Isabella

"I'll just be a moment," said Carlisle as we were about to leave.

Esme cocks her head to the side and furrows her eyebrows. What did he have to say to Victoria that he couldn't say in front of us? A million thoughts started running through my head. He gives a polite nod and a look to Esme that says- we'll talk later. I know it's about me. It was always was.

The door shuts behind us, preventing me from hearing whatever it was they were talking about. I look around the waiting room to that a few more people had arrived but none that I recognized.

"I'm going to head to the ladies room," Esme suddenly stands up. She smooths out her skirt with the palm of her hands. "Do you need anything or are you alright by yourself?"

"I'm fine," I smile.

She nods her head once, convinced, and walks around the corner out of sight. This was my chance. I wheel myself closer to the door, we had just exited and strain my ears. I could hear hushed voices speaking in a desperate tone.

"... worried she's… Edward scared… nightmares last night."

"What else… traumatic events… act out sometimes."

"Help… don't know… could happen again."

Carlisle knew something. The feeling of nausea rose throughout my body. I had fucked up. Damn it! I twirled the ends of my hair around my fingers as the anxiety increased. Carlisle would find out and tell Esme and everyone would be disgusted with me. Jacob ruined me. He made sure that I knew what the consequences would be if anyone were to find out. He knew my life would be ruined. I didn't want to believe him but if he was capable of rape than what else would he do?

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Esme coming back. I jerked away from the door and resume my original position. I didn't want to get caught.

"You're cheeks look flushed." Esme notices as she walks closer. "Are you sure that you're feeling all right? You're not feeling sick are you?"

"I'm fine. I was just feeling a bit hot." I tried to assure her. Even I didn't sound convinced at my reasoning.

"Well, how about we head outside?" she suggests. "The cool air will help you feel better."

I'm about to respond but the door opens and out walks Carlisle and Victoria. They both have fake smiles plastered on their faces. They're trying to show that everything is normal- everything is fine. I could smell their lie a mile away.

"Thank you all for coming today," Victoria was sympathetic. "I understand that these meetings aren't always easy but I believe we accomplished a lot today."

We accomplished shit.

"Thank you for seeing us," respond Carlisle. "Am I correct to say there's another appointment next Friday?"

"Yes. You can schedule it with the receptionist and everything should be all set." she hummed. "It was nice to meet you, Isabella." she warmly spoke. "I look forward to seeing you next week."

"Yep." I grit my teeth together.

I wheel myself around and go away before she can say anything else. I don't have to see the look on Carlisle's and Esme's faces to know that they're pissed off with me.

I'm hiding around the corner from the dining room, listening to them talk. I was supposed to be in my room. I wasn't allowed to come out because apparently, my behavior at the hospital was unacceptable. I should have been respectful of the therapist even if I didn't like her. That's a load of bull.

"...who is this guy, she's talking about?" I heard Esme say. "She's never mentioned anyone to me."

"I'm not sure," Carlisle sighed. "I couldn't get her to say anything else but you should have seen her- she's terrified. Something's preventing her from speaking."

"Or someone."

"I've tried to reason with her but she's just so stubborn. I could never get her to open up to me."

"Well, were you acting as her doctor or her parent? There's a fine line between the two and you've got to decide who you want to be in her life. You can't be both."

"I understand, Esme but I'm worried. How much longer before she goes on another suicide mission?"

Esme doesn't respond. I know what she's thinking.

"We all are."

"Everything is starting to make sense now. She always tense and more alert around men. When I hugged her at your birthday last year, I felt her stiffen at the contact."

"And Edward." Esme noted. "I think that she's been avoiding Edward."

"How so?"

"She flinches every time she hears his name and makes a point to never be in the same room as him."

"You're right." his voice was grave. "Perhaps, Alice can speak with her. She can get anyone to open up."

"I'm not sure…" Esme sounded uncertain. "Alice can be a lot to handle. She's already caused Bella to have a panic attack and I don't want to overwhelm her again."

"Well, how do you suppose we do this?" grumbled Carlisle. "Victoria said that we should just continue to monitor her for now.

"Maybe she's right. We can just them talk with each other," said Esme after a few seconds. "I'm sure Victoria knows what she's doing but if we aren't seeing any improvements than we can intervene."

I grit my teeth together and willed myself not to scream out. I was so angry and upset and frustrated. Everything was bubbling up inside of me and I was about ready to explode. I had given away too much. They knew too much.

