The Diego Diaries: Amblin' (dd6 179)
Heads up: To be 'half in the bag' is to be drunk ALMOST past the point of no return.
-0-There
"MISTERMASTER!" Ratchet smiled at the little mech who was looking at everyone with a gigantic smile of his own. "YOU OLD REPROBATE! Where have YOU been? Besides jail ..."
He smirked. "I have been on the trail of beauty and love," he said as he found a chair, He wedged it in between Prowl and Ratchet, then sat. "What are we talking about?"
"Life in the high caste lane. We've decided that it reeks as a way of doing things," Ratchet said.
"You're just finding that out now?" he asked with a big smile. "I have always known that. I have to say, this is the best place I've ever been. I can mingle with anyone and find the love that is so elusive." He grinned. "I am all about l'amour."
"Jail will get you sooner or later," Prowl said with a slight frown. "You are, after all, a bit on the crazy side."
The little mech laughed, then patted Prowl's arm. "I am a gentleman, Prowl. If I wasn't, I would jump at you from behind things to show you my deep and abiding love."
"I do believe you do that now, Mistermaster," Ratchet said with a huge smile.
Everyone snickered. All of them knew directly or indirectly about him. Almost none of them knew that he was Prime's spy during the run up to oblivion. He had saved countless lives by giving Prime the heads up. He had personally gone into terrible situations where he would have been eviscerated if anyone had known to get intel. He was a strange little mix of half witted amour, enormous intellect and steely resolve to serve all The People and the Prime that he loved, this prime. Optimus was the only one he had ever met in a fabled and fabulous lifetime who understood him.
Prime also knew not to underestimate him, either.
The waiter came, everyone ordered, then they sat back to watch the dancing and a possible fight in the corner as a heated argument over football began to build. Ratchet glanced at Prowl who was frowning. "What do you want to do, Prowler? Do we intervene or wait for the chairs to fly?"
Every inch of Prowl wanted intervention. Every inch of him wanted peace and fun for the group, too. Every inch of him was half in the bag. He sat and watched with a glower. Everyone looked from him to the rising argument up to and including when the mechs arguing rose and swung on each other.
"OH, MY! SOMEONE IN THE THROES OF PASSION IS MAKING HIS POINT!" Mistermaster said as he held his drink. "Emotions are so pure and-" A bottle thrown his way missed him by inches as he ducked like the expert he was. He smiled at the others, some of which were ducking down to crawl under the table. "NEVER FEAR! THEY MISSED!"
Then two more tables erupted and it was on.
-0-So far …
Under the table … Kestrel, Anders, Laslo, and Edict bumped helms as overhead things flew. Crouching down as she watched, Bron-E gripped the table to peer over. Joon joined her, then both ducked as glasses flew overhead. "THIS IS SO EXCITING!" Joon said as she huddled on the floor with Bron-E. Oddly enough, Bron shared her excitement.
Miler and Kestrel were dragged into an empty booth nearby and pressed down on the seating. Bluestreak turned to watch, then ducked two different bottles thrown his direction. He saw Madura huddling nearby, then hurried across to shelter him with his own body. "COME ON, MADURA!" he said as he grabbed the big bot's arm. They fled across the room to the booth where Madura crawled under the table. He looked at the three looking at him. "I'LL PROTECT YOU! STAY DOWN!"
Alor fell over backward from his chair when the table fell onto him as everyone there stood up to defend themselves from the flying debris from several tables nearby. He lay on his back struggling to get up as big mechs fought over the top of him. Delphi, who rose up with Turbine, Ratchet and Prowl, staggered, then went down as a mech punched him really, really hard just because. It was a frenzy now. Prowl yelled, then took one hard in the face. Ratchet stared at him getting hit, got mad, then moved forward to trip over Mistermaster and fall on his face. Turbine seeing half the family on the ground slammed his fists together, then moved forward to fight. He tripped over Alor and fell over him, landing in the middle of a fight. He stood up and then found himself the punching bag of three big mechs. They landed enough punches that Turbine went down, heading as it were, to sleepy land.
It was a melee.
-0-At the intersection of somewhere and somewhere else
"Oh frag. They have a brawl at Club Domino. Where are they on your sensors, Drift?" Springer said as he mounted up again.
Drift smirked. "Ground zero," he said.
"Oh frag," Springer said with a chuckle. "Prime is going to have my aft. Let's motor." With that, they headed out at a gallop to be joined by Lon, Bezel, Hercy, Kup, Sandstorm, and Twin Twist. They would all arrive at the same time...
