Warning:
There is a scene in this chapter that contains sexual content and abuse and if you're uncomfortable with this then I suggest you skip the second part of this chapter.
Isabella
Carlisle and Esme left Wednesday morning, saying a quick goodbye. For the hundredth time they offered to skip the wedding and stay home with us- wait no- me; and for the hundredth time I refused their offer. Esme, obviously dejected by the fact that I didn't want her left with great reluctance and obvious disappointment. It felt empty now without them in the house. They were the glue that held us all together and without them, it felt boring. Alice and Edward were obviously rejoiced as they began to set up for the party not even ten minutes after they left.
"Did you want them to stay?" Victoria asked after I recounted the week.
I pause and think about what she asked. Did I want them to stay?
"Yes," I whisper. My heart races as I think back to when they left. I've been anxious and stressed and the nightmares returned. Even Edward couldn't keep them away. Night after night I'm reduced to a puddle of tears as Edward sleeps soundlessly, unaware of everything around him.
"Have you been taking your medication, Isabella?" she asks as I start to tap my fingers on the arm of the chair.
No. it didn't matter.
Yes, it did!
"I'll take your silence as a no, then." she responds.
"I don't like taking them." I grumbled. "They make me sleepy."
"Well we can adjust them until they're right for you." Victoria sighed. "It's important you tell us this information. We only want to help."
I know. Everybody wanted to help. But the thing was that I didn't want anybody's help. I just want to be treated like a normal girl going through normal teenage things. I wasn't made of glass. I didn't need to be tiptoed around.
"I'd like to talk to you about something else today." she says after a few moments. I shrug my shoulders and don't respond. She can say anything she wants, I won't stop her from speaking.
"Can you tell me about your mom and dad?"
"What do you want to know?" I defensively respond. My parents were dead to me for all I cared. After all, they have new lives and people they care about more. I don't need them in my life nor do I want them.
"I heard your parents separated." her voice was soft. "How have you been dealing with that?"
"It's been fine." I gulp. "I'm happy for them."
She purses her lips and narrows her eyes. She does that annoying tick with her mouth when she knows I'm lying. She knows it bugs the hell out of me.
"You don't sound happy."
"Well I am!" my hands are clenched into fists as I try to control my breathing.
In and out. In and out.
"Can you be honest with me, Isabella?" she places the clipboard and pen down and looked me in the eyes. "How do you really feel? Divorce is hard on children. It's completely understandable if your feeling sad… or even angry."
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. I don't want her to see how weak I am. I taste blood and immediately gag. I can't look at her anymore. It's like she could see right through me.
"I hate them." I bitterly say. "They didn't even tell me they were separating. I had to find out from my brother."
"And how did that make you feel?"
"I don't know."
"Isabella…" she warningly says.
"I don't know." I shrug my shoulders.
"You seem upset to me." she observes. "Am I wrong?"
I stay quiet and stare at my shoes. The laces were untied. Esme was always telling me to fix it. She didn't want me to trip and crack my head open.
"Or are you angry?" she guessed. "Your parents left you and your family is in pieces. Emmett's leaving for college next year and you'll be all alone-"
"Stop." I mutter.
One, two, three, four….
My head was fuzzy. It was like I was swimming in the ocean and was sinking deeper…
"You knew your parents were going to divorce. It was just a matter of when."
I couldn't breathe. I fought my way to the surface but something kept pulling me back. Was this fight even worth it?
"How does this make you feel, Isabella?"
Anger bubbled from underneath. The vast empty darkness that surrounded me started to turn a deep velvet red. I couldn't breathe any longer. I couldn't fight. I just wanted to scream. I wanted to hurt somebody the way they hurt me. I wanted to be the strongest for once. I wanted to be the bravest.
"I hate you." A strangled cry escaped my throat. I open my eyes and suddenly I'm back in the office. Victoria is staring at me with an unreadable expression. I look down to see my fingernails digging into my wrist. Victoria is holding out a small foam ball- unfazed by my change in behavior.
"Take the ball, Bella." is all she says.
I grab it from her hands and hold it in my lap. My wrist is forgotten about and the object is my new target. I stare down at it with trembling hands. My face scrunched up into one of pain as I struggled not to let the angry tears fall.
"Why do you hate me?" she asks.
I scoff at her. Is she being serious? I thought she was supposed to be the smart one. I squeeze the ball, imagining it was her neck.
"I don't like your questions."
Squeeze.
"They make me angry."
Squeeze.
"Like your parents make you angry?"
Squeeze. Squeeze. Squeeze.
"I hate them." My face burned bright red.
"Tell me why."
"They left me." I gasp. "Everybody leaves me. I have no one."
"You have Edward."
I think I'm going to break the ball.
"He's also leaving." I say. "Alice is leaving. My mom has left. Carlisle and Esme are gone-"
"They're not gone, Isabella." Victoria interrupts. "What makes you think they've left?"
