The Diego Diaries: Home Again Jiggity Jug (dd6 115)
-0-Home
The door opened and a head peeked in. "Are you sober?"
"No. Get in here," Ratchet said as he lounged on the couch.
The door pushed open as half a dozen little kids ran inside followed by Prowl and Prime. Ratchet grinned at the kids who were delighted to be here. "Where's the elders?"
"Still working in the refugee intake," Prowl said as he picked up a plate to fill it for a child. He turned to Prime. "Why don't you grab the girls and find a place to sit. I'll bring their food over to you."
Huge mockery greeted that:
"Yeah, sit, Ozzie. Let Harriet bring your food over."
"I hate to see a mech get neutered like that."
"HA! HA! HA! YOU HOUSE WIPE, YOU!"
"Tamed ya, did he? Even Megatron couldn't do that. Good on you, Prowler."
"Sit, ya big girl."
"So sad to see them fall like that. Do you babysit?"
Prime walked to a chair with his daughters, one in each servo, then sat. He grinned at everyone in the room. "Frag you."
Fortunately, Ratchet's family wasn't there to be scandalized so it was only half terrible to hear vulgarity come from the First Disciple of Primus. Partition stared at Prime, his fork paused halfway to his mouth, then he continued to eat with a slight grin on his face. This place was awesome.
Prowl brought two plates for the girls, then walked back to settle the little mechs with help from Chromia, of all people. He then turned to Prime's plate. Heaping it up, he smirked at the suggestions from the punters. "Frag all of you," Prowl said as internally he was glad his genitors were still helping with Ratchet and Prime's in the migration. He walked to Optimus and gave him the plate and a beer, then walked back for his own. Fortunately, the take out food order had been suitably huge given that most ended up here after a battle so there was more than enough for everyone and seconds. He filled a plate, grabbed a beer, then sat down on a couch by the window. "This looks good."
"I did it myself," Ratchet said with a dazzling smile against an avalanche of scorn and derision. He grinned at everyone. "Cram it." He glanced at the titan kids sitting on the floor by the window who were eating with big grins. "Speaking of cramming, is it true that you have mid term exams this week?"
"We do, Ada," Genesis said. "We have to meet the others at the main library after school to study together. Do you mind?"
Everyone glanced at the earnest kids on the floor. Then they glanced at Ratchet. He grinned at them, then the kids. "Go and do. Just be home for dinner. Don't get arrested. I know we have pull in the law enforcement community but it would look bad on The Hourly News."
Laughter, huge and long. Maelstrom grinned at the three. "I doubt you'll find them on the police blotter."
"Better not," Ironhide said. "Typhoon will pulverize me."
Chromia grinned. "We can bust you both out of jail."
"I can't hear this plotting," Springer said. "I was deputized to uphold the law."
HUGE laughter greeted that. Ratchet looked at Springer with a fond expression. "You both need a good detailing. How's your optic, Drift?" he asked.
Drift glanced at him, then blinked his optical ridges a moment. "It's there."
"I'm so glad I didn't have to replace it. I hate fixing optics," he said with a vented sigh.
"I remember when the brawl in the courtyard happened and Gears broke an optic," Sunny said with a grin.
"I do too," Ratchet said. "He smarted off to you on the med berth so you punched him. I had two optics to repair that night."
LAUGHTER.
"I remember," Sunstreaker said. "I also remember you grabbing both of them and yanking them straight out of his head."
Groans, moans and sphincters tightening were had as the room let Ratchet know their position on patient abuse. It was unanimous. He laughed anyway. The door opened and another helm peeked in. "COME IN! THE WATER IS FINE!" Ratchet called out as the rest of his femme daughters walked in. Elita and Jetta came last and joined the line for dinner. "How's things going, Jetta?"
He grinned at Ratchet who he loved. "We're doing great. We've put them up in the first new city in the Crater District. It's going to be a bit lonely out there until the next few migrations come in but the business district is building up so they won't have to journey too far to get things taken care of. All in all, its going well." Elita handed him a plate so he turned to fill it up.
