Isabella

"What has you in such a good mood, Isabella?" Dr. Haggerty questioned. I shrugged my shoulders and looked up at him. The entire morning, I didn't feel sad or tired or angry. I just felt… content. The day was passing by surprisingly fast. I felt semi-normal.

"You haven't had any outbursts today and seem to be doing better in your studies." he noted. The corners of my lips curve up, feeling slightly proud of myself. Rachel and I had been on good terms recently. We've actually been able to have decent conversations without me freaking out at her. If we weren't in this situation, I'd actually like her.

"How much do you think you've improved since you've come here?"

"What? I-I don't know." my mouth gaped open. I lightly tap the armchair of the couch, unsure of how to respond. He stares at me intently, giving me time to think over his question.

"We would have never been able to sit down like this and have a civil conversation in the beginning." he says. "Do you realize it's been a little over two weeks since you were admitted?"

My eyebrows furrowed together and I bite down on my lip, sucking excessively. It hasn't felt like two weeks. I know that it's been that long but it felt more like two years more than two weeks. "It feels longer. So much but so little time has passed." I say. "Did you know the football team won the state championships? Esme told me yesterday. My brother is the linebacker."

"How do you feel about missing the game?"

"It makes me feel-" Dr. Haggerty cuts me off.

"No one can make you feel anything, Isabella." he repeats it for the hundredth time. "Only you control your emotions."

I grumble to myself and start over. "I could care less. I've been to thousands of games. This is just another one of them." my voice is stone- cold, not showing any of the rage that was bubbling up inside me at the thought of my brother. I should be happy for him… I know.

"Then why did you bring this up if you don't care?"

I had no answer to that. Sometimes weird things would pop into my head and I would blabber and blabber until I got everything out. I don't know why I did a lot of things.

"It's alright to be upset Isabella. It's alright to feel emotions. Given everything you've been through, you deserve to rest."

You don't know what I've been through.

"Do you still think of committing suicide?" he tentatively asked me.

I purse my lips and breathe, "no." I don't think about it. I haven't thought about it in a while. Dr. Haggerty nods his head and still stares at me, waiting for what? I don't know.

"If given the chance would you try to take your own life again?"

"I… I don't know what I would do. I want to think I wouldn't do it again but that would just be a lie. Anything can change between now and the future. You just never know."

"How would you feel if you were discharged from the hospital?" he says. "How would you cope?"

My head shoots up as I hear what he says. I clutch my stomach, feeling nervous yet excited at the same time. Was he being serious right now?

"I want to go." my voice raises "I want to go home… I need to go home." I don't know where home was. All I knew was that… I needed to go.

Afterward, I found Nessie watching tv. Two other girls sat in the room and played Monopoly briefly looking up when Rachel wheeled me in. She pauses the show as Rachel helps me out of the chair onto the couch. Sometimes I thought that Nessie could read minds. Whenever I needed to talk, she was there.

"What's wrong?"

I let out a deep breathe. I didn't know how I was going to tell her. She was my friend. My best friend. A better friend than Angela could ever be.

"Imleaving." is all that tumbles out of my mouth.

She gives me a look that says- what the hell did you say?

"I'm… I'm leaving. I'm going home tomorrow." I breathe. "Dr. Haggerty thinks that I'm ready to go home. Of- of course, there's still stuff I need to work on and I've agreed to go to therapy and get help but he thinks I've learned valuable lessons and some other shit."

"That- that's great!" Nessie exclaims with feigned enthusiasm. "I'm happy for you. I really am."

There was a lump of sadness inside my chest that I couldn't explain. "I don't want to leave you. You're honestly the best thing that's come into my life. I don't know how I'm going to get through the day without you."

"Omg trust me! Once you get out of here, you'll never want to come back! Why would you want to hang out with crazy me?" she laughs.

"You're not crazy." my voice is somber. "None of us are. We're all just… misfits. Sucky things happen to us and sometimes we just can't cope and end up here."

Nessie is abnormally quiet. A flicker of emotions crosses her face finally stopping on sadness. Neither of us could keep up the pretense that we were going to be ok. She brushes strands of hair out of her face and sadly smiles. "I-I've never thought of it that way. Are you sure you're sixteen? Sometimes you say stuff way beyond your years."

"Maybe, I'm not." I giggle. "Perhaps I'm an old woman trapped in a young girl's body."

"That would explain a lot."

