AN: Hello everyone! I am so, so sorry for my ridiculous disappearance. Things have... things have been tough. My time at grad school had to end prematurely and I spent all summer going back and forth between feeling like a failure and worrying about finding a job. Fortunately, I have a new office job and I'm really starting to get back into the flow.
On the subject of writing, what I'm doing right now is not working. I have so many wonderful, wonderful readers, but I give them almost nothing. So starting now, I'm promising that with my now stable weekly schedule, I'll be writing every day. It may be as big as a thousand words or as little as a sentence, but I'll be writing every single day. I hope to come out with lots more content for you to enjoy.
On that note, I've started a new story (oh no, not another one) that is a Marvel and My Hero Academia crossover called Excelsior. If you're a fan of either of those, I'd appreciate it if you gave it a look-see.
We now return to the world of Puddin, where we finally begin (gasp) THE PLOT!
As always, countless thanks to my wonderful beta annbe11.
Chapter 11 – Attack of the Saiyans
A year and a half had passed since That Christmas and Puddin and her father had set about rebuilding their lives. They knew that Towa was not coming back, so they looked to the future. Puddin focused on her training and her studies, quickly shooting to the upper ranks of many of her classes, like Sparring, Advanced History, Super Advanced History, and Applied Quantum Chronal Physics. While Dumplin flew about the time stream on missions, Puddin was hitting the books, training with Paata, or hanging out with her friends.
They did their best to ignore Christmas when it came again and Puddin studied through the next Christmas. She had the Time Patroller License Test on her mind. She spent six months of long nights, countless pages of scribbled-over notes, and a practical oceans-worth of coffee to get prepared for her test. There was no time for Christmas.
The test was broken up into a written portion and physical portion and both were intensive in their own way. To pass the written test, Puddin had to know her history. She had to really know her history. She needed to memorize every detail of all the historical events of Universe 7 and a great many of the more obscure events as well, sometimes down to the second. If Vegeta and Napa landed on Earth a minute earlier or if Goku took even five seconds longer teleport an exploding Cell away, the entire planet would have been doomed.
Stupid heroes and their stupid last-minute entrances! Didn't they have any respect for people who had to study this kind of crap?!
Beyond that, the physical portion was a no-holds-barred sparring match against Master Punohsa until her teacher felt satisfied. When she took the test, the battle lasted for almost an hour – pushing Puddin's strength, speed, and endurance to their very limit – before Punohsa called an end to the match. Puddin thought she had done pretty well, managing to work in a few signature moves she had come up with by watching kung fu movies, but Puddin didn't get any immediate feedback from Punohsa. The Majin Master had then left to deliberate with the other Masters without another word spoken to Puddin.
With nothing else to be done about it, Puddin went home and slept. For sixteen hours straight.
She woke up the next morning knowing that her results would come that very day and she was a tense as could be. Her father was away on a mission with Trunks, so there was nothing to distract her from imagining the worst possible outcome. She thought back to her performance over and over, finding more uncertainties every time she did so. Had she correctly explained the cultural impact of Majin Buu? Had she messed up her short essay about the history of the Kais? Had she blown the Ki portion of her combat test because she found it impossible to produce an energy blast that was weaker than "planet-breaking"?! It had made her hiss in anger and curse her ridiculously large energy supply.
Why is so difficult to be so awesome?!
After the second straight hour of pacing, Puddin finally decided that she needed to go out and get some air. She left the house and began to aimlessly wander around Conton City. Turning down random streets and taking odd corners, Puddin tried to take her mind off of her test. She eventually sat herself down at a cafe she was familiar with, hoping that some tea with cream – or, more accurately, some cream with tea – would help her calm down. She ordered and sipped at her cup of tea, feeling the slightest bit of tension bleed out of her shoulders.
When she was considering ordering another cup, her phone buzzed.
