"so, he just carried you into the house?" Katharyn said shocked, we were sat in my office having our usual Monday morning coffee
"yes" I answered "then he proceeded to carry me to the bathroom, he ran me a bath, put bath salts in then lit candles to 'make me relax' he told me to soak for a while, then he just left me to get on with it. I was so confused. He hasn't shown that sort of affection in a while" I was explaining the previous night events to Katharyn who just kept nodding and sipping her coffee
"and afterwards?" she asked
"afterwards, well afterwards he went in the shower and then took me to bed" she looked at me to carry on "I hated it" I lowered my head feeling dreadfully ashamed
She reached over and held my hand "its OK Regina, he is trying, it will just take a bit of time to get back into it again"
"I know it's just-" I stopped not knowing if I should carry on
"it's just what?
I took a deep breath before I said this out loud "I don't know if I am attracted to him anymore, I mean when he was touching me last night I felt nothing. I haven't felt that empty during or after sex ever"
"ohh Regina I'm sorry" she pulled me into her arms, I would never normally allow this type of comfort, but I felt so drained, I didn't even sleep last night "it isn't because of a certain blonde is it"
"no" I answered immediately, "you were right Katharyn, what I feel for Emma was a teenage crush, she may be beautiful and I do find her attractive but I am married and I would never let someone outside of my marriage effect my marriage" I took another breath "I have felt this for a while with Robin I just don't know how to fix it. He is so distance half the time, but when he is present I don't want him to be, does that make sense?"
"that's only because you are both not use to it anymore. Give it time Regina I am sure it will be ok" I nodded and pulled away
"you're right, I just need to give it a bit of time" I knew deep down I wanted out but I am too loyal for my own good. I would rather work at my marriage with Robin than to see it end in divorce. Regardless of my feelings for Emma I needed to push them aside, I don't even know the girl anymore.
As if one que there was a knock at the door "come in" Katharyn called "oh Emma, hello"
"hello Katharyn, Mrs Mills" I frowned at her calling me Mrs Mills, in truth I hated hearing her saying but then I remembered I needed to be professional
"Miss Swan how are you this morning, ready for your first day" I questioned
"a little nervous but I am ready" why was she nervous "how is your ankle?"
"ohh it is ok, still a little painful but at least I can walk on it" she was looking directly at me at this point, I felt my breath hitch in my throat, god her stare was intense
"it certainly looked like you were looked after last night from what I saw" I heard the slight tremor in her voice.
Not wanting to go into this conversation with her now as I didn't see the need I changed it immediately "yes well, I was" I saw her face go back to being masked "Katharyn, can you show Emma to her desk and introduce her to the team. Emma we should sit down together this morning and go through this week's agenda"
"Of course, come on Emma, I will show around and give you the gossip of the office" I heard her say quietly thinking I didn't hear
"Katharyn, no office politics please" I snapped
"yes 'Mrs' Mills" she smirked and took Emma out the room, Emma didn't look back at me which was slightly unsettling
My morning was so busy I completely lost track of time, it wasn't until Katharyn came back to the office to see if I wanted lunch that I realised I hadn't even managed to get to speak with Emma yet. I told Katharyn my order and asked her to send Emma in as she left
About 15 minutes later there was a knock at the door "Hey, you wanted to see me?" Emma spoke as she peeked her head in the door
"yes, come in Miss Swan" I waved her in "please sit, I wanted to go over this week's agenda and to let you know what I expect from you being here"
She sat down and pulled her notebook out and pen "old school I see" she looked at me confused so I pointed to her notebook "notebook?"
"ohh should I use something else?" I noticed she held her pen tightly "I-I didn't know if you wanted me to bring anything else with me"
"that's ok. You can use the laptop we have provided, that is yours to take home also, but please feel free to use your notepad also if you are more accustomed to this"
I don't understand why this girl makes me so soft with her, people in her position in the past have always felt the wrath of me, I have zero patience. I mean who uses a pen and paper these days?
"I will use the laptop moving forward, I haven't been at my desk yet as I seem to have been introduce to the whole office so I wasn't sure I had a laptop" she spoke like an employee, guess I need to get my business head back on
"OK, so your laptop will already have my calendar shared with yours, so you will know when and where my meetings are. From next week I need you to keep this updated for me, I can not afford this to be wrong in anyway. My position is an important one, therefore if something is wrong this could end up disastrous. Do you understand Miss Swan?"
"yes, Mrs Mills" there it is again with the Mrs Mills "I have one request if this is ok?"
"you have been here half a day already and you are already asking for requests" I respond to her, but again those eyes made my wall fall "very well, what is it?"
"on Thursdays, I may be late, I have this thing with Henry that I can not miss and need to be with him. I had mentioned this on my application, but no one has mentioned this since with me, so I wanted to tell you personally"
"can I ask what this 'thing' is that so important that you need to go attend" she snapped her head up and look offended
"my son, my son is what is so important" she snapped back
"right" I just said back, and let the room fall silence, I had a million and one things to ask her, but I just couldn't let them leave my mouth
"so, is it ok if I could have Thursday mornings off?" she spoke quietly this time, almost timidly
"yes" I was still looking at her, she still had hardly looked at me throughout this meeting that I started thinking she was avoiding my eyes "why wont you look at me" I spoke without thinking.
