The Diego Diaries: Kabong (dd6 148)
*Note* I have made a few notes about the situation with Ratchet and Ironhide as it stands in my world here. I'm working off a G1 sensibility with a lot of everything else in it from every universe and the movies. I see Ironhide in a lot of his Bayverse imagery but the attitudes and behavior of the characters is G1 for me at basis. Notes at the bottom. :D
-0-Ops Center
They fogged in, the supporting cast of Ratchet Beats Ironhide With a Frying Pan. They gathered with amused, shocked, worried, ecstatic, concerned, joyful, and frowny optics. It became immediately quiet. Ratchet stared at Ironhide with his frying pan in servo. "You didn't take them twice."
Ironhide glanced around, then leaned closer. "Uh, can we talk about this in private?"
"WHY!?" Ratchet asked. "I JUST HEARD I WAS SPARKED ON THE HOURLY NEWS!"
"I didn't tell anyone," Ironhide said, then he realized he might have a lifeline. He turned to look at the others gathered around including a number of bystanders from the rec room and everyone on duty including three runners who should have been on their way by now. "WHICH ONE OF YOU DISCLOSED THIS TO THE NEWS!?"
Everyone stared at Ironhide, then each other, then Ironhide. "Not me." -Everyone including the bystanders.
Inside, Ratchet was howling with laughter at the sad sack trying to find a deflection for his own sloth. The anger was receding like an old man's hairline as he turned to the immediate problems of cramming one more kid into their menagerie. Given that it was part of his upbringing to live like a sardine in a two room walk up with every stray that ever gave his genitors a sad look, it wasn't like he wasn't good at figuring out what to do. It was the entire idea that Ironhide had ONE SMALL JOB TO DO and he fragged it up.
It was a crap shoot using the sparking tablets which were designed to slightly adjust his spark energy so that it wouldn't match Ratchet's. If it did, a spark was created. If not, they could just frag around having fun without penalties. It didn't hurt the user, it just made it easier for an afternoon wrestle and slag match. But it was preferable to the gadgets and software that was the alternative. For them, freedom and free (to be) dumb was the better path. One never knew when another kid was a good idea.
Like (not) now.
Ironhide stared at the group, then glanced warily at Ratchet. "It wasn't me."
Everyone stared at Ratchet and he enjoyed the attention for a moment. It was in his big red servos what would happen next. He grinned at Ironhide, one filled with humor. It wasn't translated that way. It was seen by everyone around including Prowl and Ironhide as menacing. They all took a step back. Prime, on the other hand, read the moment correctly. Either the sparking software was mellowing Ratchet or he wasn't COMPLETELY furious with him after all. He was entertained either way.
"Ratchet? What are you going to do?" Ironhide asked as Ratchet slowly began to walk around the table. Ironhide paced him, moving around it to keep the table between him and a sound beating.
"I haven't decided yet. Maybe your folks can have you back for a few. Nothing like camping out on the floor at your ada's house, you big femme," Ratchet said as he halted, then circled the other way. Ironhide mirrored him.
Ravel stepped forward. "Ratchet! What does all this mean?" he asked sharply.
Ratchet glanced at his little ada who was staring at him fearlessly. His ada might be small but he was no wuss. "Well, Ada, it MEANS that I call the shots on this one. You don't get even the smallest peak until the third orn during the naming ceremony. I'm not even going to tell you mech or femme, *IRONHIDE*!"
Ironhide, considering the information desert looming before him, went for broke. "YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE I DID THIS ON PURPOSE!"
"Did you?" Ratchet asked with a pointed expression.
"Uh, no," Ironhide said lamely. "I just forgot."
Huge laughter greeted that as Ratchet became swamped with hugs and congratulations. Alor gripped the pan, then tossed it to Blackjack who tossed it to Hard Drive who put it in his subspace.
"WHERE DID MY PAN GO!?" Ratchet asked as he was gripped by mech after mech after femme.
"DON'T TELL HIM!" Ironhide said as he pulled out a chair to sit. He grinned at Prime. "What a day, huh?" he asked. It would take a moment for the crowd to settle, then watch as Ratchet sat at the table across from Ironhide.
It was silent a moment.
"Well … are you going to shoot me or not?" Ironhide asked with a grin. Ratchet stared at him almost too long. "Well?"
"I'm thinking," Ratchet said. Laughter greeted that as the group relaxed.