… just in time to miss the last Paddy Wagon heading out for the jail.
-0-Club Domino
It was a scary frenzy, then it wasn't as a mob of beat cops and those who roved with them entered to gather up the slaggers. Several drove detention vehicles, the so-called 'Paddy Wagons' as old time anti-Irish New York City used to call them. They descended like a plague of locusts on the club. When they entered, they gathered up those laying on the ground. A lot of punters went and so did a groggy Delphi, a groggy Turbine, a Prowl, of all mechs, who was out cold from a chair hitting him full on the face, a staggering and laughing Ratchet, an Alor who was also out cold as a wedge, and an indignant Miler who had to be pried off a mech who had hit Prowl in the face with a chair.
The others crawled out from different places and under things, then gathered around the police. "You aren't arresting them, are you?" Madura asked anxiously.
"We are. We have to. The courts will sort them out," a big cop said.
"Then you have to take us, too. We're a squad," Madura said as he glanced at the others. They nodded as well.
"On what charges?" the big mech asked as he grinned at the obviously well bred mechs who probably never broke a rule in their lives.
Madura thought a moment, then punched the mech in the chassis. Madura wrung his servo a moment in pain, then stared upward defiantly. That was when the others punched him, too. It didn't hurt but it was cute. The officer grinned, then pointed to the door. "That away."
Following Madura, they walked out to the paddy wagon, several high castes, a resigned mid caste named Bluestreak and Optimus Prime's Ada.
They were gone before everyone else arrived.
Mistermaster stood on the sidewalk waving them farewell with his half finished drink in his other servo.
-0-At the lock up at Autobot City Courthouse, Jail Intake
Three paddy wagons rolled into the driveway that led inside to the jail. One of the drivers jumped out and with jailers waiting, opened the doors to the truck. It took a moment to get the belligerent mechs who started it all who were inside out of the van and heading for the lock up inside. The next was unloaded, then the third was opened for its bounty. Out staggered a number of Praxian Elites, their in-laws and a handful of very prim-looking civilians who were sober as judges.
"This way to your new accommodations," one of them said, then he turned to the sober handful. "You know … loyalty is great but you don't have to be here."
Joon, Madura, Edict, Bron-E, Anders, and Laslo glanced at each other, then turned almost as one to the big grinning Watchman. "We have to. We're a squad," Edict said as the others nodded.
He grinned broader, then gestured for them to follow the others inside. They walked forward like someone's granny, which some of them were, heading toward the first jail they had ever seen let alone been locked up in. The grinning Watchman followed.
Inside, it was the usual bedlam as everyone stood, jumped up and down or sagged in the preliminary holding cells. The desk Sargent, a bored looking mech this night named Tolo glanced at the guards and Watchmen who were stashing individuals in cells. "What's the haul this time?"
The big Watchman, Tesoro, turned to Tolo. "We have a buncha fighters … football … a number of highly placed officers of Cybertron and their squad," he said as he glanced at the prim slightly tense group standing in a cell by themselves. Next to them were the first bunch of brawlers in various states of disrepair. Next to them were more, then the 'highly placed officers of Cybertron' who were sitting or laying on the benches inside watching the birdies sing.
"Oh frag. That's Ratchet, Prowl … is that Delphi? … and Turbine? My ada is going to be interested in why his spiritual teacher is in here … who are the others?" Tolo asked.
Tesoro looked, then glanced at Tolo after scanning them. "Prime's stepson, Bluestreak, his in-law, Miler and … oh, oh … his ada, Kestrel."
Everyone looked at Kestrel who sat on a bench half in the bag. He grinned, then waggled his fingers in a little wave.
"Who are the others?" Tolo asked. "Are they all in this group?"
Tesoro nodded, then grinned. "The squad," he said as he scanned their transponders as he had the others. "They're Anders, Madura, Laslo, Joon, Bron-E, and Edict. All civilians without a criminal record. I can't vouch for the others."
Tolo looked at them. "What are you in for?" he asked.
Madura stepped forward, then squared his shoulders. "Fighting, your honor," he said firmly.
It was at that moment that Ratchet finally sobered up.
-0-Springer, Drift, et al
"You're too late. Everyone got hauled off." Mistermaster saluted them with his drink and a giant smile.
Springer stared at the bouncer who nodded as he stood next to the little mech, a big grin on his face. It was then that Springer ran for his horse. They mounted up, then galloped off like Hop-Along Cassidy and his sidekick(s). The bouncer watched them go, then grinned. "I think I'm in the wrong business." He walked back into the bar to put things to rights, Mistermaster following.
