Isabella
I'm not sure if I was imagining it but it felt as if a hundred eyes were burning into the back of my skull. I've kept my head down all morning, keeping to myself. I could only picture what people were saying about me.
"Welcome back, Isabella." Mr. Stanford greets me at the door. He was a tall, skinny, pale man with balding grey hair. His daily outfit consisted of a dress shirt and khaki shorts. He was nice but stern, taking no shit from any of the students.
I'm the first one in class, having been permitted to leave a few minutes early so I wouldn't get caught up in the crowd. All of the teachers had been made aware of the real reason why I was away so I wouldn't need to explain everything to them. I have to admit that I was slightly grateful for it.
"I understand that you've been through a lot, so if at any point during class you feel you need to leave, I'll give you a pass to guidance. Are you ok with that?"
"Thank you, sir." I politely smile.
I was becoming increasingly annoyed. I've been hearing this all morning from the teachers. They thought that I was going to explode at any moment. They pitied me. I didn't want to be pitied.
I make my way to my seat and pull out my notebook and pencil pouch. It felt weird to be back at school- a normal one. A place where everyone was worried about getting A's on their tests or being asked to the spring formal. I was only worried about surviving to the next day and not having a panic attack every few seconds.
A loud screech rang throughout the building and soon I heard the voices of hundreds of students. Ever so slowly, people started trickling into class, giving me side glances as they noticed the big chunky purple cast that consumed the lower half of my body. I kept my head down, hoping to draw attention away from myself but that only draws the curiosity of Felix Hunter.
The scowl on my face deepens as he sauntered over to my desk. His hair was pointed and spiky and he had his signature smirk plastered on his face. I look for the teacher, hoping he'll notice me but he's preoccupied with another student. A feeling of dread sinks to the bottom of my stomach.
"Lookin' good Swan. I love the new getup. What happened?" he feigned sympathy. He was just looking to push my buttons.
"Thank you for asking," I give a tightlipped smile. "I just got into a bit of an accident."
I won't let him win.
"Was the sex too hardcore with Edward?" he smirks. "Or wait- is it Demetri now?"
All I saw was fire. I imagined Felix on fire, slowly burning to death. I heard his ear-splitting screams, begging for help as I just stood by and watched. I saw the light leave his eyes. Don't freak. Don't freak. Don't freak.
"Class is about to start. Shouldn't you sit down? I'd hate for you to get in trouble." my cheeks hurt from the constant smiling. If I got angry then he'd win. I wouldn't let him affect me.
His eye twitches and hands clench around the straps of his backpack. The girl beside me, who has been quiet the entire time slightly backs away- not wanting to be caught in the line of fire.
"Do you have something else to say?" my head cocks to the side. I look him in the eye, daring him to say something- say anything.
"Fuck you." he growls under his breath.
He turns around and walks back towards his seat. Only the girl next to me was the witness to our interaction. Everyone else was oblivious. She stares at me the rest of the class, wondering what to think.
Surprisingly, I was caught up with all of the work and didn't miss much. Mr. Stanford carefully watches from across the room, just waiting for me to breakdown. Didn't he have something better to do than stare at a sixteen-year-old for forty-five minutes?
I was about ready to strangle him and prove his idea that I was an unstable mess when suddenly it was time to leave. Breathe in. Breathe out.
I packed up my bag and hung it on the back of the chair. I wheeled myself to the front of the room, aware of the whispers surrounding me. There were only five minutes left of class and the moment I exited the room, I felt myself release all the tension that had built up inside my body.
I quickly made my way down the hallway and took the first left. I was headed for the elevator when I saw Demetri. He was standing by the doors, waiting for the elevator as well. I let out a shaky breath and I'm prepared to turn around when he looks up. His eyes pierce my soul, breaking me apart.
"H-hi." he stammered.
