled over with helpless laughter. She leaned heavily on her staff, looking like she could fall right over at any second. Mira stared at her like he had never seen her do anything like this before. Eventually, Towa managed to get herself back under control, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Hah… hah… I think I like you, little man. What's your name?"

"The name's Dumplin!" he said, giving her a thumbs up. She laughed again.

"Well Dumplin, I find you interesting. Keep this up and you might just make my favorites list." She placed her hand on Mira's arm before she winked at the short Time Patroller. "See you around," she said before she and Mira suddenly vanished. Dumplin just stared at the place where that beautiful creature had been standing.

"Dumplin?" asked Trunks through Dumplin's Scouter. "Dumplin can you hear me? What happened?"

"I… Trunks, I think I'm in love."

"…What. The fuck."

Thus began Dumplin's unconventional courtship of Towa. He never gave up whenever he saw her. A compliment there, a flirt here, and he always managed to make her smile. Eventually, it wasn't even that look of smug superiority, but a genuine smile. She would leave him with some parting words and a wink, forever spurring Dumplin forward in his attempts to woo her. Of course, things got a little rocky when Dumplin blasted Mira into atoms, but Dumplin was sure he could work past that. His plans had to be pushed to the side, however, when some idiot named Demigra started ruining everything. The jerk even had the nerve to call himself a Demon God!

After Dumplin interrupted his plans left and right, they finally came to their final showdown. The red-haired little shit managed to break free from the Crack of Time, since Chronoa, the Supreme Kai of Time, couldn't be bothered to just kill him in the first place and be completely certain he would never come back, and Dumplin had to jump right into the Crack to stop him. It was a pitched battle that came to an inevitable conclusion, with Dumplin defeating Demigra once and for all by absorbing him and taking every last drop of demon power for himself.

After assuring Chronoa and Trunks that he had no intention to destroy the universe (not yet at least, he told himself) and soundly kicking Goku's ass in a sparring match, Dumplin went about his regular duties as a Time Patroller. He actually found himself enjoying the work again. He could meet some of the most powerful maggots the universe could make, he could learn their moves, and he could plan for dozens of ways to eliminate them and take their powers for himself.

One issue, though, kept him occupied. When he finally managed to track her down, it was one of the most satisfying days of his life.

Towa stood on the edge of a cliff, staring down at a raging battle between primitive aliens. Such pathetic mortals. If what she understood was correct, these two forces were fighting over something as pathetic as a single island. That was it!

Towa rolled her eyes as one side suddenly attacked with automatic projectile weapons. This species was still in it's Bronze Age, but apparently someone was doing some time travel to change a single battle. Just like that, this battle had become completely one sided and utterly boring.

"Such pathetic creatures," she said with a shake of her head. "Don't you agree?"

The Majin standing behind her shrugged as he waddled forward to be next to her.

"I don't know. All mortal races look pretty pathetic to me," he said. "The only reason I stick around is because I'll get some good fights in."

They stood there in silence for a few long moments, just watching the battle as it continued. Eventually, Towa sighed.

"What happens now?" she asked the goop-like warrior who had become her nemesis and stalwart admirer. He shrugged.

"My job is to break up this fight and make sure that the historical winners make it through. I was intending to do that."

"What about me?"

"I never saw you. You can be gone by the time I come back."

He took to the air and began to fly away. Towa nodded in understanding and turned to go.

"But…" he said, stopping her in her tracks. Towa turned back and looked at Dumplin, who was rubbing the back of his head bashfully. "If you want to hang out until I finish, we could…" He stopped and took a breath. "I was thinking that we could go out to dinner because you seem really lonely and I still like you a lot even though you tried to blow up time but I'm okay with that since I feel the need to blow things up too and I know this really great restaurant in Age 748 that I really like that serves oysters by the bucketful and I thought you might be in the mood for some seafood so I thought if you wanted to-"

"Alright."

Dumplin's high-speed rambling fell silent as he looked at her in surprise. Towa just gave him a small, genuine smile.

"I'd be happy to go to dinner with you after your mission. I'll wait here until you're done. Just make sure you don't take too long." She crossed her arms, simultaneously lifting up her breasts. Steam started trickling out of Dumplin's body holes. "It would be rude if you kept me waiting too long."

Dumplin blinked for a few moments before swallowing.

"I'll be right back," he said. With that, he spun around in the air and flew off toward the battle.

Towa did not miss the triumphant whoop he gave when he had made some distance.