Junior Year

"I want to talk about April break with you." Victoria said.

I was curled up on the couch and had been anxiously biting my nails for the past hour. Victoria wanted to talk about that day. She wanted me to talk about when Edward and I did… it.

"I don't remember anything." I repeated. "We had sex and then it was over. I don't know what else there is to it."

"You were really ok with being that intimate with Edward?"

I don't respond.

She sighs, knowing that she's right. "You've repressed your memories from that night because of the trauma you've been through. You weren't ready physically or mentally to be that involved with someone."

"I trust Edward. What are you insinuating?" I said defensively.

"I'm not saying that Edward's a bad person." she breathed. "The trauma you went through of being assaulted is still in your mind. No matter who you are with, there will always be that feeling of mistrust."

"Why'd you even let me go on that trip if I wasn't ready?" tears burned in my eyes.

"I made a mistake." she admits. "You had made a lot of progress and I thought that being with Edward- someone you trust would help in your recovery. I was not expecting that you two would move that quickly."

"Well we did and now he's gone!" I hiss. Tears spilt down my cheeks. I was so stupid. I thought that I was ready. I wanted it. I told myself that I could do it and then it happened and I freaked out. Everything was supposed to be fine but I lost my mind.

"Bella, stop!" Emmett held me in a vice like grip.

"I have to get away!" I fought against him. "He's coming for me!"

"Nobody is coming for you!" Emmett said.

I didn't believe him. Edward stood at the doorway- frozen. I sunk to my knees on the floor. The bathtub was overflowing with water. My throat still hurt.

Everything hurt.

Edward left a month ago without saying goodbye. I messed up so bad. Everything was my fault. I'm so stupid. He couldn't even stand to be near me. I went crazy and scared him off.

"You can't keep avoiding the subject. We're going to have to eventually come to terms with what happened that night."

"I don't want to." I whimpered. "Please don't make me."

"Isabella…we've put this off for so long."

I shook my head back and forth.

"Turn the water off!" Emmett screamed.

Alice turned the knob and the water stopped. I was shivering and couldn't get warm. Emmett held me in his arms. Rose and Jasper surrounded me. I was so tired.

Edward still didn't leave.

"Don't just stand there like an idiot!" Rose hissed. "Call your parents!"

Victoria paused and furrowed her eyebrows. "Why don't we make a compromise?"

"A compromise?"

She nods her head. "Next meeting we can talk about whatever you want."

"Anything?" I bite my lip.
"Anything."

"What's the catch?" I narrow my eyes.

"We have to talk about last April and what happened. You had a psychotic episode and It took three people to contain you. You can't keep saying that you are fine because we both know that's a lie."

My chest heaves up and down. I could only remember snippets of what happened. Emmett had his arms wrapped around me. I was on the bathroom floor. Edward was standing at the doorway.

"Fine." I gulp.

She nods her head in content and picks up her clipboard. She scribble something before looking up at me again. "Can you tell me how you were feeling before you and Edward went to your room?"

I look down at my entwined fingers. My leg is trembling- I can't make it stop. "Nervous." I mumble. "We were eating dinner with everyone and I was really nervous."

"Why were you nervous?"

"Because I was going to have sex with Edward. I didn't know how he'd react."

"Were you afraid he'd hurt you?"

"No." I shake my head. "I knew he wouldn't hurt me. He's not jacob. But I still couldn't help but worry."

Victoria nods her head. "So after you finished eating is when you and Edward decided to go to your room?"

"No, I left dinner early and Edward came after me. Emmett and I had an argument, so I left."

"So is it fair to say that you were feeling stressed and anxious?"

I nod my head. "I was annoyed with Emmett- I just wanted something to take my mind off him. I wanted to be normal again. I wasn't really thinking when Edward came in. I kinda just started kissing him and it escalated from there."

"What happened next?" she softly asks.

I shrug my shoulders and bite my bottom lip. I don't want to talk about it.