"Everybody does eventually." I say. "Who's to say they aren't coming back?"
My fist tightens around the foam object and I squeeze as hard as I can but it's still not hard enough.
"I just know."
"You know?" she quirked her eyebrow.
"Yes." I state. "I'm certain."
I clenched the ball in my hand, feeling the agitation course through my body. What didn't this woman get?
"Ok, then they're leaving." she agrees and picks up the clipboard.
"Wha-what are you writing?" I stammer. She wasn't supposed to agree with me. Victoria was supposed to tell me that everything would be alright. They would come back and I wouldn't be alone.
She doesn't respond.
"Answer me!" my voice raises. "What are you writing? Tell me!"
"You're frustrated."
Damn straight.
"What are you going to do about it?"
I clench my jaw and bite my tongue- stopping myself from hissing profanities at her. She was so damn infuriating. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to hit someone.
Squeezesqueezesqueezesqueeze.
"Throw the ball, Isabella."
"What?" I'm taken aback.
"You heard me." she said. "Throw the ball at the wall."
She grabs the bucket next to her and hands it to me. It's full of more objects. My fingers twitch as I consider her words. Was she serious?
"You never let yourself, relax. You're pent up with all this anger. Don't you just want to scream? Don't you want to let it all out?"
I nod my head. She was right. My fingernails rip into the fabric of the ball but I don't care. I'm seething.
She tells me again to throw the ball and this time I do. A battle cry escapes my lips and I let the tears flow angirly down my cheeks.
Alice really outdid herself. The house feels darker and bigger and creepier. A keg is set up in the backyard and a game of beer pong is currently happening on the deck. Cheap red solo cups have already filled up the front yard and people have found their drunken ways to the bedrooms. I locked my room just to be sure no one entered. I didn't want nakad strangers rolling around in my bed.
As Edward promised he's stuck with me the whole night. It's only been two hours but people are already wasted and I can't help but gag at the smell of the puke and alcohol. Jasper and Alice had disappeared into the party and hadn't been seen for the past hour. Emmett and Rosalie have yet to arrive and for that I was secretly grateful. As everyone was in costumes, nobody knew who I was and I didn't know who they were so it made it easier to get around.
Edward and I settled in the corner of the living room, out of the way of all the chaos. I watched the crowd uncomfortably as Edward greeted a few friends. None of them noticed me which wasn't a surprise. Edward had been preoccupied for the past ten minutes and I was becoming increasingly restless, sitting here doing nothing.
"I'm going to the bathroom." I suddenly shouted. I have to yell to be heard over the blasting rap music. He turns away from the conversation, realizing that I was still here.
"Are you fine by yourself?" he sounded concerned. He looks around the room nervously and then back to me.
"I'm fine." I urge him to stay with his friends. He didn't need to follow me around everywhere. I bunch up the yellow dress, Alice had stuck me in and wheel myself away before he could worry anymore. I have run over people's toes to get my way through the crowd. I've just about made it to safety when some girl stumbles by, drenching me in beer.
"What the fuck!" I glare up at the girl with all the anger I can muster. She's momentarily stunned before she collapses into a fit of laughter and runs away.
Fuck this party. I'm sticky and wet and cold and I can feel people laughing at me. I know they're laughing at me. I look around trying to find Edward but he's nowhere to be seen. I'm all alone. I gnaw on my bottom lip, hoping to find an escape but I'm surrounded.
Help!
Laboured breaths escape my mouth. I try to focus in on one thing and tune everything else out. In and out. In and out. There's a flash in my face. Guys are pointing and laughing at me. My vision blurs and cheeks redden in embarrassment.
Somebody help me. I need to leave now. I need to get out of here. I need Edward. He'll make everything better. He'll make everything go away.
All of a sudden somebody grabs onto the back of my chair and I'm moving away from the crowd. A scream builds up in my throat but nothing comes out. I can't bring myself to stop the person. After several turns, the noise and crowd fades and I'm alone with this stranger. I look around to see that we're on the sun porch. The man sits down across from me on the bench and removes the black mask from his face.
It's Jacob.
"Hey Bella." he smirks. "Long time no see."
I'm frozen. I can't move. I can't speak. I wouldn't make it very far considering my current situation. Thump. Thump. Thump. My heart races to the beat of a drum. I feel my phone in my pocket but don't make any move to take it out. It's just me and him alone.
"Get out." my voice is as soft as a whisper.
"What was that?" he stands up and stalks toward me. I push myself back, towards the door as he comes closer and closer.
"Get out." my voice is louder this time.
Amusement flickers across his face as he stands proud and tall. He knows that I'm no match for him. He's proven it time and time again.
"I'm hurt, Bella." he lies. "You don't want to spend time with your best friend?"