Puddin almost jumped into the air but restrained herself at the last second. Shaking her head to clear it, she took out her phone and read the update. It was a message saying 'Come see me at the Time Nest' from Master Punohsa. Puddin felt a shudder traveled up her spine as her stomach fell to the floor. This was it. She had failed the test and, if that wasn't enough, Master Punohsa wanted to record it for the rest of history to know.
It was with a heavy heart that Puddin trudged up the steps toward the Time Nest, her shoulders sagging so much that she was almost bent over.
When she reached the Time Nest, she was surprised to find not only Master Punohsa but also Chronoa and Elder Kai in attendance.
Puddin blinked and shifted awkwardly.
"So…" she said slowly, "is this the part where you tell me I failed?
Everyone looked taken aback.
"What?" asked Punohsa. "Of course not. Why would you think that? We're here to congratulate you."
"C-... congratulate me?" Puddin said dumbly.
"Indeed," said Chronoa with a wide smile. "As of 8:13 this morning, you are an official member of the Time Patrol!"
Puddin's jaw dropped and she almost dropped with it. She… she passed? She passed?!
"WOOHOO!"she cried, leaping into the air and soaring around the library, continuing to cheer at the top of her lungs. Punohsa let her have a few moments of glee before stretching her arm up and dragging Puddin back down to solid ground.
"I know you're excited, kiddo, but the celebration will need to come later. We've got a mission for you."
"A mission already?!" asked Puddin, her smile beaming so bright it seemed to light up the room. She almost took off again out of joy, but Punohsa kept her grip on her student, keeping her grounded.
"Normally there's a little more pomp and circumstance to this," said Elder Kai, "but we're short on time." He turned to the table behind the three of them. "Now then, we believe you will be needing something better in the way of protection, so your father had this made for you." He picked up a metal box and held it out to her. The top opened to show a whirlpool of neon fabric and armor. Puddin pulled it out to see it was a recreation of her father's Heart Armor fitted for her size. With a blur of motion, she had snatched the box out of Elder Kai's hands and zoomed into a nearby restroom. She returned moments later dressed in her new outfit, looking like the most garishly dressed Power Ranger that had ever existed.
It was perfect!
"Nyah~! I love it!" she cheered, leaping into the air.
"Anyway," said Elder Kai, looking impatient as he held a belt out to her. "This belt features your locator, temporal communication relay, and numerous pouches for everything you might need." The belt had thoughtfully been made pink, so she didn't hesitate to buckle it around herself. "The belt also comes with a device to screen your power level to a specified amount, helping you blend in with the surrounding fighters."
Puddin nodded in understanding.
"What's next?" she asked.
"This is particularly important," said Elder Kai as he picked up a small sideways cylinder on a necklace. There were small hatches on both ends of the cylinder. "The left side of this capsule holds an emergency senzu bean, in case you need a quick heal and recharge in a fight. The right side holds a pill of ultra-cyanide for you to take in the event that you are likely to be captured. Please try not to mix them up. We lose a lot of Time Patrollers that way."
"Umm…" said Puddin as she took the necklace with a look of discomfort, "did you mean your left or my-"
"Finally," interrupted Elder Kai, "we have your scouter." He held the headset out to her before she took it and affixed it to the side of her head. "That's our main way of seeing and hearing what's going on whenever you are. Please, for all of our sakes, try not to break it."
"Don't worry too much if it does, though," Punohsa said with a smile. Elder Kai shot her a look, but he was soundly ignored. "The relay on your belt can act as an emergency communicator if your scouter is ever broken or deactivated. Good thing too. I'm pretty sure those things are made of really weak stuff. Like balsa wood. Or Raditz."
"Speaking of," said Chronoa, "we should get on with the mission briefing."
From behind her back, Chronoa pulled out a corrupted Time Scroll and unrolled it on the table. Puddin stepped closer to get a clearer look. The scroll showed a pitched battle between Goku and his brother Raditz while Piccolo stood off to the side, charging his desperation move. Like in baseline, the fight was not going well for Goku and Piccolo. This time, however, Raditz had glowing red eyes and gave off a dark aura, not unlike a corrupted Time Scroll.