There was room made for everyone as the littlest kids stood in the middle watching relatives and friends move here and there to sit and eat. Orion watched the femmes, then smiled brilliantly. "ADA! THEM SHES! THEY COMEDED HERE! THEY CAMED, THEM SHES!"
Ratchet grinned. "They did. By the way, we have to make up conferences for everyone but Hero and Praxus."
Ironhide nodded. "I wonder what Roto can tell us about you-know-who and his speech thing?"
"I don't know." Ratchet grinned. "Who wants to volunteer to throw him down some stairs?"
LAUGHTER and a few volunteers with caveats: "I'll do it but he's mine then, Ada." -Springer with a nodding Drift.
That idea was nixed.
"When's the next war game?" Chromia asked because she and Maelstrom had the biggest, baddest, most armed, and ridiculously modified pair of little bots ever in the spare room of their apartment.
Everyone turned to Prime who paused his beer halfway to his mouth. He glanced at Prowl. "When's the next war game?"
HUGE RIDICULE:
"Seriously, Prime … you're worrying me."
"Have to ask Mama? What a big baby."
"Hey, Ma! Can he come out to play?"
Prowl glanced around the room with a withering glare. "He doesn't have to ask me," he said, then he glanced at Optimus. "In about six decaorns."
HUGE RIDICULE! (Insert 'YA BIG FEMME!' and 'HEY, MAMA!' remarks here)
Optimus grinned, then chuckled as he sipped his beer. "Frag all of you."
Partition stared at the byplay with an almost comical expression of surprise. Then he glanced at Ratchet who was smirking slightly at him. Ratchet raised his beer toward him in salute, then he grinned. Nodding, Partition continued to stuff his face. It was the strangest and most wonderful thing ever, being here and seeing this.
"We have a meeting tomorrow at 1000 hours, just so you know," Prowl said as the entire room groaned. He glanced around haughtily, then shook his helm. "Fraggers."
"Good thing your ada isn't here, Prowler," Ratchet said with a grin.
"Your ada gave up on you some time back," Prowl said as he glanced at his nemesis/favorite alibi.
"You're both reprobates," Alor said as he put Prowler down on the floor. "Sit by me, okay?"
Raptor laughed, then glanced at both. "When are you getting drunk again? I want to come."
"Soon," Ratchet said. :Prowler? Who's supposed to write the part of our story after my ada? Remember that?:
Prowl stared at him, then blinked. :Oh, right. I don't know. Was it your ada or mine? I lost track. I may have been drunk too:
:I'll ask Turbine later. He always keeps track of slag. He's that holy: Ratchet replied.
They both grinned at each other.
"I don't like the looks of that," Blackjack said as he finished feeding Scout part of his dinner roll. "What are you two grinning at each other for?"
"Nothing," Alor said. "We might hit up Las Vegas and do the town next time we get drunk. I wonder what the jails are like there?"
"I watched a series on TV about their jails and they aren't good," Raptor said. "It was about jails in different towns in America. You don't want to find out."
"Our jails are so much more genteel," Prowl said. He looked at Springer. "Correct?"
"We leave a mint on your pillow in the lock ups," Springer said.
"We're missing out having our own apartment, Kup," Hercy said with a grin. "I want a mint too."
"I'll put a mint on yer pillow then," Kup said to long and sustained laughter.
"Sounds good to me," Hercy said. "Or maybe you can put them on the mantle next to our many trophies."
Huge suggestions for where the mints could go was had, then dessert was suggested. A lot of logistics later …
"I do like apple pie," Ironhide said. "You know, when we were in the pretender shells on Earth, the food there tastes just like it does here. Rampage is a genius."
Everyone agreed. So did the little kids:
"APPA! I, ORION, LIKEDED DIS!"
"Open your pie hole, Orion. Here comes some cherries," Elita said as she leaned forward. He danced over and took the bite, rubbing his tummy. "I LIKED THIS, SHE!"
