Isabella
"Thank you for calling me." his voice sounded far away. I wanted to go back to sleep where it was peaceful and life was uncomplicated. I didn't have to deal with backstabbing best friends, evil school bullies, and crushes on boys that would probably go nowhere. I could relax and not have a worry in the world.
I felt my body be lifted into the air. My legs swung over his arm and a hand was pressed firmly against my back. I keep my eyes closed and snuggle up against his warm body.
"Yeah, man. You were under her list of emergency numbers." Embry whispered. "She was just so out of it and her friend ditched her. She's like on the verge of a breakdown or something."
"I was? I thought that she would have blocked me by now." his voice was surprised.
The only emergency contacts I had were Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, and… Edward.
I was in Edward's arms. I was currently inhaling his mouth-watering scent, it felt like a drug to me. I knew that I should be angry. I knew that I should push him away but I was just so… tired. Nobody had held me like this in a long time. I felt safe, cared for. Edward made me feel this way. He made me feel whole. I didn't want to feel this way. I wanted to hate him but at the moment… I needed him. That's why I stayed asleep. I didn't want to be put down just yet.
Perhaps all this time, I didn't hate Edward. I hated myself. I hated that he could see all of my insecurities. Edward knew my favorite color, my pet peeves, my favorite day of the week. He didn't even have to ask if I was sad because he could immediately tell.
"Did she have anything to drink?" he asked.
"I don't think so. I found her like an hour ago and she seemed fine to me. I'd just be careful."
They talked about me like I was made of glass. Just because I had a few screwups didn't mean that I was a fragile person. People made mistakes but everyone liked to remind me of mine.
I moan and shift in his arms. My cheek pressed against his soft cotton shirt. "Go back to sleep." he whispered in my ear. "I'll take you home soon."
Half out of it, I nodded my head, letting myself drift further and further away.
"Do you know where Angela went?" his velvety voice spoke.
"I'm pretty sure she left with some girls about an hour ago. I would have tried to stop her but I had to keep an eye on, Isabella."
"Alright," Edward sighs. "We better get going now. Dude, I don't know how to thank you. She's just been a wreck lately. Everyone's really worried."
"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad that I could help her." said Embry in a somber voice. "Just get her home safely, alright? She's suffered enough tonight."
"Will do." Edward replies.
He holds me tighter in his arms as I feel him start to walk. My eyes stay closed as we make our way down the stairs and back through the smelly sticky bodies surrounding us. I immediately feel the cold breeze touch my skin as we step outside. Goosebumps spread down my arms and legs but they're suddenly gone when I'm placed inside Edward's warm car. The doors slam shut and the engine starts up.
"Bella?" his voice softly calls. Edward lightly touches my shoulder, shaking me awake.
"I wanna sleep," a whine escapes my mouth. I lay my head on the window, trying to get comfortable.
"I just need to ask you a question. Can you wake up for a second?"
"No." I mumble.
"C' mon Bella, just open your eyes for a second and then you can go back to sleep."
I know he won't stop bothering me until I listen to him. My eyes flutter open, I turn my head and look into his striking green eyes.
"Thank you." he mutters. "I know that you're tired but please tell me one thing."
"What Edward..." I groan.
"Did anyone hurt you at the party? Did you do anything you didn't want to do?" his voice was anxious.
I shrug my shoulders and sigh, "Angie, hurt me. She took everything and left me."
My fingers drift to the locks on the door. My heart races against my chest and my hands tremble. Fifteen times. I had to hear the little click fifteen times and then I would be fine. I press the button locking the door. I click again and again and again. I didn't care that Edward is watching.
"What did she take?" his voice is confused.
I don't respond. My eyes are focused on the door handle. Four clicks, five clicks, six clicks. Nine clicks left to do. I clenched my jaw, wanting to stop but the nagging fear at the back of my mind told me that Jacob could be near. Anybody could be near and I could be hurt. I'm so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid-
"Isabella!" Edward grabs my hands, forcing me to stop. My chest heaves up and down as my eyes fill with tears.
"Let me go!" a strangled cry escapes my throat.
"You are going to break my car. Just let me take you home."
I hurriedly shake my head back and forth. "I'm supposed to be at Angela's. We lied to our parents. They think we're at each other's houses."