Her eyes shot up to mine "what?" she held my gaze for a minute "sorry I am just finding this weird"
"weird how" I responded
"we were once equals Regina at school, now I have to call you Mrs Mills and now I work for you and you call me Miss Swan" she sighed
"you wanted this job Miss Swan"
"I know" she protested "I know, I just didn't know I would feel this way" my jaw tightened with frustration
"what way?" I couldn't help but ask
"nothing, I shouldn't have said anything"
"no, there is more what is it?" she sat in silence again not looking at me, I sighed in frustration again "Emma, what is it"
"I-I need this job, I really do, as well as the job at the gym, Henry needs a parent that can really provide for him" I saw her fidget with her pen again "I wasn't expecting to see you again" she whispered the last part
I sucked a breath in "well" I began "I wasn't expecting to see you again either"
"I'm sorry" was the only thing she said, but the way she said it I knew she meant it, all that time of being angry with her suddenly just vanished, seemed somewhat pointless
"timeout" I said, she looked at me confused "timeout from work for the next 15 minutes, we need to talk Emma, and I think the only way we are going to move on from the elephant in the room is to discuss things"
"OK" she said slowly
"I need to know some things" I saw the fear in her face "if I ask you some questions and you don't want to answer just tell me" she nodded and put her pen on the table
I took a deep breath before I asked the question I knew the answer too but wanted to hear it from her "is Henry Neil's child?" she nodded but kept her head down
"did you move away because you were pregnant" she looked into my eyes, I saw the conflict
"sort of" she answered "when I left your house that night I walked around for hours thinking, when I finally got home Neil was waiting in his car for me, I had totally forgot that he wanted me to seen him"
"what happened"
"well I tried to get past him to get to my house, he grabbed my arms trying to get me in his car, I was so scared that I started to shout for my dad. Neil still wouldn't let go and he kicked me in my stomach. I was so scared Regina that I told him I might be pregnant and to leave me alone. He stopped what he was doing immediately and stood in complete shock. I thought I had managed to avoid any further drama, but I heard my mother shriek in shock"
"didn't they not see him hurt you" I asked
"to this day I think they did but the shock of what I shouted about maybe being pregnant sort of over ruled it" I was gripping my hands tightly under the table trying to contain my anger
"my mother was so mad at me, I think my dad was in shock and started to walk towards Neil, he got the message and ran into his car and drove off. I have never been shouted at so much in my life that night, they wouldn't even let me explain what happened. It was the first and last time that my mother raised her hand to me. I quickly ran out of the room upstairs and packed my bag"
"why didn't you come back to me" I snapped
"I don't know, I wish I did, believe me, there have been countless times where I kicked myself for running away from you that night or not returning to you, but then I think to myself we didn't really know each other, and I couldn't put all this on you. You have to believe me Regina that I was a quiet kid, I didn't socialise very well, I was going through a lot and that night, my emotions were all over. When we kissed that night" I think we both blushed "all fears left my body, I felt safe and felt things I haven't felt before or felt since. At the same time it scared the living shit out of me. I didn't want to be a burden you at all"
"you could have been though" I was about to spill all my cards in the table but held back
"I know that now Regina, I was just scared and young and stupid"
"so what did you do after your argument" trying to move away from that part of the conversation as I felt dread build up in my gut.
"I ran away, I had a friend called August I spoke with online, I got in touch with him and he let me come and stay with him. I found out a few weeks later I was for sure pregnant with Henry, August helped me through the whole pregnancy I will forever be grateful" I smiled as I saw her face light up at the mention of August
"did you ever speak with your parents again, I heard they moved away?"
"only recently" and that's all she said on the matter
"OK"
"Regina, I know we were just kids, but I have felt bad every day for just running away from you like that. I always liked you and I hated myself for not explaining" she looked in my eyes. But my heart broke all over again, I could have helped her, I could have been there for her.
"its ok Emma, I understand" even though I fully didn't "we have both moved on from that, and everything worked out for the best right?" I forced a smile
"right yeah, so Robin huh, how long you been married for" I was startled by the question
"just under 2 years, we were together for a couple of years before we were married also" she nodded and looked down
"so you're really happy then?"
I coughed and move awkwardly on my chair "yes, I suppose I am" I smiled again
"great" I could hear something unfamiliar in her voice
"yup great" she sat in silence for another few minutes "are we still on a timeout?"
"I don't know, is there anything else you want to know?" oh god there were a million things to ask
"erm are you with anyone at the moment?" why on earth did I just ask that, did I even want to know
"no, no one" she answered immediately, I had to hide the smile on my face "whoever I end up with has to fall in love with Henry before I would even consider giving them a chance"
I laughed "well that shouldn't be hard, I have already fallen in love with his big brown eyes and shy personality"
The room fell silent filled with some tension I have never felt before, whilst my eyes widened at what I said, I cannot believe I just said that, I saw a small smirk on Emma's lips
"erm I mean I-"
Suddenly Katharyn walked into the office with two bags of food which I assumed was our dinner. "grubs up girl...oh sorry Emma, I didn't know you were still here"
"that's ok" Emma said while standing "we were finishing up anyway, thank you Mrs Mills"
I guess timeout was done "thank you Miss Swan"