"Describe to me what you felt." she suggests.

"I was really cold." my voice is just above a whisper. "We were laying next to each other but I was still cold. His lips were warm- everything about him was warm but I didn't feel warm. I remember… I remember he smelt like honey and it calmed me for a second. It reminded me that he wasn't Jacob- he could never be Jacob."

She nods her head in acknowledgement- not interrupting- just listening.

"He asked me several times if I really wanted to have sex and I kept saying yes- I don't know why. I was so stupid,"

"You weren't stupid, were confused, anyone would have been in your situation." she tries to reason with me.

"I didn't want to do it. Everything inside of me was screaming, no. But I ignored it and continued." I sighed and looked down at the ground. "We took our clothes off and it got more intense and I was getting more stressed."

"And you still didn't say anything?"

"I didn't know what to say. I kind of just froze and went numb. I know that we did it because I remember feeling pain afterwards." I gulp. "Edward kept asking me if I was alright afterwards. I don't think I responded. That just made him even more worried."

"Bella?" Edward whispered. He leaned onto his side and gently shook my shoulder. "Bella, are you ok?"

I couldn't help but flinch. I was hot- too hot. Jacob was hovering above me. He touched my cheek, wiping away a tear. I was trapped. He wasn't going to let me go.

"Nobody loves you." he sneered.

I shook my head back and forth. I couldn't believe him. I wouldn't believe him!

Where was Edward?

"You're all mine!"

I punched him in the chest. There was a crack in my knuckles. I yanked my hand back but he grabbed onto my wrist. My voice is hoarse from all the yelling. I beg him to let me go.

He looks slightly amused.

He doesn't let go.

I cry some more.

"I thought Edward was Jacob." I say. "I thought he was going to hurt me."

"Flashbacks are common for people with PTSD. You were put in an uncomfortable situation and that triggered your response. Nobody blames you for your behavior."

I was drifting in and out.

I couldn't breathe.

Everytime I opened my mouth I'd inhale another breathe of water. I struggled for a few moments. My tears mixed with the water, blending together.

What was the point in fighting?

"I tried to drown myself in the bathtub." I scoff. "Everyone thinks I'm crazy."

"You are struggling, Isabella.." she said. "You were overwhelmed in that moment and couldn't think straight."

"Do you know what's even more fucked up?" I say. "Edward didn't even bother to say goodbye when he left. Why didn't he say goodbye?"

"I don't know the answer to that question." she sighs. "You'd have to ask him yourself."

"Shit shit shit." Edward mumbled under his breath. I was crying-no-more like sobbing. Everything hurt. Edward said he wouldn't hurt me. Everything was supposed to be ok. I was supposed to be ok.

"Bella, what's wrong?" His voice rose in distress. He leaned away, giving me room to breathe. I pushed myself off the bed and scurried into the farthest corner. I grabbed my clothes and slipped them on with trembling hands. Edward was shaking. His face was red and he was sweating. He got off the bed and slowly put his hands up in surrender. I was a cornered trapped frightened animal. That's what he was thinking.

Edward wouldn't hurt me. He wouldn't hurt me. That's what I told myself. I wanted to believe it but my mind was screaming otherwise.

He crouched on the ground in front of me. His lips were moving but I didn't hear any sound. All that I was aware of was the blood rushing through my ears- a distinct pounding noise. Edward had slowly moved forward. He was reaching out to me. I wanted to cry out but something was preventing me and it felt as if all time had froze.

I buried myself into the wall, trying to make myself disappear. Fat angry tears rolled down my cheeks and I choked back a sob.

"Bella, please." his voice broke. Without a second thought, he filled the gap between us and rushed towards me. I did the only thing I could think to do: run.

I stumbled to my feet and ran to the bathroom. I locked the door and collapsed on the cold tile floor. There were knocks on the door. I didn't care to know who they were. I screamed at them to go away. My voice was raw as I doubled over in pain. A pool of blood had formed on the ground. I look down to see a red sticky substance coming from my legs.