"Then I'll take you back to my house." he calmly responds.
Edward lets go and starts the car. I tilt my head back and touch the switch on the door. The little click calms my heart. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen.
My hand rests on the handle when I get to fifteen. Edward didn't say anything. I knew he was watching me but was polite enough not to ask me about it. He just keeps his eyes focused on the road in front of us.
We drove another ten minutes until we finally made it onto the windy dirt road leading to his four-story house. It was a greyish-blue color with a wrap-around porch. The entire wall on the right side of the house was a window, giving you the perfect view of the forest. Edward stops in front of the house, not pulling into the garage.
"What are you doing?" I questioned him.
"It's easier to leave in the morning if I leave it parked out here. I am going to drive you home tomorrow."
I unbuckle the seatbelt and step out into the cold. It was only September but already the temperature was dropping. I rub my hands against my arms, trying to create some heat.
I scowl, realizing that I was going to have to spend the night. I didn't want to go home and raise questions but at the same time, I wanted to distance myself from Edward as much as possible. I didn't like what he made me feel. The last time I felt this much joy, he broke my heart broke into a million pieces and I didn't want to take that chance again.
"Alice is sleeping over at Rose's and my parents are at a medical convention in Olympia-"
"So we have the house to ourselves?" I cut him off.
Edward nods his head, stuffing his hands in his pocket.
"Great." I mutter. I push past him and up the stairs into his house. I'm immediately met by warmness and the smell of pizza. I kick off my shoes and take a right, entering the large state of the art kitchen. An island sat in the middle of the kitchen with marble topping. All around the painted white walls were counter and cabinet space. Two small windows were above the sink, giving a view of the garden. I pull the stool out from the center island and open the box of pizza.
It's Pepperoni. Gahhh. I hate pepperoni.
"We have leftover pasta if you want that instead," Edward says from behind me. I roll my eyes and take a slice before turning around to face him.
"I'm fine with this." I say in a deadpan voice.
"You hate Pepperoni."
"I like it now."
Edward exhales a loud breath of annoyance. He stomps over and sits down on the wooden stool across from me.
"Why did you get pizza if you are all alone?"
Edward shrugs his shoulders. "I didn't feel like cooking anything."
"You never feel like cooking anything."
Edward smirks, picking off a slice of pepperoni and throwing it into his mouth. He runs his hand along the stubble on his square jaw and yawns. He rubs his eyes with his fists as he had done since he was a child. I couldn't help but smile. I was reminded of how much fun we had together when I was younger. How innocent we both were. All of us were.
"Can I ask you a question?" he spoke suddenly.
"Depends on what it is." I wearily say.
He purses his lips but speaks nonetheless. "You said that Angela hurt you earlier. Was it her leaving that hurt or did she do something else?"
Damn it. I thought that he would have forgotten. I clench the knife in my hand, trying to think of what to say. I doubt that it would go over well if I told him that she had taken the weed I bought.
"I thought that it would always be the two of us. Realistically, I know that friends drift apart over time but our friendship seemed so secure. I couldn't imagine that we'd ever leave each other."
"But you were drifting apart?"
I nod my head, unable to speak.
"I know what it is like, Bella. Trust me I do." Edward's voice was quiet. His sorrowful eyes pierced through me as if he was trying to send me a message. I was the cause of his heartache. I am what tore us apart. He was hurting because of me.
"S-she left me for Kebi Amini. That good for nothing rich bitch." I spit her name. "Angela and I hadn't spent as much time together the past year and I guess this was my last attempt at saving our friendship. I knew this was coming."
"None of this is your fault-"
"Don't you dare say that!" I growl and glare at him through tear-soaked eyes. "All of this is my fault. You haven't been there. You don't know what it's been like."
"That's because you haven't let me! We've all been trying to help but you've pushed everyone away! Can't you see that?" Edward said incredulously.
"Like who, huh? My parents?" I scoff.
"What about my parents? Emmett! Jasper! Alice! Rose-!"
"I get it!" my voice is raw from all the anger.
"Why can't you just accept our help?" he throws his hands up in the air. "Is it so hard to just let someone take care of you for once? You're too stubborn for your own good."
"How many times do I have to say that I don't want your help?" my voice is calm.