-0-At Ironhide's house
Ironhide opened the door to see Prime and Tagg standing in the hallway. "What's up?" he asked.
"Guess who's in jail?" Optimus asked with a grin.
Ironhide grinned. "Well, probably Ratchet and Prowl ..." Then he frowned slightly at Prime's grin. "YOUR ADA!?"
Moments later …
They gathered on their street corner of the city, coming together at Metro #1 and #3. Hard Drive, Raptor, Blackjack, Ironhide, Prime, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Venture, and Tagg congregated, then Ironhide grinned. "I blame Ratchet until we get the whole story."
Everyone laughed, then followed Optimus as he walked across the highway … at the light … then continued down Cultural Center Road to the Courthouse. It was a light sense of deja vu among most of them as they made their way. Tagg who was new to the insanity and Venture who was terribly impressed with 'My Miler' ambled along, too. The driveway to the jail entrance beckoned, then they arrived, halting outside together. "Do we need to call the others? By the way … who has your kids?" Ironhide asked.
"We have them," Sunstreaker said patting his hold. "We brought them along."
Prime grinned. "Giving Kaon another shot at jail are we?"
Venture bristled. "My baby … a jail bird."
Everyone laughed, then walked into the brightly lit room.
-0-Earlier
"Name."
"Ratchet of Iacon and parts everywhere," Ratchet said with a grin.
"Occupation."
"Medical doctor and ambassador to one and all."
Tolo grinned. "Couldn't you figure out how to prevent this, slagger?"
"It was hard when a battlefield erupted all around us from out of nowhere," Ratchet said with a dazzling smile.
"Name."
"Prowl of Praxus. YOU KNOW WHO I AM!" Prowl said before Ratchet shot him the cure. He slumped a moment, then looked at Ratchet. "What took you so long with the cure, loon?"
"You're a cute drunk," Ratchet replied.
"Occupation?" Tolo asked because he could. The slagger.
Prowl stared at him with an unamused expression. "Officer in the army."
"Name."
"DELPHI OF THE ARMY OF THE PRIME! I CAME FROM PRAXUS!" Delphi said with a big smile and outspread arms until Ratchet wifi-ed him the cure. He sagged, then frowned at Ratchet. "Save Turbine and the others, infant, or I'll paddle you."
"This is more fun," Ratchet said.
Delphi looked at Turbine who was still blotto. "You're right," he said with a smile.
"NAME!"
"TURBINE OF THE LOST TRIBE! TURBINE OF PRAXUS! TURBINE WHO IS AMMA TO THE CUTEST LITTLE MECH! MY IRONHIDE! MY SWEET LITTLE BABY BOY! THAT'S ME!" Turbine then walked around the intake desk and hugged Tolo. He was hugging Tesoro when the cure hit him. He looked at Tesoro, then the others. "What the frag?"
"NAME!"
"I AM ALOR, THE ONE WHO WRITES DOWN STUFF AND I SING! Do you want to hear me?" Alor asked sweetly.
Everyone did so they took a moment for a beautiful song from the Great Alor of Iacon before the intake continued. "Occupation?"
"LOVE! I SPREAD LOVE FAR AND WIDE! I ALSO MAKE GOOD PANCAKES! My sweet baby likes it when I make them into bunnies," Alor said with a giant smile. He looked at the others. "I, ALOR OF IACON, WILL GO TO JAIL WITH MY FAMILY! MY DEAR FAMILY! Boy, Blackjack is going to be bent out of shape." He laughed loudly as the family debated getting him sober. The vote was tied so they left him drunk.
"You lot are in the same cell," Tolo said with a grin. "Thank you, Maestro, for the musical interlude. Right now, the rest of your squad needs a word with me. Wait over there by the door."
"We want to sleep it off together. Our squad gives me life," Ratchet said with a dazzling smile. He looked at the others. "My kids really know their slang."
Everyone but Prowl laughed.
Their cell opened and the other 'squaddies' stepped out.
"Name."
"Madura of Iacon. I am here for assaulting a watch officer. I plead guilty," Madura said with no small satisfaction.
Tolo grinned at him. "Save it for the magistrate. Your occupation?"
Madura considered that. "I think I want to be a police man." Everyone including Tesoro applauded Madura as he walked to Ratchet to stand beside him. "My Proteus is going to be surprised soon. I can't wait."
"Madura, you're my hero," Ratchet said as he hugged the slightly smaller mech. Madura grinned proudly.