We erupt in a fit of laughter, falling over on top of each other. We laughed and cried and then laughed some more… and then cried some more. I didn't want this day to end. I was actually happy. I had a friend. I had a friend who didn't mind my weird quirks and seemed to be just as strange as me. We could be misfits together.

"You never did say what happened." she says once we've calmed down. "What happened to you?"

My mouth is gaping open, unsure of how to respond. She had been so honest with me… more honest than I'd needed her to be. True friends don't judge each other and I didn't judge her so why would she judge me? She wouldn't. I knew she wouldn't. She would keep my secret safe. But something inside me screamed, "no!" I couldn't tell. I couldn't let Nessie carry my burden. It wouldn't be fair to her.

"You- you don't want to know." is all I said. She gives an understanding nod not pressing the subject. That was all I was going to say. It was all I was ever going to say.

Carlisle and Esme were worried. They thought that I was going home too soon and would relapse and didn't want me to have another episode. I wanted to be sure that it wouldn't happen again but I knew it probably would. Dr. Haggerty explained that it going home would be a big change and the most important thing I needed was structure and a daily routine. The more ordinary everything was, the better. Having a schedule did help. It eased the anxiety of the unknown. I knew what was coming next so I wasn't surprised. I knew when to take my medication when to go to bed, when to wake up in the morning. It gave me something to focus on rather than let myself spiral into madness.

"I think you should move in with us after you're released." Esme said. I look to Carlisle and he's nodding his head.

"I thought you said that it wasn't possible."

"We've given it a lot of thought and we're going to ask your parents today if you can come stay with us for a while. To be honest, you are in no position to be left on your own and leaving the facility can be a real struggle for a lot of people. Your parents are in no position to take care of you and we feel that it'd be best if you had an actual doctor around to help you when you needed help." Esme said.

"I-I don't want to be a bother. You shouldn't have to stop everything in your lives just for me. The past few weeks have been stressful enough and you've done so much and I-"

"Bella breathe." Carlisle stops the rambling. He gets up and comes to sit beside me. His hand rests on my back as I calm my heart. He counts with me. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

"Honey, you are apart of our family whether you like it or not." Carlisle smiled. "No matter how hard you try, you'll never get rid of us."

That I know.

"Are you feeling better now?" he worriedly asks. "I can get Rachel if you need her."

I shake my head back and forth indicating- No I don't want Rachel. She is the last person I want.

"We care for you, Isabella. You have to always remember that. We care so much and only want to see you succeed." said Esme. "So we're going to have to work together to overcome everything."

"I'll try." I whisper. "I promise I'll try."

The rest of the day felt like a blur, passing by surprisingly fast. It was already ten o'clock and I didn't even bother to turn off the light. Leah wasn't back and I didn't care. This just meant more quiet time for me. She was a noisy, loud, destructive person having no courtesy for others. I maneuvered my way under the covers with the big bulky cast and my eyes fluttered shut.

The morning came sooner than I wanted. I had a dreamless sleep for once and I didn't want it to end. I felt calm and relaxed and at peace. I wasn't worried about today and seeing my father and going home. I thought this was what I wanted. I wanted to leave but is it weird to say that some part of me wanted to stay?

"Are you ready, Isabella?" Rachel asked. I took a big gulp and nodded my head. If I spoke, I probably would have puked. Suck it up, Bella. You're going to be fine. Discharge was at 8:30 and it was currently 8:25. I'm wheeled around the corner into the hallway I first entered when I arrived. We arrive at the front in the lobby and suddenly I'm frozen. Charlie is standing at the desk signing papers. After a few moments, he puts the pen down and just stared at me. Even though it was only two weeks, it felt longer. Charlie and I couldn't have been further apart.

"Is there anything else to sign?" Charlie asks the receptionist.

She shakes her head and says, "That'll be all Chief Swan. You are set to take Isabella. Would you like some assistance with the wheelchair?" she asks once noticing my cast.

Charlie says no, being too stubborn to accept help from anyone. I say goodbye to Rachel, not knowing if we'd ever see each other again. "You get better," she says to me. "I don't want to see you back here for your own sake."

I'm about to respond but Charlie cuts in. "We've got to go." he grumbles. The way he's fidgeting around is a clear indicator that he's uncomfortable. He glares at Rachel as she gives me a resigned goodbye and watches as I'm wheeled out the doors. Charlie and I headed downstairs and out of the hospital where his police cruiser is waiting out front. "Did you talk to the Cullens?" I finally ask. I couldn't wait any longer for him to bring it up.