He slipped his phone in his pocket and stared at me, kinda shocked. I don't respond, not knowing what I could possibly say to him. I didn't want to lie about where I had been but I couldn't tell him the truth. The truth was too personal. I bring myself closer and stop right in front of him.
"How are you?" there was a tint of worry in his voice. He fidgeted, not holding my gaze for more than a few seconds.
"Fine." I softly said.
He looked the same as before, nothing has changed with him. I swore he never washed that football jacket- it was permanently stuck to his body. Thinking that this couldn't be any more awkward, the elevator dings and the door opens. I reluctantly shuffle inside after Demetri.
The doors close shut and I push the button for the second floor.
"I'm sorry about your grandma." he breaks the silence. It takes a moment to process what he's talking about. The cover story.
"Thank you." I whisper.
He nods his head once and is quiet again. Should I say something? It feels like I should. We haven't spoken in several weeks. What do you say to your sort-of boyfriend?
"What happened?" he blurts. His eyes widen as he looks down at my cast. It was a shock to everyone.
"I fell down the stairs." I lied.
"What?" he coughs.
"I broke my femur."
"How hard did you fall?" he exclaimed.
"I fell from the top of the staircase." I gritted my teeth together.
I knew he would believe me. I could injure myself just from tripping on air. That's how clumsy I was and no matter how far fetched...it was a believable story.
"What happened to you?" I look him over once. He didn't look injured from what I could tell.
"I sprained my ankle." he shrugged. "I don't like wearing the wrap around my ankle. It's a pain to take it off each time."
"Oh." is all I can say. How much longer until the doors opened? I couldn't handle this awkward silence any longer.
"I'm sorry-"
"Isabella-" he starts.
It's silent before we burst into laughter. For a moment, I forgot why this was so awkward and I feel the anxiety steadily leaves my chest.
"I'm sorry," I quiet down. "I left so suddenly and didn't really give a reason why. I don't want things to be awkward between us."
"I was actually going to apologize." he blushed. "I'm not sure if I did anything to make you uncomfortable but I'd like to still go out with you and there's the Halloween party coming up at the Cullens and I-"
"Demetri!" I cut him off. His cheeks darken even further and he softly chuckles. He blushed when he was nervous. It's kinda cute.
"It's not you," I sighed. "I'm just trying to get situated back and to be honest, I thought that you had moved on. I didn't expect you'd still be interested in me."
He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head back and forth. "You're the only girl that I like. I would never leave you."
He meant that. He actually fucking meant that. I could see the sincerity in his eyes. A hint of a smile touches my lips and I'm tempted to squeal- oh my god I'm turning into Alice. Nobody had ever said that before and meant it. He didn't have some complicated ex-girlfriend or twisted reason for why we couldn't be together. For once I wanted to do something for myself. I wanted to prove to everybody that I didn't need Edward. I was better off without him.
"I'll go with you," I said after a few moments of hesitation.
A smile broke out across his face and it was contagious. I forgot about all my fears. I was just a normal girl going to a party with a normal guy.
Ding!
Finally! The doors opened- it took them long enough! Demetri and I exit side by side unable to wipe away our newfound excitement.
"How was your first week back to school?" Victoria asked.
"Fine." my response was nonchalant.
"Tell me more Isabella." she pressed.
"I saw Angela." I huff. "She switched into my lunch block."
"Who's Angela?"
"My friend-or I thought she was my friend. We kinda fell out a while ago. You know how you get into fights with your friends and make up? Well, this wasn't one of those kinds of fights and I'm pretty sure we're not going to make up. In fact, I don't want to make up with her."
Victoria scribbles something down on the clipboard and purses her lips. She was always writing stuff down but never told me what it was.
"Why don't you want to make up with her?" responded Victoria.
"Because she abandoned me." I spat. "Real friends will stick by your side when you need them. She should have known-"
"Known what?" she interrupted me.
"That I needed her." I gulp. I stick my trembling hands in the pockets of my sweatshirt. I didn't want to be sad over her. I hated Angela and the very air she breathed. I didn't even want to think about her.