"What's this pill stuff?" Sideswipe asked as he picked up the packet with mostly empty slots in rows. Back at the top, there were two still filled places.
"It keeps energy from completing the circuit to make it simple. You take one every three orns. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!" Ratchet said. "Otherwise, we were going to go full protection like the twins."
The twins startled, then glanced at each other. "Isn't there some kind of confidentiality thing here?" Sideswipe asked.
Ratchet glanced at him. "NOW!? YOU'RE WORRIED NOW?!"
Sideswipe grinned. "Nope." Everyone laughed, then turned back to Ratchet v Ironhide's Dance of Doom.
"I did take them. Mostly." Ironhide grinned, then the grin began to fade. "You get to do the choosing and designing? I don't even get to guess mech or femme?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Ratchet's voice echoed in everyone's helm including Prime's as Ratchet glared at Ironhide.
"Okay," Ironhide said with a weak grin.
"Where are we going to put another infant, IRONHIDE!?"
He looked at Ratchet, then grinned. "Right here," he said pointing to the crook of his arm.
HUGE LAUGHTER!
"Well, alright then," Prowl said as he stood up. "Staff meeting?"
Groans permeated the place as those who didn't have to stay began to leave. A few stayed including Partition with Hercy and Kup. As they began to gather, Drift and Springer walked in with grins. They stopped by the table, then looked around uncertainly. "What's happening?"
"ASK YOUR FATHER!" Ratchet bellowed, then snorted toward the conference room before getting intercepted by his family. They huddled, then hugged. Watching them go, Ratchet grinned. He glanced at Ironhide, then remembered to frown. He walked into the conference and sat in his chair. Grinning for a faint second, he considered his family's concern. He had allayed them with the simple explanation that Ironhide had to pay a penalty but things were what they were. He would come by later with donuts. They left relieved with a growing excitement. They were getting another grandchild.
HUZZAH!
Springer and Drift turned to Ironhide who grinned. "He loves me. He's just having a moment."
"He's sparked," Chromia said with a grin. "You didn't take your medicine and now you have another dollie."
"Win-win," Ironhide said. "Those pills taste terrible."
Everyone looked at the pills, then Ironhide. "I would dump you on your aft," Drift said.
Ironhide grinned. "To know me is to love me."
Huge laughter.
"So … what's it going to be?" Springer asked as he grinned at the father he didn't know he had and wasn't aware he wanted until now.
"That is the crux of the problem," Optimus said as he stood up. He grinned. "Ratchet is not going to tell him a single thing until after the naming ceremony."
"This is going to be good. Serves you right," Arcee said. "I don't think he's going to be telling you anything for a while."
"He will," Ironhide said as he stood. "He always does. By the way, who has the frying pan?"
Hard Drive grinned at Ironhide. "I do. Want me to give it back to him?"
"No," Ironhide said quickly. "No need to be hasty."
"I don't know, son," Hard Drive said. "He's awfully fond of that pan."
"Why don't you take it to the top of Olympus Mons and give it a toss?" Ironhide asked with the same hopeful expression that Orion would get.
"I'll take it under advisement. What say we go in and sit. You know that Ratchet is looking forward to you sitting next to him during the meeting as usual," Hardie said with a grin as he walked toward the room where everyone was gathering.
"That's alright. What about you and I changing places, Appa,' Ironhide said as he headed that way, too.
"That's alright. I don't want to come between you and your great love story here," Hardie said. "In fact, no one will." He glanced back at the others who were following. "That's an order."
Grins greeted that as Ironhide tagged along with Hard Drive. "Really, Appa. I don't mind," he said as he entered the room. Nearly everyone was there and those following swiftly filled the other seats. That left one beside Ratchet who turned sideways in his chair tapping his digits on the table as he stared at Ironhide with "the expression", the one where he knew the kabong was coming soon … that one. He stared at Ratchet, remembered who he was, girded his trembling spark, then nonchalantly walked to his chair. As he began to sit, Ratchet moved it slightly back. Ironhide sat down and kept going. A big clunk indicated where he stopped on the floor.