Is that a bad thing?

Yes, it is a bad thing. More people will be hurt- I will be hurt. Jacob never broke a promise.

I go back to my room and softly shut the door. I didn't want to listen to it anymore. I don't know how much longer I could hold it in. Was it a mistake? Did I leave too soon?

I had already stained my family's name and I didn't want to damage the Cullens. They deserved better than what I had to offer. They deserve someone who wished to be saved. I knew I couldn't.

"Bella, honey?" Esme calls my name softly.

She opens the door and stepped inside. Clothes were strewn across the floor and my bed was unmade. I hear the click of her tongue. She had a thing about mess. I'm staring out the window and have been watching two squirrels chase each other for the past several minutes. Right when one's about to catch the other, he runs away. One of these days he's gonna get caught.

"Can you turn around and face me?" she sighs.

"Come here," is all I say.

"What?"

"Come here."

Her footsteps sound closer until she's standing right beside me. I point out the window at the two squirrels who were now calmly resting beside each other.

"They seem happy now." I sigh. "It won't last for long. Something bigger and worse will come along, ruining their fun."

"Bella, what are you talking about?" she cocks her head in confusion.

"Innocence doesn't last forever. You think you're safe and just one thing can change all of it." I laugh. "A hawk can swoop down and kill both of them in a second… or a dog." I sighed. "A rather large dog."

The room is full of tension. I can hear Esme's labored breaths as the wheels in her head turn, processing what I just said. She fidgets beside me. I remain calm and continue to look out the window. She places a hand on my shoulder and I don't flinch- I saw it coming.

"I made a late lunch. Would you like to come to the kitchen?" her voice trembled.

"I thought you told me to stay in my room."

"Don't argue with me."

"What? I was just pointing it out." I roll my eyes.

She pinches the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger. Her eyes narrowed into slits and face scrunched up in frustration.

"Fine!" she turns around and walks to the door. "If you want to behave this way then feel free to stay in your room for the rest of the day. I don't have the time or energy to deal with your attitude- I already get enough of it from Alice." She mumbled the last part.

The door slams shut, echoing throughout the room. I continue to sit by the window. I can imagine Emmett scolding me. He'd force me to apologize before lecturing me himself.

Fuck you, Emmett. My mind sneered.

I didn't have to listen to him anymore. I didn't have to listen to anyone. Being polite and nice is what got me into this fucking mess. Jacob took my kindness as a sign, he could do anything he wanted. People thought that they could walk all over me because I was too shy to speak up for myself.

Well not anymore.

It was Saturday. Only two days until Monday. Two days until I went back to school and had to deal with the awkward glances because of this stupid cast, avoiding Emmett, and trying to repair my somewhat relationship with Demetri. I wouldn't be surprised if he found another girl. Edward hadn't come home last night or today. He was staying with Jasper, Alice said. I don't know for how long but I couldn't help but feel guilty for driving him away from his home- his family.

I sat in Alice's bedroom that was overwhelmingly pink and girly. For three hours she showed me all the dresses she bought. Each one looked the same- pink and flowy. I don't know why she didn't ask Rose to do this.

"How does this one look?" Alice steps back into the room. She twirls around, giving me a full view. It was a long dress that hugged her body and showed off her curves. The top was cut down, showing off her boobs and had a sequence of diamonds around the waist.

"It looks nice-"

"Oh don't say that!" she whines. "I look like a slut!"

"You asked for my opinion!" I defend myself. I don't know why she was getting all pissy.

"You've said that for every dress!" she dramatically collapsed on the bed. "I just want Jasper to like it!"

"I don't think he cares what you wear." I try to comfort her. "As long as you have a good time, I think that's all that matters."

"But-!"

"Alice!" I exclaim. "How about you plan for something a little bit sooner than prom? Like I don't know- Halloween?"

"I already know what I'm being!" she smirks.

"What?"

"A sexy vampire."

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. Of course, she was going as that- anything that showed off a lot of skin; so I don't know why she was crying about the prom dress.

"Jasper refuses to dress up. I wanted us to match but he doesn't want to be a vampire."

I wonder why.

"So I suggested he be a cowboy- a shirtless one at that."

Oh dear god.

"And is this what Jasper wants to be?"

"What kind of question is that?" she giggles. "We're going to be best dressed at the party, I'll make sure of it."

"I bet you will."