"You and Angela seemed pretty close," she hummed. "Are there any other friends you can go to for help?"
"Not really. I mean there was Jacob-" I stop myself as soon as I start. I didn't need to talk about him. I couldn't force myself to relive the memories. But it's too late. She's caught on.
"Who's Jacob, Isabella?" she furrowed her eyebrows and inquisitively stared at me. I want to look away but I can't bring myself too. She could be very persuasive when she wanted to, I was learning.
"Nobody." my voice was monotone. I felt a coldness sweep over my body and all the warmth that had filled the room was now gone.
"A person can't be nobody. Everybody is somebody. Was Jacob also an old friend?" she tentatively asked. The clipboard was placed on the table, discarded- forgotten about.
"Yes." my voice is barely above a whisper and Victoria has to lean forward to hear me. I wrap my arms around my waist, trying to bring back the warmth.
"Was he a best friend?"
"The best." I look away from her. My vision becomes hazy from the tears that have filled my eyes. Don't cry. Don't cry.
"What happened?" she's moved across the room to sit beside me on the couch. "Did you and Jacob have a fight?"
"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I hastily say. I clenched my jaw together to stop my teeth from chattering. It was too cold. Much too cold.
"It's alright, Isabella." her voice is calming. She doesn't ask me any more questions about Jacob. Instead, we talk about Demetri- he's a safe topic.
"Tell me about him," she smiles. "What's Demetri like?"
"I never really pictured us together. He's sporty and popular and cute and everyone likes him." I blush. "I'm the complete opposite but somehow he found something in me. I'm not sure what though…"
"So he's your boyfriend?"
"I-" I choke on my laughter. "I don't really know."
"We're going to a party together and we talk a lot. I'm not sure if that qualifies us as boyfriend and girlfriend."
I didn't know what did because I had never been in a relationship. I didn't know the signs or how couples acted together. Maybe I was just a fling until he found something better. He couldn't have real feelings for me… could he?
"Well, how does he make you feel?"
"Happy." I blurt.
"Happy?" she quirks a smile. "How does he make you happy?"
I shrug my shoulders and look down at my clasped hands. "He makes me feel normal. I don't need to think hard when I'm with him. I'm almost myself…"
"Do you not normally feel like yourself?"
She brushes a strand of hair out of her face and waits for me to answer. I don't know how to respond without sounding mental. I just got out of the hospital and I don't want them to send me back.
"It- it's hard." I swallow the lump in my throat. "School is hard and making friends is hard. Everybody's just waiting for you to screw up so you always have to be perfect."
"High school can be a tough time for a lot of people. Sometimes you just need to let everything go. That's the only way you can get better."
That's easy for her to say. I hate people telling me that- it'll all get better. They've never been in my shoes. They don't know how it is to live my life. It's not like I would wish on anybody else what happened to me but I just want them to understand. I'm not normal and I probably never will be normal so they can't expect me to be a certain way. It gets exhausting when I break down and cry, everyone hovers. I hate that. I hate them. I don't even know who they are. Perhaps it's the world. Or my parents. Or the Cullens.
"What's this party you're going to?"
"A Halloween party." I sighed. "I'm being Princess Belle and Demetri's going to be prince charming. Alice suggested it."
"You don't sound excited."
I caught my bottom lip between my teeth and gently sucked. Did I want to go to the party? No. Did Demetri and Alice want me to go? Yes.
"I like the costume." I twirl my hair around my index finger. "I'm just not the party type. I don't fit in well with crowds." that was only half the truth. She didn't need to know the other part. "Demetri really wanted to go and I feel bad saying no. I figured we'd go and just get it over with."
"Well if your relationship is going to work then you've got to be honest with each other. If he's as great of a guy as you describe then I'm sure he wouldn't mind missing out on one party."
I knew that she was right but some illogical part of my brain told me that Demetri would break up with me and then I'd have no one and will be all alone.