"Elita," she said with a grin.
He looked at her with his comically intense concentration face. "Frito."
Snickers were had. Especially from Maelstrom. She glanced at them, then Orion. "Elita. Eeee-leee-tuh."
"FREEEEE-to." Orion looked at her with a hopeful expression.
She grinned at him. "Nailed it," she said.
Orion grinned at her, then looked at his grandfathers and old dad. "Atar … I, Orion, LOVE Frito."
"Who doesn't?" Raptor replied. "Especially with chili and melted cheese."
Laughter took over for a moment, then more pie and cake was had. By the time everyone was satisfied, there would be simply nothing left. They sat sipping tea and coffee as Ironhide and Raptor crammed the dishwasher.
"We need one of those," Springer said to Drift.
"We don't cook," Drift said.
"We need somewhere to hide the slag when someone comes over," Springer said.
Drift grinned. "I can see that."
"So, essentially, you're saying you're lazier than me?" Elita asked as Chromia grinned.
"Yeah," Springer said.
"Where did we fail, Ironhide?" Ratchet asked.
"Well, they were someone elses heartburn for the majority of their bringing up," Ironhide replied.
"You love us," Springer said with a grin. "Who else is going to take care of you when you finally get too old to do it yourself?"
"He has a point," Ratchet replied as he glanced at Ironhide.
Ironhide glanced at Springer, then nodded. "On the top of his helm, yes. He has a point."
"We have a meeting tomorrow. Save some of this for the good of the order," Optimus said as he sat with a plate filled with pie and cake.
"I have a joke book I'm bringing. It's called, '2000 bathroom jokes'," Springer said. "I figured that I'd bring it since our staff meetings are the shit."
A moment on the urban dictionary site bought huge laughter and a slight scowl from Prowl. Turbine who was laughing loudly glanced at Raptor. "That youngling takes after you."
Raptor glanced at Springer, then grinned. "I can see that."
Alor paused a moment to listen to something off line, then glanced at Prime. "I just got the word that a Tall White ship took off just now from Nellis heading toward space."
Prime glanced at Prowl who was already contacting Ops Center from the distracted look on his face. He turned in his chair toward Prime. "A Seeker patrol is going to follow it. Apparently, there's no traffic between the aliens and the humans handlers who we've traced. It appears that they're making a break for it themselves. Only one of the four ships that are there has lifted off."
"Then we need to track it. If they head toward the breach, I want them rounded up. How long before they reach that part of space?" Prime asked.
"It will take their ship two weeks Earth time to get there. I can have Tennyson track the vessel and report its progress and any communications that it makes," Prowl said.
Optimus nodded, then glanced at Alor who ran the monitoring mission in Las Vegas. "You are going back tomorrow, right?" Alor nodded. "Then make sure that any attempt to communicate is monitored. I want to know what is happening as fast as possible."
"What about the Reptilians?" Turbine asked. "Have we heard from them?"
"Not yet, but someone told us that they take a long time to make decisions. We might sooner or later," Prowl said with a shrug.
"I can wait a bit," Ratchet said. "We have to sort out the home front. Thank Primus their tech isn't fast enough to reach their home world too quickly."
Prime nodded. "Yes. I need to visit Tennyson for a first hand update of the situation. I never had a chance to ask about alternative Imperialis and the Hish monsters."
Ironhide nodded. "Put it on the agenda."
Prowl gave Ironhide a smirk. "You're not the boss of me," he said before he got pelted with debris from all corners.
-0-TBC 9-2-17 edited 9-4-17
Catch up on notes with the next piece. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
ESL and others: (anyone under 50 essentially) There was a fictional (but real life) family called the Nelsons who had a tv show on television in the early days called Ozzie and Harriet. They were Ozzie (Oswald) and Harriet Nelson and their three sons. One of them was the singer, Rick Nelson and they had this family television show that was very old timey and filled with male and female roles and other now sexist slag.