I thought everything was healed. It should have been healed by now. Everything was broken and ripped again. I wasn't the girl Edward wished me to be. I was a broken mess- nothing could change that.

I have been fighting this for too long. Why pretend I was fine? Everyone knew I wasn't. I thought that I was ready. I told myself that I could do this but who am I kidding? No amount of therapy could ever change what happened.

I dragged myself to the bathtub, turned the faucet and a rush of water came pouring out. It filled within a few moments and I stepped inside. I let myself sink down into the boiling water and closed my eyes. I could feel the pain. It felt as if I'd stuck my hand in an oven. I let the pain consume my mind. I needed a distraction from the red colored water.

I closed my eyes and let myself slip under. It was an instant quiet. An instant peace. Nothing could penetrate my little bubble. I could relax- just for a few moments. There was a burning pain in my lungs- a feeling of not being able to breathe. I fought for oxygen only to realize that there was none left. I took in mouthfuls of water and the fight slowly left my body. There was nothing more I could do.

"Bella?" I hear a soft voice. I look up to see Emmett kneeling in front of me. He's in a nice dress shirt and pants. I bite my lip and look away from him. We were waiting outside the courtroom. Today was the trial and my stomach had been doing somersaults all night.

"Was it another memory?"

I nod my head. Victoria said that talking to someone besides her about everything could help. Except the problem was that I had no friends. Only Emmett. He deferred from college for the year to stay home with me. I tried to convince him not to but once he made up his mind, there was no swaying him. Was it guilty of me to want him to stay? He was sacrificing his whole career and put his life on hold for me. I wanted to believe that I am worth all the trouble.

"Are you ready to go?" he stood up and reached his hand towards me. I gratefully took it and walked towards the door where Charlie, Victoria, and Lucy Waters, my lawyer was standing. She had curly blonde hair as yellow as the sun, blue eyes, and narrow face. She was determined to win this case. She had a fierce and bold personality and wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Take deep breaths, Isabella." Victoria says. I follow her breathing technique. In and out. In and out. My forehead is clammy and I feel sick. How much paler had I gotten?

"It's going to be alright." Victoria whispered to me. "Just stay calm and tell the truth like we discussed. You have to stay positive."

I gulped and nodded my head.

I could do this.

"Jacob's lawyer is going to poke holes in your story and find weaknesses but you can't let that get to you." Lucy spoke up. "You know what's the truth and nobody can change that. If at any point you need a break, just let us know and it'll be scheduled. Do you understand?"

My mouth is dry. I can't speak so I nod my head up and down.

"Let's go." she sighs.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

You can do this, Bella. I can do this.

"Do you remember the night of the Halloween party, Ms. Swan?" Lucy questions.

"Yes." I gulp. My fingers gripped the hem of my dress. I was slowly unraveling it. Anything to keep my mind off the boy sitting just a few feet away. He was dressed in orange clothing and had handcuffs on. Jacob had an impassive look on his face as if he didn't care what happened. He didn't react to anything- just stayed unusually quiet. His hair was longer and stubble had started to form along his chin. This wasn't the boy I once knew.

Charlie, Sue, Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme were sitting in the front row to the right and Jacob's family was to the left. Almost half the tribe had shown to support him. They used to be my friends.

"Describe in your own words what happened." she says. "Take your time."

"I was with Edward Cullen- my boyfriend at the time. We had just arrived at the party and I had to use the bathroom."

I glance at the judge and the jury before looking away quickly. They were staring at me, waiting for me to continue. I take a deep breathe. "He asked if I would be ok by myself and I nodded my head. I left to go the bathroom but a girl spilled her drink all over me."

"So you went to clean yourself off?"

I shake my head. "I didn't get to. I was still in the wheelchair at the time and felt somebody grab onto the back of it. I couldn't stop them."

"Did this person say or do anything to reveal who they were?" She presses.