"Why don't I propose an idea, Isabella?" she grabs the clipboard and places it on her lap. What's she doing now?
"You and Demetri can go to the party for at least an hour and if you're still not feeling up to it then you can leave. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."
I know he wouldn't mind. I'd just feel bad doing it to him. He deserves to have some fun also. Besides, don't couples do coupley things like go to parties? I don't want to be the most boring maybe-girlfriend ever.
"I guess we can do that." I look down at my lap. She nods her head in approval and turns back to her clipboard. What the hell was she writing?
I left thirty minutes later feeling… content. All we did was talk about school and Demetri and meaningless things. I hadn't had a normal conversation like that in- I don't know how many years but it felt good. It felt good to talk to someone about pointless stupid stuff.
Now, I was waiting outside the front door of the hospital when Carlisle pulled up. He helped me into the passenger seat and threw my wheelchair into the trunk. He started the car and drove off in silence.
I turn my head to see several large paper bags on the backseat. "Did you get Chinese food?" I break the silence.
"Yeah, Alice wanted it tonight," he said. "I also got your favorite. I know you're not a fan of Pork Dumplings."
"Thank you. It smells so good." I was practically salivating at the sweet aroma of the Sesame Orange Chicken. I loved Crab Rangoon but whenever we ordered something out, Alice would always end up eating my food. She didn't understand the concept of not taking other people's stuff.
We take the next right after the traffic lights and then the left. Carlisle continues to look straight ahead at the road, only nodding his head.
"How was the appointment?" he asks after a few seconds.
"Fine."
"That's good."
"Yep." I look out the window and try to ignore the awkwardness of this conversation. From the corner of my eye, his head keeps turning towards me. He wants to say something. Just spit it out.
"Edward's coming home for dinner." he finally speaks.
"What?" my voice trembled.
His hands clenched around the wheel. He knew something was up between the two of us. Why else would Edward spend the entire week at Jasper's?
"Esme wanted to have dinner as a family." he sighs. "I know something is up between the two of you, Bella-"
"Nothing's going on." I interrupt him.
He gives me the look, making it obvious he doesn't believe me.
"I understand if you'd prefer not to join us. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
Carlisle always did this- tried to play the peacemaker. I couldn't hide away forever. I had to face Edward because at the end of the day this was his home and his family and he couldn't stay away forever. I didn't want to be the bad guy. Esme was so considerate and I've been treating her like shit. I told myself that I'd be strong and wouldn't take anyone's crap anymore but she's just trying to look out for me and I've become Alice 2.0.
"I'll stay." I turned my head toward him. A flicker of surprise flashed across his face. I was surprised as well.
What's the worst that could happen?
I fidgeted at the table. Esme had given me a plate full of food which I barely made a dent in. The smell made my stomach roll and nausea set in. Edward was sitting right across from me and I couldn't bring myself to eat, to speak, to move. All I could remember was that night. I was vulnerable and weak and he saw all of it. I wish that I could forgive and forget but it wasn't as easy as people said.
"Edward, can you pass the noodles please?" Esme asked.
He reaches for them, lightly brushing my hand at the same time. Tingles shoot down my arm and I quickly retract my hand from the table. I don't know what that was but I didn't want to feel it again. He gives them to Esme and she murmurs, thank you. There's small talk around the table- mostly about football and school. I stayed quiet and tried to tune it all out but it was hard because I could feel Edward's eyes burning into my face. We didn't have to say anything because our actions spoke volumes. Alice tried and ultimately failed in trying to fix our broken relationship. Each comment made by her was met with a silent glare.
"What time do you leave next week?" Alice suddenly asks.
Ughh. Next week equaled Halloween and Esme and Carlisle were conveniently going away to Oregon for a wedding. It was some second cousin twice removed or something. Esme had told me that they could stay home if I needed them but I said, no. I didn't want to hold them back from living their lives. I'm starting to regret my decision.