"Bell-"
"Don't call me that." I hiss.
"Then, Isabella. Why don't you want anyone's help? Tell me that."
Because you'll blame me. I'm dirty, impure, nobody will want me. I'm just a slut. A dirty cheating slut.
"I'm going to bed," I mutter. "I'll see you tomorrow." I get off the chair and walk to the doorway.
"You're ignoring the question. Just say something to me!" Edward yells. His face is bright red in frustration.
Tear tracks stain my cheeks as I stop mid-step and turn around. A flicker of emotions flash through my body at the sight of the pained expression on Edward's face.
Edward won't leave me alone. He won't leave me alone until he finds out what is wrong and I know that he'll be disgusted with me. I'm disgusted with myself. I know what Jacob did was wrong but I should have been strong enough to stop him. I could have done anything but I froze. I know everyone will blame me. Isn't that how these cases went?
So I say the one thing I know will hurt Edward the most. He wanted to know how I was feeling so why not tell him straight up?
"Your parents should have let me die in the forest. I don't care about your parents or Emmett or my parents or anyone else for that matter. I'll do whatever I want and you of all people can't stop me."
I got back into bed. The door was locked, I checked fifteen times just to be sure. It was currently three o'clock in the morning and I was wide awake. I tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable.
The room was light purple with a canopy bed. There were two small windows across the room and the floor squeaked when you walked on the hardwood. There was an en-suite which was great because I hated the dark. Anything could attack and there would be no one to see you, no one to hear you.
I shouldn't have said that too Edward. He's probably going to go tattle to Carlisle and Esme that I'm suicidal now or something and they'd have me committed. No sane person would wish death upon themselves, only crazy people.
I can hear music coming from the floor above me in Edward's room. Why the fuck was he playing music this early in the morning? I'm pretty sure he was a vampire because he never slept.
Most days I got around four hours of sleep or less and it was a miracle as to how I was still functioning. Perhaps, I was about to break and I just didn't know it. Or my breaking point already happened and it was all downhill from here. Why else would I be thinking about this in the middle of the night?
Oh, wait I know! My life is a freaking trainwreck and I hate to admit it but Edward's right, I'm too stubborn to accept anyone's help. I told myself that I was going to act normal. I was going to be just another teenage girl and drink, party, make mistakes and learn from them. I was going to get a really cute boyfriend and we would do all of those annoying couple things but we'd love it. I was going to forget about Jacob and what happened and everything would start over from fresh. But I'm learning that it's a lot harder said than done.
My animosity towards myself, Jacob, and the world are what finally drove me to doze off… even if it was only for an hour, it was very much welcomed.
The night seemed to drag on for a hundred years. I was almost grateful for the sound of Edward's footsteps in the morning. I laid in bed as long as possible, squinting as the light from outside the window got brighter and brighter. It was eight o'clock and at this point, I was delaying the inevitable, I was going to have to see Edward at some point. I didn't want to face his growing amount of questions and skepticism into whether I was mentally altogether.
I drag myself out of bed, still in the clothes from yesterday and follow the smell of… smoke? down the stairs. I come around the corner into the kitchen to see a shirtless Edward standing frazzled by the toaster.
"Ar-are you trying to burn the house down?" my voice is incredulous. I rush over and dump the two blackened slices of bread into the trash can.
"Bella…" was all he could say. His cheeks were tinted with pink as he ran his hand through his uncombed hair. "I thought that I would try to make us breakfast."
"A five-year-old knows how to use the toaster." I roll my eyes.
"I just wanted to do something nice after yesterday-"
"Don't bring that up!" I say through my clenched jaw. "It was nothing. I was just super emotional and I didn't mean any of it, alright?"
Edward shakes his head. "You're a horrible liar."
"Well, you're a horrible cook. I don't know how you manage to screw up something as simple as toast!" I scoff.
"You're doing it again," Edward says. "Changing the conversation. You do this every time something isn't going your way."
"I don't know what you're talking about. When did you turn into such an asshole?"
Edward points his index finger at me, coming closer. Unleashed rage swam underneath his gentle eyes. I was pressed up against the wall with him glaring passionately down at me.