"Name?"
"Bron-E of Calculus 4."
"Occupation?"
"Infant school aide and trainee teacher."
"Bron! You didn't tell me that you were going to be a teacher," Edict said with a bit of happy surprise.
"I think I just decided, Ada." She looked at the judge. "I belong to a squad with my ada and our friends. We want to do something for the colony and our people. That's who we are."
Tolo who just expected to book slaggers looked at her, then the others with a slightly uncertain expression. "That's very admirable. Please go stand with the other prisoners."
Bron-E bowed slightly. "Thank you, Your Honor." She walked to Madura and they gripped each others servo.
"Name?" Tolo asked almost fearfully.
"I am Edict of Iacon and that fine young lady and future school teacher is my only and most beautiful daughter. I'm so proud of her and our squad. I'm also guilty as frag." Edict stood his full height.
"Thank you, Edict. Uh, what do you do for a living?" Tolo asked.
Edict stood straight, looked him proudly in the optic and told him. "I work in retail." He walked to the others and stood with his arm around his daughter.
Tolo and the others glanced at each other, then the rest. "Uh, why do I feel like I'm in the middle of some kind of new age sharing circle?" he mused. "Name?"
"I am Miler of Praxus. That youngster over there," he said pointing his finger at Prowl who froze, then got a cornered expression on his handsome face, "is my son. I LOVE THAT YOUNGLING! HE IS MY WORLD, HE AND HIS BROTHER, PRIMA! JUST REMEMBER THAT! MY SON IS MY WORLD! NO ONE HITS HIM IN THE FACE WITH A CHAIR WITHOUT GETTING A PIECE OF ME!" Milie said as he raised a clenched fist. "I also work as chief mathematician of the colony and the Bridge Program, your honor," he said in his usual calm voice. He bowed slightly, then walked over to stand next to a totally astonished Prowl.
"Wow, Tolo, this just gets better and better," Tesoro said as the other mechs nodded. Even the last cell full of drunken brawling slaggers who started this nodded.
"I hear you, Tes," Tolo said. He looked at the others. "Name?"
"I am Kestrel of Iacon."
"Kestrel … you're the Prime's ada, right?" Tolo asked almost fearfully. "What are you doing here? You don't look like a desperado."
"Looks can be deceiving, infant," Kes said with his soft voice, an eerie reflection of Prime's velvet tone. "I attend college with my bond but I do assist with the infants in our family. I would call that my calling. Thank you, sir," he said with a bow. He walked over to join the others.
"Okay," Tolo said returning the nod with almost automatic reflex. "You? Do you have a name and a story, too?"
"I am Joon of Tyger Pax. My bond, Vinn, was governor-general and we didn't do our best. But we do it ever, now. I'm director of Full Circle in Terra, a master story weaver, the mentor of Edict and Bron-E, and a member of the Circle, the Knights, and the Peace Mission. I serve all humbly in accordance to the Will of Primus." She then knelt down on her little knees.
Everyone watched her, then a guard started to kneel, too. Another caught him and he stood up straight. "Thank you, Joon of Tyger Pax," Tolo said.
Joon smiled brilliantly, then walked to the others. Bron-E and Edict hugged her to themselves.
Tolo watched them, then looked at the others. "Name?"
"Anders of Capital City. I'm between passions but I find I do love horses."
Tolo stared at him, then Ratchet who smiled. "That's a very nice … thing, Anders. Thank you."
Anders joined the others and it was Bluestreak's turn. "I'm Bluestreak. I'm a soldier. I'm from Praxus. I have a terrible processor ache."
"Doctor?" Tolo asked.
Bluestreak walked to Ratchet who scanned him. "Just a bump. Here's a script," Ratchet said as he sent the code to Blue who relaxed immediately. "Thanks, Ratchet," he said. "That's so much better."
Tolo watched them, then turned to the last one. "Name? Occupation? Spiritual inclination? Past life experiences?"
Laslo grinned. "Actually, I'm a futurist. You're not far off. I'm Laslo of Capital City. I'm a futurist and planner for the colony and Cybertron. I also teach at the University. I'm up for a full professorship in my department, you know." He smiled, then walked to the others.
Tolo stared at them, then nodded to the guards. "Take care to place them together, not too close to the slaggers. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. This was one for the books."
They entered the side door and disappeared just as the circus arrived in town led by a grinning Optimus Prime.
-0-TBC 11-2-17 edited 11-3-17 edited again 12-25-17