"You lost that privilege when you raped me." I spit. My hands tremble and I imagine the ball. I imagine squeezing and squeezing until there is nothing left to squeeze. I imagine Jacob's face turning purple and his dead body falling to the ground.
"What are you talking about?" he feigns shock. "Rape?"
"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" I cry. "You raped me, Jacob! You hurt me and took everything away from me!"
He didn't get to play the victim!
"Shut up." he calmly says. All the amusement has left his face and is replaced with a cold fury. His hands clenched into fists and he narrowed his dark eyes.
"You- you- don't get to order me around." I laugh. "You don't get to do anything to me! I'm going to make sure you suffer." I sneer.
"Good luck with that." without another word he rushes towards me.
It's hard to tell what happened next. One moment I'm in the wheelchair and the next I'm on the ground. There's a sharp pain in my skull and he's standing over me. I scramble away as quickly as possible but suddenly a burning sensation has erupted through my leg. A blood- curdling- heart-stopping scream sounds from inside me. I won't let him do this to me. I can't let him win.
I scream and cry and roar as loud as I can. I feel his hands on me. His hands all over my body, leaving no part untouched. This was worse than before. I was awake and aware. I could feel everything that was happening. I could see everything he was doing. I couldn't drift away.
Neither of us hear the loud bang or the shouts in the hallway. Before Jacob can go any further, the door bursts open and there stands Emmett and Rosalie.
Within moments Jacob's thrown off me and forced to the ground by my brother. I cower away and press myself against the wall, wishing I could just disappear into it. Sobs wrack my body as Rosalie rushes forward and collapses beside me. I flinch away when she reaches out a hand. Momentarily shocked, she freezes. I know she won't hurt me. Rosalie is nice. She won't hurt me. But I can't help but be afraid.
"Call 911." roars Emmett as he tries to subdue Jacob.
I clutch my stomach with my hand and Rosalie pulls out her phone. Something doesn't feel right. She starts to speak to the operator. She looks at me. She asks me a question but I don't hear. Something doesn't feel right.
"Bella?" her voice is soft.
I opened my mouth- pause- and throw up.
Ten minutes later the party was busted. Charlie was the first on the scene and arrested Jacob. I had never seen him full of so much rage. The look on my father's face when he saw me just made me break. I don't want to know what he thinks of me. I'm not strong like Emmett. I'm weak and scared. I couldn't stop Jacob.
"Was this the first time Jacob Black attacked you?" the woman officer asks. Her partner stands to the side a bit further away. I look away from him and shiver.
"No." my voice is hoarse. I hug a pillow to my chest and lay back on the stiff bed. It was loud and chaotic in the emergency room. Emmett sits beside me and stiffens. The officer nods her head sympathetically. Emmett never lets go of my hand.
He rode with me to the hospital in the ambulance. I think I was out of it most of the time. I can briefly remember him crying and holding my hand but that's about it. The EMT's tried getting me to talk but I was sleepy and my head was fuzzy. I cried along with my brother.
"When did it first happen?" she softly asks.
Don't say anything, Isabella.
I freeze.
"Jacob can't hurt you anymore." she says. "He's locked up."
I gulp and nod my head. She's right. He can't get to me.
"I was fourteen." I breathed. "The summer before freshman year."
Emmett sucks in a deep breathe. His hand tightens around me. I can't bring myself to look at him. I know what he's thinking.
"What did he do to you?"
I suck on my lip. Did I really have to say? Nobody would believe me.
They would.
I'm a slut- a whore. Everybody likes Jacob. I'm the bad child.
Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and my father are in the waiting room. I didn't want Charlie to be in here. I didn't want him to see me. I knew he was disappointed in me.
"You are safe." she whispered. "I can't say that I understand what you're going through but I know you are a strong girl. You are a survivor. Don't believe any of the lies he's told you. We are only here to hear your story."
A survivor. Now that's a lie.
My lips are pressed into a thin line. Unshed tears burn in my eyes- dontcrydontcry. I have to tell them.
No.
Just say it! Jacob's locked up. He won't get to me.
"Isabella." the officer pleads. "Don't you want to see him pay for what he's done? Think of everyone else that he could hurt. Think of how much he has hurt you. You don't want this to happen to anyone else do you?"
Of course not.
"Bella…" Emmett's voice is soft. I stare into his watering eyes, seeing how much pain he was in because of me. I didn't want to hurt him even further. "Tell them- for me." he whispers. "Tell them what happened."
I can't hold it back anymore. I've lost the fight. I ignore the angry voices in my head and tell them everything that happened. Every little detail down to the way he was dressed to how he smelled. He damaged me. Jacob Black damaged me and I wouldn't let him hurt anyone else.
Author's Note:
Hey y'all! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Your support means so much to me! Sorry that it's been a while since I updated. I've just been really busy lately. As you can see a lot of stuff happened in this chapter that I know you've all been waiting for! I should update again sometime soon but until then, enjoy!