"We're leaving early Wednesday morning, probably before you kids are up." said Esme.
"We don't have to tell you to behave, do we?" Carlisle asked in all seriousness.
His eyes shifted over me and Edward before finally landing on Alice. She smiled the sweet smile that made all the adults love her. "Everything is going to be fine. There's no need to worry."
There's always a need to worry.
"I want to trust you." he sighs and pauses before saying, "If we get wind of any misbehavior around here then I can promise that you'll lose much more than your phones."
Edward as well as I kept our heads down, choosing not to contribute to this conversation. Alice just wanted to know when it was clear to bring the keg in. If she got caught then the party would be busted and she'd be a social outcast.
"We understand dad," Edward groans. "Can we at least have Jasper, Rose, and Em-" he stops mid-sentence as all eyes flicker to me. "- come over." he mutters.
I look down at the table and bite my lip. I knew Emmett coming to their house was inevitable. He was Edward's best friend and I couldn't keep them apart.
"If everyone is comfortable with that, then I don't see a reason why not." Esme says after a silent moment full of tension. She means me- If I'm alright.
"When did you say that you'd be home?" I furrow my eyebrows.
"Monday afternoon," Esme responded with slight surprise. "However, if you want us home earlier we can certainly do that."
Alice and Edward both tense at the offer and stare at me in anticipation- waiting for me to screw them all over.
"That's alright." I shrug. "I think we'll be fine on our own."
The two of them visibly relax and go back to eating. It's quiet the rest of the meal and the only sound is the scraping of the silverware on the plates. After clearing my dishes and dumping out the remaining food, I retired to my bedroom.
I heard the TV flicker on and the sound of laughter. There was a family movie night every weekend and while it sounded tempting, I politely declined. The nights were my only time to myself and when it was truly quiet. Carlisle gave me the meds, I brushed my teeth, and then went to sleep- having endless nightmares.
Just because they couldn't hear me at night, didn't mean I was at peace. The other day was an exception. Usually, with the drugs, I slept like the dead. I couldn't let that happen again.
I was laying on my back with this stupid comfy pillow Carlisle got for me to keep my body elevated when I slept. Apparently, it was supposed to help the broken bone not become well ... broken again.
I wondered what it would be like to be home sometimes. While living with the Cullens isn't perfect, at least Esme and Carlisle had a clue about how to take care of a teenage girl- but not with as many problems as me. Emmett and Charlie, I'm sure were getting along just fine watching football and eating take out. I would have expected one of them to try to contact me but I've heard nothing. Zilch. Nada. I'm not sure if I'm hurt or glad. I said I needed space but I didn't expect them to take me this seriously. I would have Emmett would have tried to call me. He's my brother. All week in school whenever we saw each other, he'd look away and turn the other way. It's like I don't even exist. I know what I asked for but was it too harsh? Did I want Emmett hating me?
"Bella?" there's a soft knock on the door. "Are you awake?"
It's Edward. I consider not responding in hopes that he'll go away. I don't want to speak to him or Alice or anybody for that matter. But at the same time, I want to hear what he has to say. I don't want things to be weird between us. I can't have things be weird between us. I've got to stand up for myself but all we've done is get ourselves into screaming matches.
I push myself up into a more comfortable position and say, "come in."
The door opened and I covered my eyes, blocking the light from shining in my face. Edward stepped in and quickly shut the door.
"Sorry" he mumbled.
I grunt in response and that causes him to frown. He sat down at my desk across the room, keeping his distance. We're silent for a few moments and just stare at each other. His hair is messier than usual and he was just in casual grey sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I can't help but crack a smile when I see his socks.
"Scooby-Doo?" I giggle. They were his favorite.
"You can never get tired of that show," he grins.
"You can't."
He runs his fingers through his untamable hair and slightly leans forward- all joking aside.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to barge in on you the other day. I wasn't thinking." his voice raises in pitch.