"That's not normal," Puddin said, narrowing her eyes at the moving image.
"It most certainly is not," said Chronoa. "An outside force is giving Raditz a boost of power that will allow him to win this fight." She gave Puddin a confident look. "This is your first mission, Puddin, but I have high hopes for your success. All you need to do is make sure the battle ends with the baseline result. All minor wrinkles will be smoothed out when the time warp fades away."
"Meaning it will be like I was never there," Puddin finished.
"Exactly," Chronoa said with a nod. She rolled up the Time Scroll and held it out to Puddin. "We'll be in contact through your scouter, but what happens during the fight is up to you. Good luck."
Puddin nodded and took the scroll from Chronoa. She desperately tried to keep her hands from trembling. She mustn't have done a good job because she felt Punohsa's hand fall on her shoulder and give her a comforting squeeze.
"Hey, no sweat, kiddo," she said with a smile. "Fighting off Raditz is the best possible mission you could have for your first time. You've got this."
Puddin let out a long breath before nodding at her master.
"I've got this."
"You sure do!" Punohsa said with a laugh. She stepped back towards the table before setting a bright crystal on a wire-frame stand. It suddenly burst into light and projected an image of… the room they were already in? And Punohsa's back? Puddin moved her head experimentally and found that the crystal was projecting whatever her scouter was looking at.
"Neat," she said with a grin. Punohsa touched the crystal and leaned close.
"Com systems check," Puddin heard her master from her scouter as well as her other ear. "Is this coming through loud and clear?"
"I can hear you just fine, Master," Puddin said with a nod. Taking another deep breath, she tightened her hand around the corrupted Time Scroll. "Well, here I go," she said as light consumed her, launching her back through the time stream toward her first mission.
Age 761
Puddin had hoped to arrive in the past with a triumphant pose, or perhaps an amazing one-liner that would show she meant business. If nothing else, she would settle for a simple, silent glare that promised great pain to whoever stood in her way.
What she got was unexpectedly appearing fifteen feet off the ground and barely having a moment to realize her situation before falling on her ass.
"Dammit, dammit, dammit," she muttered to herself, rubbing her backside as she stood up. "Wasted such a great entrance. Dad would be ashamed."
"No, he wouldn't," came Punohsa's voice over the scouter. She sounded like she was trying not to laugh. "Chin up, it happens to everyone. Now, I believe you have a job to do."
Puddin blinked and focused on where she was. She stood in the middle of an empty field, home only to a crater, a pod-shaped spacecraft, and the three figures in front of her. Goku and Piccolo were both on the ground, looking thoroughly beat up, while Raditz had nary a speck of dirt on him. The child Gohan was unconscious a few meters away.
Puddin's mind came to a screeching halt. This was different than seeing footage of famous fights. This was more than learning about them in the classroom. She was actually here with the actual Goku and Piccolo.
This… was… AMAZING!
"Who the hell are you?" demanded Piccolo.
"What the hell are you?" demanded Raditz.
"And why are you covered in paint?" asked Goku.
Puddin gave them a grin of needle-sharp teeth.
"Well," she said lightly, "in order, I'm Puddin, I'm the Majin girl that's gonna kick your butt, and these are the colors of my family and are not paint."
"Don't trust her, Piccolo!" shouted Goku. "She's got one of those eye-thingies! She must be with Raditz!"
"You're a goddamn idiot, Kakarot," Raditz moaned, slapping his forehead. "Hundreds of groups have these scouters. You can get them easily. You can literally pick them up at the Space Walmart!"
"Back to the point," said Puddin as she leveled a finger at Raditz, "I'm here to stomp you into the ground."
"Oh, I get it!" said Goku, grinning. "You must be a warrior from a race that fights with the Saiyans all the time!"
"No, you idiot," said Piccolo. "She's clearly part of a race the Saiyans conquered and is a resistance fighter trying to stop them from getting a foothold here."