"Call me anything you want but the one thing I'll never be is an asshole." he spits. "I know that you are angry at me about Tanya but how many times do I have to tell you how sorry I am? How can I prove my worth to you?"
My hands slightly shake at my sides due to his proximity to me. I thought that I had gotten past this. Edward may be a dick but he would never hurt me. I knew that! Yet the dread still sat in my belly.
"You can get out of my face and drive me home. I didn't want you to get me from the party and I certainly don't want to be here with you right now. " my voice is as calm as can be.
"You don't mean that." Edward whispers. "I've loved you since the day we met and I know that you feel the same for me. Every little imperfection makes me fall harder and harder."
"Edward, don't say that" my voice is hard. I didn't want to add to the pain. I couldn't get any closer to him, it was best for both of us.
"It's the truth. I know that you don't want to hear it but you need to know that it's what I feel."
"I'm going out with Demitri. It wouldn't be fair to just leave him like this. I'm not going to follow you around whenever you decide that you want me!" I felt myself burning up. I was getting hotter and hotter, ready to explode.
"Just listen to me-!"
"No! I'm done listening! All I do is listen and follow others around! I want to be in charge of my own life for once! I want to take control!"
A bubbling, seething, deadly feeling surged through my body. I was at the tip of the iceberg and just like that… I cracked. Feelings of hopelessness, abandonment, and worry washed over my entire being. I sunk to the ground feeling as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I just wept. I wept for the past years that I had lost and that would never return. I wept for the unknown upcoming year. I had managed to drive almost everyone away and the people left were slowly drifting. I couldn't hold on much longer.
"Shhh. It's going to be alright." Edward whispered in my ear. He was curled up beside me on the ground. "Ju-just let me help you, please let me do that one thing."
I shake my head, not having a voice to speak. I didn't want to drag Edward into my mess. He had lived a fairly uncomplicated peaceful life and I didn't want to ruin it. Before I know what I'm doing, I lay my head on his shoulder. Considering that he was half-naked, I should have been more aware. His body was cold against my sweating skin and I relished in the feeling. Jacob's body temperature was hot. I didn't like feeling hot and Jacob was.
Edwards' arms wrap around my body, comforting me the best he can. Apart of me felt restricted but I didn't tell him to let go. Edward is a good person and good people don't hurt others, right? Jacob was a good person and he hurt me which made him evil. Anybody could change in a heartbeat. Nobody is as perfect as they seem.
I can feel my breath getting heavier with each passing moment. My chest heaves up and down, my brain telling me to push him away but I can't. His concentrated stoic face comes into view. Edward leans down, pressing his soft warm lips against mine. His hand softly rests upon my cheek. I don't move. I can't move. I'm paralyzed with fear. Big fat tears roll down my cheeks at an alarming rate. Ever so slowly, Edward pulls away.
I'm pretty sure that I'm in shock. Edward kissed me. He kissed me and now I'm sitting here, frozen like a dumb idiot. I can't stop thinking about what just happened, what he just did. I open my mouth but nothing comes out.
"You're mine, Isabella."
"Shut up." my voice shakes.
I have to getaway. How much further was Edward willing to go? I didn't want this. I loved him but I couldn't kiss him back. I couldn't be with him the way he wanted me to be. I couldn't be with anyone. Sex, intimacy, and love was all part of a relationship. A crucial part of the relationship. Who would want to be with a person who couldn't love them full-heartedly?
"Bella, talk to me." Edward's voice was urgent.
I don't respond. I bite my lip, drawing blood as salty tears touch the tip of my tongue. Edward is panicking. He yanks at his hair, looking around for help that he won't find.
The sound of a door echoes from the other room. Two pairs of footsteps get closer and closer. I lift my eyes to see the surprised expressions of Rosalie and Alice.
Author's Note:
Hello! Thank y'all for reading and for your support! A lot of stuff happened in this chapter! Isabella is trying to work out her feelings for Edward while he just seemed to screw it all up! Victims of abuse often have triggers which means that a certain action, color, object, or anything that they associate with their past experiences can suddenly cause them distress. In this case, it happened to be that Edward kissed Bella. Personally, I think Edward was out of line doing that. What do y'all think?
I'm not going to have a chance to update for a couple of weeks because I am going on vacation but I hope to hear from y'all in the reviews!