"Not until we got to the sun room." I breathe. "He took off his mask and I saw that it was Jacob. I knew what he was going to do-"

"Which is what exactly?"
I pause for a moment and then say with utter disgust, "rape me. He's done it several times and I knew it was going to happen again. That's the only reason he got me alone. He was going to attack."

"I imagine you were terrified." her voice softens. "You didn't want to be assaulted-what- a fourth time?"

"Four." I mutter. "He's done it four times."

I bite my lip taste blood. Unshed tears prickled in my eyes. I wasn't going to cry. I wasn't going to let Jacob see me cry. Not anymore.

"And this, fourth time, you didn't try to stop Jacob from assaulting you again?"

"I couldn't!" my voice raises I anxiously shake my head back and forth. "I was in the wheelchair so it was physically impossible for me to get away. He was always going to be stronger than me."

"So how did you alert others to your presence if you couldn't physically get away?"

"I screamed." I whispered. "I shouted hoping somebody would hear me. I wasn't going to let him rape me again."

Before I could stop them, angry tears filled my eyes

"And your brother," she glances over at Emmett, "was the one who found you as well as Rosalie Hale?"

"Yes." I mumble. "Jacob pushed me to the ground and I tried to crawl away. I wasn't fast enough because the next thing I knew, he was on top of me. He was hitting me and I was too weak to fight back. He would have continued if Emmett and Rosalie hadn't burst in five minutes later. Emmett held Jacob down and Rosalie called the police."

I blink the tears away and looked up to see Emmett barely containing himself. He was the one who found me. My brother saved me.

"How come you never told anybody what happened?" her eyes softened. "You suffered greatly over a course of three years. What caused you to be silent?"

Don't talk. Keep your mouth shut!

"Him." my eyes shift to Jacob. His lips were pressed into a thin line. He was seething. "Jacob threatened to kill me and my family. I didn't want anybody to get hurt because of me. He also told me that nobody would believe me and I didn't doubt his words. I haven't had the best… best time in school."

"You endured all this pain to keep others from suffering as you had?"

"Yes." I gulp. Nobody deserves to be in pain.

Lucy softly smiles at me before turning to the judge. "Thank you, your Honor." she says. "That will be all for now."

"Isabella, first off I should extend my deepest sympathies to you and your family for all you have been through." The middle aged bald man with a beer belly said.

This was Jacob's lawyer. He looked anything but sympathetic. I still thank him, though I'm slightly confused. What was he playing at?

"Despite the evidence that you have been through some trauma, I stand by my beliefs that this innocent boy has committed no such crime and all sex was consensual."

There are gasps around the room. Everybody looks appalled- even I'm appalled. Did he not hear anything I just said?

"Tell me of your relationship with Jacob Black. It's true that you were best friends, isn't it?"

"Uhm," I gulp. My eyes are wide with fear. "I-I-"

"It's a simple yes or no question," he sighs. "Did you and Jacob Black used to be best friends?"

I look at Lucy. She nods at me to answer. "Yes." I breathe. "We were best friends."

"But you had a falling out? That summer you claimed he assaulted you."

"Yes we did." I clenched my jaw. "Because he did rape me! That's why we stopped being friends!"

My hands shook. Don't freak out. Don't freak out.

"Are you sure it was rape, Isabella? They were both only fourteen at the time and it's impossible to think a child could conjure up something so evil." he speaks to the jury then turns back to me. "It's normal as kids get older they start to question and experiment with their own sexuality and… needs. Perhaps you and Jacob had feelings for each other, had sex, and then you regretted it after. Now you are crying rape to get garner sympathy from the students at your highschool."

"That's n-not it at all-"

"You said yourself, that you, 'haven't had the best time in school.' Admit it Isabella, You did something you were ashamed of and now have portrayed the innocent broken girl, in hopes everybody would come running to your support and you'd earn some friends."

"You know nothing about my life so don't you dare speak for me!" my voice was deadly calm. He knows he struck a nerve.