"Actually," said Puddin with a shrug, "I just don't like his face."
There was a long moment of silence.
"Well fuck you too, bitch!" roared Raditz as he lunged straight at her. He cocked his fist back and swung right at her face.
Puddin was a little disappointed how easy his blow was to stop, catching his fist in her hand. Raditz's mouth dropped open and his eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. She grinned at him.
"Nice punch," she said. "Mind if I try?"
The uppercut she hit him with must have felt like Shenron's baseball bat to the Saiyan conqueror. Blood flew from his mouth as he went flying into the air, blasting a hole through a cloud as he did so. He soon flew far enough away that he was lost to sight, but a tiny dust cloud in the distance heralded his landing place. Puddin grinned before placing a kiss on her knuckles.
"Never gets old," she said. Puddin crossed her arms, settled her back against a nearby tree, and waited.
Eventually, Raditz slowly flew back to their battleground, holding what was likely an incredibly bruised jaw.
"You bish," he muttered. It sounded like he had bitten his tongue as well.
"So I've been told," Puddin said with a grin. She stood up and got into a fighting stance. "Care to try again?"
"You're reary stron," said Raditz. "You wou' make stron' Saiyan babies."
Puddin's stared, dumbstruck, before a shiver of revulsion traveled up her spine. Her eyes narrowed to dangerous slits.
"Yup. You're gonna die," she hissed.
The next thing Raditz knew, his body was bent around the arm Puddin had just used to clothesline him. Puddin immediately grabbed his foot and slammed him into the ground over and over.
"This! Is! What! You! Get!" Puddin yelled.
"Um… Recruit…" Elder Kai said over Puddin's Scouter. "You might want to take it a little easier on him."
"He's fine," snarled Puddin. She kicked Raditz in the ribs, punting him across the ground and into a nearby hill, where he ended up embedded in the rock wall.
"Seriously, Puddin!" said Chronoa. "If you kill him, everything is gonna be worse!"
"I'm not gonna kill him, Chronoa," Puddin said as she stomped toward where Raditz lay. "I just want to make him pay for his crimes."
"Which ones?" asked Punohsa.
"The ones against me, of course!" Puddin snapped. She stopped her advance when she towered over Raditz. With a scowl of disgust on her face, she grabbed him by the ankle and lifted him off the ground.
"I wanna ride the space-pony…" whimpered the Saiyan warrior, a far cry from making the malicious speeches that were part of the original timeline.
Honestly, this is becoming less cathartic the longer it goes on, thought Puddin as she rolled her eyes. Turning slightly, she heaved Raditz high into the air. When he comes back down, I'll call it a day and finish up the-
"SPECIAL BEAM CANNON!"
Suddenly, a yellow spear of ki flew from below and pierced right through Raditz's chest. Puddin blinked in surprise as Raditz's lifeless body fell to the cracked earth at her feet.
There were a few beats of silence.
"Oh crap," she said to herself, feeling a very different tingle travel along her spine. "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!"
"WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO?!" Elder Kai screamed over the scouter.
"Puddin…" said Punohsa. "What. The. Fuck."
Puddin started wringing her hands and bouncing on her feet, her heart hammering at a mile a minute. She looked in every direction, desperately trying to think of a solution.
"Um, I… I… uh, don't worry, Master! I can fix this! I swear!"
"Well you better think fast!" piped up Chronoa. "That time warp is gonna be getting worse by the second if you don't get a move on!"
"Yes ma'am!" squeaked Puddin. Her eyes landed on Goku, who was sitting on the ground and breathing hard. An idea formed in her head as she ran over to him. "Mister Goku! I need you for a moment!" she called.
"What for?" Goku asked as he slowly stood up.
"It's something really important," Puddin said, taking his arm and pulling him closer to Raditz's body. Her gaze darted back and forth between Goku and his brother's corpse, trying to get them properly lined up. Eventually, she was satisfied that Goku was in the correct spot. She nodded to herself and looked up at Goku. "Mister Goku, I'm really, really sorry about this."