It was silent in the room as they all stared at Ratchet. He was sitting silently in his chair staring down at the floor. Prowl looked flabbergasted and mesmerized, Prime looked explosively amused, Perceptor looked like Perceptor, perpetually confused and confounded, Wheeljack looked delighted, the Seekers hilariously attentive, the others in the room surprised or expectant for the fun. It was silent a moment, then a big hand gripped the table and pulled up a big black Autobot attached to it. He stood up, glared down at Ratchet, then pulled his chair over. He sat, then turned to Ratchet. "HA-HA, RATCHET!"
Ratchet grinned, then turned to the others who were staring silently at the two. "WELL!?"
Everyone nearly stood up in their startlement as Prowl gripped the datapad agendas reflexively in his servos They squirted out, then slid around the table. Ratchet gathered them and began to fling them to everyone. Fortunately, they caught all of them. Ratchet sat back, then looked at Prowl. "DO YOU WANT MY REPORT OR DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE ELSE IN MIND!?"
Prowl blinked, looked at the datapad clutched in his servos, then nodded. "Okay," he said.
Ratchet quashed a desire to howl with laughter, then looked at his sector of the datapad. Pushing the open button, it came on. "Well, all of the regular army have had their physicals. Everyone of you haven't. Report by noon for them or I will hunt you down and kill you. We are at 61% clear of the courier-trap problem on Cybertron and have sent the protocol to Dai Atlas to add to the list of clear items they have to process for their refugees. I will begin on the Home Guard physicals in two orns and will have that information ready for the next meeting," he said. He was silent a moment, then he turned and leaned toward Ironhide until he nearly touched him. "OH! AND I'M SPARKED!"
His voice was piercing as he spoke and Ironhide who bore the brunt of it nearly dissolved in a heap of disjointed limbs and loose hardware. He sat up again, then glared at Ratchet. "Why don't you say that again? I didn't quite hear you."
Ratchet did.
-0-During a short break
Everyone stood at the refreshment table or out in the main room of the Ops Center as they took a break to allow their audials to readjust themselves after CMO Foghorn Leghorn granted Ironhide's wish. It was extraordinary how loud Ratchet could speak. Given that he had to be heard in the midst of battle, many of his ordinary features were enhanced beyond that of most mechs. Like his vocal processor.
The ringing in their helms would disappear shortly, Wheeljack assured everyone.
Sitting in the conference room, Prowl and Ratchet stared at each other across the table. Prowl grinned. :How long are you going to make him pay?:
:A few minutes more. I think he's cute when he grovels: Ratchet said with a grin.
:Only when he grovels?: Prowl asked.
:When he grovels, when he doesn't, when he's frustrated, asleep, awake … he's cute: Ratchet said.
:You're a fragger, you know. You get another infant. What is this one? Number 29,581?: Prowl asked as he sat back to stare at Ratchet with amusement.
:Close to it: Ratchet said. :This is going to be a tight squeeze what with the big kids and the squatter:
Prowl laughed aloud, a fact not lost on Ironhide who was hanging at the door with his ammas. He was scoping out Ratchet, knowing full well that he was a practical mech. He had probably already accepted that this was the way it was going to be. What was still in play was how long he would have his aft beaten for forgetting.
"You did just forget, right?" Trooper asked.
Ironhide glanced at him, then nodded. "Yeah. You only have to take them every three orns. I only missed it twice."
"Why not fix it with the stuff?" Blackjack asked. "The hardware?"
"Where's the fun in that?" Ironhide asked as he echoed Ratchet.
They laughed, then Raptor cuffed Ironhide on the back of his helm. "You're a caution, infant."
They walked back in and it began again. Prowl smirked at Ratchet. "Any more slag to add?"
Ratchet smirked back. "Not at this time."
Prowl grinned at Ratchet, then looked at Ironhide. "You have anything to add?"
Ironhide grinned. "I ain't saying another word."
-0-At the end for the good of the order
"So ..." Prime began. He grinned at Ratchet and Ironhide who were lounging in their chairs with bemused expressions. "What is it going to take to reach detente between the two of you? I ask as a peacemaker, after all."
Huge laughter.
Everyone looked at the two as Ratchet leaned on his elbow, taking in Ironhide a moment. Ironhide, for his part, sat nervously watching. "Well," Ratchet said as he considered the big mech sitting beside him. "Since I don't have my frying pan, a nice soccer side kick to the cod piece would just about do it."
Hardie laughed loudly, then unsubbed the big pan, putting it on the table. "Here, then," he said with a smile at an alarmed Ironhide. "Don't say I didn't do anything for you, Ironhide."