"Yes. I talked to them last night and it was agreed that you can stay with them for the time being. Also, Carlisle is taking a personal leave of absence from work to be able to stay with you."

I instantly felt guilty. He didn't need to go as far as to leave work. I wasn't worth all of this mess. Surely they would have understood by now.

"What did mom say?" I tentatively ask. I look down at my lap and fiddle with my fingers, remembering our last encounter.

"Esme and Carlisle didn't mention what happened?" he looks at me from the corner of his eye. His mustache twitches and I immediately know something is up.

"No." my voice raises. "What happened?"

"Your mother left two days after you were admitted from the hospital." he clenches his jaw and eyes narrow. I could practically feel the burning hatred pouring off his body.

"What?" I gasp. "How could you not tell me? How could none of you come to the hospital yourself and tell your own daughter that her parents were splitting up!? Don't you think I deserved to know?"

I was quickly becoming agitated. My chest heaved up and down as I struggled to regain control. I heard Charlie muttering something along the words of, shit. I grabbed onto the door handle. We were stopped at a red light. One, two, three, four… I did what Carlisle told me to do. He said to count until I was relaxed. Take a deep breathe in and take a deep breathe out.

"I didn't think you wanted us there." he tried to reason. "We wanted to give you space and time to get better."

What a load of bullshit.

"Where is my mom now?" I all but growled.

"In Phoenix, Arizona." he grumbled. "It turns out that she was also seeing somebody. His name is Phil."

So they both ruined their marriage. I hate this fucking Phil. I hate Sue Fucking Clearwater. I fucking hate everyone.

"I'm sorry, sweetie." he sighed. "I know this isn't what you wanted to happen."

"Bella."

All I could do was stare at my brother. We were at the front door, frozen in shock. My backpack was on my lap and Charlie was at the car with my suitcase. I was about ready to bolt. I had planned on avoiding Emmett at all costs but he just happened to be home. Neither of us knew what to say to each other. I didn't want to make this any more awkward.

"H-how are you?" he stammered.

I shrug my shoulders and press my lips into a thin line. "I've been better."

"I wanted to visit," he said. "But Esme said that you didn't…"

"You have to understand that I wasn't- I'm still not in a good place. I didn't want you to see me like that-"

"Do you think I would judge you?" he raises his voice. "You're my fucking sister. I love y-you." his voice cracks at the end. His eyes are quickly filling with tears and wipes them away as I pretend not to notice.

Emmett, my big brother bear, was fucking crying. This was a day I thought that I would never see. Of course, he's been passionately angry but has never cried in front of me. "Do you have to leave?"

"Yes." I whisper. "It's for the best. I need more help than dad can give me. I'm sorry."

Emmett looks torn. First mom left. Dad's been distant and now I was leaving once again. I didn't want to drag him into my mess. This was never my intention.

"I'll come visit whenever I can. You won't be alone. I promise."

I sighed, trying to think of how to put this nicely. I didn't want to crush his heart any further. "I… um, I need to be away from everyone for a bit. I think we shouldn't see each other for a while."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Emmett." my voice is meek. "I'll see you at school but other than that, I don't think we should see each other."

"Bella-!"

"I'm sorry." my voice breaks. Charlie chooses that moment to walk back inside. Without saying another word, my father helps me out the door, giving Emmett a look. My suitcase is in the trunk and I'm helped into the front. We pull out of the driveway and the last thing I see is Emmett standing at the window.

It physically pained me to do this to him but I needed space. I needed space away from them. My family. I needed a fresh start in a new place away from everything bad and that reminded me of Jacob. He wouldn't find me here. I was sure of it.

"Thank you, Carlisle. Thank you, Esme… for everything" I heard my father say. "You don't know how much I appreciate this."

"Charlie… don't fret about it." Carlisle said. "We're always here to help."

"I promise that Bella is safe with us," said Esme. "You can come and visit anytime you like and you are always welcome."

"Thank you," he sighed. "But I'm not sure how much Bella wants me around at the moment. I think it's best if I just take a step back."

I can't listen to this anymore. I put my earphones on and close my eyes, wishing their voices away. I just needed to sleep. I needed to clear my mind.

Author's Note:

Hey y'all! I'm actually really proud of myself right now because I've been writing a lot more again and I promise that I'm going to try to update sooner! Also, I know that I have so many stories going on right now and I promise that I'm not going to start a new one until I finish all of the ones I'm writing! Also, I plan to only work on this story until it's complete and then I'll move onto one of the other stories! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, it means so much to me! I promise that I'll update again soon!