"Sorry about wh-"
SHUNK!
The rest of Goku's question was lost in the wet sound of Puddin thrusting her fist and forearm straight through his chest and out the other side. Goku coughed up a gob of blood before Puddin pushed him off of her arm and down to the ground, where he lay still. Puddin let out a relieved sigh.
"Mission accomplished," she said. She flicked some blood off her arm before turning to face Piccolo, now noticeably paler than before. She gave him a smile that showed off her sharp teeth. "You didn't see anything. Got it?"
"G-g-got it!" Piccolo stuttered.
Puddin nodded, still smiling, before she rested her clean hand on her hips and let her face turn serious.
"Here's the dealio," she said. "There are two more Saiyans on their way to Earth right now. They'll be here in about a year. You have until then to take Gohan," she said, pointing to the unconscious child, "and train him up to be a proper fighter. Got it?" Piccolo didn't vocalize a response, but he did manage to nod his understanding. "Good. Now I gotta get going."
Puddin reached for her belt and activated the recall device. Lights wrapped around her before she was transported through space and time. She hoped everyone wouldn't be too mad at her.
High in the air and concealed from view by a small cloaking device, another Saiyan smiled as he watched the Time Patroller disappear, leaving a terrified Piccolo all alone. That had been such an interesting and brutal fight to watch.
Such a fascinating combatant, Turles thought to himself with a smile. And murdering Kakarot like that? Exquisite.
"I think I'm going to like this one," the Saiyan pirate said to the Namekian next to him. "There's just… something about her." His companion nodded in agreement.
"Indeed. But we should go," Lord Slug rumbled. "The other fighters will be here soon."
"Good point," answered Turles. "Besides, I think our dear friend will be interested in hearing about this new Time Patroller."
Without another word, the two interlopers vanished.
Puddin appeared back in the main room of the Time Nest and was instantly confronted with her three superiors. Elder Kai was practically hopping mad while Chronoa and Punohsa just had their hands on their hips and expressions of extreme disappointment on their faces.
"Um… well…" Puddin tried to say. "I fixed it, right?"
"Indeed, you did," Chronoa said with a nod, "but you came very close to unraveling things." She sighed before walking forward to take the Time Scroll from Puddin.
"I will admit that you stopped things from getting worse," Punohsa said, rubbing a hand down her face. "At the very least, you showed you can think on your feet." Puddin allowed herself to feel a bit of hope. "However," continued Punohsa, squashing Puddin's hope, "you will one day find that quick thinking will not be enough to salvage a mission."
Puddin's head dropped dejectedly.
"I'm…" she whispered, "I'm sorry."
"'Sorry' isn't good enough!" snapped Elder Kai.
"I hate to admit it, but he's right," said Chronoa from where she was replacing the scroll. She turned to face them all and put her hands behind her back. "You came too close to disaster today, Puddin."
Puddin stole a look up at Punohsa and it hurt to see her teacher look so disappointed. Puddin looked sadly down at the floor again. She wanted to melt into a puddle right then and there. Maybe she could stay like that for a few centuries. "As of now," said Chronoa in a firm voice, "you're on probation status. You'll need to show that you can take this job seriously before we can restore you to a full Time Patroller rank."
"WHAT?!" squeaked Puddin, whirling to face the Supreme Kai of Time. "But-but-but being a Time Patroller is the only thing I've ever wanted! It's all I can do!"
"Then you need to think," said Punohsa, drawing Puddin's gaze. "You need to be aware. If you can't do that, then no amount of strength will help you accomplish your mission." Punohsa let out a long breath and turned to set her hands on the table. "Take some time to meditate on that. You're dismissed."
"M-… Master… I-"
"I said," snapped Punohsa, "dismissed."
Puddin desperately tried to still her quivering lip as she stood up straight, bowed to her superiors, and walked out of the Time Nest.
She had achieved her lifelong dream only to have it blow up in her face.
She made her way home, hating herself with every step.