"Edward-"
"No," he sighs. "I came home late and I was going up to bed and I heard you screaming and crying and I wasn't sure what to do."
"Ed-" I'm cut off.
"- and I shouldn't have kissed you before because you obviously didn't want it and I'm the biggest fucking douche there is…", he pauses and tries to catch his breath. I take this opportunity to speak.
"Edward!" I finally say. My hands trembled but I stuck them in my pocket. He didn't need to know how nervous I am. "I'm trying not to be angry with you so you don't need to go about apologizing. It'll just make it worse."
"You hate me." he scoffed. "I screw everything up. How can I not be upset?"
"I don't hate you." my voice is just above a whisper. "Am I frustrated with you? Yes. But I can't hate you." my vision blurred as tears ran down my face. I hastily wiped them away, not wanting him to see me cry.
"Then what was all that before?" his voice is incredulous. "Every time you screamed at me? Every time you said that you hated me?"
I know I sound crazy and he probably didn't believe me. "I don't know how to explain it in a way that would make sense. You were never the problem-"
"-It was me not you," his voice hardens. "Is that what you were going to say?"
"Yes." I gulp. "I know it sounds like I'm making up excuses but I'm telling you the truth. You've got to believe me."
"I don't know what to believe anymore. One moment you want to be friends and the next minute you're screaming in my face."
He's right. It's not fair what I've put him through. It's not fair what I've put everyone through. I scratch my wrist, digging my nails harder and harder into my skin. I deserve to feel pain.
"Stop." he orders. Edward moves across the room, suddenly grabbing hold of my wrist.
"I'm bleeding." I numbly say.
The smell of blood makes me nauseous and woozy. I close my eyes and turn my head away. Edward grabs a tissue from the desk and pressed onto my skin. I look down to see that the bleeding had stopped.
"You're too beautiful, don't hurt yourself like this." he whispered.
I can't help it. I could see the sincerity in his eyes. Edward truly cared about me. He meant what he said.
"You know I'm going with Demetri to the party." I look away from him.
"I heard."
"The two of us- we can't be together. I can't hurt him like that." my voice shook.
"I know." Edward breathes.
His head hangs down and his lips press into a thin line. He tried to keep his expression neutral but I could tell he was angry.
"Does Demetri know that you are staying here?" he asks.
"No."
"Don't you think that he deserves to know? Did you ever tell him your age?" Edward suddenly looks up at me in concern.
"I didn't think that it mattered." I argue. "He knows that Emmett and I are siblings so I thought he would have put it together by now."
"Not everyone is as smart as you think." he rolls his eyes. "Just promise me that you'll be safe. I don't want you to get hurt."
"You don't need to worry about me." I pout.
I can take care of myself.
"It's Emmett that's the most worried." he pauses. "He asks about you every day. Do you know how much he loves you? I haven't seen him this down since Rose-" he suddenly stops.
"Since Rose what?"
"It's nothing." he shakes his head. "Just promise that you'll give Emmett a chance. He's hurting so much; more than we can see."
I don't respond and with a resigned sigh, Edward gets up to leave. Suddenly I can't help myself, this overwhelming urge comes over my body. "Don't go!" I cry.
He freezes at the door and turns around to face me with wide eyes. "Bella…
"Don't go." I breathe.
"We shouldn't do this, Bella."
"I know." I say. "Just stay with me for the night. That's all I'm asking."
Edward nods his head once and heads to the pullout couch. This wasn't a good idea. I'm with Demetri. I love Demetri. But I needed Edward.
Just tonight. I tell myself. This was only for one night.
Authors Note:
Hey y'all! Thanks for reading and reviewing! It means so much to me! I should update again by next week or sooner (I hope). Also I just wanted to answer a review! This story is going to and Edward and Bella story and I guess that this is techinally a spoiler alert but she and Demetri don't stay together.
Also, I know that bad things have been happening one after the other to Bella but I promise that it will get happier eventually and she won't always be this depressed and angry.