Last year, Emmett dressed as a Gladiator. He actually bought armor and a sword and he couldn't have been more convincing. If the children saw him, they would have been running in fear.

"What are you going to be?" she quirked her eyebrows.

I scoff, thinking she's joking. I wasn't going to any party or dressing up as anything. I was going to stay in my room, do my homework and watch reruns of Friends. Parties weren't my scene if she hadn't figured it out by now.

"Bella." she groans. "You can't skip the party this year. It's going to be at our house!"

"WHAT?" I roar. "Do your parents know about this?"

Esme and Carlisle couldn't have approved of a bunch of underage kids drinking and having sex in their house. They would flip their shit. The only reason my mother ever let Emmett go was that she thought that it was a slumber party like when we were five years old. She's clueless. Besides, didn't Alice warn me against going to parties? Wasn't I too 'young?' She is such a hypocrite!

"Of course not! Keep it down! Would you?" she hisses. "My parents can't find out. They're going to be away the weekend of Halloween, so it's the perfect time to do it."

"Why can't you do it Rose's house again like last year?"

"It's a tradition to change houses every year. We've never had it at our house and most of the school is expected to show up."

I gulp and try to push down the fear. I didn't like crowds and I especially didn't like strangers. Alice was a fucking bitch. All it took was a moment for an intoxicated person to attack. Nobody would blink an eye.

"Well, I want no part of it!" I growled. My hands clenched into fists as I try to cool the bubbling feeling welling up inside of me. I know what she's thinking. I'm going to tattle on her and the party will be canceled.

No. I'm not. That would just be stupid. I'd be the most hated person at school. I'm not that dumb.

I had no doubt Angela would show up with her new best friends. I hadn't talked to her in about several weeks and had nothing nice to say to her. I wondered if she and Ben were still together? I was tempted to find him and tell him what she did. I wanted her to suffer. I wanted her to feel the pain of losing someone. Was it wrong of me?

Last year for Halloween, Angela and I went as an Angel and Devil. I was with Angela clad in a white flowing dress. We had to take her brothers trick or treating which is why we didn't go to the annual Halloween party- not that I wanted to but Angela had been so excited. She's getting her wish this year.

"...Bella, please do this for me."

I look back up at Alice, not hearing a word of what she just said. "What?"

"You and Demetri should go together to the party."

"Wha- no!" I stutter. "I bet he's already forgotten about me. All the girls are dying to be with him."

"OMG, Bella! You don't give yourself enough credit!"

I roll my eyes. I wasn't beautiful or strong like Rose. I didn't have that friendly personality that could draw a crowd like Alice. I was just boring and plain looking.

"He asks Emmett almost every day when you're coming back. He never stops talking about you."

What? My mouth drops open and I feel my heart pick up a beat. She couldn't be serious. What did he see in me?

"You're blushing!" she squeals.

My cheeks turn pinker and I know I'm screwed. I was counting on the fact that he would have moved on. I didn't want to lie to him about where I've been. I was awful at it in case you haven't noticed.

"I don't know Alice." I hesitated. "I'll have to think about it."

"But I have the perfect costume for both of you!"

Of course, she does.

"Think about how much fun you'll have! I know for a fact that Demetri would go with you. I don't understand your hesitation."

"I don't like parties." I flipped my hair to the side and looked away from her. She of all people should know my bad track record at social events.

"Well, if you want to leave then you can go. I'm not going to force you to stay." she quiets down. "Don't you want to have some fun high school experience? You never go to football games or the school dances or clubs-"

"I get it, Alice!" I cut her off. "I'm no fun to be around! If I go, promise that you'll stop nagging me about everything?"

"I promise!" she instantly straightens up.

Maybe that'll be my chance to be normal- to show everyone that I'm back and better than ever. They don't need to know the truth.

Author's Note:

Hi, y'all! Thanks for reading and reviewing, it means so much to me! I'm gonna try to update again by next week or sooner. (There are no guarantees though). I also wanted to talk about the last chapter. So people were saying that Bella got all defensive during the therapy session because Victoria was asking such personal questions in front of Carlisle and Esme- which is true.

About five years ago, I struggled with suicidal ideation and went to a therapist with my family. The conversation Victoria had with Bella and the Cullens was the same one I had. I felt that it was super invasive and I definitely did get defensive because I didn't want to talk about all of that stuff, especially in front of my family, I'm sure you could understand.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you some context into the last chapter.

Thanks again!