Ratchet picked the pan up, looking it over as he held it in his servo. Then he looked at Ironhide with a grin. "Well?"
"Frag this," Ironhide said as he stood and began to backtrack out of the room. "See ya," he said as he turned to run.
Ratchet watched him go, then stood. "Putty in my servos. See ya." With that, he lit out after Ironhide.
The group watched them, then Elita turned to Jetta who was laughing loudly. "Ah, young love. Revolting isn't it?"
Everyone in the room agreed including a dazzled and astonished Partition.
-0-TBC 10-05-17 edited 10-11-17
NOTES:
When I began watching Transformers in 1984, I loved the G1 sensibility. They were aliens, didn't know about everything they saw, had their own ways but they were a lot like us. They played basketball, swam, surfed, were hilariously funny, lived in a scaled down place but had berths, and sat down on things. They had a great planet of their own with road signs, high rises and the like. Their lives had a lot of parallels to our own but they were obviously different. The first image I ever saw of a bot child was an image of a kid set in a giant mall-like space with a bunch of individuals standing around, some going up an escalator, and a little femme chasing it. It could have been any mall in any place on Earth.
That being said, even though they have a lot of similarities with us I strive to have them have their own culture and ways of doing things. As a male predominate society, it makes the conversations different and the ideas and desires of them different. Also funny. I find men talking hilarious. I hear my dad and uncles in every conversation.
I want them to be aliens as well. Everything I write about here is based on canon or really established fanon. Religion, reproduction, the oppression of the people, bad/good leadership, housing, and everything else is drawn from canon. Some of this, however, is mine. I need to meet the needs of the story and that means expanding some things. Some of the events, the characters and other parts of this are mine. Its sort of 'how would they put themselves back together after this catastrophe' that drives the narrative.
Ironhide and Ratchet have their thing going. They both want a team and love kids. Ratchet's always thinking up stuff for kids … Halloween, spreading Christmas Surprise everywhere, the Autobot Scouts. They take in kids too, those who live with them (Partition) and those without anyone (everyone else). Its second nature to them and I've made it an attribute of their culture in this story which I think it would be true considering the magnitude of their disaster. Youth centers are canon and I would think if they existed, so would taking in strays. We always had kids living with us growing up who had poor homes or none at all. It would be an attribute of poverty that they would embrace as well and Bluestreak and Bumblebee's backstory is proof of that.
I see them working out compromises. Ironhide takes tablets that disallows his spark energy to mingle enough with Ratchet's to make a kid thereby allowing Ratchet not to get the fix. I also see something in their characters that no one else has noticed. One is receptive and one isn't. It's rather like polarity. One will be open to the possibilities while one isn't. It could be just their natures, the way they work together, their partnership, or their contrarian personalities that make this so. Given Ratchet's cunning and nature, he knows he's receptive and Ironhide isn't.
Ironhide's said so several times and I've been thinking over the long haul of this story of making that an attribute of the Cybertronian personality, that some can spark and some can't or won't. Societal custom, no harm, no foul, just alien. It would explain the reluctance of some mechs to spark, the Well of AllSparks being able to take care of that problem and the relationship of Drift and Springer as well as Sunstreaker and Sideswipe about being a carrier. It could be a personality-driven thing where some can't, especially two with the same inclination like the twins and Drift/Springer.
Ironhide can't, Ratchet can = kids.
Drift and Springer can't = AllSpark.
It would kind of explain the AllSpark's extra talent. :D
Therefore, Ratchet plays Ironhide like a fiddle to get his way. This time, Ironhide was supposed to take his medicine and he forgot twice. He didn't do it on purpose. It just happened. But that won't save him from Hatchet at the moment. :D:D:D
They are the best matched and most comical duo I ever wrote. I love that the universes are so many and the information base I can draw on so vast. I also add my own stuff. This is one of those moments in their life when they mess up and things happen. It's also one more step closer to a full team. :D:D:D They're aliens who have their own ways, something I try to keep in the story, and its luck that so many of their ways match up with us. ;)
That's my take on the character of the story. :D:D:D:D:D
THERE BE ALIENS HERE! ;)
ESL: detente: (day-taunt) to come to agreement for a peaceful resolution.
PS Peter Cullen has confirmed he's going to speak in the Bumblebee stand alone movie. :D