"Is it true or not that you are somewhat of a partier?" he ignores my last statement.

"Wha-what?" I cock my head to the side.

"I've talked to a few students at your school and they've all had very elaborate stories to tell- pertaining your… drunkness and erratic behavior-"

"Objection!" Lucy's clear voice cuts through out the tense air. "I was never told of this interview of students. This should have no correlation to the testimony."

"Overruled, Ms. Waters." the judge glares at her.

"But sir-!"

"My word is final. Now sit down and stop questioning me." His voice raises and glares her down. She stiffly sits down in her seat, knowing not to push him even further.

"Please answer the question, Ms. Swan." The judge asks me kindly.

"It was only a couple of parties." I try to defend myself. "I was drinking the fruit punch and I didn't know it was spiked with alcohol. I didn't even want to go in the first place but my friends convinced me."

I think back to Kate and Bree. It's been two years since I last saw them. Since I last spoke to them. Did they even remember me?

"You weren't aware the drink contained alcohol." he repeats slower.

"Yes, that's right." I grind my teeth together.

"You claimed this was the second time Jacob attacked you." he noted. "It was Friday, August 27th at La Push beach. Can you describe to me this assault?"

"All I know is that he had me up against a tree in the woods and was kissing me." I whispered. Bits and pieces flashed through my mind but nothing was a solid memory. "Everything was really hazy after."

"So you can't be sure whether you were penetrated or the two of you… just fooled around."

"I know what happened to me. I never would have consented even if I was sober. I'm not that type of person." I glared daggers at the smug man.

"I'd like to move onto your fifteenth birthday party." he says. "You were late to the party-"

"Only a little." I interrupt.

"Well nevertheless, you were late and very intoxicated, once again," he states. "Will you claim again that you didn't know you could get drunk from Vodka?"

I have nothing to say. Fuck. How did he find that out?

"Answer my question, Ms. Swan."

"I was aware." my voice is just above a whisper. "It was for my birthday and my friend at the time had gotten some for us to celebrate."

"But this wasn't just a little amount. You were so drunk that both your brother and Jasper Hale had to help you upstairs and put you into bed. The rest of the day, everyone took turns coming up to check on your welfare. Can you remember who came up and when?"

I shook my head. My dad didn't know about this. But now he does and I'm screwed.

"So how can you remember if Jacob raped you that day?"

"He was in my bed. My underwear was at my ankles and I heard his voice. He told me to go back to sleep. I could barely form a sentence much less scream for help. Everything hurt… down there," I awkwardly mumble. "The next morning. I knew what had happened. There was no doubt about it."

"If you were too drunk to do anything but lay there then who's to say that you haven't just imagined this entire assault? We have no hard evidence that these rapes ever took place except for the word of a very conflicted girl. She never went to the hospital until the latest incident so how can we prove any of the above ever happened?"

"Wait-!" I push myself up to my feet.

"Evidence shows her poor attendance record at school- skipping quite often, failing grades and disturbed behavior from having attempted suicide to suicidal ideation. Her reliability is at an all time low and I would think long and hard about the decisions you are going to make."

The jury was stunned to a silence. I was going to throw up. My legs quivered. I couldn't breathe. Victoria had stood up. The officer let her over to me. We were losing this case.

Author's Note:

Hey y'all! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm sorry that it's been so long since I updated. I've just been so busy the last few weeks and it's been hard to find a good time to write. This chapter is only the first part of the trial and I'm trying to decide if I'm going to make it into two or three parts. Bare in mind that I know nothing about law, besides from watching Law and Order: SVU so these chapters may not mirror what an actual trial would be like. And this isn't the end of Edward and Bella. He'll be back very very soon don't worry!

I also noticed that I uploaded chapter 6 twice where chapter 8 was but I fixed that so there shouldn't be any confusion if you decide to go back and read from the beginning.

I hope to update again soon and thank y'all so much! Enjoy!